Sarada woke before the sun rose and laid still in her bed, replaying what had happened over the last few days. She set out to find her dad, succeeded, saved her mom, and now her dad was asleep in her mother’s, or her parent’s, room. She was nervous about interacting with him since he had hardly said much to her throughout their journey. He seemed distant and a little cold still, but all the stories her mom had told her about him painted him to be kind and compassionate. Seeing what he acted like, Sarada wasn’t sure what to make of him. She didn’t want to be alone with him too soon, especially since she didn’t know if she should be angry with him or not.
Mulling things over, Sarada heard the sounds of someone walking around outside her door before they went downstairs and made a little too much noise in the kitchen. Her mother was always graceful, but she often forgot to close things quietly as she hurried through her morning routine. Sarada rose out of her bed and headed to meet her mother and hopefully convince her to stay home for the day so she could get used to their new housemate.
Sakura was just finishing pouring herself some coffee when the footsteps of her daughter caught her attention. They smiled at each other before Sarada began to gather the ingredients for breakfast. The two fell into a familiar routine, and Sarada actually forgot for a moment that her father was asleep upstairs. She allowed a cabinet door to bang shut before her mother turned to her with her finger on her lips.
“Shhh, your dad’s still sleeping, and I’m betting he needs a lot of rest. He doesn’t sleep much when he’s on a mission.”
“You’re the one who makes the most noise, Sakura.”
Sarada had been about to apologize when the low, gruff voice sounded behind her, making her jump and drop the egg she was holding. Sasuke easily caught it and held it out to her. Willing her heartbeat to go back to normal, she wordlessly took the egg and turned back to the counter. She hadn’t heard or sensed him come in at all.
Sasuke made his way around the two and picked up Sakura’s half empty cup of coffee, draining it in one gulp.
“Hey! That’s mine. Get your own if you want some.”
Rolling his eyes, Sasuke simply refilled the cup and set it down next to Sakura before getting his own to take over to the table. He sat down and started reading a scroll he had brought with him, frowning over at the two girls whenever one made a noise that could’ve been avoided. Sarada noted his behavior and thought Ok, so not a morning person, I guess. He was fine as we journeyed, but maybe that’s because he wasn’t at home.
With breakfast ready, the little family sat around the table to eat. Sarada chatted normally with her mom while her dad slowly began to participate more as he shook off his fatigue. He was never exactly chatty, but he was definitely paying attention and was interested in knowing what they were saying. Finishing up, Sarada started to gather the dishes before her father took them from her hands and began washing them, surprising her.
Her mother stood and went to add her coffee mug to the sink before stating, “Alright, I’ve been gone from the hospital for too long. There’s going to be so much to catch up on! I’ll be home for dinner at least, but I’ll try to come early if I can.” Standing up on her toes, she placed a quick kiss on Sasuke’s cheek while adding, “Thanks, dear.”
Her father didn’t respond, but her mother didn’t seem to think he would. She just turned, kissed Sarada’s forehead and dashed out with a simple “Have a good day!” Sarada realized too late that she had forgotten her earlier plan of making her mother stay.
Unsure what to do, Sarada excused herself to get ready for the day. Again, her father didn’t respond as he finished washing the dishes. She dashed up to her room to get showered and changed and decided she needed to talk to her dad or else things would get worse. They had both misunderstood certain things, and she wanted to apologize for accusing him of infidelity.
Heading back downstairs, she found the man sitting on the floor with a variety of ninja tools around him and some polish to clean them. He looked up at her when she entered the room and sat on the couch across from him, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. How was she supposed to start this? Would he be angry with her? What about the pain he’d caused her? Did he care? Yes, he cared. She knew that much based on their interactions, but it was still weighing on her.
Taking a deep breath, she gathered enough courage to look up at her father, but when she did, she gasped in surprise and brought her hands up to her chest. He was still watching her, but he had activated his sharingan.
Deactivating his power, her father looked away quickly and muttered, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
As Sarada calmed her breathing, she noticed his slight blush and answered, “It’s ok. I was just surprised to see a sharingan in real life, much less aimed at me.”
Her father didn’t respond to that, but he did nod slightly before picking up a kunai to inspect. Clearly, she was going to have to lead the conversation with him.
“Dad…?”
He looked up at her immediately with inquisitive eyes, waiting for her to continue.
“I, um, I wanted to talk to you if that’s ok.”
“What about?”
Unable to keep her gaze focused on him, she looked at her hands in her lap as she started, “Well, I know I shouldn’t have left the village like I did, but even so, I’m glad I went after Lord Seventh. I had to find you and learn the truth, but my doubting who Mom was and questioning you wasn’t fair. I’m sorry I didn’t have more faith in you. I even thought I had proof when we were at Orochimaru’s, so I just blamed you for everything.”
“I get suspicious and jump to conclusions too.”
Looking up at her dad, Sarada saw a small smile on his face as looked at her. Some of her anxiety was diminishing, but she had a lot more to say on the whole subject of their mission. To her surprise, her father continued the conversation before she did.
“I was wondering though, what did you and Naruto find that you thought was proof?”
“Oh, well, I convinced that guy with the white hair to do a DNA comparison on me to see who my mom was. He said that that woman with the red hair had kept her umbilical cord in a drawer there, and he tested against that. It was a perfect match.”
Sarada didn’t notice until the end of her explanation that Sasuke’s hand had balled into a very tight fist, his nails breaking the skin slightly. He muttered something under his breath before he inhaled deeply and told her, “Suigetsu is an even bigger idiot than Naruto. Why do they have that?”
Having no answer to this question, she just looked back down at her hands. She heard a deep sigh before her father’s voice broke the silence again, in an obvious effort to keep his calm.
“Karin has never given birth, but that is the hideout where Sakura had you and where Karin delivered you.”
Surprised to hear this, Sarada looked back up and asked, “So that’s why there’s no record of birth in the hospital here? I was born outside the village?”
Her father merely nodded at her. Sarada thought about that for a minute. Knowing what little she did about the man before her, she supposed it wasn’t that odd that she was born outside the village. He had been on the road for the past decade anyway. Realizing that, she decided to confront her father on why he was always gone on this mission of his. Surely, he could have visited at least a few times.
“Why do you never come home?”
When her father’s face transformed into an emotionless mask, and he looked away from her, Sarada grew a bit angry. Why shouldn’t she ask that question?
“Well? Are you not allowed to come home? What are you doing out there?”
Again, she was met with the blank face of Sasuke who began to clean his equipment again. She was about to yell at him when he calmly stated, “I told you it has nothing to do with you.”
Pain shot through her like a lightning bolt and tears pricked the back of her eyes. They were having a conversation. Things had been going well, or so she thought. Standing, she walked around the couch and with her back still to him, she tried, and failed, to hide her tears as she answered, “Fine. I’ve made it this far without a father. Don’t worry, I won’t ask anything else. I’ll stay out of your way. Just pretend like I’m not even here, or better yet, go continue your stupid mission. You don’t care about me and mom anyway.”
Before her dad could respond, Sarada rushed out the door. She didn’t mean those words, but she wanted him to know that he couldn’t ignore all the side effects of his choice to stay away. He had hurt her, and he needed to be the one to offer peace now.
Sasuke sat in the living room, unable to move, for several minutes. He’d panicked and reacted defensively again, pushing his daughter even further away. Why couldn’t she accept that his mission was top secret and that she didn’t need to know all about it? Sighing, Sasuke slouched forward and let his head fall into his hand. He never wouldn’t accepted that response from his father or Itachi either. Of course, Sarada wouldn’t. He just didn’t know what to say or how to act. Since being reunited with his daughter, Sasuke had become acutely aware that he had no idea how to be a father to a pre-teen girl. It was easy when she was a baby, but this was totally different.
Getting up and heading for the door, Sasuke decided to walk around the village a bit to clear his head. As he did so, his sense of guilt only shot higher. While most villagers had become used to the fact that he had been fully pardoned and had redeemed himself, some still liked to whisper, especially since he had been gone so long. He heard mutters of “I was hoping he’d never come back,” or “Aren’t his wife and child safer without him here?” They had never spoken to him, but even they knew he was a liability if his enemies sought retribution here.
Needing to get away from the whispers, he headed for the training grounds, where he found a secluded spot under a large oak tree. He sat there and leaned his head against the bark, closing his eyes. Before he knew it, Sasuke drifted off into a tormented sleep. His worst nightmares surfaced, possibly from the rumors running through the village. Finally, he was seven again, looking at his dead parents on the ground and listening to Itachi explain that he had massacred the whole clan.
Sasuke woke to a sharp pain in his chest and collapsed to his side, hand clutching the fabric of his shirt. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t see. He gasped for air, but his lungs didn’t fill enough to alleviate the sensation. It had been a long time since he last woke to a panic attack, and he felt utterly helpless and pathetic laying there on the grass.
After what felt like an hour, he felt someone grab his hand and brush his hair out of his face. They gave him what he didn’t know he needed: an anchor. They were real, and he could hold on to them to bring him back to reality. The way they rubbed his arm and checked his pulse reminded him of Sakura, and he gasped out, “Sakura…” He felt a hand slowly pry his off his chest as he began to breathe a bit more steadily, realizing there was a familiar warmth of healing chakra being given to him instead. He held the other hand tightly until he finally could take deep breaths of air again.
Sitting up, Sasuke slowed his breathing before slowly opening his eyes and beginning, “I haven’t…”
He stopped short when he saw his daughter sitting by his side, holding his hand, and crying silently. Immediately, he felt a rush of emotions: embarrassment, fear, confusion, longing, and sadness. He was shocked when her smaller hand slowly let go of his, and he felt cold with the loss. He looked away, unable to watch her cry, before he heard her say in a tiny voice, “Right, I said I wouldn’t get in your way. You should get some rest.”
A half a second passed before Sasuke jumped into action, grabbing the girl’s arm, and forcing her to face him as they stood under the tree. He felt small in comparison to her. She had lashed out and said hurtful things to him, and he knew he had inadvertently hurt also. But she was the child, and he was the parent. He had to step up to that rather than use the excuse that he didn’t know what to do.
“Wait, please.”
“Why? You don’t even want me around.”
“That’s a lie.”
Sasuke’s heart felt like it was caught in a vice as Sarada looked up at him with red, puffy eyes that didn’t trust him enough to believe him. He pulled her closer to him and hugged her tightly. That seemed to dislodge the last boulder in the dam that held back his daughter’s tears. She trembled and sobbed against him, finally gaining the confidence to hug him back. Sasuke kept her in his hold and willed his feelings to get through to her.
When her sobs lessened to sniffles, he gave her a little squeeze as he said, “It’s my fault. You did nothing wrong. I’m so sorry.”
With a sniff, Sarada asked, “So you don’t regret having me?”
His heart again broke, and it was all he could do to shake his head. The fact that she thought that at all was unacceptable. He’d hurt her far more than he knew, and starting now, he would try to make up for it.
“Then why did you say it had nothing to do with me?”
Sasuke took a deep breath before he pulled back from the embrace to look at his daughter. Her eyes grew a little wider when she realized he had let go of all his shields and walls that kept his emotions at bay.
“I’m…. I’m not good with words. My past is complicated at best, but the only thing that has kept me alive has been you and your mother. My mission is top secret. I did that on purpose so you would never need to worry about me, but it looks like I was wrong.”
Fresh tears trickled down Sarada’s cheek, and Sasuke brushed them away quickly, not wanting to see any more pain from her. Her sharingan had activated sometime throughout their embrace, and while he was immensely proud of her for unlocking it, he also knew what it took to do so. He’d have to teach her more about it soon.
Sarada was either unable or unwilling to speak, so Sasuke added, “I was… afraid. I told Sakura not to send me any pictures either. I thought if I saw them, if I came home, I wouldn’t have the resolve to leave. I’m the only one who can do this mission because of my Rinnegan, so I can’t allow myself to stay.”
Blinking quickly, Sarada’s eyebrows bunched together as she asked, “So Mom was right? You do love us.”
Hugging her quickly, Sasuke tried to hide the single tear that went down his face. His throat was tight as he answered, “Yes, more than I can say.”
He felt her arms come to wrap around his neck and hugged her tighter. The two stayed there until Sasuke felt his daughter’s body go limp and heard her breathing even out. He gently adjusted his arm to be able to lift her up and take her home to rest.
Dull pain pounded behind her eyes as Sarada slowly opened them. She was in her bed at home, but the last thing she remembered was crying herself to exhaustion while her father held her. She was embarrassed, both for breaking down like that and for her childish behavior. She always thought of herself as mature for her age, but that wasn’t how she acted earlier. Her father hadn’t done a good job of talking to her either though. Standing up, she made her way to the door and down the stairs. As she heard voices, she paused to see if she wanted to walk in and interrupt whatever they were talking about.
Lord Seventh’s loud voice was the first she picked up on. “See? I told you not knowing anything hurts! Man, I can’t believe Suigetsu tested the wrong thing. They’re always messing things up!”
“Be quiet, she’s still asleep upstairs,” Sarada heard her father hiss back.
Lowering his voice, the Hokage answered, “Yeah, yeah, I know. You really messed up this time, but not in the way I thought.”
“I can’t believe you trusted Suigetsu. You really think I would do that? After everything?”
Naruto chuckled awkwardly before saying, “Well I thought I had scientific proof. I don’t know how all that stuff works, so I kinda just have to trust those who do. I doubt Sakura would’ve wanted to chat about it if it was true, so it’s not like I would have heard anything about it sooner.”
“Maybe you are more stupid than Suigetsu.”
“Hey! What do you mean by that?”
“Look at Sarada. Her whole being screams Sakura.”
“Really? With the hair and the eyes and everything, I think people would say she resembles you more.”
“They’d be wrong. Her expressions, her attitude, her confidence; it’s all Sakura.”
A silence stretched between the two as Sarada waited with bated breath. She felt bad about eavesdropping, but she also had a unique opportunity to hear her dad talk about her and have a conversation with someone very close to him. After everything, she thought she could indulge in this moment a little longer.
After a moment, her father sighed, and she heard the chair scrape against the floor. The telltale sounds of pots and pans clanging indicated he was planning to cook dinner. Another few minutes of silence fell before her father’s soft voice sounded again.
“Do you…. Do you know what she likes?”
“Hmmm…. Not really. I’ve never made anything for her, and I haven’t paid much attention. Maybe try something Sakura likes? Although I don’t know what that is either…”
A loud scoff came before her dad answered, “You’re hopeless, loser. Now go home. I’m busy.”
“Alright, but you better not take off without coming to see me! Not just as your best friend, but when you do whatever you want, it creates a lot of paperwork for the Hokage.”
“Fine.”
Sarada suddenly grew anxious. She had been standing in the living room, listening to their conversation, and now she didn’t see a good place to hide before Lord Seventh came through to exit the house. She backed up against the wall and held her breath, hoping he would walk by without noticing. Unfortunately for her, Naruto was always fairly aware of his surroundings, and he caught her eyes as he came out of the kitchen. He raised an eyebrow at her but seemed to understand something in her scared eyes. He gave her a huge grin and winked at her before leaving.
Taking a deep breath, Sarada steeled herself and walked quietly into the kitchen. Her dad looked over his shoulder at her when she came in but didn’t say anything. His eyebrows drew together, and he was unaware of the slightly burned food in front of him.
Walking up to him, she pointed to the pan and said, “It’s burning.”
Sasuke’s eyes snapped back to the food, and he quickly took it off the fire. Sarada waited for him to do something, but he almost seemed like a wild animal, scared to make any sudden movements in case he did something to upset her and make her hunt him down. Grabbing his empty sleeve, she took another deep breath and looked up at him.
“Dad?” Waiting for him to slowly look at her, she kept going, “I’m sorry for what I said. I just didn’t…”
She was stopped by two of his fingers tapping her forehead gently. She stilled as he answered, “You did nothing wrong. I’ll tell you more of what you want to know next time.”
Sarada stared at him with wide eyes and felt a rush of happiness wash over her. She couldn’t help but smile widely at him as he turned back to the food he was making for them. The gentle smile on his face was not lost on her, and she knew he meant to express his feelings for her with that action.
Looking down at the food, she asked excitedly, “Can I help? What are you making?”
“Sure, grab those tomatoes over there. This is something my mother used to make.”
Sarada got the tomatoes and followed his instructions. The aroma filled the house with a mouthwatering smell, and when Sakura came home, she let a few tears run down her cheeks as she smelled the dish that she could never bring herself to make in his absence. The hole he had left behind inside her heart felt like it was overflowing now. Smiling, she joined the two in the kitchen and was met with nothing but smiles and friendly chatter. Sarada excitedly told her mother all about the dish and how she helped. Her father was home, and she already knew that she was going to love having him around more often.