In this life and the next
“Quod est superius est sicut quod inferius, et quod inferius est sicut quod est superius.”
The crisp fall breeze ruffles the trees on the edge of the forest, a few red and orange leaves fall down at his feet adding more color to the already autumnal glow of the landscape. He pulls the organization issued cloak tighter around his bare chest. Shivering slightly yet not from the cold.
“Quod est superius est sicut quod inferius, et quod inferius est sicut quod est superius.”
The muttering tongue twister continues as he watches the older male examine the map intently. It's getting darker earlier now. It can’t be half past 7 and the sky is already a watercolor wash of reds and pinks, yellow and oranges, with a few clouds passing by overhead basking in the glow of the sunset. So pretty. Jashin has blessed him today with such a beautiful sight tonight.
“Quod est superius est sicut quod inferius, et quod inferius est sicut quod est superius.”
“What are you muttering Hidan? I told you to be quiet while I worked.”
“Huh?”
“That language. Latin or whatever it is. Stop it. I need to focus.”
“Yeah… whatever old fuck.”
He’s lost in thought today. More so than he normally is. It’s been days since a sacrifice. Days since a ritual. Days since a warm soft bed, a hot meal, and a good searing hot shower. His mind gets to him in these moments. Wanders to places that he does not want to remember, things that he has since blocked out. Moments like these are when he remembers the ritual that gave him his immortality in the first place.
The younger sighs and sits down on the ground, propping an elbow on his knee and resting his head. Memories keep flooding through the gaps in the walls that he had carefully placed in his mind over the years. Blood, gore, pain… not the pleasant kind that he feels when the cool metal pike pierces the skin of his chest preparing to penetrate skin directly into his heart. And the chanting continues on… that tongue twister chant of his nightmares and dreams….
“I said, are you paying attention Hidan?”
“Of course Im paying attention you fucking dickwad.”
“Then what did I just say?”
“Something or another about food and a room for the fucking night so I can get a fucking hot ass shower and then some hot ass as well.” The younger retorts sarcastically.
“Wrong. Don't be insolent Hidan.”
“What the fuck ever.”
The silver haired man huffs and continues to ignore his lover and focus on the ever intrusive thoughts in his mind. With the way that his lover is behaving it appears as if they are sleeping rough again tonight. Not like he cares… not like it matters. The flies that keep buzzing in his mind are changing to a mouse stuck in a trap screaming to be released from its painful confines.
“Quod est superius est sicut quod inferius, et quod inferius est sicut quod est superius.”
He repeats the phrase again under his breath. A low growl of irritation escapes from behind the mask of his lover and his attention is diverted from his mind to the elders' now intense glare.
“What has gotten into you tonight? This nonsense is worse than the usual babbling bullshit that comes out of your mouth.”
“I dont wanna fucking talk about it.”
Despite the snap in his voice the older notices a hint of sadness in his lover. The misdirected anger, the starkly unusual withdrawn absent minded look that has spread into his eyes and filled every last inch and pore of his young lover's body. A sense of ambivalence for the current argument. But was it the argument or was it something more?
The older stops his musings with the map, walks over and sits down next to the younger.
“Talk to me Hidan.”
“Why? So you can act like a jackass and tell me its fucking dumb or whatever?” The older sighs and looks up at the now dark sky. The bluish black highlighted with white glistening orbs in the sky. It's colder now outside. He muses internally about how a fire should be started soon. But not until the issue at hand is discussed.
A hand is brought up and the mask he wears is pulled down. Another pulls the gray hood off his head so it rests around his neck exposing his scarred and stitched face. Vulnerability is not his thing, but in this moment making himself vulnerable was best.
“Share with me Hidan. What does Quod est superius est sicut quod inferius, et quod inferius est sicut quod est superius mean?
For once Hidan is nervous. The usually crude, crass and boisterous young man is at a loss for words. He feels exposed as if the world now knows his secret. His innermost workings. The one thing he thought the elder couldn't hear. The one thing he thought was an internal monologue had been muttered out loud.
“Why do you care about it, Kuzu?”
“Because I do.”
A pause. A thought. A moment of pondering is taken and then an irritated sigh before he speaks.
“It's in the sacred texts. It's like um… ‘That which is above is like to that which is below, and that which is below is like to that which is above’ or something like that”
“As above, so below. Does it mean something to you?”
“It's complicated.”
“You're complicated. Try me. Explain Hidan.”
The bile in his stomach rises. The feeling of nervousness, moths that fill his stomach and eat it from the inside out, the feeling of being a rat in a cage, these are things he blocked out and now he feels forced to talk about them. Fuck.
“It's just like fuck Kuzu. Shit they chanted when I did the whole immortality thing. Just bullshit memories that are fucking stuck and wont go away”
The normally masked man nods in understanding. The younger would have nightmares sometimes. Moments where he would mutter in his sleep, divulge the secret that he kept hidden. Memories shared that he would not let on that he knew.
“Is this something that bothers you?”
Hidan shrugs as if he doesn't care. But the hurt he is feeling is evident in his eyes. The pain filled glassy look as if he wanted to cry but was willing himself not to. The way his body tenses. A visceral reaction that he did not want to share but unwillingly did.
“It's okay Hidan. You're allowed to be hurt by your past. You know mine. I hurt but move forward with it. You can too.”
“And how the fuck am I supposed to do that. You don't know the bullshit I dealt with. And I'm not talking about it so dont fucking ask.”
“Shut up Hidan. You don't need to explain to me.”
A cool breeze blows through where they sit on grass. More leaves fall about and around them. A few land on their shoulders. The younger shudders and the older pulls him close, wrapping a portion of his own yet large cloak around his love. The younger moves close, cuddling into the warmth that radiates from the four hearted man.
“Sometimes in this life we can't move past things. But we can change and make the best of them.”
“Don't get wise on me Kuzu. I'm not in the mood.”
The older man sighs and shakes his head. Two fingers press against the bridge of his nose trying to contain the irritation of the younger words. Calming himself before he continues.
“As above, so below. In this life and the next Hidan. Just because you have a memory of a saying that hurts does not mean you cannot give it new life.”
“What do you mean?”
A hand is placed on the neck of the younger, pulling him close possessively so that their eyes meet. Lips find their way to the other in a chaste kiss. He pulls back and notices a few tears fall from the younger's eyes. A touching moment for the two. How can two sides of a coin, two opposites fall for each other in such a tender way.
“As above, so below. In this life and the next Hidan. You are mine not only in this life but in whatever life we end up in next time around. I love you brat more than you fucking know.”