Adoration

Present Tense. First Person. Hinata's POV.

PART 2

March 6th – Cloudy. It looks like it's going to rain soon. I need to find Hanabi and hand her an umbrella. I don't want her to get sick.

It's been exactly one year since I've written anything. Ever since I lost (and found) my last journal, I've gotten too lazy to write any entries. But Itachi took the time during one of his missions to buy this for me—it's from Tea country!—so I've decided to take this up again. I promise not to misplace this one.

Happy Birthday, new journal!

[A drawing of a sunflower and a birthday cake with a single candle fills the rest of the page.]

March 14th – Drizzling again. Everything is soggy.

I went out with Hanabi today.

We went to a sweets shop that her friends found. I'm so glad she doesn't think it's not cool to bring me along with her. Itachi said he had a problem like that with Sasuke when he was younger.

I ordered a cake soaked in white frosting and peppered with small chocolate flakes that I didn't know the name of. Hanabi got something similar, except it had little flowers on the side. They had an assortment of tiny colored sugar cubes that looked like confetti on top of the cream. I wish I could've brought a box home with me.

Hanabi has decided to sleep in my room tonight. She's in the shower now. She said she wants to tell me all about a new book. It's apparently something about Konoha's political history. It sounded like homework to me, but I'm glad to see that she's happy about it. (Probably because father gave it to her, but happy is happy.)

I still remember reading fairy tales to her as a child. I wonder if she'd like me to tonight.

March 27th – Beautiful day, despite the rain showers.

I saw a pair of birds dart across the sky today. They were so stark against the blue that their color lingered in my eyes. I had to blink until it disappeared. It was like someone had struck a brush across my vision.

Shisui laughed when I mentioned it. I like his laugh. It's strong and vibrant. His grin is always so wide, too. It's one of the most welcoming smiles I've ever seen. Just looking at it makes me feel better.

I wonder if Itachi feels the same?

April 8th – Humid. Everything is stuck to everything. I don't like it.

Itachi pulled me aside after yesterday's dinner with his family. He told me how much it stung for him to hear me talk to Sasuke about the wound I suffered from Neji-nii as a child. I was surprised because Sasuke and I had been out on the verandah at the time. (I didn't even known Itachi was there, let alone close enough to listen!)

He told me that he had been tasked to watch over me during that first night. I'd looked dead already, he said. Itachi has a very vivid memory. He even remembered me crying.

I was very embarrassed, journal.

But then he told me about how, if I were ever to leave him alone in this world now, he'd take his sword and wander away from Konoha without a word. And he wouldn't stop until he found somewhere that didn't have a trace of me in it. It felt like a tidal wave of grief, journal. All despair and hard anger out of nowhere. The fear I'd felt from him was so sharp.

Anyone that says the Uchiha are cold and insensitive, don't know them. Every word from Itachi felt as if it had been dragged out in thorns. My heart still hurts from remembering.

It's scary to be loved.

Same day – Almost midnight

I'm sorry for being depressing, journal. I strongly suspect Itachi reads you, so I'll try not to be so miserable. I don't want him to think I am. Not even a little bit.

Anyway, I'm back again because Itachi hugged me out of nowhere and apologized for what he'd suddenly said yesterday. He said he'd spend the whole day with me tomorrow to make new memories that would replace all of the ones that ached.

I told him that if he was going to make statements like that, then he should just promise to stay forever. I don't know where that came from, but I think it's time for me to distance myself from Ino. I'd blushed so much and so quickly that I felt faint. I thought I was past all of that!

Itachi had looked taken aback for a moment by my words. I'm proud of that. Surprised is a nice look on him, but I wonder how he bounces back so quickly?

... But that outburst about me passing did worry me. He's been acting strange. Maybe that incident is still weighing on his mind? I'll do my best to reassure him.

April 9th – Cloudy skies. No rain. Hanabi hugged me on my way out!

Itachi and I spent the day out today.

And that is all I'll write about that, journal.

[A smiley face follows the entry.]

April 16th – Sunlight peeked through the clouds for almost a full five minutes. Five minutes!

Today, I learned that life as a fiancée involves a lot of waiting.

Itachi is out on another solo mission again. I think he's Lord Sixth's favorite. He gets sent out so often, and on such long missions at that. He barely has any breaks in between. I miss him dearly. Team 7 is out on a mission, too. I think Mikoto is anxious with both of them gone. Hanabi and I have been visiting, and I think that makes her feel better. She asked me to sleep over later. I'm looking forward to it.

I went to visit Kurenai-sensei this afternoon. Mirai has been getting so big, and Kurenai-sensei looks sad (yet proud) about it. They're both so beautiful.

Mirai gave me a present. I don't know what for, but Kurenai-sensei said she'd seen it on the market and that it reminded her of me. She's such a sweetheart. I opened it in front of her, and she practically shouted as soon as I raised the lid.

It was a deep purple ribbon.

I'll wear it when Itachi returns.

April 21st – I got pelted by the rain. Pelted.

I can't stop thinking about how father said mother's name the other day. It was an offhanded comment when Shino came to drop by a pack of black hair ties that I said I needed more of yesterday. Mine have been getting worn, ever since I started a new training routine that Itachi suggested. Shino is always so kind.

Apparently, father once gave mother the same thing on that exact same day because she'd run out as well. I haven't heard him mention mother in years. I wonder if that's time's influence or pain's. I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

It was a nice moment.

April 26th – Spotty weather. I'm squinting at you rain.

Itachi comes home tomorrow.

Shino and Kiba took me out today. We went to our usual restaurant right along the edge of the Aburame district. The staff must've done a thorough cleaning because the rails were glinting in the light. I couldn't stop touching them.

Kiba looked incredibly tired when he came in. His wiry frame had molded to the chair like wet leaves to the ground. Someone was stirring up trouble by falsifying reports, he said, then placed a finger over his mouth with a promise to tell us more when he could. Kiba looked stressed, but he's strong. I know he can do it. And if he needs help, then he knows that he can always count on us. (Shino and I assured him of that, regardless.)

['Go Kiba!' is written in large, loopy letters beside a taped on photo of Team 8.]

April 27th – It's pouring. I hope none of the clan children get caught outside in this weather.

Takase gave me a note from itachi. It said that he'd be waiting out the storm. I'm glad. I don't want him to risk coming home in such bad weather.

I wrote, 'please hurry home to me as soon as it clears' in my reply.

Takase told me that Itachi had smirked.

Oh, just imagining it is making me blush.

[The ANBU insignia fills a portion of the page.]

May 2nd – Oh, clear skies, how I've missed you.

I heard Itachi curse out of frustration today.

It happened right after he found me reading one of the books in his apartment. I smiled at him, and he was about to return it, only for an ANBU member to appear out of nowhere and knock on the half-open door. Itachi's voice hadn't been loud, but it was... strange. Unpleasant. Like vultures feasting. I don't know how to feel about it.

Itachi tilted his head at the poor ninja with the stoniest expression I'd ever seen. Mr. ANBU yelped. I don't blame him. There's something ominous about the way Itachi cocks his head to the side.

As it turns out, the ANBU was there for me.

May 9th – Snow. Endless snow.

I've always liked snow, but I've realized now that I should attach 'in moderation' to that opinion. Because I'm tired of the cold. I knew Snow country would be full of... well, snow, but I didn't realize how difficult it was to constantly be in it. I feel like a penguin. A fake one that can't stand the chill.

I had to exchange my sweater for something thicker. It's been making me feel heavier than I am, and it's hard to walk in fur boots. Oh, but I'm sorry for just complaining, journal! I promise I'll stop right now (for this entry at least.)

I'm currently out on a mission. It's simple enough, or the first part is. I need to deliver a scroll (done), then rendezvous with an ANBU cell because they need a tracker (heading to the meeting spot tomorrow.)

Itachi saw me off at Konoha's gates. He told me to be careful and to find him once I return. He didn't look very pleased by my leaving.

May 14th – found the target (a red dragonfly, as it turns out). Camping out for the night. It's snowing again. I think these little flakes have more weight than they should.

Some of the ANBU asked me what it was like to be engaged to Uchiha Itachi. I haven't quite figured out how to answer that question yet, but I always say that I'm very lucky. Itachi says he's lucky, too. I hope others see it that way.

The ANBU fantasized about being on a team with him. They said they thought they'd feel useless, but I don't think so. Itachi is very considerate of his teammates, and always makes sure they feel valuable.

But Itachi hasn't been on a team in five months, so I can see why they feel like he doesn't want to be burdened. In truth, he hasn't been on one since that incident. I don't blame him. I still remember that haunted look in his eyes when he came home.

"They were nailed onto the ceiling," he said, "and their blood poured down, leaking over the walls."

He refused to sleep. I was so worried, journal. I had to wait for him to collapse. It was only when he awoke that he accepted the food I placed before him.

I am infinitely tired of watching the people I love suffer.

May 19th – On the country's border now. It's still snowing, though not by much. The roads are slick.

I keep thinking about Hanabi's hair, and how she'd tied it up two weeks ago. I have the urge to tell her how much I love her hair like that, journal. I can't wait to get home.

Also, Neji-nii has been losing weight recently. I didn't think he had any to lose, but he was quick to prove me wrong. All of that taijutsu training can't be good for him. I'll make him anything he wants when I get back.

[The entry ends with a doodle of a roasted chicken and a cinnamon bun.]

May 24th – The guard at the gate gave me a sunflower with a note attached.

Itachi's apparently out on a mission again. I'm disappointed that I didn't get to see him.

I went out to buy ingredients to cook a big dinner for everyone at home. I told Takase that I'll be back inside of the Hyuga compound before evening. I know he doesn't like being left alone there. I tried to tell Itachi that I don't need his summon with me when he's away, especially considering that he might have use of him, but whenever he says it's more for "his sake and not mine" I lose all of my resolve. I need a good defense against that.

His head can be harder than Hanabi's sometimes. (But I love that very much.)

June 23rd – The world is so bright today!

Itachi came home! A full two and a half weeks early!

When I returned to my room after lunch with Neji-nii, Sasuke, and Shisui (a very, very strange combination), there he was laying on the bed, reading a book. I ran and hugged him before I even realized what I was doing! Journal, save me from myself.

He said he finished early to be there with me and that he'd be hiding out for a few days in his apartment, so I shouldn't tell anyone—except Shisui. I don't think I'll be able to hide my smile, but I'll try! I'm worried that he pushed himself too hard, though I didn't say that. He always dismisses my concerns about his health with a wave. I'll just have to make sure he eats and gets proper rest over the next few days.

I can't wait.