Like Light Through Low-Hanging Clouds

La Elevación: 1,545 metros sobre el nivel del mar

Nebulous clouds fell from the sky, a thick cascade of white engulfing the rounded peaks of the mountains. Light glowed where the cloud’s cover thinned, highlighting the loose, wispy edges that reached across the heavenly expanse towards the earth. Like a celestial sigh, they tumbled heavily down towards the people below, pushed forward by some sense of unease. Ghostly tendrils stretched, curled and thinned as they worked to cover the dense forests of the mountain tops. Even as the landscape came into view, its normally vibrant greens were subdued by the fog. Everything muted, like the hazy surface of a dream, no way to cut through the film and find the finer details.

Air slipped in from the open window, its cold touch coaxing a shiver from the boyish blond seated on the tiled windowsill. The iron window grills cast long shadows across his skin. His blue eyes glowed in the soft light of the late afternoon. 

Naruto watched and waited, wondering if a crack of lightning would split the sky before the rain started. Or maybe thunder would find its way to his ears first, a deep rumble that fit well with the earth that trembled now and then along unsteady fault lines. Almost like an unpredictable sea, the next big wave building somewhere in the distant, deep layers of the earth. Sky and earth made lively partners, everything between them small, insignificant details.

His shoulders sloped forward in a tired curve, lightly damp fringe and tendrils of hair at the back of his neck clung to his skin as traces of sweat slowly evaporated. He blinked away a sting in his eyes, a watery weight clinging to his lashes. The soft sound of footsteps came from the door behind him, taps from leather soles making the older man’s approach known.

“Thank you, ero sennin.” The words slipped into the air like a breath.

“You know, that nickname makes that a lot less heartfelt.” Jiraiya snorted, his hands busy securing cufflinks into his sleeves.

Naruto kept his eyes on the grasping clouds. “You’ve helped me a lot this summer.” Every summer, every year. He amended within himself, the pull of time stretching far behind him tense in his chest.

“Don’t get all weepy on me, kid. You’ll be doing your own research next summer. You won’t be missing anything.” Jiraiya turned around, walking towards the doorway. “Get moving, we’re meeting the others for drinks soon.”

“I know. I’ll be ready in a sec.” He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. The cold cut through his body as the air rushed into his lungs. A quiver in his throat punctuated the hollow ache in his chest.

Something new was starting, it was true. But something was ending, too, no?

1. Bezirk: Innere Stadt

Strands of ink dark hair fell forward, caught between slim, elegant fingers. The skin around the knuckles pulled and strained, grasping at the roots of now slightly disheveled hair. Palms pressed forcefully to the young translator’s forehead, the bones solid against the headache pounding in his skull. A tense rush of air pushed past his lips, scattering the debris from his worn down eraser off his open notebook and across the table. A black pencil rocked the slightest bit on the curve of the notebook’s cream pages.

Soreness was building in his jaw, the pain traveling up to his temples. His spine bent forward in a tired slope, pain lancing like sparks up and down his body. It was his last day, and what was there to show for it?

Sasuke could feel the past four hours at the archive on his fingertips, the palms of his hand. Like a layer of dust coating his skin. The color and scent of the paper seemed to leave a residue he couldn’t wash off, building as he flipped with a carefully controlled frenzy through piles of aged paper, tucked away into folders, stacked further in archival boxes. The stale air that hovered around the manuscripts and ephemera tickled his nose, catching dry and course in his throat as he breathed.

He opened bleary eyes to glance at the page below him, framed by the elbows he was leaning on. The warm hue of the paper felt stuffy, the edges looking burnt with the way time crept in like a dark halo. Black lines of ink sunk into the paper, pressed stark and deep decades ago from the force of once lively fingers tapping away at a typewriter. Lines of graphite made faint amendments to the carefully arranged type, notes scrawled in handwriting that made Sasuke strain his eyes further as he struggled to find the familiar lines and curves of letters. 

There wasn’t much time left to rend meaning from opaque scribbles. The summer sun still filled the room with its stark light, mocking Sasuke’s tired mind with its beguiling persistence. The gilded panels of the small room and gold chandelier hanging down from the tall, grandiose ceiling gave off a haughty glow. Palatial walls telling him he was always on the verge of being shut out, until he was worthy of its grandeur and history.

He had yet to prove himself.

He packed up his papers in a flurry, mind leaping to suitcase preparations to distract from the sting of sun on gold. Even in his haste, the young translator made sure to handle the fragile leaves with care lest the archivist mark him on some sort of blacklist for tearing irreplaceable documents.

“Werden Sie diese Dokumente weiter brauchen? Oder soll ich sie zurückstellen?” An unease swam in the archivist’s eyes and the lines of his face, watching the way tension stretched taut throughout the young man’s body.

Sasuke held the boxes close to himself even as he approached the desk, unwilling to have the papers tucked away where he couldn’t tease out their secrets. “Nein, ich brauche sie nicht mehr.” He spat out the words, a bitter taste seeping into the corners of his mouth.

…..

…

.

Dienstag, 18:34Uhr

Sasuke wasn’t sure how he got here: legs stretched out across the backseat of a car, cheek leaning on his palm with a surly expression. His hair whipped around his face from the blast of wind pouring in from the open window of the passenger side, the scream-singing of the two in the front seats equally aggressive as they drove south along the San Francisco Bay.

“Ooh, wait, I love this song!” The blond doctoral student poked his phone eagerly, fumbling in his energetic search for this very mysterious song. How it differed from the previous songs he also proclaimed to love, Sasuke couldn’t say.  He rolled his eyes, prepared to hear another overzealous performance that had more enthusiasm than talent.

At the wheel, his classmate gave an indulgent, sighing laugh, pink hair kept tame under the silk handkerchief tied around her head, a few loose strands at the front playing in the wind. Her green eyes glittered as they scanned the road, occasionally seeking out Sasuke’s in the rearview mirror. A faint blush dusted her cheeks when she caught his eyes despite the tired, disinterested gaze he returned. She tilted her head towards the blond as she spoke. “Okay, but if it’s a Spanish one, there’s no chance I’ll know it.”

“Well, I won’t know any of your French or Italian songs, Sakura. But I promise, I have the best taste. You’re going to love it.” He stuck his tongue out as he concentrated on finding this elusive title. Only he could draw out such a simple task to more than a couple of minutes.

“If you don’t stop now, you won’t have anything left to sing.” Sasuke offered weakly, looking out the window as the trees flashed by, the blue light of dusk muting everything to a cool shadow of day.

Naruto tilted his head side to side, hand fluttering to imitate a mouth chattering, chirping out a nonsensical string of sounds. “Excuses, excuses! If you don’t have anything good to offer, just say it, Sasuke.” He whipped around, chin perched on the seat with a wicked gleam in his eyes as he gave Sasuke the full force of his attention. “I can find enough songs for the both of us.”

Sasuke scoffed, returning Naruto’s whimsical gaze with his own unimpressed, dark eyes. “What a generous offer. I won’t be needing your help.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll only tease you a bit when you come crying to me later in desperate need of a song.” The smile looked like it hurt, it had so stretched his cheeks and curved his eyes into blue crescents. “I’m really very kind.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” A smirk touched Sasuke’s lips.

“Hey, Naruto, I’m waiting for your amazing song.” Sakura’s voice cut through the air between them, an irritated whine playing up and down her words.

Naruto hopped up, turning slightly forward but body still twisted slightly towards the backseats. “I got you! I got you!”

Sakura huffed with a petty pout. “Too late, it seems we’re coming up on our exit.”

“Boo!” Naruto whined, a petulant note that played like a song. “It’s fine, it’ll be good to stock up on drinks.” He recovered quickly from his disappointment, eyes glowing again with playful excitement. He turned his head in a wide, exaggerated arc, gaze landing on Sasuke. “And what would the princess like? Some fruity hard seltzer? A cold can of rosé?”

Sasuke snapped up in his seat, eyebrows doing a lot of work to express his challenge to the tireless blond. “I’m pretty sure I remember carrying you home after a short night of flavored soju.”

Naruto groaned. “That’s never happened to me before. I—ah—It was a lapse in judgement. You’re lucky to have seen it once, asshole.”

“Lucky is an interesting choice of words, usuratonkachi.”

The car lurched to an abrupt stop, Sasuke falling forward and halting sharply as the seatbelt locked into place. Naruto’s side crashed into the dashboard, phone flying as his hands scrambled to reach for the frontseat, struggling in vain to perform the job of the seatbelt he opted not to use.

“Okay, I’m not here to babysit. Get out of the car so we can catch up with the others and sort out drinks.” Sakura pulled the keys from the ignition, stepping out onto the parking lot.

No, Sasuke wasn’t sure how he got here. But it was an interesting way to start a Tuesday night in the middle of the term.

Hace 7 semanas y 3 días

Nervous energy vibrated under his skin, a quiver deep in his chest that wavered between ecstatic and anxious. The static running through his body propelled the incoming doctoral student forward and out of his seat as the last orientation event of the week ended. He flew through the halls, winding around corners and soaring down stairways, until he was pushing forcefully against the aged wood of tall, domineering doors.

His eyes fluttered as he adjusted to the dim light of the waning day. He only made it a few steps in front of the building before pausing. As the double doors swung shut behind him, a gust of wind caressed the backs of his arms. A hint of cold, of autumn in the air, made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end and a shiver rush through him. The cobblestone pathways stretched out before him, a sense of overwhelming, winding possibility making his chest tense. He sucked in a slow, strained breath.

The doors opened again behind him, a tentative, melodic voice floating to Naruto’s ears. “—if you’d like to join us for drinks?”

Naruto perked up. “That sounds great!” He spun around, skidding clumsily to a stop as he spotted the three people exiting the building. He grimaced as his eyes met a cold, obsidian gaze. “Oh, it’s you.”

Naruto felt his misfortune at being admitted in the same cohort as the sardonic young man he’d been fighting with all week. The surly, unwavering eyes struck the blond somewhere deep. “I think you two already have the company you need.”

On either side of Sasuke was a young woman. One with pink hair cut to a long bob that hovered just above her shoulders. The hair that framed her face shifted as she followed the young man’s gaze to the blond in front of them.  The other kept her eyes on the moody young man, disappointment pinching her features into a petty pout. Her high ponytail of long, bleach blonde hair swayed behind her. “But we have to celebrate! Orientation is finally over.” She reached a hand forward to place on her classmate’s shoulder. “And it’d be nice to get to know you a bit better, Sasuke.”

Sasuke scowled, recoiling from the touch and shrugging the hand off. He continued to stare ahead of him, watching Naruto’s face. “Hardly necessary.”

Naruto snorted. “Drop it, Ino. He’s telling you loud and clear that he’s boring. Let the man go home and study on his Friday night before classes have even started.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, lips fidgeting around unspoken words.

“I think you’ll understand, Naruto, if we don’t take your word for it.” The young woman with pink hair chimed in, eyes bouncing back and forth between the young men in their standoff. “I think we already know where you two stand with each other.”

“Certainly.” Sasuke threw in, voice dry as the peninsula air.

“As if I care what this loser thinks.” Naruto broke the eye contact to stretch his arms above his head, poising nonchalantly in the face of Sasuke’s attitude. “Forget him, though, Sakura. We’ll be sobored if we bring him along.”

“Stop being so rude, Naruto.” Ino hissed, her nose wrinkling in irritation. “We’re trying to convince him to join us. We don’t need you to scare him off.”

Sasuke scowled. “I don’t need convincing. I know what I want, and I don’t want to be here.” He made his way forward, directed towards the open space between Sakura and Naruto. He didn’t wedge his way through, but avoided the proximity to Sakura and shoved past Naruto. Eyes looking straight ahead, standing tall. Naruto felt like a leaf at the mercy of the breeze.

Anger rushed hot to the tips of Naruto’s ears, feeling like a burn under the touch of the cool evening air. “Why do you always do that?”

Sasuke stopped mid-step. He kept his back to the three behind him. His face turned the slightest bit, the faint light hitting his cheek bone and revealing the hint of his attention. “What are you talking about?”

“Getting in my way—acting like a jerk! What else?” Naruto threw his arms in the air. How could Sasuke be so obtuse?

A pause. Sasuke didn’t move. His hands were in his pockets, face mostly out of sight. He flexed his shoulders stiffly. “I’m being the jerk? You’re the one who won’t leave me alone.”

“You literally bumped into me!”

Sasuke whipped around to fully face the blond, eyes ablaze in a bitter glare. “I don’t care where you’re standing. If you’re in my way, that’s you’re mistake.”

“It hurts your ego that bad I’m not kissing your ass like everyone else? I’m not impressed with your award-winning translation or whatever?” His hands curled into fists, fidgeting against the impulse to close the distance. “Sakura and Ino were being nice, trying to make your miserable evening a bit better. At least try not to be a self-centered dick and have a good time.”

“And you’ve made that invitation so appealing?” Sarcasm twisted Sasuke’s mouth into a snarl. “This certainly has been a pleasant conversation I’d love to carry on late into the night.”

“Shut up! I wouldn’t be yelling at you if you acted like a reasonable person.”

“Oh, I’m unreasonable.”

“Yes, you fucking are!”

Sasuke pulled in a strained breath, he felt it work through his chest. He exhaled forcefully from his nose, the stiffness in his shoulders persistent in the way he stood. “I’m over this. Enjoy your Friday night.” Venom on his tongue, a curse in the words. He spun around and began to walk away, a long shadow stretching behind him.

“I hope your night’s as miserable as you are!” Naruto yelled after him. His face scrunched up in displeasure as Sasuke continued to walk away, raising his right arm with his slender middle finger standing alone above his fist. A petty impulse surged through the blond: he stuck his tongue out with eyes squinted shut. His retreating combatant might not see, but Naruto assured himself Sasuke could feel the sting.

He spun around, reluctant to give Sasuke his back but disinterested in watching him walk off into the distance. He worked a smile onto his face, put him hands to his hips, and puffed out his chest. “Okay! What’s the plan?”

As he blinked his eyes open from his broad, eye-crinkling smile, he was greeted with two less than amused expressions.

“Plan, Naruto? He was the plan!” Ino shot out her hand in front of her in the direction of where Sasuke walked off, palm turned up.

Naruto frowned. “Boring plan then.”

“Just because you don’t want to get to know Sasuke doesn’t mean we don’t, Naruto.” Sakura leaned on one hip, arms crossed. The tentative voice she used with Sasuke now washed away by the emphatic tone she offered the boyish blond in front of her.

“Well, he didn’t want to be a part of your evening anyway. Let’s do something fun instead!” He persisted in a cheerful smile, a sunny charisma making the evening seem a bit brighter.

“Fine, but you’re paying.” Sakura’s seafoam eyes gave a wicked gleam as she offered Ino a conspiratorial smile. Ino giggled behind an elegant hand, long manicured nails fluttering playfully.

“That’s hardly fair!” Naruto whined.

Ino and Sakura walked forward on either side of him. The former placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. “You’re making amends, Naruto. Consider this a generous opportunity we’ve offered you.”

The blond young man pouted, huffing a breath threw pinched lips. Still, a lightness met his eyes and quieted the nerves trembling in his chest throughout the day, the week. He turned around to join them on their way towards the bus stop. 

It probably wasn’t the best idea to let Ino and Sakura choose the location given the guileful smirks traded between them, but Naruto didn’t mind playing along a bit. He fought the way his mind wandered off to the studio apartment waiting for him, the way the door would shut behind him whenever he got back and seemed to quiet everything around him. Instead, he worked his focus on the ways the two women gravitated towards each other with a familiar banter, almost as though they had already known each other long before moving onto campus or even visiting week last Spring.

A bit dreamily floating in the warm atmosphere of affectionate jests, the Naruto found himself seated in the booth of a trendy cocktail bar. The booths were a tufted green velvet, mirrored walls and wrought iron frames giving a gilded, art nouveau ambiance.

He looked around with curious, wide eyes. He gave an appreciative whistle. “This place looks fancy.”

“Well, it’s not Paris,” Ino waved her hands with a melodramatic flourish, “but it’ll do.”

“How predictable, Ino. I didn’t know you subscribed to such simplistic stances.” A cheeky smile pulled at Sakura’s lips as she perused the menu, finger trailing down the page.

“Can’t change the impact of a rich, cultural history. It’s not hegemonic if I admit I like other places, too.” The bleach blonde looked at her friend seated beside her, hand perched now on her palm.

Naruto snickered. “Don’t get too distracted! What do you want to drink?” His eyes ran quickly over the listed cocktails. He clapped his hands together excitedly as he focused on one. “Ooh, this one has chocolate!”

“I didn’t expect you to go for something sweet, but maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.” Sakura looked Naruto over, a small smile growing at his infectious, playful energy.

“Well, chocolate doesn’t have to be sweet.” Naruto tilted his head side to side, impressing upon his companions the silly simplicity of Sakura’s impression. “If you’re in Central America, it’s often not served particularly sweet. But this drink is, I’m pretty sure.” He perked up towards the end, tongue impishly pointed to the women seated across from him.

“That’s cute.” Ino offered him an amused look.

She sought out a waitress and waved her over with a sweet smile. They each ordered their drinks, Naruto tagging on order after order of small plates as his eyes caught each sumptuous description. Sakura and Ino watched on with mouths agape in mild horror. The waitress scrambled for a notepad after nodding along to the first few dishes, a worried look crossing her face. She walked off in a bit of a daze.

Their drinks arrived not long after. Ino received a bubbly, orange cocktail in a champagne glass; Sakura a martini glass with a grapefruit rind twisted over the rim and half submerged in her peach-colored drink. Naruto looked with wonder at his frothy, chocolate-dark drink in a coupe glass. He raised it to his lips and felt the foam tickle his skin.

“Hey!” Ino scolded. He looked to her, a raised glass in her hand. “We gotta cheers first.” She relaxed into a smile again. “To the start of a very long epoch of our lives.”

They all met glasses at the center of the table, a warmth bubbling in Naruto’s chest. He let out an excited woo as they each took their first sips. A creamy sweetness greeted Naruto’s tongue, the slight bitterness of cacao grounding the taste and spice tickling into the corners of his mouth.

“Okay, I’ve got to ask.” Ino leaned forward, sending a salacious gleam across the table as she peered into Naruto’s guileless, blue eyes. “What happened between you and Sasuke?”

A flustered heat reached Naruto’s cheeks. “Why are you looking at me like that? Nothing happened other than him being a jerk.”

Ino and Sakura quickly looked to one another, then back to Naruto. “He kissed you at the bar during the campus visit. Did you have some weird fling that broke bad?” She peered at him with a suspicious squint. “Hooked up and didn’t realize you were both on the same campus visit?”

“You two argue like you have history.” Ino threw in.

Naruto sputtered, pulling together the frazzled noises until he found himself closer to a dismissive snort. “I don’t know what he wants with me. He can be into me if he wants. It’s not really my thing.”

The two tilted their head in unison, looking like two owls with their wide, curious gazes.

“Into Sasuke or into men?” Sakura threw in after a moment.

“I’m definitely not into Sasuke.” Naruto emitted a squawk of disgust. “And men just haven’t piqued my interests before.”

“Before?” Ino latched onto the word, nimble as a hawk snatching up prey.

Naruto shook his head vigorously. “I—I’m just saying I don’t have any plans to change that in the near future. But it’s fine, just—it hasn’t been my thing.”

Ino scanned his face with a calculating look. She hmmed after a moment and leaned back, shrugging as she relaxed. “Well, then the opportunity was lost on you. I’d gladly be on the other end of a drunk, mildly confused kiss from him.”

“Does seem confused now.” Sakura looked up, tapping her chin as she thought. “Especially since you two loathe each other.”

“Well, doesn’t seem like you have much of a chance now. Might as well move on from him.” Naruto mumbled into his drink, irritation cutting through the frothy flavors. “Can’t we talk about something else more interesting?”

“Don’t be ignorant, Naruto. He can totally be bi.” Ino brightened with a playful smile. “I am.”

He raised his hands in defense. “Honestly, it’s more on account of him being an asshole than anything else. I heard he didn’t talk to anyone during the visit, despite everyone trying to kiss his ass. Orientation hasn’t been much different.”

“Yeah, except for you arguing with him.” Sakura rolled her eyes. “Can’t say I’d be much into socializing if someone tried to fight me first thing in the morning.”

“Oh, yeah. After that scene the first day of our visit, you weren’t at the events until you barged into the bar the last night.” Ino observed. “Where were you?”

“God, how embarrassing!” Naruto complained without much real chagrin. “Baa-cha—Tsunade made me sit out the rest of the events. She said she didn’t want me scaring anyone off. It was a bad impression of the department or something.”

Sakura laughed. “You don’t see how she was right?”

“And what are you calling her?” Ino furrowed her brow. “She didn’t seem to like it, although, it could have just been the situation.”

It was Naruto’s turn to laugh. “Nothing fancy! You’re right—she doesn’t love it. Just something I picked up when I was growing up. I call her grandma, essentially. My dad is Japanese, but I never learned to speak it really. I understand more than I can speak. She actually only knows what it means ‘cause Jiraiya told her.”

Sakura and Ino stared again with wide eyes, this time shifted into place with shock. Sakura collected herself first. “God, you’re audacious. That’s super familiar—I mean insolent, really. I know we’re not crazy into hierarchy here, at least that’s what’s everyone tells me. But god, I could never.”

“She looked like she was gonna kick your ass.” Ino snorted. “You really should act a bit more towards self-preservation. You don’t want to be on the chair’s bad side.”

“And you’ve already got bad blood with Sasuke. Why make this harder on yourself?” Sakura seemed to almost plead. “I’d really love it if you didn’t divide our cohort and put my advisor in a bad mood.”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Tsunade is all bark, no bite.” Naruto relaxed into his seat. “She loves me. And someone has to show Sasuke he’s not the orange of everyone’s eye, or something like that expression.”

“That’s a little off, I’m pretty sure.” Ino gave him a funny look.

“Yeah, whatever. You know what I mean.” He waved her off.

Sakura whined. “You have not given me any reason to trust you. You’re going to make our “Intro to Theory” seminar miserable, aren’t you.” It wasn’t really a question.

“Only if Sasuke says something dumb. Which is likely.” Naruto smiled mischievously, vulpine whimsy glowing in his eyes.

“You’re totally going to be obnoxious.”

“Obnoxious, or genius?” He tittered, mood whipped up to a light, buoyant cloud. “It’s too early to be worried about classes! I’m trying to enjoy our Friday night!”

Sakura was right to worry. The first two weeks of class played out more like a debate than a seminar, Naruto and Sasuke poised to strike at every comment once the first slight was perceived on the first day of class. Kakashi sat sleepily at the front of the room, languid gaze bouncing between the two as Sasuke slipped quick retorts through the air like he was wielding a blade. Naruto’s style had a boisterous energy, like powerful blows in a fist fight where he pulled no punches. Neither backed down, splitting hairs on definitions of literature in comparative literature and somehow getting tense on formalism. The fact that the seminar functioned as an introduction to the material rather than deep dives into the minutiae was lost on them. 

After the first class, the cohort began to gather at one of the bars on campus to wind down and laugh over pitchers of hoppy beers. Naruto often found himself lounging beside or between Ino and Sakura, listening to them chat about poetry, their other classes, plans to go into the city. He would watch Sasuke walk away as though no one were around, a frown thrown Naruto’s way as he passed the glaring blond. Naruto attempted to burn his attention into the surly young man’s back, to somehow force him to turn around, to not let him walk away like their clashes on critical theory were done.

Who won each day? Neither could say. They parted ways dissatisfied, work unfinished. Naruto pushing back the hours before he headed home and threw together a hasty meal in his far-too-quiet studio; Sasuke wrestling with the notes he’d gathered from the summer and an open document on his laptop screen that always felt too many words short of done—of good.

When Monday morning came around again on the third week of the term, it was with tired eyes squeezed resolutely shut that Sasuke silenced his phone alarm. The thinnest layer of sleep had hovered above him through the night, mind restless and too aware of how his cheek felt against the pillow, body feeling the uneasy bundles of his oversized sleep shirt and boxers always settled in the wrong place. Somehow the hours of night had passed. His eyes stung even while his curtains fended off the bright California sun, keeping the room shrouded in darkness. But curtains couldn’t help him now—not when his mind was resolutely decided against rest.

He arose from bed with a sigh falling from his lips, hand running through his sleep-mussed hair. He looked to the desk on the other side of the room, papers scattered and notebook left open. He frowned. A deep reluctance ached within him, dread weighing him down and keeping him frozen at his bed.

Only one class today. He could manage that.

The minutes of the day dragged on painfully until they mounted to another hour. He checked his phone only to be dissatisfied with the time, bouncing to his email to refresh, finding himself mindlessly grabbing a tomato, breads, cheeses like he was subsisting off a barely pulled together cheeseboard. He couldn’t feel a pull to hunger or appetite with the uneasy energy knotted through him. Just a tired ache and anxious nausea that made thinking about preparing anything too revolting.

Every hour felt like a hopelessly close deadline, too far off to resign to defeat and disinterest, too soon to push it off for another time.

When his phone alarm startled him to the awareness that the day had finally crawled over to 14Uhr, he tensed with both dread and relief. A useless day, mind swimming in worries, empty pages, feeling like a stone was stuck in his throat. But he knew what he would do now at least. The waiting was done.

It would take a twenty minute walk to reach the building. He should be there a bit early for office hours. Early enough to avoid any bothersome undergraduates trying to get in before him. And Sasuke knew what he was like. Certainly he’d be there early.

Right?

Sasuke felt himself splitting apart on the walk over. Hot sun beat on the exposed skin of his forearms, but it barely reached him. In the rush of movement, of the inevitable gap between here and there, it was like time was suspended. A weightlessness spread through him, body and mind occupied solely with the mindless task of moving forward. His mind let go of the unfinished readings, the unedited side projects, the documents he was desperate to fly back to Vienna for, nearly evaporating as he focused on the uneven surface of cobblestone under his feet, the occasional loose stone shifting his gait into a slightly different rhythm. The liminality would almost be comforting, if “there” did not threaten him with a cruel, abrupt end to his temporarily paper-thin state.

The office door confronted Sasuke sooner than he wanted. He wasn’t normally in this building. He pushed away the thought that this fact was anything other than incidental. Sasuke took a tense breath as he stared at the elegant designed carved into the door. It was tucked into a small alcove with a deceptively inviting armchair beside it.

A spark of anger and fear mingled in his chest, made him clench his fists tightly, and push his nails sharply into his palms. He reached for the doorknob, twisted it, and pushed forcefully with every bit of disregard he felt the professor deserved.

A moment passed: Sasuke panting slightly with a harsh gaze on the professor behind the desk as said professor patiently finished writing something down. When the man looked up to meet the graduate student’s face, his dark eyes struck with painfully familiarity. His face—like a mirror in a dream that was slightly off—shifted into the mildest form of elegant surprise.

“Otōto, my office hours don’t start for another ten minutes.”

Sasuke staved off a flinch as the voice struck his ears, like a ghost after the years of its absence. In its place, he scowled. Pain pulled at his tense jaw. “I’m not one of your students, Itachi.”

A small, displeased shift wavered on Itachi’s lips, eyes impassive. “What can I help you with then?”

Sasuke took a moment to stare. Itachi’s hair was still long, a few tendrils hanging loose around his face while the rest was gathered low behind his neck in a hair band. A faint memory played at the edges of his mind: he could almost feel the silken strands at his fingertips, a weak echo of a self so young and so distant he couldn’t recognize him. A juxtaposition of the old and the new, Itachi in a place he had never seen him, had tried to avoid even the faintest contours of what this place might look like. When he had pulled up Itachi’s faculty page, made note of the building and office number, up to the point of facing the door, the details were being filled in too vividly. The room, the man behind the desk, struck him like an unwelcome sunrise after a restless night, colors and shapes rushing into focus, insistent and impatient.

His mind made unconscious note of the heavy rosewood desk, shadows gathering in the crevices of painstakingly carved adornments on the sides. The walls were lined with books whose spines he could and couldn’t read, some yellowed and aged, others sporting glossy paperbacks glued tight with perfect binding. A small leather chesterfield was tucked against the wall next to the door, two armchairs in front of the desk that was centered towards the back of the room. Light fell through the drawn sheer curtains, a second set of heavier ones framing the window to the side with the sheen of their red velvet.

Itachi cleared his throat. “You’re welcome to sit down.” He barely shifted his wrist to gesture towards the armchairs.

Sasuke ignored the invitation. “Who’s your editor?”

His brother’s eyebrows came together in question. “What are you working on now?”

“None of your business.” Sasuke spat out. “I want to ask him some questions.”

Itachi breathed a weary sigh as he leaned back in his chair, interlacing his fingers and resting his hands against his body. “I think I should know before I waste my editor’s time.”

Sasuke grit his teeth, bitterness thick in his sarcastic words. “Thank you. You clearly see a lot of promise in my work.” A pause. The young graduate student calculated his words carefully as the professor across from him waited with a questioning gaze. “I’m looking for a more consistent avenue for my translations.”

Itachi’s eyebrows rose with the slightest hint of interest. “Ah, I see.” He stroked his chin in thought, eyes wandering away from Sasuke to fix on unseeable details.

Like Sasuke wasn’t there.

Itachi began again. “Have you enrolled in Mandarin yet?”

Sasuke balked. “Excuse me?”

Itachi continued calmly, as though his younger brother wasn’t clearly fighting back a barely contained rage. “It will be good for your Japanese. That is your primary language, no? I heard you started in the comparative literature program.” He swiveled his head whimsically as he seemed to consider the details. “Interesting choice.”

“I didn’t come here for advising. I came here as a translator.” Sasuke spoke through gritted teeth.

“And congratulations on the reception of the Schnitzler work. It’s been translated before, but it seems you brought some welcome nuance to the project.” Itachi delivered smoothly, still unperturbed.

“I don’t care about your opinion on my translations from German.” Sasuke clenched his fists at his side.

“I can read English, Sasuke.” Itachi was unamused.  “Although, I haven’t gotten the chance to read it.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Sasuke grated against the pitch of his voice that he couldn’t reign in.

Itachi ignored him. “What language is your next project from? What century?”

Another pause. Sasuke felt like he was on a train run off its tracks. He reluctantly conceded a bit more. “German. I’m thinking French afterwards. 20th century for now. Later maybe 19th.”

Itachi took his time to ponder the details. Sasuke felt the exposure like an open wound. “I’m not sure that’ll work. Why not try Japanese next?”

“I already have a project.” Sasuke shot back quickly.

“I don’t think East Asian literature departments are going to care much for the German works.” Itachi offered.

“You’re a historian. This isn’t your purview.” The exasperation dripped off his words, feeling heavy on his tongue.

Itachi gave him an incredulous look, the most his face had revealed since Sasuke entered the room. “As you know, I work with literature as well.”

“Yeah, and everyone is raving about your newest translation of Kokinwakashu.” He waved his hands about as he spoke, struggling to keep still.

His brother gave him a quizzical look. “Kokin Wakashū.”

“What.” Sasuke responded flatly.

“The pronunciation.” Itachi rolled his eyes impatiently. “It’s been a while since you were back in Japan, no? Don’t let your ear lose the sounds.”

Sasuke let out a strained breath. “So your editor doesn’t work with German or French texts?”

“No.” There was no give in Itachi’s tone. “But I would take this as an opportunity to have closer contact with the broader Japanese canon. You don’t want to get too distracted with your minor languages.”

“This was a waste of time.” Sasuke muttered under his breath. But in the silence of the room, air thick like aspic, capturing everything in uncomfortable suspension, the words reached Itachi too easily. The older brother frowned.

Silence persisted between them. Sasuke didn’t meet Itachi’s eyes. He found his eyes trained on the papers laid out on the desk.

Itachi opened his mouth to speak.

Sasuke caught the movement, meeting his brother’s gaze again with a hardened expression. “I’m done here.”

The words floated uncomfortably in the quiet room. Itachi frowned again. An emotion swirled in his dark eyes that sent an ache through Sasuke,

Sasuke hastily turned around. He reached for the doorknob as his mind was busy retreating from Itachi’s haunting omniscience. He whipped the door open, stepped out, and slammed it closed behind him. As the door shut, Itachi flinched.

Sasuke paused to gather himself. Eyes closed, sucking in a deep, tense breath. The air couldn’t seem to reach him, despite the way his lungs seemed to strain to their limits in his chest.

When he opened his eyes, he met the frightened, wide-eyed gaze of a trembling undergraduate seated on the armchair.

He scowled. “Professor Uchiha’s office hours are cancelled.”

He stalked off, unable to indulge in his petty rebellion. He was far too wrapped up in Itachi’s words cluttering his mind, the calm disapproval he had avoided confronting for years now flickering insistently behind his eyes. After all this time, he was still brittle as a forest in a drought, consumed by raging flames ignited by the smallest stray embers.

The air around him was suffocating, the building too much his brother’s domain. He made for the nearest exit, mind working to find a place to wait before his seminar began. 

Slowly, mercilessly, the minutes slid across Sasuke’s skin. By the time the professor released the class from the confines of the seminar, the embers of the day burned low in the sky, casting long shadows that grasped across the earth. Sasuke’s shadow followed behind him in the fading lights of the dying day, his slender silhouette stark against the neatly trimmed grass of the campus lawn. The landscape was unforgiving: only a few, scattered trees around. They offered paltry sympathies, no shelter. The sting of exposure burned on his skin.

He yearned for a dense canopy, the protective darkness of outstretched branches, an offer of cool embrace that could soothe the ache of fresh wounds. But there was nowhere for one to meld into the darkness, to close one’s eyes and let time and place fall away. To forget for a bit.

His legs dragged him forward, imprecise in retreat from the departmental buildings. He stopped in front of one of the small, frail trees, panted tired breaths into the still air. A lingering sense of shame wove weakness into his bones. He tossed himself down at the roots of the tree, leaning back against it. He stared ahead, not quite seeing, mind scrambling with thoughts that had been rushing to the front of his mind since he left Itachi’s office. They seemed to stop up his ears, kept him from hearing class discussion, made every move feel like a wrong turn. His fingers curled into the grass and dirt, pushing against the lightly damp soil.

He could still hear the ways Itachi’s voice shifted easily into his Japanese, the reflex of the mother tongue unfurling words into the air like a perfectly played instrument. Sasuke’s throat tightened, his tongue felt clumsy in his mouth as the sounds replayed in his mind. His own instrument felt out of tune.

Or maybe just irreparably broken.

His eyes stung. He fluttered his eyes against the irritation, the dry air, fought back a tremor in his chest. He brought a hand to his face, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his fingers over the closed lids, a harsh pressure that fought to subdue the uncomfortable rush of feeling.

The campus was quiet by this hour, and Sasuke had fled from any lingering students. The noise from anyone in the distance couldn’t reach him. Even the murder of crows that milled and waddled about was quiet. No distraction from the ways his mind worried over the sounds and signs of language.

He didn’t see the lone shadow that began to cross the lawn where he had retreated.

The dark silhouette stretched in front of a boyish blond, its contours shifting along with the young graduate student’s meandering, playful gait. The young man sipped at an iced Okinawa milk tea, the 100% sweetness singing on his tongue. He chewed happily on stretchy tapioca pearls and cool grass jelly. The flavors offered a warmth despite the chill of approaching evening, the slowly melting ice cubes that clattered with every step, the cold condensation that gathered on the cup, dripped on his hand and puddled between his fingers.

A quiet mirth played in his blue eyes. They were fixed on his own shadow, watching the angles that composed his silhouette. He pondered the shifting lines they drew across the grass, the way they sometimes seemed so clearly human in shape and at others so confusingly clustered together that the person that cast the shadow was nearly indiscernible. A story of gathered lines and curves that hinted at complicated three-dimensionality.

He paused suddenly, musings halted as the canvas of grass was disrupted by an outstretched leg. The blond looked up, thinking for moment that he had found a stray student napping against a tree. Instead, he saw familiar dark, inky hair, an elegant form pressed against the bark of a frail, young tree, one leg stretched out, the other bent at the knee and closer to his body. One hand dug forcefully into the dirt beside him, the other hand pressed against his eyes. He quivered nearly imperceptibly with every breath he took.

The chill of the air sunk into Naruto’s skin. He watched from where he stood, keeping a distance so that his ears caught only a faint trace of Sasuke’s breathing. He was transfixed by the rewritten lines of the young man’s body. The now expected haughty obstinacy had melted away. But not in friendly ease. Instead he looked like splintered glass, a brush away from collapse.

Naruto took an unconscious step back, nervous to stand near the web of fractures. But his body resisted full retreat, a yearning ache rushed through his veins and sent his heart into a fluttery panic. He stared with wide eyes as he heard his own pulse loud in his ears, heart heavy in his chest. Like hearing the creaks of tension against an unrelenting force before the terrifying crunch of broken bone. He awaited, breath caught in his throat, that ruthless snap that would make them both crumble.

He stared, barely dared to rustle the ice in his cup. Water dripped slowly down his fingers, gathered on his skin and dripped onto the grass below. He thought about the apartment he was walking back to, the evening with no plans ahead of him, no company. He eyed Sasuke’s tense hand half buried in the dirt and wondered for a moment what would happen if he held it. Would Sasuke grasp him tightly, desperately, or relax in his hold? Push him away once he saw who it was?

Another breeze blew past, tickled his delicate ears. A shiver rushed through him, a headache building at his temples.

Carefully, he steered around Sasuke and the tree he leaned against. He gave a wide berth, almost afraid that the short grass could whisper his retreat.

The milk tea tasted cloying on the way back to his apartment.

No one had anticipated how particularly ruthless class discussion on Tuesday would be. Naruto felt a little out of breath, almost dizzy trying to keep up with words that felt like cruel lashes. Sasuke’s eyes barely met his, arms crossed and face turned slightly in his seat from across the room. Something frantic buzzed through Naruto as he sought out the heated obsidian eyes he had learned to expect.

But he couldn’t pull that face in his direction.

An old wound ached. He clenched his hand into a fist on the desk, grit his teeth. A snap filled the momentary silence as the pencil in Naruto’s hand splintered.

Kakashi’s visible eye widened slightly. He stood up, slamming his hands down on the table with a startling crack. “Okay, I think it’s time for a break.”

The rest of the room began to shuffle uneasily, rising to escape the tension in the room. Naruto closed his eyes. He sucked in a deep breath that struggled to reach his lungs, caught somewhere in his throat. The frayed bits of his blackwing pencil bit into the skin of his palm.

Kakashi’s even voice filled the room again. “I’m going to need you two for a second.”

Naruto opened his eyes and glanced towards the door. The rest of the class had left. Kakashi leaned against the door frame, partially obstructing the path. Sasuke stood in front of him, back to Naruto. He couldn’t see his classmate’s expression.

“Now that I have both your attention—” Kakashi looked both young men in the eyes for a moment before continuing. “I’m going to need you two to cut it out.”

Naruto snorted. He could see Sasuke turn away from Kakashi, shifting to look towards the wall instead. “I have to defend myself. Can’t let this asshole here think he can trample over everything I say.”

Kakashi remained unamused. “Actually, that isn’t the point of class discussion, Naruto. This isn’t an oral exam or a debate. Class discussion is for everyone to share their ideas and ask questions. To give you the chance to learn from each other and together.” He turned to Sasuke, despite the way the graduate student avoided his gaze. Naruto thought maybe his ears were a bit red. “We don’t shoot down interpretations because we disagree. We consider them and expand our own thinking.”

Naruto scowled, his own discomfort making him squirm a bit. “Not sure what you want me to say when he’s obviously wrong.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “You won’t get far with a narrow interpretation of what you read, Naruto.” He pushed himself away from the wall. “I don’t want to hear a word out of either of you after the break unless you play nice. You’re not the only two in the class. I won’t let you continue to forget that.”

With that, Kakashi slipped his hands into his pockets and walked off. Silence persisted in the wake of Kakashi’s words. Sasuke remained with his back to the room, no shift in his posture to make the stiff line of his body legible to Naruto.

Naruto looked back to the desk, pushing the splintered pieces of pencil around on the surface. Hesitation dammed up his words, they trickled past his lips as a fragile murmur in still air of the classroom. “What’s up with you today? You seem especially shitty.”

Sasuke turned slightly, giving Naruto the barest glance. His voice was hallow. “What would you know.”

Naruto pushed himself from his seat with a sigh, approaching the door. He stopped beside Sasuke, finally getting a proper look at his face since the class started. He scanned the porcelain skin, the dark eyes, half-lidded with what seemed like boredom, or maybe a deep exhaustion. Naruto felt his eyes soften for a moment, trying to recall the lines of his face in a different composition. “It’s no fun if you’re bored.”

A small blink of surprise flashed vulnerable and open for a moment. Sasuke recovered quickly, his mouth shifting into a grimace. “Didn’t realize I was here to entertain you.”

The words tangled into Naruto, making his path forward clumsy. He smiled gently, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant.” He ran a hand through his hair, something in his smile looked brittle. “Just look at me when you’re yelling at me next time.”

He didn’t linger to see Sasuke’s reaction, whether he would concede to that courtesy. His face felt hot as nervous energy hurried him out of the building to find where Sakura and Ino had decided to lounge for the break.

There wasn’t much time left before the class reconvened. An anxious quiver had Naruto ready to jump back into discussion. He looked to his typical opponent, but the neutral expression on Sasuke’s face told him that the surly young man was resolved to silence for the rest of class. Naruto felt worry knit his brow, a clumsy rush to speak bubbled frantically to his lips.

“That’s not how you say that.”

Naruto froze, mid-sentence, to swing his eyes to the disgruntled classmate who spoke up. His hair was gathered in a spiky ponytail on his head, his arms were crossed, face offering Naruto an exasperated expression. Naruto’s mouth flailed a bit before he uttered: “What?”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and groaned. “What a drag.” He muttered mostly under his breath, but his words were audible to everyone in the room. “You’ve been saying it wrong the entire class. You work on German, right? It’s Verfremdungseffekt. The »V« in German sounds like an English »F«. Not a »B« or a »V« or whatever you’ve been saying.”

Sasuke’s ears perked up at the correction. He steered his gaze to the blond, eyes examining the lines of Naruto’s face.

He didn’t expect what he found. Something in the blond’s posture wilted, his expression crumbled ever so slightly, something fragile in his eyes. He blinked. “Oh, yeah. That’s right.” He shrunk into his seat, a nervous laugh working to reconstruct his confidant facade.

Sasuke cleared his throat. The room looked to him. His tongue ran away from him, eyes trained on Naruto. “Well, »V« is a fickle sign phonetically. Its sounds vary not insignificantly across languages. And we do comparative work. We see letters change character all the time.”

Naruto wasn’t looking at Sasuke. Shikamaru drawled out a lazy response. “Yeah, you’re not wrong.” He didn’t seem interested in digging into the variety of phonetic systems tied to the Latin alphabet.

There wasn’t much time left to the class by then, but Naruto stayed silent. His eyes played at tentatively eager as the others in the class took the opportunity to chime into discussion. He avoided Sasuke’s gaze. Sasuke found himself looking to the blond every now and then.

Buoyant relief bubbled through Naruto as Kakashi dismissed the class for the evening. Unmoored and free to find less troubled waters, he wandered weightless out of the building. The taste of evening air played faintly on his tongue, a memory and a promise beyond the stifling room.

The majority of the class made their way towards their expected post-class beers. Naruto watched the others walk ahead of him. Sasuke walked off in the other direction as per usual, no hint that he might consider the open invitation to join them this time.

“Hey, Naruto!” Sakura waved from down the hill, already a bit aways. “Aren’t you joining us?” 

He hesitated for a moment. He responded with smile that curled almost demurely. “Nah, I think I’ll head home this time. See you around.”

Sakura shrugged and turned away, jumping back into her conversation with Ino. Naruto watched after them before running up to match Sasuke’s pace.

His surly classmate gave him a puzzled look. “What are you doing?”

Naruto offered him a smile. It felt lighter now, it spread more easily on his lips. “Just heading home.”

Sasuke squinted his eyes, skepticism pinching his lips into a flat line. “Are you following me?”

Naruto guffawed. “You wish. And I wouldn’t really be doing that well, if I was.” He looked ahead, slipping his hands into his pockets. “You looked like you needed company.”

Sasuke turned away, even though Naruto wasn’t looking at him. “Who said I want your company.”

“You didn’t need to.” Before Sasuke could utter an indignant retort, Naruto continued with a shrug. “It’s just nice to have company sometimes.”

Sasuke huffed petutantly, but he made no attempt to create distance between them. A silence hung in the air, but no tension sparked off of them. Sasuke felt his shoulders relax. After about fifteen minutes, he eyed Naruto curiously. “Are you sure you’re not following me?”

Naruto seemed to snap out of a reverie, spinning energetically towards Sasuke. “What? Well, aren’t you vain! I just live in this direction. The campus isn’t that big.”

A hmm slipped from Sasuke’s lips as they continued. They approached a fork in the path between two tall, residential buildings. Sasuke paused again. “Okay. Bye.” He offered stiffly.

“Okay!” Naruto responded brightly, amusement lighting up his eyes. He gave a wide wave. “See ya.” He took the path to his right, bounding ahead.

Sasuke watched after him for a moment. He grimaced as he began to walk down the same path.

Naruto caught the shadow that stretched towards him. He turned around, nose wrinkled mischievously. “Now who’s following who. Miss me already?”

“I live in this building, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke glared weakly.

“Oh!” Confusion twisted Naruto’s lips into a pout. “So do I. How have I not seen you around?”

Sasuke gave an obvious look towards the tall building. “It’s pretty big. I’m not surprised we haven’t run into each other.”

Naruto snorted. “It’s still weird.”

They made their way towards the elevator, entering the same one. Sasuke quickly pressed the button for level five. Naruto fluttered his fingers over the buttons.

“Ha! That’s my floor, too.” Naruto chuckled.

“You’re fucking with me.” Sasuke threw back. “Pick your floor.”

Naruto turned to him with humor and a challenge glistening in his eyes. “I’m not going to the wrong floor to make you happy. I’m on the fifth floor.”

“Are you fucking kidding me.” Sasuke muttered under his breath.

Naruto laughed again, leaning into one of the corners of the elevator. “I guess it makes sense I’ve missed you. You always head straight home at a very responsible hour.”

Sasuke was unimpressed. “I really don’t think tempting a mid-week hangover sounds all that fun.”

“Maybe if you joined us every once in a while, you’d change your mind.” Naruto waggled his eyebrows playfully.

“I highly doubt that.”

They stepped out of the elevator, three hallways splitting off in front of them. Sasuke hung back.

Naruto turned to him, one eyebrow raised in question. “I’m not trying to find your apartment, baka.” The word came out like a teasing song, no venom behind it.

“Just go on your way.” Sasuke waved him off.

Naruto chuckled, a warm laugh filling the air. “Whatever. See you around.” He took a right, hand raised in a relaxed wave.

Sasuke watched him turn the corner. He shook his head and walked towards the hallway directly in front of the elevat0rs.

When he stepped into his apartment, his eyes caught the clutter on his desk. He ignored it as he moved to start making dinner. The scent of dashi slowly filled the air, the usual stuffiness of the studio settled into a warm ease. He strained miso into the broth, shoulders a bit lighter. He made his made way with a meditative patience through the rest of the preparation.

As Sasuke finished his dinner, he eyed the notebooks and laptop again. Before getting into the shower, he tucked them away for the night.