Ok so... What the actual H E L L was going on.
He was just pacifically doing push ups in the woods, thinking about his rival and how far behind he was now when comparing himself to Kakashi just to motivate him, when suddenly all air left his lungs.
He felt his bronchi constrict, his lungs shut down, shrinking in his chest to the size of a raisin. He was sure even the little tidal air that should be there wasn't anymore without him exhaling anything. Like it disappeared.
For the first time in a really long time he had to stop training and sit down, primarily because his muscles weren't getting enough oxygen to contract anymore. Well, he wasn't breathing after all!
Except he was. He was breathing, a lot and very quickly in fact, but somehow the air didn't get to his lungs. His heart was beating too fast too so he was more or less sure he wasn't dying.
Or maybe he was and his quickened heartbeat just meant he was fucking afraid of it, of dying alone in the woods with no great story left behind and no legacy to carry on the same passion he hold. Dying without proving that his taijutsu could make a difference, that his taijutsu mattered. That he mattered.
In the end, terrified of dying as the failure he so shouted he wasn't but so surely he actually was.
He shrunk into himself, placing his knees in his chest and hiding his face between them, now panting even more difficulty due to the lack of access to air this position gave him, but in need to hide his helpless look.
He tried to condense himself into a tight ball and disappear, but it didn't work. He felt even more helpless and started crying out of frustration. He was such a failure he couldn't even disappear!
Now his vision was all blurry and the overwhelming sensations of being choked to death combined with adrenaline forcing his heart to keep him alive were so confusing and counterproductive he started to shiver in pure terror.
Then shiver turned to shake and whines turned to sobs. Then that frustration turned sobs into screams, which terrified him even more and made him feel even more useless now that even less air was getting into his lungs- and it hurt. It fucking hurt, felt like bricks were crushing his lungs and kneedles were pinching his heart and throat.
He'd rather take a chidori to the chest right now.
That thought led him to Kakashi, his eternal rival. He was an anbu now, which meant he had no actual way to measure how far behind he was in terms of raw power. Which, in turn, led him to think the difference was going to be abysmal. That there was no way Kakashi would notice him again, he had lost him for good. Hell, Kakashi only noticed him because he was insufferable with all his challenging and stalking and everything rolled out this way because Kakashi pitied him.
He was never a worthy rival for Kakashi.
And he knew it.
So he shouted it.
Then he passed out.
It was late at night when he woke up, judging by the moonlight that filtered through a blinder that wasn't his blinder in a window that wasn't his window. He knew that window too well. A thin sizzling sound was coming from behind him so he sat up, hissing silently as a painful pound on his chest hit him like a semi truck.
He walked slowly towards the kitchen where he knew Kakashi would be cooking something delicious. Kakashi was out of the kitchen and facing him, abandoning whatever he was cooking on the stove, before he could reach the doorframe.
He looked kinda worried. Not suiting.
I did this.
"You were passed out in the woods. I brought you here so you wouldn't catch a cold." Kakashi said matter of factly, then quirked his head a little and crossed his arms. That look screamed childishly worried. Definitely not suiting. "Did something happen?"
"I was doing pushups and suddenly ran out of breath." Guy was quick and concise, just like Kakashi usually wanted things done. He got used to that a long time ago.
"I didn't know you had asthma"
Yeah... It must have been that. Guy really hoped it was just that.
But he knew it wasn't.
"I don't think it was asthma" He said instead. "It must have been something else."
Guy was very tense and looked sort of angry. A red flag Kakashi knew too well.
That look meant Guy was scared.
Kakashi tried to relax. Showing Guy some calmness himself to see if that makes him relax a bit too. Maybe a joke about the situation would ease the tension and make Guy more comfortable but, well, Kakashi wasn't sure if a joke right now would seem out of place, taking into account he was Kakashi and Kakashi never jokes.
He tried to guide Guy towards the couch where he was sleeping minutes before by gesturing towards it, but Gay was so caught up in thought that he didn't notice. He didn't notice when Kakashi took his hand and physically guided him to sit down either.
With both of them sitting on the couch, the sound of the soup that was still forgotten on the stove in the background, Kakashi very worried at this point and Guy spacing out a lot more than what was humanly healthy, Kakashi dared to ask.
"What do you think it was if not asthma?"
His voice was barely audible, soft to the point it sounded nothing like Kakashi's voice. It was soft with some sort of panic Guy didn't understand.
Kakashi's eyes were fixed to Guy's, trying to take in any reaction the older one could offer like a dog staring at a treat.
"I don't know" Guy answered as slowly as he could muster. "It was... " Terrifying, painful, shameful.
"Was it... Like you were dying?" Kakashi adventured "Was it like you were drowning?"
Now Kakashi seemed like he knew what he was talking about. Like he knew what had happened. Yet, Guy was becoming more and more uncomfortable because of that. Kakashi knew that he had been crying and sobbing and shivering and-
"Are you ok?"
And he was treating him with respect. He was genuinely worried about him. He cared about his well-being. He cared.
"I... don't know. I-"
Wait. Kakashi was hugging him. Kakashi was fucking hugging him!
"You had a panic attack, didn't you?" Kakashi murmured against his earlobe.
"A... What?" He murmured back, still shocked and trying to return the hug. "I wasn't panicking, I was doing pushups"
Guy tried to place his arms around Kakashi's neck, he really tried, but it didn't feel correct. It felt good, it felt safe, but at the same time it somehow felt like violating Kakashi's privacy. He refused to do so. He didn't want to breach Kakashi's trust just to get a little comfort himself or he might never see his rival again. For real.
He chose to hang his arms to his sides and let the hot embrace cover him like a fuzzy blanket until Kakashi felt the urge to retreat.
"Yo had a panic attack, Guy. That happens sometimes."
Then again, Guy was left with only shock when Kakashi tried to pull him even closer instead of pushing him away. His hand was rubbing small circles around his lower back, soothing whatever feeling Guy had pressing his chest.
It felt… ugh… good.
It didn't feel exactly right.
It definitely felt unfair to Guy.
Kakashi wasn't one for hugs, or touch at all, and Guy knew he was bothering him right now, making him do things he didn't want to do. Just like he did all those years ago when insisting on doing stupid challenges he knew he couldn't win.
Suddenly all the petting installed a whole new layer of bricks in his heart and crushed his chest.
He wanted to push Kakashi and run away, wanted to scream his lungs out so that crushing sensation would go away forever, wanted to enjoy the innocent necking like Kakashi intended him to do...
He was blocked. His mind was locked in thoughts he didn't know he had. He shouldn't be here, in Kakashi's house, in Kakashi's arms, bothering his eternal rival.
Wait.
Kakashi didn't want him as a rival.
"I shouldn't be bothering you at this hour... " Guy pronounced at a speed that made the sentence almost unintelligible. The pats ended immediately after that, he could almost hear Kakashi's perplexed expression.
Kakashi took Guy's shoulders in his hands as if fearful Guy would run away the moment he wasn't touching him and put some distance between the two, leaving only their knees to touch slightly. Then he lowered his mask and offered Guy his first Kakashi's-full-face-smile™.
"I choose how I spend my free time. And I'd rather not sleep or I'll have a panic attack too. It's more common than what you think."
"Is it so...?"
If his smile didn't work then he didn't know what would.
Nevertheless, he kept trying. Me moved closer to Guy, only to realize Guy was actually more uncomfortable the closer he got.
Kakashi didn't know what to do anymore! He wasn't good at comforting people, he was good at killing them!
"I'm not good at comforting others," He assured Guy, more to remind himself that whatever might happen now was a direct outcome of his own inability to communicate his own thoughts... so let alone the thoughts of someone else! "but... Look, it was something you couldn't control so it doesn't make you any weaker. It's like trying to win a fight against a storm cloud"
Or at least that's what he himself would have liked to hear when he killed Rin, more or less what Minato had told him when his father died and something like what Tenzo told him when Itachi deserted.
It seemed to get through Guy's thick skull, at least enough for him to lean a bit closer and smile briefly. Kakashi smiled again. Smiling Guy was definitely better than miserable Guy.
When their knees touched again, Guy placed his face on Kakashi's shoulder, burying his nose in his neck and took a deep breath. Breathing felt good.
He let his muscles relax and his guard lower because he was safe in Kakashi's soothing arms. Kakashi took his hands and placed them in his own lap, starting to caress them, running his thumb along his palm barely touching him, like he would break at any moment. Guy believed he would, he could break any moment now because of how overwhelming this day had been. He had his tears at the edge of his eyes already, ready to pour free.
Then Kakashi's hands moved to his waist where they laid heavy and almost possessive. Guy didn't dare to look Kakashi in the eye, afraid of crying and starting to choke again, so he stayed still while Kakashi leaned closer to his face and left a tiny kiss on his cheek.
"And that kiss?" He murmured soundlessly, sending a shiver along Kakashi's spine.
"So you don't forget this night" Kakashi answered briefly. "Or my words".
They were silently enjoying the other’s heat for a few minutes. Kakashi finally succumbed to his own desires and started leaving kisses in every inch of skin his lips could touch given the position in which they were.
Right when Guy was about to shift positions and kiss Kakashi back, the smoke alarm was triggered, startling both of them (the soup was carbonized).