The Incendiary

Kushina woke her up sometime after midnight, an agonizing hour to choose, but alas. She explained, and that was the first time Kinno’s heard her properly use the inside appropriate voice, that Mito was asleep, and they had to go. Apparently, catching up to hours of ‘homework’ did that to an old lady, no matter how terrifying a hag it was.

They snuck out, but not before making the bed and leaving a little note for when she’d wake up. Kinno had to admit, the city was somehow ambient at night. The natural lack of life meant comfort to a person in her position. She felt like she could breathe a little louder, her step a little more carefree.

“D’ya think she’ll teach me?”

Kushina didn’t hear a word she said. Instead, she grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around to face her. The older girls face was scrunched up, like she was five seconds from vomiting on herself. “You cannot tell anyone. I did a dumb thing taking you with me. You absolutely cannot tell anyone, understand. Anyone, ever.”

The grip was starting to hurt. “I don’t really know anyone.” Kinnosuke replied, a little perplexed.

Kushina didn’t let go. “No. You can’t tell your ma, you can’t tell your reflection, no one.”

Kinno put her hand on top of hers. “Dude. I won’t. Okay? I won’t.” She squeezed the hand she was holding, “can ya breathe now?”

The older girl slowly released her, inhaling like a drowning puppy. She looked worse for wear before, true, when she came from training sessions or when she had to catch up to her drills, but this felt like a monumental thing that Kinno just couldn’t grasp no matter how hard she tried.  “Okay.” She managed after a while.

Kinno lifted her friend’s hands off her shoulder. “Can we not squeeze me to death now?”

Still distracted, she nodded. Kinno sighed and started walking, hoping Kushina would follow her instinctively or some shit. Desperate to distract herself, she played with the frayed ends of her t-shirt, shuffling about the streets of Konoha.

“I’m sorry.”

Kushina’s voice cut through the dark. Kino moved her head a little bit, catching the outline of Kushina’s body a foot behind her. She smiled to herself, “Iss’okay. I know ya scared, just don’t know why,” before Kushina could open her mouth, she continued, “don’t need to know, tho.”

“Are you hungy?”

That was actually funny. It was like all of the life’s pains were fixable by a bowl of food, and she wasn’t even wrong. Kinno did feel hungry after the whole fainting and questioning business, reminding her of the beauty of human body. Even if everything’s in shambles, a girl’s gotta eat. “Wanna sleep over and cook dinner?”

A hand landed on top of her head. “Damn right I do, dattebane.”

……………

She could get used to peaceful mornings like this. Well, as peaceful as they get in the dingiest apartments of them all with a very loud child ninja running out and about, trying to fix whatever seemed to be the problem on her agenda that day. Kinnosuke burrowed her spoon deeper into her porridge, trying not to think about the fact that she had no real direction nor information. Eventually, she was going to have to summon some courage and go ask someone about her mother. It wasn’t like she was uncomfortable living like this, quite the opposite- her mother was virtually useless to her on a personal level, they didn’t share much of a bond and while there were gaps in her education, it was something that she and Kushina were actively working on. She didn’t really know what to even use that education for, and that was the problem. She was hella sure someone had to sign the application form for the academy, and the only eligible adult in her life was laying god knows where in that scary ass hospital.

Damn, she hoped her mother didn’t go and decide to die. That would be a hassle, not to mention a waste of all that shit they went through to get here. Plus, while she didn’t love her, she didn’t really mind having her around in the end. Someone would’ve informed her if some tragic event took place, right? They had to.

“By the way,” she started, trying not to show any of her jumbled thought process through unnecessary gestures or overuse of tone indicators, “how’s ma?”

Kushina’s hands froze under running water, leaving her standing still over a sink full of dirty dishes left from the last night’s cooking frenzy. “She’s still recovering.”

“Dude. Say it.”

She turned the water off and turned to face Kinno, leaning on the counter to attempt the casual talking about the weather approach. And failed miserably. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

As far as changes of topic go, this was one of the worse ones. But she indulged her. The more one bared through the act of wearing the she-devil down, the more they could sneak in some actual questions about the important topic at hand. “I dunno. Something with money.”

“A merchant, then? Or maybe a teacher?” In what world did teaching pay well? “Or maybe,” the redhead stole a glance at her direction, “a shinobi?”

Oh brother. “Why?”

“It pays well.”

“Bullshit.”

Kushina blinked. “No, really. I ain’t pulling your leg. It’s dangerous and important, so the money’s good. Besides, with the way you wanted me to teach sealing and all, I thought that you were pretty set on that one.”

“Hm,” Kinno shrugged, putting off eating porridge indefinitely in favour of crossing her arms like a petulant child she was, “just because I wanna know stuff don’t mean to make a job outta it. Fuma know stuff and they ain’t like, professional or anything.”

Okay, wrong approach. She has learned by now what that frown that just appeared on Kushina’s still pudgy face meant, and it was no good to her or her head. “In here, you have to. It’s the will of fire. To protect the village and people in it, dattebane.”

“Ain’t will of fire, like, totally unique and personal and shit?”

The child soldier was twitching now, “but it boils down to the same thing. You get a headband and are a part of community.”

“Military,” Kinno corrected her absentmindedly, “military that burns down other villages and makes orphans. Like me and you.”

It was dead quiet. For a while, Kinno thought she shot her own foot with this one. No one liked to be reminded of their shitty family conditions, and the two of them shared, ever so unwillingly on her part, an orphan clan. Not to mention she might have, accidentally, told her that people who support her dream are also the ones responsible for orphaning her, and she’s an accomplice by proxy. Well, she never once pretended to be a diplomat of any sorts.

“No. I am going to make sure there’s no more orphans like you and me.”

“How?” She raised her head, looking eye to eye with Kushina.

How could someone so exuberant look so serious all of a sudden, she’d never understand. “I’m gonna be the hokage, of course.”

After a few beats passed, neither looking away, she blew up with a choking laugher, doubling over. It wasn’t hysterical, per se, but she didn’t put much thought behind it either. The whole situation, the redhead perched on her counter like a goddamn insane parrot, her declaration of dictatorship dreams, their age, her headaches, the mystery of her mom’s condition and where the fuck was Emiko, she was forgetting how to write at this point. How old was this fucking flat anyways? Was it older than her? How old was she? “Sure,” she wheezed out, tasting the smoke she inhaled when she last felt the beautifully terrifying adrenaline that made her truly aware of being real amidst all the death, “of course,” the coughs couldn’t be helped, “of course.”

They didn’t pursue the conversation any longer after that.

Eventually, the awkwardness ceased and Kushina arranged their daily bullshit activity. They went to the park, with an annoying idea for her to meet other children. As if that was necessary, or wanted, in her current predicament.

It was a very lively place, though. Huge ass trees, some swings and other constructions devised to let kids play, even though everything looked suspiciously ninja-like. True to that observation, kids were running around with wooden weapons, pretending to chase and stab and stalk each other as a form of play. Unbothered and rather uninterested parents were lounging around, some of them shouting words of encouragement or wisdom at their offsprings from time to time. Most of the kids looked around Kinno’s age, some older and some younger of course, but all pretty agile and from what she gathered, could even speak in proper sentences, so she didn’t mind as much. It was kind of nice to be out in the sun- she hid behind Kushina at first, of course, terrified of stares and whatnot.

“Maan, didn’t know you little suckers were allowed to babysit already.”

Kinno turned sharply at that voice, a little baffled as she came in contact with a rather tall and scrawny looking boy, his dark hair sticking out of his ponytail in an unruly fashion. He was a whole head taller than Kushina, and seemed to be enjoying that fact a lot.

Kushina snorted. “Hello to you too, senpai.”

The boy crouched, eye level with Kinnosuke now. Up close, his nose was slightly more crooked than she thought before, and he smelled of grass and smoke. “And who are you?”

The smaller girl blinked. “No. Who are ya?” she emphasised, staring right into his smug face. And damn her, that was a proper smug face. Like, I know something you don’t, face.

He outstretched a hand, but not before laughing at her. “I’m Nara Shikaku.”

She shook one of his fingers, still a little annoyed at the whole laughing and crouching charade. His hands were rough, hella, like he cut them open on purpose or worked with soil all day. It was weird because, by her estimate, he couldn’t be that much older than Kushina. Maybe two, three years, even though he was a proper bean sprout, clouding the sun and sky with his pineapple head. “Kinnosuke. Fuuma. I think.”

He tiled his head at her. “You think?”

A shrug followed, and she looked a little sour as she responded, “mixed feelings about it ‘round me.”

He seemed to be debating on a proper response, settling with, “yeah. Must be a drag.” To his credit, he didn’t question her further. If anything, he abandoned the topic entirely, seemingly drawing his own conclusions. That made Kinno feel a little uneasy. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything, but then again, Kushina would’ve blabbed anyways, like she always did. For her obsession with keeping her own secrets, she was terrible with etiquette concerning other people and their less then comfortable personal information to share. Now, she at least appeared to be owning up to it, rather than hiding something. Her little encounter with Mito inspired her in that sense.

He stood up and smiled. “Hey,” turning to Kushina, “I got a little something, my sensei is here. With a brat of his own. Maybe they can play ninja or something.”

Oh fuck her with a chainsaw. Kushina beamed. “That’s a great idea.” She hit Kinno’s head with an open palm, gently, but still fuck her for that, in Kinno’s opinion. That was a bad habit she’s learned. “At least this one can make friends.”

So, she obviously had to glare at her. “Ya my friend. Aggressive, but friend.”

“One or two more can’t hurt thought, huh?”

They absolutely could, but then again, in the light of recent events, she had about as much strength to fight her on this as a newborn fawn had to walk. So she shrugged and let herself be basically thrown at a boy that was actively trying to climb a tree without using his hands. His concentration was broken, of course, as Kushina loudly announced that Kinno, hanging off of her like a monkey, was about to become his new best friend.

“Why?” A solid question, she had to admit. Good to know she wasn’t the only one unable to understand the need of introducing kids to each other like a damn matchmaker, trying to force a relationship.

This whole thing was starting to look suspicious to her. Kushina’s recent mental breakdown, this morning’s persuasion to join military ranks and this whole dump-a-kid-on-another-kid charade. On god, her ninja guardian was trying to get rid of her.

So, be it, she thought to herself bitterly as she let go of the redhead’s arm. If she has better things to do, that’s none of Kinno’s problem. “I dunno either,” she outstretched her hand, “name’s Kinnosuke Fuuma tho, we can make the best outta this, huh?”

“You speak like an idiot.” The child’s expression was downright haughty. She didn’t like him already, but at least his white hair was funny to look at, and the way he held himself reminded her of those nasty swans that bite off your fingers when you try to feed them.

She didn’t retract her hand. “And ya look like one, what gives?” Talk, he should’ve said talk and not speak, it would’ve been more natural. Fucking try-hard. He shook her hand regardless, but not without a disgusted look and certainly not without checking if his father was watching. He was.

His father was a rather burly man. Tall, with a lot of hair and smile lines which looked out of place with the way his eyes were scanning every inch of the perimeter with pinpoint accuracy. So different from his son it hurt, even though they shared the same colouring. Unimaginative genetics, in her opinion.

“Do you want to practice tree-walking with me?” God, it must’ve took like half of his livespan to ask that question.

She raised one of her untamed brows- Kushina’s adamant makeover sessions were of no avail, “why the fuck do ya think I know how to do that?”

He recoiled. “Aren’t you, like, Kushina’s cousin or something?”

Okay, that was creepily observant. “Nah, I ain’t.” Now to throw the guy a bone, so he’d stop thinking about it. “I’m her refugee project mission thing,” she registered sympathy in his eyes. Good, “and even if I was, still don’t mean I can do that.”

To her surprise, no matter how condescending he tried to appear, his shoulders slouched a little. The poor fella seemed almost dejected. “Fine.”

“We can play ball, or some game, or some-“

He turned around, “forget it. I need to train.”

That would’ve been a reasonable response, if he was like, ten years older. Something in between guilt and curiosity settled in her, and formed a thought which, if executed right, could’ve been beneficial to all of them. “Fine. Show me how.”

He didn’t make a whole-body turn; he was too proud for that. But he turned his head just a little to give her a stink eye true to his age. “I don’t have time for that.”

Kinno shook her head, cursing the usually more friendly Kushina for leaving her to go do god knows what with her friends, being social someplace else when the only place she was needed was beside Kinno. To stop her from putting her foot in her mouth, naturally. “Nah. You can go over the basics, helps. I can learn. I am a pretty fast learner, ya see?”

He turned fully now, and that exchange shouldn’t have felt as intense as it did. To the rest of the world, it probably looked just like any other normal, a little socially awkward kids would interact. But it felt different. Like making a pact, shaking hands on a deal that was so sure to follow her for times to come. She didn’t really have a proper idea of what she’d just proposed, and she doubted he was considering it on such a large scale either. But it felt real. Not many things felt real those days.

“Alright.”

“Alright?”

A nod. “Alright.” His arrogance returned full force, making her want to slap that almost smirking face off, “just, don’t go crying if you can’t keep up.”

That little shit. Her hands went forcibly into her pockets, feigning nonchalance. “Show me.”

And show her he did. At first, she was a little mesmerized, even if she tried her hardest to not show it. He was truly a pint-sized thing, the same age as some of the kids from her clan- images of hot white and red burned through the back of her head as she made that comparison, and she promptly stifled it. She’d keep them for later, but not now. Not out there. She vaguely recognised it would be nice to think about them more often, to keep them in memory some way other than in nightmares. Maybe she could build them graves somewhere-

That kid had a mean slap. “Focus,” he commanded with all the seriousness of a pre-schooler as she rubbed the back of her head, “you need to be able to do this before you even think to reach like, half a meter on the tree trunk.”

“Sorry,” she shook her head, dispelling the images, “but it’s kinda hard, you know?”

For the second time that day, a spark of sympathy wormed on his face. “Yeah, I know. It took me some time too, don’t worry.”

Her eyes fell on the embarrassing amount of grass she plucked from the ground out of anger throughout her so-called meditation, which was more like try to find if you have chakra and what and where it is. Luckily, she knew the theory. Practice, that came by harder. “Hey? Can we try something else?”

It surprised her that he never even asked how she knew theory. Somehow, it was supposed to be common knowledge in toddlers. Or maybe, he just assumed because of Kushina. Or, she was just overthinking it. There was nothing weird about her knowing things commonly found in books, right? Was she in her head again?

“You’re giving up?” Great, now he was disappointed in her.

Promptly, she shook her head. “No, no. Just. It’s, what’s the words…” she scrunched her nose, “repetitive. I wanna practice more things at once, so I learn fast and don’t get bored.” Truly, she didn’t have the focus he did, couldn’t just drill herself in one thing and it seemed like they’ve been at it for half an hour at this point. She thought he’d get bored eventually, but no, that small demon seemed to be enjoying her fall from grace. If she ever had any grace to begin with.

Kakashi shrugged. “Sure, wanna learn kata?”

“Ka-who?” A wave of understanding hit, “taijutsu? Fuck yeah.”

“Or, throw kunai?”

Fine, she was on the edge of her seat now. “Damn right, that’s even more cool.”

“Some ninjutsu to make it interesting?”

Kinno deflated. “You’re making fun of me.”

The little shit smirked. “Of course.” His hand shot forward, unprompted, and grabbed her arm, shaking it. “You have noodle arms. What do you want to throw with those, bread?”

“Go fuck yourself,” she huffed, reclaiming ownership of her arm in the brattiest way possible, “I don’t exercise much.” He actually managed to embarrass her more than she was before.

“Clearly.” There it was, the high and mighty tone. But some of that arrogance might’ve been warranted, actually. He really was good. And smarted then she expected. Still a little dumber than she’d wish for, but a surprisingly good companion. And even if, cognitively, he was only impressive for his age to her- she did feel, often, like she couldn’t relate much to people around her age-, he spoke better than her, had better technique and, most importantly, knew things. Things that would’ve helped her immensely not that while ago. “May I ask a question?” Oh, and he was much more polite than she was. She blamed the messy-haired man’s parenting style and was quite envious of it.

“Go.”

“Are you one of the refugees that recently came?”

Captain obvious. “Yep.”

“Did you fight?”

That was two questions, and they were getting increasingly less polite. “No.” She crossed her arms over her chest, something painful roaring there. “I tried. Mom did. We made it. Others didn’t.”

He leaned closer, oblivious to her inner turmoil. “Were you scared? When I ask my dad, it’s pointless. He’d never be scared. He’s the White Fang. You are not. You are like me, just a lot less good.”

The roaring intensified, she could feel it in her toes. “I dunno. Would ya be, if people burned around ya, ya know, to death?” Keep it down. Later. Deal with it later.

Good. He backed down. She could feel it. Even if he didn’t understand why what he asked her was bad, he still had that little quality she’d noticed. Sympathy. Not empathy, no, he seemed too single-minded for that, too focused, his head too in the game. But he could feel sorry for her.

And as they were leaving, after Kakashi kept doing his own thing and she kept following him around like a lost puppy, still, even after her feelings were hurt and her wounds reopened, she was sore, but her curiosity wasn’t satiated. He made her do push-ups while he did some cool shit, essentially coaching her without being there. She knew the technique. She was painfully weak. They talked some, but not much, and she preferred it that way. Her home was an infestation of a nonstop noise influx thanks to Kushina, and altering between soundless meditation and painful wheezing was a nice change of pace.

The tall boy from before grabbed his hand. “Your dad had to drop by the office, but he’ll be home for dinner.” He informed him, and she noticed he didn’t do any of the leaning down and laughing theatrics that he did with her. He almost treated the younger boy like an equal, not that different to her and Kushina, just with lot less affection. It felt more like a relationship of understanding out of convenience. “I’m to get ya home,” okay, there was a proper smile now, “wanna grab food?”

Kinno, suddenly reminded it was dinner time, tugged on Kushina’s hand. “We need to go,” she emphasized, “like now.” It was getting dark outside. She needed her meds. Otherwise, normal sleep schedule was fucked for her.

And as Kushina hugged the white haired boy, not without attempts to free himself on his part, Shikaku- she thinks, doesn’t remember for sure, put a hand on her shoulder. And stared.

She shuffled awkwardly. “Thanks for not hugging me?”

“No problem, kid,” he lifted a corner of his mouth, “good luck at the academy. Oh and,” he winked at her, once again with that all-knowing expression, “I’d recommend a different meditation spot. And a different technique. Don’t listen to Kakashi much, he only does what works for him. Not the best teacher.”

Not even the dejected yell from her training supervisor made her stop seething. Academy, huh? At least Kushina had the gall to avert her gaze when she tried to burn two proper holes through her skull.

The leaves Kakashi snuck into her pocket, thinking she wouldn’t feel it, made it a little better though.