Chapter 2
Tobirama woke to his 100th 6th birthday with a sniffle and a small kitten-like sneeze. His mouth is cotton dry, and his mind is muddy. One of the few things he regrets about setting the loops so far back is that he’s so sickly during this time period. It’s worse since his birthday is in the dead of winter. Madara should already be here by several weeks, so at least there’s that to look forward to. Despite his oh so obvious cold, Tobirama kneaded his chakra so he could cast out his senses, there not much he can do while sick, it's not like checking his memories of the new timeline will be helpful, he’s six. Six year olds, even geniuses like him, still have major memory gaps, unless it's a major event, it's not going to stick and stand out as useful. Plus most of his toddlerhood memories are just him being sick in bed, and occasionally allowed to be with Anija.
Anija.
Oh Anija.
The information that his senses report back, he’s in the nursery room, with his two baby brothers, their father on the other side of their house, no one else. Hashirama is nowhere within the clan head home.
That’s– That’s not right.
Hashirama is always in the nursery room with them, tending to his sick brother and caring for the babies in place of their fired nanny.
The bastard they call a father let her go during the winter solstice, leaving his 8 year son and sickly 5 year old to care for the youngest all the while also sending the eldest away on missions. He hates having to wait ten years before he can dispose of the asshole. Touka’s parents have yet to die, so she is not yet living with them.
Where is Anija?
He kneaded more of his chakra so he could reach out of the boundary line of the clan head’s house and into the greater Senju compound. Tobirama couldn’t help but scrunch his face in concentration, the compound feels different than what he’s used to, far too many times, throughout the many lives he lived, the compound is always being the slightest bit different, so he’s kinda used to finding himself learning the newest layout of his home. But this is very different than usual, instead of things being either two feet to the left or everything facing the south, or the layout being flipped so everything is its opposite place.
Why are the buildings and houses up in the sky? No, not the sky, up in trees.
Tobirama fully woke up, pushing Kawarama off his chest, the toddler didn’t even stir when he was rudely dropped on the floor beside their futon that’s more of a nest of blankets. The trees were ancient, that much he can tell, Mokuton bred trees. Definitely not Hashirama's trees. These are just too old to be his anija’s trees. But too young to be Asura’s… Odd, the trees don't feel like they came from a single person. From experience, Tobirama knows whenever they shift to a new timeline, anything can be different, no timeline is a better example than the timeline where Zetsu chose to go after Asura’s descendants instead of Indra's. Tobirama can’t tell if his shiver is from his fever, or from remembering how Izuna had that manic glee grin as his sword ran through his guts. There are very few timelines where Anija breaks free from his soul disassociation and becomes fully aware of what's happening around him. Madara never fully explained what Anija did in that timeline, he tends to mentally wander off when he remembers that timeline. Sometimes he would hold him close, pressing his ear to his chest, just listening to Tobirama’s heartbeat.
Madara never saw Izuna the same way after that timeline.
Tobirama huffed as he struggled to open the door that led outside the nursery; stupid sickly child's body.
Hashirama isn’t anywhere in the compound. He couldn’t have gotten far, that's impossible, no matter what or how the timeline changes, Tobirama always wakes up with his big brother right beside him. Holding his hand, whispering that everything is going to be alright, that his fever will break soon. How he makes sure Kawarama doesn’t crawl all over Tobirama in his sleep. If Anija isn’t here, that can mean only one thing.
Anija is here.
Anija is here.
That means it worked. His seal worked.
Tobirama allowed his new body’s muscle memory to lead the way. He somehow found his way to some pulley elevator that led to either the ground below or to the next treehouse. Even with his blurry vision he can tell the trees that make up the Senju compound were much bigger than that of the fabled Forest of Death. Were the Senju some kind of Jungle clan? This is a new one, even for them. There was even a timeline where Tobirama wasn’t born an albino, that was an odd one for. That’s also the timeline where Madara found out Tobirama was there too. Apparently the guy with the video recorder for eyes forgot that it was Tobirama’s seal and jutsu that sent them back in the first place. Granted he never once told him that the looping aspect of the jutsu isn’t a side effect, but something he did after the fact. Tobirama could’ve stopped it anytime, he already has the counter seal to stop it memorized. Madara even knows that there’s a counter to this, but he never once asked for it. Tobirama doesn’t know what Madara's reasoning to keep doing this is, part of him doesn’t want to know. It seems the reason they went back in the first place was forgotten by Madara.
They were selfish. They still are.
Tobirama took a shuddering breath as he reached out with chakra once more once he was on ground level.
Strangely enough, the Mokuton’s near sentient-esque chakra wasn’t as prominent at ground level as it is up in the canopies and branches. It’s like his senses can breathe now, he didn’t realize how suffocating it was up there.
Anija.
There, by the fields.
Tobirama tried not to let it affect him but how can he not be, it’s been a hundred lifetimes since he last felt his Anija’s true soul fully awake and aware. Too many lives, where some Yamanaka mind medic has come to him, worried about Hashirama’s prolonged dissociative disorder, how he’s had to reassure them that’s all under control. They meant well, but there was nothing they could do that would’ve helped.
Anija.
He finally reached him, he was out in the open, in the middle of the fields where they will soon plant their spring harvest. Hashirama was just standing there, staring out at the full moon. From this angle, Tobirama couldn’t see his expression.
His brother’s hair was cut so short, he was nearly bald. In a few years, it will grow out into that ridiculous bowl cut that Madara first met him with.
AnijaAnijaAnijaANIJAANIJA
“ANIJA!”
Tobirama stumbled and tripped into a dead sprint, his already poor vision getting even worse as tears flowed down his cheeks.
“Whaa– TOBI!”
Hashirama was able to catch him, but due to his health, Tobirama was so light and small, too light and too small to knock his Anija down. He couldn’t hold it in, horrible and mortifying sobs broke through lifetimes of restraints. Tobirama buried himself in Hashirama's- Asura's chakra.
Small arms held him close. Once he started, Tobirama couldn’t stop crying. It was loud, it was messy, it was ugly, dear gods Tobirama hated crying. Stupid child body.
“Oh, Otouto, I'm here. I got you.” The voice was soft and high pitched, but there was an aged weariness to it. “It's OK Otouto, let it all out. I'm here, I got you.”
“I missed you.”
“Shhh- I know, I know.”
“You weren't here.”
“I know.”
It went on until the sobs led to sniffles and hiccups. By then, Hashirama settled them on the ground, holding the red eyed boy close. His own tears trailing down his cheeks.
“Feeling better?”
Tobirama sniffed. “No.”
The elder huffed a silent chuckle, “at least you're being honest now, it's usually ‘I'm fine Anija!’ But look at you now…”
“I learned it's OK to be myself.”
A mischievous glint sparked in the elder boy's eyes.
“And how long did that lesson take to sink in?”
There was an indignant silence.
“Well fuck you too!”
Hashirama laughed, it was full bellied and loud. A sound that Tobirama hasn't heard in lifetimes.
“There's my Otouto! I wondered where his potty mouth went.”
He was gentle with his tighter hug, Tobirama is far too fragile and delicate at this age. Something he wished he understood during his first time around as Hashirama.
They sat in silence for just a bit. Just holding on to each other, soaking in each other's chakra. Rememorizing the other again, after being apart for so long. Hashirama was not about to let his brother walk back in the cold and barefoot, it’s the dead of winter. He frowned when he lifted him up. Tobirama is so small and light. Sickly, he reminded himself. He knows his Otouto well enough to know that His cute little Tobi had that adorable grumpy pout, the one that will one day become his fiercest glare. A little distraction might be in order.
“What was it like?”
Tobirama almost didn’t hear him, the wind had picked and he spoke so soft and gently. He knows that tone, Hashirama only ever used it on him, not with Mito, not with his children, not even with Madara. Most often he heard it when he was sick or hurt, but last time he heard it was when Izuna cut him down in Loop 19, as Anija held him in his arms as he died right then and there. Usually whenever he heard it he’d give an indignant huff and aimed a childish pout at his brother, all the while he could do nothing but let Anija heal his sickness or injury. This time, he nuzzled into his elder brother's shoulder. He made sure to let more or his chakra mingle with Hashirama’s, letting the elder know they’re here, together.
He let the question wash over him. He can guess what he ment but Tobirama is a little piece of shit and decided to be petty.
“What? What was ‘what’ like?” he grumbled on his brother’s top.
“You know what, Otouto.” His tone shifted to a more teasing one.
“Do I?” He teased back.
“Haha, I should have expected this.”
Hashirama slowed his walking, adjusted Tobirama so they could look into each other’s eyes. Tobirama took the chance to rub his eyes and clear from the gunk his tears left behind. When he finally looked up, all he saw was love, warmth, and acceptance in those big brown eyes.
“Konoha…”
Hashirama smiled, the look in his eyes never wavering.
“Konoha was,” Tobirama continued unprompted. “... Loud. Crowded”
The elder’s smile waveried, he slowly grew confused as his brother’s tone shifted to a more judgemental one.
“Tobi-”
“Hectic. Polluted. Couldn’t tell a Kunai from a sealing scroll.”
Hashirama winced, that one, in some way a jab at him, he knows it.
Tobirama’s tone became more bitter.
“Judgemental. Entitled. Spiteful. Corrupted.”
Hashirama swallowed.
“Roots rotting.”
“Otouto please-”
“Bustling.”
Huh, the younger's tone shifted once more. His look softened.
“Lively. Fascinating. Children laughing and growing up. Alive, vibrant and homey.”
Tobirama smiled at his Anija, oh, a smile never seen before. It's so lovely.
“Enchanting. It was peaceful. Like something you would read in a fairytale here. It was beautiful, Anija. I wish you got to see it. All of it.”
“The good and the bad. What made it beautiful, what it ugly, it was all still Konoha. I was so disappointed with what Konoha became, it wasn't what I imagined, it wasn't what I thought I wanted. I was wrong to think it was a good thing it was destroyed.”
Tobirama hugged his brother as hard as he could. There were words left unsaid the last time they spoke, truly spoke. Tobirama doesn’t regret one bit in choosing Naruto's version of Konoha over Hashirama's idea of Konoha.
That was alway his problem, thinking up the idea of something, and forgetting the reality of it. That there's more than the surface.
“Otouto, I'm sorry.”
“Why?”
“Hehe,” he laughed humorlessly. “You know why.”
“Say it, tell me. What are you thinking Anija?”
“When I first came up with the Village, it was supposed to be for you, for Itama, for Kawarama. For us. Where we can grow up in peace, become what we want to be without being forced to be shinobi. Where we had a choice! …No more dead little brothers.”
“Anija-”
“What a shallow and selfish thought, right?”
They held on. Two old souls in young bodies.
“That's what makes it real, Anija. Human.”
“I believed my own lies, Otouto. I forgot that the village wasn't for friendship with all the clans, it wasn't for unity, or peace or whatever bullshit I sprouted that no one believed for a fucking second! It was for you. So I didn't have to lose you too. But I did lose you.”
“I outlived you.”
“When I died, you thought I didn't love you.”
Tobirama refused to look at his brother.
“You thought I loved the village more than you. You thought I loved Madara more than you. You thought I would choose either of them before I would choose you.”
Hashirama started walking again, the air got colder, he could see dark clouds gathering overhead. Come morning it will be snowing.
“I lost you because you thought you lost me. And maybe for a second, I was lost. I am here now, after so long, I am here.”
Hashirama made Tobirama look him in the eyes, a difficult endeavor considering Tobi's poor sight, even this close to each other.
“Please Deva, my sweet Deva, believe me when I say I am here and will not leave you again, not when I finally have you in my arms again. I love you Deva, more than you realize.”
Asura looked back at him. Maybe it was making that seal, the one to allow them to remember, (not just one reincarnation cycle, but all of them) was a mistake. Tobirama did not live that many lives, the before he was as Senju Tobirama, and the one after his life as Tobirama.
Asura's soul has many deep scars, some from the pain of being forced to kill Indra, his brother in soul. Others self-inflicted as punishment for his sins. But none as deep and damaging as the hole in place of his soulheart where he tore it off to create Deva.
It's something Tobirama can’t fathom. Asura refuses to explain why he did it, why create him. He almost wishes he can remember his time in the Pure Lands, he struck a deal with the Shinigami to replace Asura in the accursed reincarnation cycle with Indra as his soul was too heavily damaged from his time as Hashirama and from creating Deva in the lifetime before that. He doesn't remember how that deal was struck or the conditions of them. But he now held the half mark of Asura and the shinigami's seal that tricked the cycle and the Sage into believing he was Asura.
Tobirama’s seal that brought them back here, and the resulting loops prevent Hagoromo from interfering until the loops end by them finally going to their next life.
But by then, Zetsu and Kaguya would already be dealt with and they didn't have to worry about anything until well into their next life's adulthood. In like 100 years or something from now.
Tobirama only truly lived 3 Lives, one of which whose death was the cause of the current iteration of the Senju-Uchiha war. Though the truth has already been forgotten by both sides, it's strange to know this current war and Deva's death started because he refused to marry the Uchiha heir at the time.
His Lives are just full of irony. In his first he refused to marry an Uchiha, in his second he hated them so much he couldn't keep it out of his work life when they became allies, and third he became hopelessly dependent on one. And now, back in his second life, he's in love with the man who killed him after he rejected his nephew in his first, the man who he hated for taking away his Anija in his second, and the man he created an unhealthy emotional codependent relationship with in his third.
By all accounts if they're weighing the soul more than the blood, then it's his own uncle or half brother depending on how you look at it that he's in love with.
He doesn't like to think about it.
They don't talk about it.
It's better to just not find the logic in it. They don't even have human souls, so it doesn't matter. It doesn't.
Hashirama grew worried, Tobirama’s has this dazed look. That look is when his mind is going in different directions, hundred of meters a second. When Tobirama finally did say something, he wished he never heard it. He lost his footing and nearly dropped the albino.
“Everyone used to think you were having an affair with Madara. I thought you loved loved him. Like you wished he was your wife instead of Mito, kind of loved him.”
Hashirama was horrified, mortified and utterly traumatized by his brother's unfiltered fever induced ramblings.
“I- GROSS, Tobi why?! Ew!”
Hopefully Tobirama’s high fever means he might forget this conversation ever happened by morning. Those were unfortunately the younger boy's last words as his fever finally caught up to him and fell asleep, drooling on his sleeping clothes.
“Great, that's going to be keeping me awake now.”
“Hashirama! What are you doing with your brother outside?! What were you thinking, it's winter!”
Well fuck, he got caught. So much for being the God of Shinobi. At least it was their mothers who caught them and not Butsuma…
Wait- mothers? Why does he remember having three mothers?! Why does he and Tobi have different mothers now? Oh no no no, this life is definitely different from the others.