The man blew a ring of smoke and shook his head. This has to be the toughest mission in his life. It's not just about the mission or the team, it's about building people, creating shinobi from scratch.
He still can’t understand why someone would trust him with children. Especially someone as smart as Shikaku. But here he is, trying to do something right, trying to protect his “Kings”, trying to keep them safe and turn him in to capable ninjas. Trying to keep up with their legacy while respecting them as individuals.
No amount of training or missions prepared him for this job and he spends most of his time thinking that he should just leave the village and never look back. But what can he do? HE already loves these tiny hellions…
He tosses the cigarette and approach the kid sitting before him. Not a kid anymore, he thinks, a young man... This mission stole his sweet little boys. It stole their innocence, their confidence, the way that every young boy feels invincible. Now they know. And he knows too…
"Shikamaru…" He starts.
"Not… not now…" The younger man's voice quivers for a split second. "We'll talk tomorrow."
Asuma sighs, that's not what he was expecting. He shakes his head and sits down in front of his student.
"Asuma...I said…" He's interrupted by a wave of his sensei's hand.
"I know, I heard you, you don't want to talk. I'm not here to talk." He lights up another cigarette and moves a piece in the board. "I'm here to play. Your turn."
Shikamaru is startled by his words. A dear in the headlights, the older man think. How ironic…
"Your turn… Make a move…" He prompts the kid again.
"I… I'm not in the mood… Sorry…" He starts getting up and turning to leave.
"Shikamaru." The man's voice is the same calm baritone he always use, but somehow it sounds more assertive, more demanding. "Shikamaru, sit down, please."
"I said that I don't want to talk. Or to play. Or to be with anyone." The boy raises his tone.
"And I told you to sit down and make a move. I'm still your sensei, you know… You should obey me…"
The Chunnin sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose. He peers at his sensei and the look on the man's face tells him that he should obey.
"Not fair…" He mumbles, sitting down again and moving a piece. "That's not fair…"
"Life is rarely fair, kid…" Asuma smiles and makes his move. "You should know that by now."
He makes a non-commitment noise and raises a knee to rest his head, before continuing the game.
"These days had more than their share of unfairness…" He keeps his eyes on the board. "I just wanted to be alone for a couple of hours…"
"And that's why I'm here…" Asuma's voice returned to that gentle, soft tone that he reserves only for his students.
"That doesn't even make sense…"
"Shikamaru... I'm older than you, I lived more, I fought more, I had more missions than you." He blows the smoke. "I screwed up more than you too. To be honest, I failed epically a couple of times."
The younger man looks at him. "So what? You're here to say that failing is part of the job? That I should let it go and move on? That my team needs me? That my friends need me? That they'll do it, with or without me, so I should be there to help them? That's what you want to say?" He spats the words at his sensei, every one of them coated in pain and anger.
"No, you already know that too. I met your father on the way here…" The kid rests his head on his knee again. "He's right. Everything he said to you was spot on. But…"
"But what? You think I'm a coward, too. You can say it, go on! Say it!"
"You are not a coward. At least, not yet…"
"Oh, thank you so much! That was comforting… Glad to know that you have such faith in me…"
"Shikamaru, stop it! You're angry, you're in pain, you're bitter. And that is perfectly fine. But that doesn't give you the right to attack the people trying to help you. Stop. It!" The boy is startled by the unusual scolding. "Kid, it's okay. Your mission failed. It was not even your fault."
He raises a hand to stop his student when he tries to interrupt. "No, it wasn't. I read the report, you did everything you're supposed to do. IT. WAS. NOT. Your fault. So stop with that self-pity and regret. You are all alive and in one piece. You did a good job."
"And my best friend almost died, one of my classmates was severely injured, two if you count Akamaru, one of the Konoha prodigies is lying in a hospital bed. Oh, and Naruto is broken in too many ways to count… So, yeah… Great job!" He pushes the board and turns his back to his sensei.
Asuma sighs and gets up, kneeling next to his student. "Shikamaru, look at me. The mission was a bust, but you did a great job. As a Chunnin and as a leader. Sending a bunch of 12-year-olds on a mission like that was stupid, almost suicidal! None of you had enough experience to do that. You are a Chunnin for what? A couple of weeks? Sending kids after rogue ninjas was stupid and dangerous. God knows what could have happened. We almost had a heart attack when Shizune told us, I never saw Kakashi so livid and Guy so quiet! Kurenai was homicidal! And I… I never felt a urge so strong to kill a Hokage with my own hands… We were worried sick, kid!"
"It's our JOB! We can't live under your wing forever…" He whispers.
"No, you don't, but we can wish it, right?" He puts a hand on his shoulder. "You bring our boys back, a little banged up, but alive. For me, for us, it was a huge success. And, as far as the mission concerns… I can't give a tiny damn!"
"Asuma!" Shikamaru sounds outraged.
"Oh, don't get me wrong, I like Sasuke, he's a great ninja and a nice kid. Deep down, I mean… But he need to get that avenging thing out of his system, trust me. And eventually, Naruto and Kakashi will drag him back." He winks. "And call me biased, but I was way more worried with my own kids than with Kakashi’s little demons."
"Fine… I did okay… But my dad is right… I'm a boneless coward…"
"You can be lazy as hell and drive me and your father insane from time to time, but you are anything but coward." He gently turns the boy's head up to meet his eyes. "Your dad was right. If you gave up, you would be a coward… But you didn't give up, did you?"
Shikamaru shakes his head. "No… But I almost did. I wanted it. I still do. And to add insult to injury, I cried in front of a woman… That troublesome woman…" He whispers, blushing and turning away.
"So, what? Do you think that none of us ever cried in a mission?"
"Not in front of a potential enemy…"
"Her team saved you, I'm pretty sure she's not an enemy…"
"Still, stupid and embarrassing…" He bows his head.
"Sometimes, crying is the only healthy thing you can do to release all the emotions you bottled up during a stressful time… I had my fair share of bawling my eyes out after a mission, there is nothing wrong with that kid…"
The man smiles and runs a hand on the kid's head. "I mean it… There is nothing wrong with that. And no one will think that you're weak or a coward for that, not me, not your team, not even your father. Especially, your father.
"How… how do you know that?"
"Because I know him. He's a great man and a great father. He pushes you when you need to be pushed and I know that, sometimes he’s a bit tough, but he's there to help you whenever you need. And I'm here, too…"
"He sent you here…" Shikamaru's voice is low and cracked.
"I was looking for you, he just told me about your talk. He thinks you would need… a more friendly approach…"
"He thinks I'm a weak coward that needs his sensei comfort…" The first tears slip down his face and he furiously rubs his eyes.
"Stop it, don't talk like that. He thinks that he was too harsh and that you're hurt and mad at him… Just that. He's actually proud of you and of your work."
Shikamaru makes a strangled noise, too close of a sob to his liking and tries to push away Asuma's grasp on his shoulder. "Come here, kid, its fine, its over."
The sensei gently guides the kid's head to his shoulder and lets him cry his frustration, anger and fear. He holds him tight while he sobs and blubbers about teams and work and injuries. He holds him tighter when he talks about his best friend almost dying and how he can't live without him. He cups the boy's head with his strong hand and softly rocks them back and forth.
It takes several minutes for Shikamaru to regain his composure, but finally he wipes his face and pulls away. "Sorry…"
"Its fine, kid." He winks. "I'm here for that too…"
"It's… It's the smoke, you know? It makes my eyes itchy…" He mumbles, turning back to the board. "Do you still want to play?"
"Yeah, sure." He gets back to the game and makes his move. "The smoke can do that…"
Asuma smiles to himself. He meant every single word. This kid did a great job in awful circumstances. And he'll be an awesome ninja someday. He's sure of that. He can handle the stress and he can control himself under the worst conditions. He can even elaborate plans on that scenarios. That’s more thant what anyone can ask from a 12 year-old freshly made Chunnin.
There is nothing wrong with crying from time to time. He'll be there to help him, to guide him, to wipe his tears and comfort his fears…
His kid we'll be fine… And he'll never tell him that he wasn't smoking during the last of their talk.