Awake late at night, blankly staring at the ceiling of their room, Zabuza couldn't help but think of how ended up the way he ended.
His background was dark, but nothing special to Mist Ninja standards.
A shitty childhood with a shitty mother that mentally abused him and physically assaulted him whenever she could and an even shittier father whose touch abused him in darker ways when they're alone.
Killing his parents wasn't hard. Fleading the small town where he was born and sneaking into the Mist was.
He did it anyway.
A fake name, a fake story, a good amount of ryo stolen from the right people and gave to the right people and he even managed to join Mist's Ninja Academy.
He wasn't dumb, though. He knew they knew the truth.
He realized that being able to do all he did with less than eight birthdays to his name meant that his stuff was good material to a ninja, or so they thought.
At the end he did become a great ninja, one of the greatest of his generation at that matter.
That were some dark moments on that story, like slaughtering his entire class. But that was just graduation.
Killing his sensei was another story. However, the man was weak and meek minded, and the Mizukage seemed to agree. That's why he was put under the wardship of a new sensei, a tougher one
He owed that sensei his place as one of the Mist's Seven Swordsmen.
Life got bloodier as one of then, though. And all that bloodshed led him into finding Haku.
Ultimately, secretly training the boy helped to make through all the killing with some sort of sanity, keeping him of becoming another Kisame. At least he still held his morality, unlike the damn shark.
That morality was what made him defect when he was ordered to slaughter an entire maternity.
“Intel says that one of those babies has a unique bloodline.” Told his Kage in flat, almost bored tone. “Although we don't know exactly which one, we're certain it is on that place.” He was reading some shit on a stack of paper, Zabuza didn't knew what, but knew it wasn't about the babies. “We won't know for sure until it awakes its abilities, but we can't afford the risk for this long.” He started signing the paper. “Kill them all in their cradle. Kill their parents as well.” Yagura’s desk resounded as he stamped the signed paper. “Kill the nurses as well if you must.”
It took a minute to Zabuza realize he was dismissed.
He and Haku fleaded that night.
Outrunning the Hunter Ninjas wasn't a smooth thing to do. Live as a mercenary? That was the smoothest shit he'd done in his entire life.
Hell, if he knew his life would get that better he would've fled way sooner.
Way more money for each job, no paperwork, way easier jobs, not having to handle cocky cheek noble assholes or shitty higher uppers, being able to deny a job, don't having to get involved in any political scheme shit.
How many years did he lost being a fucking Mist Ninja?
Of course, life would sour sooner or later, and he knew that. That's why he thought he was ready when Kakashi appeared in one of his jobs.
However, Kakashi showed to be not the main problem. Something was really wrong with that blond brat of his, he knew it the moment he put his eyes on him, he just couldn't put a finger on what it was.
And the dumbest thing he ever done was ignore it.
Being fair, nothing really happened in the first fight - that is, besides he losing and almost dieing -, and actually the battle on the bridge was going smooth as well, his mist doing wonders to counter down the Sharingan.
Everything went south when the blond arrived, and then souther when the damn dogs caught him despite his mist, and even souther when Haku was defeated, and then souther when Kakashi ran to him with that lightning technique, shit reached the southest point it ever reached when instead of killing the goddamned dogs to free him, Haku decided to human shield him.
He never felt so desperate and powerless in his life.
And against all odds, the blond brat came out of nowhere, as materializing from thin air, slapped the lightning away with his left bare hand, all the while shattering the iron hard ice mirror Haku was forming with his right bare hand, pulling his pupil out of it as if he was pushing off a kitten.
“What's the meaning of this, sir?” He recalled Kakashi asking - not scolding - his Genin with a wary tone, as if doubting his superior's decision.
“I genuinely don't know.” The brat answered, some funny on his tone and a smile on his face. “The annoying brat in me wants to save them, I'm just going with the flow.” He shrugged, Zabuza was ready to split him by his waist when he said. “Besides, they're not our enemies anymore.” That made him stop and gave Kakashi a funny look. “They're mercenaries, they'll fight as long they're paid, but they won't receive any money if those guys over there mean anything.”
He pointed to the end of the bridge, where Gatou was assembling with a two thousand bandits gang.
That caught him out of guard. He knew about mercenaries turning up against who pay them, never the other way around.
The brat stretched, cracking every bone in his body.
“I'll deal with them. Two and a half weeks playing the dumb weak, if I don't release some stress here Hiruzen won't like what I'll do back home.” To what Kakashi nodded. The blond turned to him with the most devilish look he ever saw: every bit of hair growing wild and orange, the white of his eyes now black while the blue was now a vivid bright shade of red, ears and nose getting pointy, horns sprouting from his forehead and teeth outgrowing his lips.
He gave a small tap on his right shoulder, nothing hard, but he felt his skin burn and he almost screened in pain.
“Keep the fog up. It'll take less than a minute.” Ordered the shitty blond with the most frightening voice Zabuza ever heard, and he once talked with a fully transformed Yagura.
Indeed took less than thirty seconds. A moment the blond was there, the next one he wasn't, and them a hellish bright red heatless flames engulfed all the bandits, while inside of it they all screamed as bones where broken and blood sprayed.
When he came back, saying that the slaughter didn't even warmed him up he told them to fled. Não antes de fazer alguma merda que selou Kubikiribocho e dizer a ele que a batida de merda que ele deu antes o envenenou.
“Consider it a warning. It's weakend version so it won't kill you, but it'll let you in a bad shape for a while. When you're better, gently ask Tsunami, Tazuna’s daughter, and she'll lead you to me. Then we discuss about your sword, your services and your utility.”
He didn't believed the boy, so when they'd jumped from the bridge to the waters - after all, they're defeated, exhausted and unprepared to deal with that shit -, he planned on sneaking and killing them.
He passed out by the time they reached shore.
He woke two weeks later at an improvised hideout at the forest.
Haku looked pale, thinner and had huge bags under his eyes, as if he didn't rest nor ate the past weeks.
“There wasn't an antidote to the poison…” Haku sounded bitter and frustrated, even though the blond had said so at the bridge. “This was the size of a pumpkin.” Told pointing to the spot on his shoulder where the boy taped, it was blackened and swollen, looking like a lime was hidden under the skin. “I had to strip you naked and lay you over ice cause your fever never went below forty three degrees Celsius.” Now Zabuza was wondering how was he even alive. “I also had to pass a made up tube through your throat to feed you liquefied food, and you hallucinated a lot.”
That was the worse shape he ever were.
As Haku, he was thinner and pale, his entire body ached, a damn migraine won't cease, he couldn't endure light without tearing his eyes. His right arm was completely numb to the point he thought he would have to cut it off and he couldn't even sit for ten minutes before the dizziness obligating him to lay again.
And he couldn't even swallow properly because his throat seemed burnt, whenever he push something through it he would only throw it up the next second.
It took two weeks before he could eat something solid - and he would be damned if he ever smelled mashed potato again, he had his load of it for a life -, three before he could move and sit without a problem, eight before he could stand up with Haku helping him, ten before he could walk alone entirely.
Now, three months after the battle at the bridge, Haku told him his life was out of risk.
Won't kill me my ass, I'll never let that brat come close to me again, he thought.
However, that meant it was safe to be back at towns, once they could be move constantly.
The effort would also accelerate his recovery, said Haku. It was a matter of getting used to the lingering pain and fatigue and build up his strength again, once he laid for too long, his muscles were weak.
He was also short of breath, causing him to not being able to walk a whole hour without a break, but he didn't know how much of it was his atrophying body or the remains of the poison.
Yet he was getting used to it.
The swollen was gone, at least, and he could feel his arm all the way down to his fist, the veins no more visible, but his nails still black.
His main problem now were his restless sleep and sleepless nights, but he was sure that was more to do about almost losing Haku to Kakashi than that cursed unknown poison.
This night they're stay in the shittier room of the shittier inn they ever found, whoever was staying on the room above was having a really good time, their moans echoing through the mold stained walls, the mattress of the bed that he was laying over stinks of piss and at the opposite wall he could see the shadows of the rats that keep passing from side to side outside the window.
He looked down to see the form Haku huddled against him.
They're broke, Gatou never paid and the savings they had where spent with medicine over the first month after the battle, the fact that they couldn't afford anything better than the shit they're staying now showcased it. Sharing a bed save money.
As long you don't get used, he told himself, but hasn't him got used already?
He never felt the despair he felt when Haku almost died, and between almost dieing himself and the utterly painful recovery process he was enduring, they never talked about it.
The brunette didn't knew how much he cared for him. Of course he didn't, Zabuza himself didn't knew til it almost ended.
He got too attached, and now he doubted he could get used to live without him. Which makes the poor excuse that was the whole “tool” story even poorer.
He didn't saved the boy all those years ago because he could be useful. With the right effort, even the rats outside could be! He told that shit of usefulness to keep the boy from get attached to him, once he could've die anytime in a mission.
How he ended up being the one to be attached? He would go far enough to bet that he would rather tear off his good arm than let him die.
That's why when Haku suggested sharing beds he wasn't against, but he felt unease.
“You better not get used to it.” He warned while Haku was laying down three nights ago.
“I'll never dare!” Answered with the most beautiful smile Zabuza ever saw.
And yet, feeling his heat against him, his breath over his skin and their heartbeats almost syncing, Zabuza was already used.
He sighed.
—Is this that easy?- he asked himself, and cursed at doing so, as Haku groaned and opened his eyes.
—Master?- he asked with a beautiful sleepy tone.
—Haku…- started Zabuza, a crooked smile on his face, trying to figure out something to say while admiring his face.
Then Haku smiled. Closed his eyes, leaned forward and pressed a solemn kiss against his lips.
Zabuza froze, eyes wide in shock.
As sudden the kiss came it was gone.
Haku nuzzled himself against his neck, his even breath and small snore showing he was already sleeping. Maybe he didn't even woke entirely.
Zabuza pressed his fingers against his lips, feeling Haku’s softness lingering there.
He was definitely getting used to it way to quick, and he dreaded that fact.