It’s been five days. Five days of Shishou not opening her eyes, not drinking any water, not eating any food. Five days of them having to crush up medications and mix it with water, injecting painkillers and anti-anxieties into her mouth drop by drop. Five days of her heart beating strong, and everything else weakening. Five days of waiting, five days of hell.
They’re in Shizune’s home, as Tsunade wanted to be, as she has been for the past few months. She had spent enough time in hospitals; she didn’t want to be in a hospital for this too. Didn’t want random nurses and doctors crowding around her. Didn’t want to be hooked up to excess wires and tubes, to have the last thing she heard in life be the beeping of her own heart monitor.
They tried everything they could—everything—but there’s no solution for the cancer that's spread across her body.
Her seal, the vibrant purple diamond that’s adorned her forehead for decades, has faded away in the past month. Her body has reached its limits—there’s no strength left to maintain her youthful jutsu. And without it, there’s no masking her age, or condition. There’s nothing to hide her wrinkles or sickly pallor, nothing to disguise the way her skin has become almost transparent.
As soon as the seal disappeared, Shishou refused to see any more visitors. Before, there had been people passing in and out of Shizune’s home almost constantly, old friends and past acquaintances stopping by to visit and keep her company, but now it’s just Sakura and Shizune. For the sake of her vanity. For the sake of her pride.
Just the two of them, just the three of them.
—
There’s something different when Sakura walks into the room that morning. Just as always, Tsunade’s eyes are closed, and just as always, Shizune is at her side. But even from the other side of the room, Sakura can sense that there’s something melancholic and foreboding in the air.
For every day of the past week, Sakura has wondered if today will be the last day; if this will be the day that haunts her when she remembers her mentor. Today, she knows without hesitation.
She approaches the bed, tears stinging at her eyes. Tsunade’s eyes are closed, her breath shallow and weak, chest rattling with every weak inhale. On instinct, Sakura’s hand reaches out to touch Tsunade’s wrist. Her skin is chalk-white, the blue blood of her veins a stark contrast, and her fingertips a blotchy, purple-gray. Even though Sakura expected it, even though she knows what the end looks like, she’s still struck by the chill of Tsunade’s body temperature, by the weakness of her pulse. She’s barely here anymore.
Throat tight, she glances up at Shizune, whose eyes are already filled with tears, both of her hands wrapped around Tsunade’s frail hand.
“Hi, Shishou,” Sakura’s voice is choked with tears.
There’s a puff of smoke and Katsuyu appears, antennae bending forward as she shifts to rest ontop of Tsunade’s chest.
“Oh my lady,” Katsuyu murmurs.
Gently, Shizune lifts Tsunade’s hand and sets it down on top of the summons. Her own hand never lets go of Tsunade’s.
There are still loved ones missing. Nawaki, Dan, Jiraiya…ghosts that hover around the empty room. They’re waiting for her.
Without warning, Tsunade becomes suddenly agitated. Her pulse becomes more frantic, eyes twitching beneath the thin skin of her closed eyelids. Sakura's grip on her hand tightens, squeezing as she leans closer.
“I can’t stand this,” Shizune comments in a quavering voice. Tears fall down her face, dripping onto the blanket as she turns to ready another dose of the medication. “It’s been happening more and more. I don’t know what else to do.”
Sakura can’t form any words of comfort, can’t do anything except stare and watch the tears stream down Shizune’s face.
Agitation, restlessness…it’s all normal for end-of-life patients, but that doesn’t make it any easier to witness.
With a shaky hand, Shizune places the syringe between Tsunade’s parted lips, stroking the underside of her jaw to stimulate her throat to swallow. Not all of the medication makes its way into Tsunade’s mouth, a small whitish trail of paste trickling down the side of her mouth. Shizune wipes the rest away with a cloth, dragging gently against Shishou’s dry lips.
It will take a few minutes for the medicine to kick in, and meanwhile Tsunade’s heart rate is still erratic. Shizune keeps making soft promises of “it’ll be okay,” rubbing Tsunade’s shoulder and trying to calm her down. Katsuyu joins in, humming and glowing a pale green as she tries to ease her master’s pain.
Sakura’s heart hurts as Shishou’s chest makes the awful death rattle sound again, lungs sounding like she’s hardly able to breathe. It’s the worst noise in the world, a wet, crackling sound that makes her stomach turn and heart seize. Sakura’s eyesight blurs, eyes misting with unshed tears as grief washes over in a wave.
“Stars shining bright above you,”
Sakura doesn’t realize it’s her voice that’s singing until she feels Shizune’s gaze on her. She ignores the prickling sensation in her eyes and keeps going, her voice shaky and soft.
“Night breezes seem to whisper, I love you,
Birds singing in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me,”
For the first time in a week, amber eyes flutter open. It's barely a sliver, but they shine with warm recognition. Sakura can barely stand to meet her gaze. It just makes her heart ache more, jaw clenching as she forces herself to continue with watery eyes.
“Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me,”
Tsunade’s mouth twitches with something that might be a smile, and Sakura’s voice cracks. Her mouth tastes sour, her throat like cement as she swallows, chest heavy.
“Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this,”
Tsunade’s head falls to the side, eyes closing.
“Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams, whatever they be,”
The room is silent. The rattle is gone. Her chest is still.
“Dream a little dream of me
Dream a little dream of me
Dream a little—”
Her voice breaks off and Shizune collapses onto Tsunade’s arm, her shaky cries drowning out all of Sakura’s thoughts. Her throat is too thick to speak. The grief overwhelms her, the sound of her own heartbeat thundering in her ears.
Sakura runs from the room, unable to look at the lifeless body of her mentor, her friend, her…
Ino is there to sweep her in a tight hug as soon as she steps out the door. Her arms wrap around Sakura like a security blanket, her voice tender as she whispers “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” over and over again. The tears come freely now, Sakura’s sobs muffled as she buries her face in Ino’s shoulder.
She can hear Shizune sobbing from the other room, can hear Katsuyu whisper a faint, “Goodbye my lady.”
Sakura shatters, and lets herself fall to pieces in Ino’s embrace.