For the longest time Shikamaru had been sure that his elder sister didn’t like him. It was a logical conclusion, one he need only look at everything his presence had deprived her of to reach - and yet, it was wrong.
Despite his existence having denied her the status of heir - something that should have been hers by right of birth. Despite their mother having given her life to shield him. Despite being shunned by the clan - reduced to nothing more than a complication in the line of succession. Despite being ignored and overlooked by their father time and time again -
Shikako held none of it against him.
It had been a shock, discovering this. For her to love him in spite of the suffering he had inflicted upon her simply by existing - it defied all logic and reason. And yet, it was the truth.
(A truth he would not realize until it was far, far too late.)
For as long as he had been old enough to understand what his birth had taken from her - which was longer than most would think, after all, Shikamaru had always been a gifted child - he had been sure of her resentment. All the little things he’d noticed over the years - her scarce presence in the house, her silence at the rare few clan functions she did attend - had added up to a horrible conclusion.
He won’t lie, the realization hurt. Even though she was barely around and hardly interacted with him when she was, Shikamaru had -without ever realizing its depth until that moment- come to admire his sister greatly. And why wouldn’t he? For all that she was hardly favored by the clan elders, they still spoke highly of her skill and intellect - Shikamaru had grown up hearing stories of the wild missions his sister had been a part of. Somewhere along the line Shikako had become more of a legend than a person to him, she wasn’t just the sister he barely knew, she was a hero - an idol, someone that in his heart of hearts Shikamaru aspired to be. Coming to the realization that the person you had spent years idolizing probably hates you is a painful experience, and not one that he would recommend.
This realization had left Shikamaru jaded, something that became especially apparent the first time he met Uchiha Sasuke. Like Shikamaru, Sasuke was the second born son of a clan head, but as far as Shikamaru could tell their similarities stopped there. Sasuke was a boisterous and lively boy utterly enthralled with his Aneki, who - according to Sasuke - was the greatest shinobi who ever was or would be. Shikamaru had never been anywhere near as energetic as Sasuke, but the hero-worship the boy had for his brother reminded Shikamaru far too much of how he had once thought of his own sister, and that realization caused jealousy and anger to fester in his heart.
Whenever Sasuke spoke of his brother - something he did often - all that Shikamaru could think of was the unfairness of it all. Everytime Sasuke would complain about his precious Aneki not having the time to train with him because of all of his missions, all Shikamaru could think about was the barren and lifeless room next to his own that supposedly belonged to his sister.
‘At least your sibling actually talks to you’
He’d think, mayhaps a bit uncharitably. It was worse when Sasuke would show frustration at a grade on one assignment or another, pouting over not having surpassed his Aneki’s score. Those instances made Shikamaru fume inside, because didn’t that brat realize how lucky he was to have a family that adored him, to be free from the responsibility and expectation that came with being the spare made heir! In those moments Shikamaru would get so into his own head that it was only thanks to Chouji steering him in whatever direction they were meant to go that the teacher didn’t notice.
In some ways, Shikamaru might even go as far as to say he hates Sasuke - though in the privacy of his own mind he’s self aware enough to realize it’s not for the reasons he’d told Chouji. It wasn’t because he thought Sasuke complained too much or was rude and stuck up - while these things certainly didn’t endear Sasuke to him any, they were only barely enough to warrant his annoyance, let alone his hate. No, Shikamaru hated Sasuke because he had everything Shikamaru had ever wanted, and yet he didn’t seem to appreciate it at all.
Hearing Sasuke complain about the cutesy decorations his mother put in his bento grates on him - doesn't the boy understand that theres more than one person in their class who would happily endure the ‘embarrassment’of such things if it meant having a mother that loved them? Shikamaru had never known his mother - he’d been far too young when she’d died to have any memories of her- but he had heard more than once that her loss had changed his father. Hearing Sasuke complain about having a parent who so clearly cares for him causes disgust and jealousy in equal measure to burn within his chest. It’s a heavy feeling, and on those days he more often than not finds himself sliding whatever remains of his own lunch to Chouji to finish, his throat too tight with repressed rage to swallow anything more. Days like those invite thoughts Shikamaru generally tries to avoid - they make him wonder if maybe his father would be a little less busy if his mother had survived. Maybe he’d actually be able to look Shikako in the face for more than a second.
Of course, theres other things as well. Such as when he talks about getting stronger and surpassing his brother. Shikamaru dosen’t begrudge Sasuke for seeking strength, but - how can Sasuke not see how lucky he is, that both him and his brother are accepted within their clan? If he could, Shikamaru would give his status as heir to his sister in a heartbeat if it meant she would spend a fraction of the time Itachi did with Sasuke, if it meant she would show even an ounce of interest in his life.
Why can’t he realize how lucky he is?!
Shikamaru just wants his sister - the girl he regards more like a superhero than a shinobi - to love him.
When the final bell rings signaling the end of the school day, Shikamaru is quick (well, as quick as he is with anything) to say his goodbyes and make his way back to the compound. That day had been particularly trying on his patience, as both Sasuke and Naruto having chosen to be especially obnoxious. Retiring to the peace and quite of his home is a welcome reprieve, and he is helpless to stop himself from visibly wilting in relief. Trading his shoes for house slippers Shikamaru lazily makes his way towards the kitchen to make himself a small snack before his usual after school nap, only to freeze as he realizes he is not as alone as he had initially believed.
His first thought was that there was an intruder, but that is soon discarded as the light filtering through the shades illuminates the face of the individual currently lounging in his favorite sunning spot - even after so many years of only passing glances and stilted greetings, Shikamaru would recognize that face anywhere-
“Shikako?”
She smiles at him, a fragile and tentative thing.
“Ah, hello Shikamaru. How was school?”
He falters a bit, unsure how to respond to such a mundane question from someone he can’t recall ever having an actual conversation with. Unfortunately, Shikako sees this too, and her already fragile smile begins to crack. Fearing she might flee should it fall, Shikamaru responds hurriedly.
“B-boring! A-and annoying. My classmates wouldn’t s-stop whining today.”
Shikako’s shoulders untense minutely, and her smile becomes a bit more genuine. Shikamaru breaths an internal sigh of relief.
“Ah, I remember that. I was rather shy when I started Academy - I didn’t like my classmates at all, they were all too loud or childish for me to meaningfully engage.”
Shikamaru perks up in interest. He hadn’t known this about his sister - doesn't know much about her at all, really. Everything he’s heard of her has been from stories retold by others.
“How did you deal with them then?”
He asks, hoping to keep her talking. Unfortunately his question didn’t have quite the effect he intended, because though her smile softened her eyes became sad.
“I didn’t, really. I’d planned to just keep to myself with my head down and not stir up a fuss, but then I met S-Shisui. He was my only friend, but he was also two years older than me, so I trained really hard to be moved to his class. We even graduated early together and were placed on the same genin team. In some ways you and Chouji remind me a lot of us.”
Despite rarely choosing to apply himself , Shikamaru was something of a genius, which meant a few things about his sister’s statement stood out to him, such as how she had stumbled on her friends name, and how she had used past tense when she called him her only friend. It was possible that this could just mean that she now had more than one friend, and that was also probably true, but given the pain in her voice when she talked about him Shikamaru had a feeling her friend wasn’t around anymore…which would certainly help explain at least in part why she was here.
Having exhausted his ability for small talk Shikamaru decided to ask the question he’d been wanting to ask since he’d first realized she was there.
“Shikako, not that I’m not happy to see you, but why are you here? If you’re waiting for Dad, he won’t be home for a few more hours.”
Shikamaru winced internally. There was probably a better way to say that, but at the moment it was evading him. Thankfully it didn’t seem Shikako took any offense to his admittedly somewhat rude question.
“I’m actually here to see you. I…I wanted to know if you’d be interested in learning a few of my Jutsu? They aren’t really flashy like I know most kids-”
Shikako was clearly unsure about how he would respond to her offer, but Shikamaru, was quick to interpret her.
“Yes! I mean, yes, please, nee-chan, I would love to learn from you!”
Shikamaru's excitement was infectious, and soon Shikako was grinning right back at him. He’d heard her when she said they weren’t flashy, but that hardly mattered to him because Shikako wanted to spend time with him!
As long as they did it together it was worth it.
Shikamaru trained with his sister after school for a few hours every week unless she had a mission, and while it lasted he’d never been happier. Shikako-nee was every bit as kind, patient, and brilliant as he’d imagined her to be when he was younger, so even if he had no real interest in funijutsu he hung onto his sisters every word about it, because it was Shikako-nee.
Before he’d found Shikako-nee waiting for him at the house all those months ago, Shikamaru had just barely begun learning clan techniques - something he wouldn’t deny being more than a little excited about, despite not being willing to expend all that much effort to actually learn. All that changed after Shikako-nee had offered to teach him though. While she was only teaching him the basics of sealing and how to make a single tag barrier she invented (so cool!) she’d taken to askinging after his progress in clan techniques as well. It’s only taken one mildly disappointed expression to light a fire within him on that front as well. Shikamaru was determined to impress Shikako-nee, no matter how often he couldn’t help but think that he’d rather be napping. Everytime he thought about giving up his mind circled back to his first conversation with her. He doesn’t think she thought much of the words when she said them at the time, but from them a new fear was born in Shikamaru: that if he didn’t master something quick enough, if he let himself relax too much, she’d deem him as no better than the former classmates she'd been so quick to get away from , and leave him alone again.
Shikamaru didn’t want that. He’d do anything to avoid that. So no matter how much it went against his nature, Shikamaru gave training his all - he would prove himself worthy of Shikako-nee’s attention!
Roughly six months after their first training session, Shikamaru thought that he had finally done it - he’d finally proved himself a worthy student. It had been a hard six months, but he’d finally mastered his sister's single tag barrier. At the time, he thought that even if his only reward was the proud grin she’d given him when he demonstrated his mastery, all of his effort would have still been worth it.
That day, Shikako-nee sat him down and congratulated him on his achievement.
“You’ve done well, otouto. I’m proud of you. Not many shinobi have what it takes to stick with sealing long enough to truly learn anything beyond the basics. If you keep that same drive I know you’re capable of and truly apply yourself, you’ll go far in this world, Shikamaru. I couldn’t have asked for a more diligent student.”
She smiled at him before continuing in a more serious manner.
“There is so much more I want to teach you, but you’re not quite old enough yet, so I’ll settle for this one last thing for now.”
Shikako paused, her throat visibly bobbing before continuing once again, her voice a little rough.
“I know this isn’t something people like to think about, but the reality of the matter is that shinobi lead dangerous lives, and that’s especially true for shinobi like me.”
Shikamaru didn’t like where this conversation was going, but he knew better than to interrupt Shikako-nee when she was serious like this.
“I have a mission coming up soon, otouto, that will be much more dangerous than any I’ve ever faced before. If I die-”
Shikamaru knew he wasn’t supposed to interrupt, but he couldn’t help himself. Just the thought of his nee-chan dying made panic begin to well up inside of him. Before he could get himself more worked up, Shikako gently shushed him before continuing, this time more softly.
“In my room, under my bed, there are two long scrolls with blue ribbon on the outer casing. Those scrolls hold all of my jutsu and sealing notes, written in the cipher I’ve taught you. If I die, I want you to take them, and learn from them - use them to become the best shinobi you can be - but do not ever share how to read them. Those scrolls are for you Shikamaru- not the Hokage, not the clan, not the village elders - you. I’ve sealed them with a security array I made myself - only a Nara with the correct passcode will be able to open it. Today I am going to teach you their access code, Shikamaru. Engrave it into your heart, otouto, because it is the key to my final gift to you.”
Shikamaru wasn’t crying - he wasn’t! With a stiff upper lip and resolve in his heart Shikamaru did exactly as his nee-chan bid - he engraved her words with his heart, reciting her instructions back to her until she was satisfied that he knew them by heart.
Before she left that night, Shikako-nee drew him into her arms and held him close. At the time Shikamaru couldn’t help but think that this alone made up for the sadness today's lesson had caused him. Shikako-nee had never hugged him before, he relished in the warmth and security of her embrace, letting go with great reluctance and the belief that this was surely only the first of many yet to come.
If only he’d known that the first would also end up being the last. He never would’ve let go.