Day 19
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For years, he had been certain that he knew what strength was. He had secured victory after victory in his missions, adorned himself with recognitions and honors, and had bested nearly every opponent to face him. He had been unmoved by pleas for mercy, unbothered by the lingering stench of blood, and he gave no leniency for foolishness. Thoughts of friendships and companions, even family, they muddied his mind and did nothing but cause him pain. He would never have them anyway, he’d always thought so, therefore what was the use in dwelling?
Then, altogether and unexpectedly, she had confronted his steadfast convictions with her own, and he had been overrun.
Her physical prowess was no match for him at that time, and she had been an easy target to use against her team. But she had shocked him with the intensity of her eyes as she protected her teammate, knowing there was nothing she could do to thwart him, and yet there she stood; tenacious, spirit aflame, and brave in the face of such danger. He had been beaten by Naruto after that, in no small part by the way that she had shaken him, and he’d been plagued with thoughts of them upon his retreat.
Gaara had been a changed man after that, his views and his longstanding beliefs had been flipped on their heads, shaking his foundations and forcing him to rebuild from the ground up. It had been an arduous journey, and on several occasions, he was tempted to do away with his new path; the old ways were so much easier, but he couldn’t. There had been a strength to Naruto, to her, that he hadn’t initially seen and that couldn’t be perceived simply by abilities alone. They, along with others from their nation, had clearly boasted the ways of unity, but he hadn’t known the true extend of the strength it bestowed until he had confessed his regret, and asked for her forgiveness.
So easily, so simply, it had been given. A warm smile, a twinge of her brow as if to say she pitied him, and what he’d asked for was his. Had their encounter not weighed on her as it did on him? Had it not kept her awake at night to remember having the life slowly squeezed out of her? Was she just a fool? Or was he?
More so than before, Sakura was on his mind after that. He was bewildered and bewitched all the same, she had shed the memories of her near demise at his hand and held her head high before him still. After that, she’d made an example of others to break her trust as well. Her childhood friend with which she was always at odds; she said that they’d cried when they finally talked through their long-held distain for one another, now their friendship was stronger than ever. When Sasuke defected and attacked her in the night to allow himself headway; he hadn’t been there to show remorse, but she trusted that one day he would feel it, and she forgave him for what he had done. Though, forgiving him for what he had done to Naruto was much more difficult, and she had quietly admitted to him that she had struggled with the idea.
In his time spent captivated by her, he hadn’t known a grudge to persist within her heart, he hadn’t seen animosity sully her beautiful face, and there was no trace of enmity in her view of the world. Stunned, stupefied, he watched as she left the past in the past; not dismissive, not forgetful, but evolving beyond and growing around the transgressions against her.
It inspired him, evoked a hope inside of him. Could he learn to do the same? Would he be able to forgive those that had taken so much from him, tried to kill him, cursed him to this damnable fate? If he could, perhaps he could achieve the same weightless stride and proud chin, maybe even reflect that warmth and sincerity in her eyes when she smiled.
He hadn’t known when it finally struck him, there had been so many confusing things to sort through when rebuilding his life, but she had made it undeniably clear; strength did not lay in power alone. It was her uncanny ability to forgive, that was where the strength of her heart had come from, and she had inadvertently shared it with him.
It wasn’t easy, and she had cautioned him as much, but with enough time and opportunity to talk through it, he began feeling the layers of built-up resentment and scorn fall away. Each day he felt like he could hold his head higher, felt like he walked a little lighter, and she had been by his side throughout it all. He didn’t know what he would have done without her support and her wisdom in matters of the heart and its many facets, he likely would’ve been lost and resigned to the fate of malcontent.
“I’m worried,” she said, her tone flat and her expression drawn.
Gaara looked over from the papers strewn over his kitchen table. Sakura lay on their couch, staring at the ceiling. “Why?”
She rolled over on the couch and propped her chin up on the armrest, watching him from her perch. “What if I’m not good enough?”
Dropping his papers, he went to her side, kneeling and stroking her face. She leaned into his touch. “Must I list your qualifications again?” he asked, having seen this apprehensiveness before.
Sakura pouted and glanced away. “Everyone has achievements, and some more so than me.”
Gaara leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. “But no one will love me the way that you do,” he said, the certainty behind his words finally getting a small smile from her. “And no one else will love my people the way that you will. As my equal, I would accept no one else.”
She hid her smile from him then, perhaps she wanted to hear his sweet words a little more, and simply muttered, “Really?”
Gaara nodded, adoring the way that her hardened shell softened for him. She could bury him under her misgivings and insecurities, and he would dismantle them all so that she would continue to stand tall. She had been so imperceivably strong, for herself, for her friends, for him, she probably didn’t even realize the power she carried. But he did, and he would embody her ways and leave behind the shadows of his past, he would forgive those that had harmed him and wished him misery, without the weight of their betrayals he could follow her trajectory and achieve the wholeness of self that she had found.
“I’ll do my best,” she said, spoken from the lips of the strongest woman he knew. “But you’ll need to guide me sometimes.”
“As much as you need,” he promised. “For the rest of your life.”
For years, he had thought that he knew what strength was, but now, he was truly certain.
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