Kushina
The sky opened its floodgates, rain pouring down as if trying to cleanse the world. The cold the wind had already brought intensified with the rain. Kakashi tightened his cloak around him and hid his face under the hood, keeping an eye on the apartment. Thankfully, Kushina had managed to escape the rain and had gotten inside in time. She hung up her heavy winter coat carefully, neatly placed her shoes, and grabbed her shopping bag before heading to the kitchen.
Kakashi crouched on a branch, relieved that Kushina had escaped the rain. He would have been willing to help her, but he didn't want to, didn't want to engage in conversation with her. Approaching her would inevitably lead to talking. Kakashi preferred to remain hidden and keep his distance.
For Kakashi, the cold and rain were just another challenge to face. As a member of the Anbu, he was used to adverse conditions—it was part of his life. A shiver ran down his spine, and he tightened his cloak even more. He remained vigilant; he couldn't afford mistakes.
Kushina placed her shopping bag on the counter and glanced briefly in Kakashi's direction. Kushina was smart; she sensed he was there. Kakashi flinched slightly but remained hidden. A small smile played on Kushina's lips before she left the kitchen. She headed to the bathroom, and for a brief moment, Kakashi relaxed—still vigilant, though.
Soon after, she returned with a towel in hand. Determinedly, she opened the window. "Come in! You'll catch a cold out there," she lovingly urged, making space for Kakashi to come in.
Kakashi didn't move, stayed in his place. His gaze fixed on Kushina, his eyes hidden behind the Anbu mask. Slowly, he shook his head. "I'll stay out here; I can keep a better watch this way," he explained coldly.
Kushina rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "Come on, how can you keep a better watch if you're right here with me?" She looked at Kakashi impatiently, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. "Or should I tell the Hokage that you didn't help his pregnant wife? The bag was quite heavy; you could've helped." With a challenging look, Kushina stared at Kakashi.
Kakashi fixed his gaze on her for a moment but remained still. Kushina kept her determined gaze on him until he finally sighed. He was sure she wouldn't really follow through on her threat, but he didn't want to take any chances. He rose from his crouch and smoothly jumped onto the windowsill. "That's blackmail," Kakashi retorted as he slid through the window into the kitchen.
A satisfied smile played on Kushina's lips as she gently closed the window behind Kakashi. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said innocently. "I'm just glad you finally came in. It got quite cold." She turned to Kakashi, who gave her a slightly annoyed look and rolled his eyes.
His gaze wandered through the apartment; it had been a while since his last visit. He avoided coming to Minato and Kushina's; his guilt weighed heavily on him.
The apartment exuded a cozy atmosphere, with warm colors and loving details. In the living room, there was a large, soft sofa next to a small side table with a lamp emitting soft light. On the walls, a few framed photos captured happy moments. An open kitchen adjoined the living room, modern and well-equipped, with a large dining table in the middle. The muted light of the rainy day streamed through the windows, and the floor was covered with warm wooden planks that gave a sense of coziness.
From the living room, an inviting hallway led to the various rooms of the apartment. Directly across from the living room was the bathroom, impressively furnished with elegant fixtures. Looking to the right, the hallway led to the front door, while to the left, several other rooms stretched out. The first was the bedroom, followed by the newly furnished children's room. Opposite was Minato's office, and at the end of the hallway, a cozy guest room invited one to stay. The apartment exuded a warm and welcoming atmosphere.
Kushina held out the towel she had fetched earlier to Kakashi. Kakashi looked at the towel but hesitated to take it from her. With a deep sigh, she approached him and firmly pressed it against his chest. "Take this and dry off," she urged. Her voice softened. "You must be cold."
Kakashi took the towel from her and looked at it for a moment. It was unfamiliar for him to accept help when he should be the one watching over others. With a smile, Kushina slithered past Kakashi. "I think there are some things of yours here. And please, take off that mask," she said, throwing a mischievous smile over her shoulder and quickly disappearing down the hall without waiting for an answer.
Kakashi watched her, his forehead slightly furrowed as conflict raged within him. He was tempted to leave again. His gaze settled on the door, the feeling of neglecting his duty weighing on him. But soon, Kushina returned with a stack of clothes. "I found some things for you. Please change and warm up. After that, could you maybe help me?" she asked warmly.
Behind his mask, Kakashi blinked and looked at the stack of clothes. He slowly raised his gaze to Kushina's warm face. "It's really not necessary. I should return to my post," he insisted, his voice cold.
Kushina's expression softened, and Kakashi thought he saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Please, do me this favor. Dry off and change into something dry. I could really use your help," she pleaded, her eyes full of conviction. Kakashi hesitated, his guilt weighing on him. Kushina sighed deeply. "I mean it. If you don't listen, I'll tell Minato. You know I'm serious!"
Without a word, Kakashi grabbed the clothes and retreated to the bathroom. The door closed behind him with a click, and he leaned against it with a heavy sigh. His gaze fell on the small window at the other end of the room. An uncomfortable feeling spread within him; his guilt was painful. Kakashi knew how much Kushina liked Obito and Rin, and he was to blame for their deaths. It was hard for him to look her directly in the eyes.
Slowly, Kakashi moved away from the door, removed his cloak, and stood in front of the sink. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, where he saw his face. Carefully, he removed his Anbu mask and placed it next to the sink. For a moment, he stared at his reflection, grateful that the mask still provided him with some cover. After everything that had happened, Kakashi found it hard to face his own reflection. He was grateful that the mask provided a barrier between him and his past.
Without hesitation, Kakashi grabbed the towel and began to dry himself off before slipping into the fresh clothes. After changing, he left the bathroom neat, tossed the towel into the laundry basket, and grabbed his pile of dirty clothes and cloak. Before leaving the room, he put his Anbu mask back on. With determined steps, he returned to the kitchen where Kushina patiently awaited him.
Upon noticing Kakashi, Kushina's face brightened. "There you are! I've made tea for us. Could you please get two cups?" She approached Kakashi and took the dirty clothes from his hands. "Don't worry, I'll wash these for you," she assured him kindly and hurried off with the clothes before Kakashi could reply.
He sighed softly and entered the kitchen, hanging his cloak over a chair. With practiced movements, he took two cups from the cupboard and filled them with steaming tea. As he set the cups on the table, Kushina returned. Kakashi straightened up, meeting her gaze. "How can I help you?" he asked in a neutral tone, betraying no emotions. He was focused on fulfilling his mission.
Kushina pointed to one of the chairs around the table. "Sit down, let's have some tea first. After that, could you help me with putting away the groceries and cooking? I'm finding it quite difficult right now," she said, settling into a chair while her eyes remained on Kakashi. "You can take off your mask," she added gently.
Kakashi sighed softly and shook his head. Without looking at Kushina, he began to unpack the groceries. With care and precision, he stored the supplies in the cabinets, ignoring Kushina's muffled sighs. It didn't feel right to sit down for tea with Kushina. After all, he had been personally asked by the Hokage to look after his wife. Such moments could easily disrupt his concentration.
After storing everything, Kakashi turned back to Kushina. Internally flinching at her sad look, he pushed aside his guilt. "What can I cook for you?" he asked in a neutral voice.
Kushina slowly got up and went to the fridge. "Let's cook together. Would you please cut the vegetables for me?" She pointed to a bowl of assorted vegetables behind Kakashi. He nodded briefly and started working without further words.
While Kakashi cut the vegetables, Kushina focused on the fish. A palpable silence settled between them, the atmosphere tense. Kakashi was eager to finish quickly and leave.
A few minutes later, Kushina paused and looked at Kakashi, who continued to focus on the vegetables. With a heavy voice, she began to speak, "Has Minato spoken to you?" Her words carried a weight that palpably strained the mood between them.
Kakashi glanced briefly at Kushina and then returned his attention to the vegetables. "The last time we met, he gave me a mission. We haven't seen each other since," he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "We've both been quite busy." It was an excuse, a lie. Just as he was avoiding Kushina, he was also trying to avoid Minato. In fact, Minato had recently tried to talk to him, but Kakashi had brushed him off.
Kushina continued with her work. "I see," she murmured. A brief silence fell over the kitchen before Kushina broke it again. "We had an argument recently," she said neutrally, without looking up.
Kakashi paused briefly and then continued cutting. "I hope it wasn't anything serious," he said cautiously. He wasn't sure exactly what Kushina expected from him and was uncertain how to respond.
Kushina shook her head. "No, nothing that can't be resolved." Both continued to work in silence. Finally, Kushina stopped and looked Kakashi directly in the eyes. "We argued because of you."
Kakashi abruptly stopped, the knife in the air. Hidden behind his Anbu mask, his surprise was not visible. "Because of me?" He looked at Kushina, surprised, meeting her gaze. For the first time, he truly looked at her.
Kushina smiled warmly, her eyes shining. "Yes, because of you," she said softly, turning back to her work. With skilled hands, she removed the bones from a fish and continued, "Minato thinks we should wait before we talk. But I can't wait any longer." She said all this without looking at Kakashi.
Kakashi couldn't take his eyes off Kushina. He was curious about what she wanted to tell him. "What do you want to tell me?" he finally asked after pausing for a brief moment.
Kushina smiled gently and continued her work. "I wish you weren't in the Anbu anymore. It's not a place for someone your age. You shouldn't have to be out there looking after me," she began to explain. She paused briefly, her gaze fixed on the fish, and her expression became slightly sad. "I want you to become a part of our family and be a big brother to our child. You should be with us, at home. You've been alone so much in your life and suffered so much loss," she continued, looking Kakashi directly in the eyes. "You deserve to be happy for once."
Kakashi twitched slightly and quickly looked down at the vegetables in front of him. He bit his lip, his hands clenched into fists, feeling the knife painfully in his palm. He couldn't understand why Kushina wanted him in her family. It felt wrong, too much blood stained his hands. It seemed that anyone close to him was in danger. No one seemed truly safe around him.
Kushina kept her gaze fixed on Kakashi, remaining silent, giving him room to think. Kakashi closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself. He was grateful for his mask that hid his emotions. Taking a deep breath, his voice trembling, he said, "That's not possible."
Kushina gently placed a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "Kakashi...", she began empathetically. Immediately, Kakashi dropped the knife onto the cutting board and stepped back, his gaze fixed on her. Kushina looked at him with a sad expression but held back.
Kakashi took several deep breaths, the inner turmoil becoming overwhelming. "Because of me, Obito and Rin died. I'm the reason for your pain," he confessed with a choked voice. "You should hate me, you should be indifferent to what happens to me!" His voice rose slightly as the words poured out of him. "You'd be better off without me. If anyone should die, it should have been me. It's only a matter of time before the next one dies because of me." Tears welled up in Kakashi's eyes, but he fought to hold them back.
Kushina shook her head decisively and stepped cautiously closer to Kakashi. "It's not your fault, Kakashi! No one can be blamed for it," she emphasized earnestly. Her voice sounded sad, and her gaze was full of compassion.
Kakashi could barely stand it and took another step back, averting his gaze. To hide his trembling hands, he clenched them into fists. Overwhelming emotions threatened to overwhelm him, but he remembered his training with the Anbu. There, he had learned to control his emotions in extreme situations and to shut himself off. "I'm sorry, Kushina. I need to return to my post," he said in a cool voice, from which no uncertainty could be heard anymore.
Kakashi wasn't sure what he was really apologizing for in that moment. He hurried to the chair, grabbed his cloak, and put it back on. "Wait, Kakashi! Please stay, let's talk," Kushina called out desperately, stepping towards Kakashi. He paused and turned to her. Kushina continued, her voice trembling slightly, "I mean it. We want you to stay with us. I can't bear to see you die too. The deaths of Obito and Rin have already taken a lot from me, but neither I nor Minato could bear to lose you. We want you to live!"
Kakashi swallowed hard and looked deeply into Kushina's eyes for another moment before leaving the apartment. Once outside, he tightened his coat around himself as the rain immediately soaked him. A small part of him longed for the warmth of the apartment. He made his way back to his post, crouched down, and pulled his coat tightly around himself. His gaze wandered to the kitchen. Kushina sat on a chair, seemingly shedding tears.
Guilt overwhelmed him again, knotting his stomach. He leaned his head against a tree and let the rain wash over him. Fortunately, it wasn't long before Minato came to tend to Kushina. Minato's gaze passed by Kushina through the window to Kakashi. It was a gaze full of sadness. Kakashi turned away, trying to forget everything, to let go.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
His gaze was fixed firmly on the memorial stone before him, while the wind played with his hair. He stood motionless, for hours, staring at the stone. He had failed again, and people had died again. But now there was no one left to assure him that everything would be alright, that he bore no guilt.
He wondered if everything would have been different if he hadn't pushed Kushina and Minato away. If he had accepted the offer, maybe he would have been there to protect them. But he had declined, hadn't been there, and that's why they had to die.
Kakashi sank to his knees, propping himself up with his hands on the ground, and stared at the grass before him. Anger and sorrow bubbled up inside him. Desperately, he pounded his fist against the ground before speaking. "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I left you alone back then. I should have stayed, I should have been there for you!" His voice trembled as he slowly stood up again. "I will keep on living, as you would have wanted. It won't be easy, but I promise to do my best," Kakashi declared. He owed them that much now.