Chapter 2
Let it be known, that while Hiruzen may have mastered multiple fire-release jutsus, he hated whenever a heat wave hit Konoha. Mainly since for whatever reason, the Hokage office, the seat of power in the village hidden in the leaf, turns into a goddamn oven at this time of year.
"You think after so many years they fit a decent AC in here", Hiruzen groaned as he took another drag from his pipe. The aging Hokage had once tried to get a fan set up in the office but it just made his paperwork fly out the window too often.
After taking another hit from his pipe, Hiruzen took a look at the picture on his desk. In the picture showed his newborn grandson Konohamaru, said baby had a scowl painted across his face as he was clutching his baby blanket. Hiruzen smiled at the image before taking the third and final puff of his pipe.
"Well my break is over, back to the grindstone," Hiruzen said to himself as he reached for the nearest sheet of paperwork. Only to let out a groan at the two names that he saw almost instantly.
Niahn and Naruto Uzamaki
"Well then, what have those two little troublemakers been up to this time?" Upon closer inspection, Hiruzen suppressed a groan and laugh. According to the report the brothers had gone on another prank spree, mainly through the shopping district. It went on to mention how it had all started when the Uzumaki brothers got into an argument with a clerk over his ramen prices and it escalated when Nihan bite the clerk when he went to grab Naruto. After that, it spiraled out of control and once Nihan and Naruto ran off, the shopping district was covered in wet paint and smelled like a fish factory after the entire stock had gone bad.
Hiruzen could feel the headache this was going to bring on, in all fairness he could understand both sides. The villagers refused to see Naruto as anything but a monster and the reason Konoha was almost destroyed years ago. Meanwhile, Naruto felt only hatred and isolation in his home village. His only friend was his adoptive big brother Nihan, who like any protective big brother lashed out at anyone who mistreated his brother, the only problem is while Naruto's pranks are more annoying, Nihan took it a step further. Where Naruto's pranks at their worst be an hour of scrubbing paint off a wall, Nihan had developed a talent for making homemade stink bombs, which would take days for the smell to fade even slightly.
"That boy is quite passionate about those little things, be quite useful as a ninja tool but he needs to learn some restraint," Hiruzen groaned as he tapped at the side of his head. He assigned a genin team to help with the cleanup and that would make the cleanup go faster, he looked back at his pipe and against his better judgment that he swears sounded like his deceased wife, he took another puff as he turned in his chair and looked out on the village,
"Still, those two definitely have spirit in their antics, there's no questioning that."
"What a drag," Shikamaru groaned as he walked up the shopping district, the smell was rank, and yet his best friend Choji was munching on a bag of potato chips like there wasn't the smell of rotten fish in the air. "How can you still be eating?"
"I'm a growing boy" the pleasantly plump boy responded as he finished his bag of potato chips, only for him to pull out another bag seemingly from thin air. But Shikamaru was used to this, the pair had been best friends from literal birth and he had grown used to these things.
The pair continued to walk in relative peace, as they watched a few adults scrub the paint off the walls until they passed an alleyway where they heard a hiss and what sounded like someone telling someone else to be quiet. Looking down the alleyway, Shikamaru spotted the reason why the shopping district had been wrecked, Nihan Uzumaki and his little brother Naruto Uzumaki.
"What are you two doing now?" He asked in his usual bored tone. The boys flinched as they faced Shikamaru and Choji and to the former's surprise, Nihan was holding Madam Shijimi's pet cat Tora. What threw Shikamaru for a loop, the infamous cat was relaxing in Nihan's arms, from what his dad had told him, the cat was famous for scratching anyone who went near it.
"Oh hey, Shikamaru! Hey, Choji!" Naruto beamed, as he waved them over. To Shikamaru's annoyance, Choji walked into the alleyway and letting out a groan followed his best friend. "What are you two doing?"
"Never mind that what are you doing with the cat?" Shikamaru fired back, hoping the most misbehaved people he knew weren't up to something else today.
"Naruto found him stuck in a tree," Nihan responded as he petted Tora.
"That stupid cat!" Naruto growled as he rubbed at a scratch mark Shikamaru just noticed on his cheek, funnily enough, this made his whisker-like birthmarks take on the appearance of knots and crossboard. " Tried to help and the furball scratched me! Only for it to turn into a kitten the second he gets close to it"
"Not my fault if cats like me more than you," Nihan shouted back as he continued to scratch the cat. "Besides you wouldn't have gotten scratched if you hadn't destroyed that cabbage cart!"
Ok, now that just made the Nara clan child more confused.
"What cabbage cart?" Shikamaru and Choji asked, only for Naruto to wallow in a nearby corner, mumbling he didn't mean it.
"What my baby brother meant to say"
The sun was truly baring down on the boys today, after their one working fan had given out, Naruto suggested they go out and find somewhere to cool off and do something to pass the time. After an hour of walking, they found a nice shady spot in the park under a tree.
"I'm bored!" The younger of the two boys whined, Nihan hissed in annoyance.
"You're the one who said, "We should go outside!" Nihan fired back in a mock impersonation of Naruto, all he got for that was an elbow to the ribs by the little brother. Before he could retaliate Naruto sprang up and pointed at an opening in a nearby tree.
"I got it! We can build a secret base, it's better than sitting here sulking,"
"But I like sulking," Nihan whispered as he pouted before he could say anything else. Naruto pulled his older brother to his feet and soon enough they had collected a few large branches that still had a lot of leaves on them. "With these, we can use the entrance and no one will bother this"
Naruto beamed as he passed another branch to Nihan as he set up the cover for their "secret base".
"If we get a bit of wood, maybe use it to keep the door open or if someone barges in," looking back to the pile, Nihan groaned as none of the branches would work to hold the makeshift door open or to use for defense.
"Will this do?" Naruto asked out of nowhere, spinning on his heel. Nihan saw Naruto was holding a long piece of wood.
"It's perfect," Niahan answered as he took the piece of wood from a now grinning Naruto, using the wood now to prop the makeshift door open. The Uzumaki brothers grinned at their accomplishment. "Hey Naruruto, where did you find that wood anyway?"
"Oh over the-" Before Naruto could finish, the boy was cut off by a scream. The pair turned to see a man with tanned skin, wearing a long yellowish robe, a green vest, and a similar green hat, point to a cart speeding down the hill. Before anyone could respond, the cart hit a railing at the bottom of the hill and soared into the river.
"MY CABBAGES!" The man screamed as he fell to his knees.
"Naruto…."
"Yes, Nihan…."
"The piece of wood you got wasn't by any chance left next to that cart, was it?" Nihan felt a cold sweat run down his back, he knew the answer but he rather be sure.
"It looked like it wasn't important," Naruto whimpered, poking his index fingers together
"YOU!" The Cabbage Merchant screamed as he pointed accusingly at the boys. "I'll make you pay for this with your heads!"
"RUN FOR IT!" The pair screamed at each other as they bolted away from the crazed cabbage merchant.
"So after running who knows for how long, Naruto saw this little guy in a tree" Nihan finished his story as he continued to scratch Tora behind his ear, the brown cat continued to purr in enjoyment. Much to Naruto's annoyance.
"Will you stop giving that furball so much affection!" He shouted as he pointed accusingly at Tora. "That mangy cat should have been left in the tree!"
Before Shikamaru knew, Nihan had launched himself at Naruto and the two began to fight in front of the beach they had moved to after getting sick of the smell from the alleyway and shopping district. It was stuff like this that made him glad to be an only child, besides a baby sister or brother be such a drag as he knew his mother forced him to help look after it.
After a few minutes of watching the Uzumaki brothers fight each other, Shikamaru let out a groan and proceeded to kick at the dust cloud the brothers had formed as they fought, after a yelp that clearly sounded like Naruto. The pair stopped at last, the second they were done fighting, they turned their gazes on Shikimaru only for the Nara clan heir to point to the seat beside him and reveal that Tora had run off.
"Oh come on!" Nihan whined as he looked around the bench trying to find the cat, only to come up short. "I really liked him,"
Meanwhile, Naruto was the mirror opposite of his big brother once he saw the cat had run off.
"Ha! That furball ran off then, good thing because if it tried to scratch me again I show it something to hiss at!" Naruto boasted, clearly irritating Nihan but before the two could start another fight, Choji once again pulled another bag of potato chips from thin air and after opening it he held out the bag to Naruto.
"Woah, really?!" The young blond asked, knowing that as nice a guy as Choji was, sharing his chips was never a likelihood.
"Yeah, I have a few spares, so you can have this one."
Shikamaru had an eyebrow raised. "Isn't that the bag you grabbed by accident and said you hated that flavor?" Shikamaru asked, only to get a snort from Choji in response
"It's a crime to let food go to waste!" He declared as he held his free hand over his chest.
After the bold declaration, the four kids enjoyed a moment of peace as they munched on the offered bag of potato chips. Choji and Naruto soon started talking about what was better, ramen or barbeque, thankfully less heated than the latter previous chat with his brother. Shikamaru sat content to watch the clouds as they floated by, deep down wishing he could be a cloud, all the while the eldest was busy going through his bag.
Only to let out a long groan after realizing there was nothing left in the bag.
"Awww dang it, I ran out of stink bombs," Nihan complained as he held his bag up to show it was completely empty to emphasize his point.
"Can't you make more?" Choji asked between mouthfuls of potato chips.
"Usually but I ran out of stuff to make them the other day and I haven't been able to get resupplied," Niahn slumped back into the bench as he stared up at the sky, a moment later though a sinister grin spread across his face as he looked towards Shikamaru and Choji. "Would you two be up to help me get more supplies, I'll make it worth your while."
"Absolutely not" Shikamaru replied almost immediately, knowing this just result in something annoying or him getting in trouble and dealing with his irate mother, both options sounded terrible.
"Oh come on," Nihan pleaded. "It's super easy and with extra hands, I can get what I need way faster. How about if you help me, me and Naruto will treat you to Ichiraku ramen."
"Before Shikimauru could shoot down the offer, Choji had jumped off the bench and bolted in front of Nihan.
"Make it barbeque and you got a deal!" He exclaimed, the chubby boy's love of barbeque clear as Shikimaru could see a bit of drool start to leak from the side of his mouth.
"No deal!" Nihan shouted in response as he got off the bench and stood in front of Choji. The age gap was obvious with the height difference but Shikamaru knew if they fought, Choji had the weight advantage. "That's too expensive and I'm only asking to get stuff, not make it."
"I'm not doing it for anything less than barbeque!"
"I'm not getting you barbeque!"
"Yes, you will!"
"No, I won't!"
"Okay, we accept the ramen!" Shikamaru shouted, sick of the bickering as he got off the bench. "Just get me out of this conversation and let's get this stupid favor over with"
Naruto let out a laugh as he jumped off the bench as well. "Big bro always wins in the end," he chuckled, as Nihan tried to puff out his chest in a mock pose. Shikamaru let out a groan as he asked the obvious question.
"So where do you get your supplies from anyway?"
"You've got to be kidding me," Shikamaru let out a long groan, of course, this was where the prankster got his supplies for his stink bombs, the ninja academy. "Why would you ever steal from a school full of ninjas?"
"Well… It's not really full of ninjas, just a few and they're always busy," Nihan explained, hardly paying Shikimaru much attention as he inspected a shelf full of chemistry supplies if the sign above the wall-mounted shelf was to be believed. Nihan face lit up as he pulled a couple of jars from the back of the shelves and put them in a nearby box he had started filling with supplies.
"It's still beyond stupid, Seriously what's with you and stink bombs? Anytime I hear about you, you've basically dropped a load of stink bombs down a busy street, what's the deal?" Shikamaru asked as he glanced over to Choji and Naruto on the other side of the supply room, trying to find something Nihan had asked them to find.
When he turned back to the elder boy, Nihan had stopped in the middle of placing another jar into the box, Shikamaru couldn't see his face but he had a feeling the boy was scowling at the box.
"Because… if they're going to me and my brother as scum… I'm not going to let them walk away without getting what they deserve." Nihan growled out, he looked towards Naruto as the boy was laughing with Choji at a biology book they found. "Besides, no one makes my brother sad and gets away with it."
Seeing that the conversation took a dark turn, Shikamaru walked over to see what the fuss with the book was. After seeing the Nara clan heir had left him alone, Nihan grabbed another jar for the box
"Besides… He's all I got in this dump," Niahn whispered to himself.
After a few more minutes of looking, Nihan was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a wail. On instinct, he bolted to the source of the noise and found the others huddled around what looked to be an open lunch box, Choji with a look of pure horror on his face, having dropped to his knees as he looked into the lunch box. c
"So…what's up?" Nihan asked as he walked up to the others and quickly saw what they had found, what looked to be someone's lunch that they left in the storage closet and had left to grow rancid. The second the kids got a whiff of what used to be….honestly Nihan had no idea what it used to be, they all took a big step back, except Choji who was still on his knees, clearly ignoring the smell.
"Who…could…do this?" Choji asked, clearly more broken at the wasted food than how long it had been left here.
"Pew yew! It smells worse than anything you made Nihan," Naruto exclaimed, putting a higher pitch to his voice as he pinched his nose.
"I'm kinda impressed with this feat from a lazy teacher," Nihan replied in the same pitch as Naruto as he also pinched his nose, the pair laughed at each other as Shikimaru let out a groan as he looked into the lunch box.
"What…even was it?" He asked as even with his IQ he couldn't figure out what it use to be, in response to the question, Nihan and Naruto came closer to get a better look.
"I think it was a bento," Naruto answered.
"No way, that has to be dairy and…" Niahn got a closer look at a corner of the lunch box. "...Meat…that had to be a sandwich."
"Maybe it's a Tuna salad?" Shikimarua piped up. "I mean, my mom found some bad tuna once and it stunk the kitchen out for a week."
After finally getting Choji back on his feet, the boys decided to just put the lunch box where they found it, Naruto joking how if they left the lid off, the smell would drive the teachers mad. To the kid's surprise, Choji was all in with this plan and even placed it near a vent, saying it 'would' either into the nearby teachers' lounge or the incoming heat 'would' make the smell way worse. Nihan could swear he heard Choji mumble something about "regretting the injustice of wasting their food" but he was hardly one to care. Whatever got the ball rolling."
After hiding the lunch box, the kids gathered around the box of "found" supplies, Niahn had the biggest grin on his face as he looked at his haul.
"I'll name my next stink bomb after you two," Nihan cheered to Choji and Shikamaru. The latter let out a groan, clearly not happy with the declaration
"What a drag…." He sighed, "Just don't scream I helped you get the stuff for this, pretty sure my annoying mom blow her lid if she learned I helped you."
"Oh come on Shikimarua, not like Nihan would stink bomb your house," Naruto laughed as he placed his hands behind his head and grinned.
'So long he doesn't give me a reason…' Niahn thought to himself.
"Can we get going now?" Choji asked as he held his stomach. "You promised ramen if we helped and I finished my last bag of chips."
"Sure ju-" Before Nihan could finish, the kids heard someone outside the supply closet, from what they could hear, it sounded like a teacher. Before they knew it, the suspected teacher stopped at the door and started to open the door. Time seemed to slow down for Nihan as he watched the door creep open, he turned back to the younger kids
'Crap! What do I do? What do I do? I can deal with another scolding but they always love to dog on Naruto more. Think you moron!' It was then Niahan saw a dark corner behind the younger kids, acting on instinct he shoved Naruto back, and as the younger Uzumaki fell back he fell into Choji and Shikamaru. Thankfully due to this coming out of nowhere, the three boys quickly fell into the darkened corner with no issue.
Just then the door was wide open and in walked a teacher, he was a young man, with green eyes, and white shoulder-length hair with a touch of blue to it. He wore the standard Konoha ninja attire, a blue jumpsuit with the Konoha symbol on his shoulders, he also wore a green flat jacket and Leaf headband he wore like a bandana.
"Well well, if it isn't troublesome the first. And Iruka was calling me paranoid for thinking there's a supply thief." He snorted derivatively. "Bastard probably knew and played favorites again." Before Nihan could respond, he let out a yell as the teacher roughly grabbed his arm. "Time to go see the Hokage."
"Let go of me!" Nihan bellowed but to no avail as the teacher dragged the young boy out of the storage room. All the while Naruto, Choji and Shikamaru watched this unfold, to the other boys' surprise, Naruto almost ran out of the shadows
"Nih-" Before he gave away their position, Shikimaru, and Chiji grabbed the other boy and covered his mouth, stopping him from getting the teacher's attention.
"Shhhhh, you want all of us to get in trouble?" Shikamaru asked in a hushed tone, Naruto shook his head. "Your big brother can handle it."
Hiruzen was in the middle of another one of Danzo's request forms for more surveillance on the Uchiha when Mizuki burst in, with Nihan struggling in his grasp.
"Lord Third! I found the supply thief I mentioned in the last report" Mizuki preached as he pulled on Nihan's arm, bringing him before Hiruzen. "I caught the little bastard in the middle of stealing a load of chemistry supplies," he explained, ignoring Niahn still struggling against his grip. Hiruzen let out a sigh as he reached for his pipe.
'This should be interesting.' He thought as he took a drag from his pipe.
"Thank you Mizuki, would you please leave us alone?" Mizuki gave Hiruzen a questioning look.
"B-but Lord Third, this bastar-" Before he could finish his sentence, Mizuki felt every instinct in his body scream to run for it as the Third Hokage stared him down.
"Would you care to repeat that Mizukuki? I'm afraid my hearing isn't what it used to be," the elderly man asked as he cleaned a bit of ear wax from his ear. Mizuki began to sweat buckets as he suddenly found it hard to speak. He looked at the kid in his grasp as the little bastard gave the teacher the world's most apparent shit-eating grin.
Mizuki groaned as he let go of Nihan and walked out of the Hokage office, missing Nihan sticking his tongue out at the teacher as they left. Nihan laughed as he watched the teacher flee only to stop when Hiruzen cleared his throat.
"So Nihan… Care to explain why you were stealing from the academy?" Hiruzen asked in a bored tone as he took a puff from his pipe.
Nihan averted his gave as he rubbed the arm Mizuki grabbed. "I wanted to make a new batch of stink bombs…" He mumbled in response
"And I take it the shopkeepers refused to sell you anything that you could use to make another batch of your famous stink bombs?" Hiruzen asked but he already knew the answer, wasn't exactly difficult to understand why Nihan would be refused service after so many pranks from the boy and his younger brother.
"Well, it's not my fault!" Nihan cried back as he stomped his foot. "If they don't want me to stink out their stupid shops, then they have to stop picking on me and Naruto! Like the other day, a guy threw Naruto out of his shop just because he was looking at a mask and threw it at him!" He explained that Hiruzen couldn't help but feel a deep feeling of shame build up.
'Even still the village blames Naruto for the Nine-Tails attack, truly their sorrow is understandable but to unleash it onto an innocent child. And of course, Hiruzen looked up to Nihan, basically Naruto's only living family member still drawing breath besides the always absent Jiraya.
"Still Nihan, you can't just steal fro-" Before Hiruzen could finish, the sound of flesh hitting wood rung through the room. Looking up Hiruzen saw Nihan had driven his fist into the front-facing side of his desk, Nihan had his eyes fixed on the spot he had punched, like that was the most important thing at the moment and not his attempt at stealing.
"What kind of big brother am I if I don't protect Naruto from the bad guys!?" Nihan screamed out his question. "Oh boo hoo, you think we're little demons, well if we're the demons then what are they." Nihan cried, Hiruzen felt a pang of worry and regret at Nihan's statement. He got up from his chair and strolled over and inspected Nihan's hand, Thankfully nothing seemed broken, at most a small bruise but it heal in a day or two.
"Niahn…I understand what you're saying but the village isn't your enemy and the villagers aren't the bad guys. It's just…" Hiruzen placed a comforting hand on Nihan's shoulder. "It's just complicated, especially for a child, heck even for adults."
Niahn only looked away, mumbling he didn't care what their excuse was. Hiruzen guilt grew, he hated seeing Niahn and Naruto go through this, sadly while he was hokage his abilities to help were sadly limited due to various issues, mainly his council and other clan heads. A smile grew on his lips when he thought of something to lighten the mood.
"Tell me Nihan, have you come up with a new type of stink bomb?" Hiruzen asked, putting on his best grandpa smile. "Naruto told me last week you had made one that used paint and a very strong component to help tag people with the paint and smell. Have you got something else in the pipeline?"
Nihan fidgeted under Hiruzen's gaze once again. "Well… I did learn if you use certain things, it makes a smell that attracts animals. I was thinking that it would be really cool to use on anyone who messes with strays." He explained, to his surprise Hiruzen laughed at his idea, but not mockingly but in clear joy.
"My my Nihan, that sounds rather effective and a little funny. Mess with a stray and you'll unleash all the animals on this perp, truly instant karma!" Hiruzen bellowed out a hardy laugh, picturing himself trying it on Danzo for laughs. After a few moments, Nihan joined in the infectious laughter. After a couple of minutes of laughing, Hiruzen whipped a tear forming in the corner of his eye.
"Well I'll give you this Nihan, that sounds rather effective but…" And like that, Hiruzen had gone back into his Hokage persona, so quickly Nihan wondered if there was a switch for this. 2You stole from the academy so I have to punish you, so as punishment, you'll have to help the teachers after school for two weeks. I'll assign you to Iruka, pretty sure if I sent you Mizuki way, the two of you get nothing done."
Nihan lowered his head and stared at his feet. "I understand" he whispered, so quietly that if Hiruzen hadn't been right next to the boy, he wouldn't have heard it.
"Well then, since that's over, I'm due a small break," the elderly man stood up and held out his hand to the younger boy. "Why don't I walk you home, Naruto mentioned something about a drunk that was messing with your door, can you explain this more to me?"
Rather sheepishly, Nihan took Hiruzen's hand and was soon led out of the Hoakge office and off to his and Naruto's apartment. On the way back he explained the recent incident and the security system he had come up with. Hiruzen promised to look into this and increase patrols around the area. Hiruzen knew he couldn't do everything to help the boys but at least he could do this much.