lost words, unfinished worlds

Kakashi immediately knows something is… not right. 

The way he feels lighter, unburdened, and so, so warm— not to mention the unbearable sense of dread creeping up on his carefully controlled heart rate. 

He’s in an unfamiliar room, except, well, it’s actually all too familiar. 

It’s almost like a dream. 

All he gets is a glance at his much too young body as he forces himself to sit up before he scents blood in the air. 

Ah, so a nightmare then. 

But then there’s a small thump on his closed door that nearly sends him tumbling straight out of his paw print blankets to the hard floor waiting below. 

Slowly, meticulously, he steps out of his childhood bed that he has no business being in and moves to his door. 

What awaits him confirms it— definitely a nightmare. 

He can barely see the slumped form of his father across the hall, tanto discarded, blood still slinking over the wooden floorboards in an aching crawl. 

And there are footprints that weren’t there the last time he lived through this— footprints and thin smears that swish in a pattern. 

They lead directly to Kakashi’s door— directly to the toddler with silver hair haphazardly tousled over tiny shoulders. 

She’s wearing a nightgown with a puppy on it. Its hem is covered with blood.

For the first time in decades, Kakashi hates his father. 

Two little arms reach up, clinging to Kakashi’s pajama shirt. The girl doesn’t cry, though her eyes are red and glassy. 

She clenches her jaw with all her might before burying her face in his stomach. 

“Nii-san.”

Kakashi doesn’t have the particular luxury of complete information. 

He knows he’s six again, judging by the date he’s long burned into his heart, and he knows that this toddler is his little sister. 

How he knows that— no clue. Not beyond the obvious resemblance, her calling him nii-san, and her sleeping in his childhood home.

Still, she is a stranger. She should not exist. Kakashi has never met her before. 

But that doesn’t stop him from scooping her up and plopping her on his bed. She leans into the heat of him, but doesn’t cling when he moves away. He has to clear the rest of the house of any other unknown relatives that might suddenly pop out of the closets. 

Assured that the toddler is the only surprise, he returns to her, assessing his next steps. 

She blinks up at him with intense, soul crushing eyes, looking visibly uncomfortable, but refusing to acknowledge it by crying or reaching out for him again. 

He doesn’t even know her name. 

Last time this happened, he’d gone to the hospital. This time, however, he would either have to take the little girl and be asked her name when they’re both inevitably interrogated by adults, or leave her behind in an empty house with their dead father, his blood still coating the bottoms of her bare feet. 

And he thought it was traumatizing the first time. 

His best solution would handle his father while also likely supplying him with further information on what kind of world he’s woken up in, but it would definitely add to the trauma of the night. 

Part of him considers just going to the hospital and pretending to be mute. 

But his new little sister is still staring at him, her features twisting to look angry enough that he thinks she might start screaming. Instead, she chokes on a swallow, sniffling, and Kakashi realizes she’s not angry— he’s watching her physically hold back her tears. 

He’s gotta get her out of here. 

Kakashi is proud to say that he only hesitated to knock on the door for a second— no more than two. 

The toddler has leeched to his body with a suffocating amount of strength from the moment he stepped out of the Hatake compound and doesn’t seem to be particularly inclined to let go any time soon. 

She sniffles against him, but her chest doesn’t rack with sobs and his collar never grows wet. 

When the door suddenly flings open, Kakashi knows that Sensei had felt his chakra. 

Minato’s eyes instantly latch onto his before running a scan over his body, horror gripping at his features, before he drops down to his knees and corrals Kakashi closer with a hand to the back of his head. 

“Kakashi, what happened to Kohanae-chan? Are you okay?”

Kohanae. 

Interesting. Never heard that name before.

She squeezes him tighter, her nose pressing hard into his throat. 

He opens his mouth to speak, only nothing comes out and— 

Did he jinx himself with the thought of playing mute? No— no. He can do this. 

“Fa-father,” he croaks out, Kohanae  tensing against him. 

Minato stiffens, attention flickering over Kakashi across the village. He tugs the two of them further inside, shuffling them toward his couch. Kohanae doesn’t let up, even when Kakashi drags them both up onto a cushion while Minato disappears down the hall of his apartment, reappearing again almost instantly. 

Sensei unfurls a scroll, spreading it out on the small table in front of them before looking at Kakashi.

“If you need me at a moment’s notice, send some of your chakra into this seal, okay?”

All Kakashi can do is nod and stare at the fuinjutsu inked in thick lines. So Sensei’s been experimenting with the hiraishin at this time. He doesn’t remember details like that from his first life. When had Sensei started to use it on missions? Kakashi can’t remember a time when he hadn’t known it.

With one last fretful glance at Kohanae, Minato disappears out the front door, his chakra leaving a hum in the seals of protection that quickly fade away into nothing in his absence. 

Kakashi stares after him, wondering just what he’s done. 

Though, he thinks, looking down at Kohanae starting to extricate herself from his chest, if this girl is really his sister, then surely things have already changed enough for Kakashi to be clueless to the future now. 

“Come on,” he whispers to her, earning her full attention snapped up at him. Restlessness weighs on his bones, shock receding for adrenaline to course through his veins at just what the absolute hell is happening to him. He needs to do something— anything. Tugging her wrist, he eggs her off the couch. “Let’s clean up.”

Kohanae follows him blindly, her features somewhat difficult for Kakashi to look at. She looks like his—their—father. Like Kakashi himself. And yet not, because she’s tiny with chubby cheeks and these dark eyes that look too smart and yet almost droopy, like a puppy. 

She’s adorable. 

And she’s still got quite a bit of blood on her. 

So Kakashi leads her through the apartment to Sensei’s bathroom, not hesitating to draw her a bath. When he sneaks out to the bedroom, her little feet dart after him, but he’s already rifled through the closet and returned before she’s made it out of the doorway. 

He’d hoped Kushina might already be staying with Minato enough to leave something here, but in the end whose adult-sized shirt he borrowed for his suddenly existing little sister doesn’t really matter. 

She still doesn’t reach for him, despite her little run, but she follows him loyally back into the bathroom, even raising her hands high over her head in anticipation of Kakashi stripping her of her nightgown.

It sparks a memory in him.

The first time around, when he was little and definitely did not have a sister, his father had been doting… for a while. After the dreaded mission, he’d receded so far into himself that Kakashi had already been doing much of his basic care and daily living on his own— going so far as to trying to feed Sakumo himself on his father’s worst days. 

He lifts Kohanae into the bath water, gently rinsing her and scrubbing her clean, and wonders if she even knows their father well. How was Sakumo with her? 

Had Kakashi taken care of her in secret the way he’d always taken care of himself? The thought is startling in its intensity and he focuses on cleaning beneath his sister’s nails, feeling distantly grateful that there’s no blood in her hair. 

When he’s done, she stands, as if procedure, and he realizes he can’t lift her back out of the tub without getting completely wet. Instead, he flops a towel directly over her face, covering her completely and earning himself the smallest, quietest giggle he’s ever heard. He wraps both arms around her now that he’s protected by the towel and heaves her back onto the cool, tile flooring. 

She doesn’t laugh again, but it still strikes him with some skewed version of deja vu— like he’s definitely done this for her before. 

Dry, he shoves Sensei’s shirt over her, letting it drape worse than the actual dress she’d been wearing before. He takes a moment to consider himself, judging whether or not he could use the remaining bath water for himself, but ultimately decides his skin has been spared for the most part. 

He’ll definitely need new pajamas though. 

There’s only one bed in the small apartment and Kakashi is quick to bring Kohanae to it, helping her crawl up into the covers to curl up in a ball. He joins her if only to prevent the severely intrusive thoughts sitting just at the cusp of all his mental strength. 

She burrows into him fearlessly and he’s struck again with the thought that this is normal for them. 

It doesn’t sit well. 

He wonders exactly how old she is. Back in his first life, Kakashi had gone into the Academy at four and had already been quite able and agile. Kohanae doesn’t seem clumsy exactly, not like most toddlers, he thinks, but she’s definitely not up to joining the Academy tomorrow. 

Three? Two? 

He doesn’t know. 

Kakashi’s mother had died in childbirth— or so he’d been told. But he’d never had any reason not to believe and he still doesn’t now. That said, how does Kohanae exist? He’d already checked for genjutsu back at the first scent of blood and the sight of his childhood bedroom. No, this is, unfortunately, real.

Had their mother survived childbirth once in this world only to succumb to it the second time? 

Guessing feels almost worthless, but he has little else to focus on.

Sensei returns at an exceptional time, halting Kakashi’s inevitable spiral and giving him something new to focus on. 

Minato ensures his steps are loud as he moves through the house, his chakra burning enough that Kakashi can sense it without trying. He watches Sensei approach him, looking totally lost as he scans over the two children cuddled together in his bed. 

Kakashi wonders what he would do in Minato’s shoes— take them to the hospital? The Hokage?

But Minato does neither. He simply controls his face, takes a visibly deep breath, and joins them in the bed, offering them their own space. 

Sleep feels far away until suddenly it’s not.

When he wakes, he’s tucked into Sensei’s side, Kohanae fast asleep on Sensei’s chest. 

Kohanae doesn’t like to be held normally, Kakashi learns. 

He assumes it’s because she’s not used to it, seeing as how Kakashi is too small to regularly carry her around without awkward maneuvering and losing some mobility. 

Resentment festers in him. It’s both foreign and not— why should he be upset over this girl he doesn’t know? And yet there’s a good, rational part of his mind that knows he’s an adult, at least within his own mind, and that no child deserves to be neglected by their only parent. 

If she’s only two then she probably has no fond memories of Sakumo at all.

It’s a hollow, hollow thought. 

Minato doesn’t seem to mind Kohanae’s aversion to being carried, scooping her up for their trip to the hospital with ease. He’d thoughtfully brought them both a change of clothes after visiting their home last night. 

Today Kohanae’s in a classical jinbei, her hair now meticulously brushed and silky smooth thanks to Sensei. 

Kakashi wears his ninja clothes. 

The villagers are not outright hateful with Minato’s company, the thought doing little to soothe Kakashi’s new worries of how they might treat Kohanae the way they used to treat him. Luckily, the effect carries into the hospital and the nurses are polite and keep the three of them together to get both Kakashi and Kohanae checked out by a med nin. 

He doesn’t fight it hardly as much as he should, but something tells him if he throws any sort of fit, Kohanae’s will be much, much worse. 

Minato sets the toddler down atop an exam bed, eyeing Kakashi as if to tell him that he’ll physically put him there too if he doesn’t snap to it. 

The med nin smiles softly at the interaction, running a mystical palm over the both of them in turn before releasing them without an issue into Minato’s care. The man picks up the toddler again, ushering Kakashi out with a hand at the back of his head. 

Their next stop is the Hokage’s office. 

Dread pools in Kakashi’s gut. 

It’s not new information— the shinobi world is explicitly cruel to children. He’d long lost his hope in the old version of his village, as well as any others. 

There are few reasons he can think of to call them directly to the Hokage. 

Minato keeps the hand at the back of Kakashi’s head the entire walk and even into the office itself despite Kakashi having no memory of Sensei being so tactile with him the first time around. 

He wonders if it’s an effect of the toddler’s presence— maybe she softens Sensei up a bit more than usual. 

Though that’s not quite right. Sensei has always been a… tender individual. Perhaps he’s more comfortable looking at Kakashi and seeing a child rather than a shinobi when there’s an even younger, smaller version of him so close by. 

Who knows. 

“Minato-kun,” the Sandaime greets from his desk. “Thank you for bringing them.”

Sensei dips his chin. “Of course, Hokage-sama.”

The attention of the room is instantly on Kakashi and he can’t help sneaking a random glance up at Kohanae— as he’s likely been doing to an excessive degree all morning. Oh well. They’ll all just think he’s worried about her. 

Which, well, isn’t completely untrue. 

“Kakashi-kun,” Sarutobi says, his voice measurably more gentle. “The circumstances that bring us here today are deeply unfortunate. How are the two of you faring?” 

Blinking, Kakashi lets that sink in. 

Deeply unfortunate. 

He could scoff. 

“Fine,” he clips out, catching Kohanae hiding her face from the Hokage in Minato’s neck. 

There’s a slow nod and then, “It’s equally unfortunate that I’ll need to hear what happened from you.”

“Sandaime-sama—” Minato interjects, but Sarutobi raises a hand.

“It’s better we do this now and get it out of the way,” he declares surely, facing Kakashi with all the intent in the world. 

It’s a little sickening, to be honest. Was it like this the first time he did all this? Was the Sandaime like this? 

He breathes evenly, keeps his muscles relaxed, and refuses to react. 

“Imouto doesn’t need to hear this.”

Sarutobi’s eyes flicker to Minato— to Kohanae. 

“She will have to explain as well.”

This time he can’t hide the widening of his eyes— the disgust that shocks his system. 

She’s two. 

Or three or whatever— he doesn’t know, but it doesn’t matter!

The Saindaime waits expectantly.

Kakashi grits his teeth. “I woke up to the smell of blood. I followed it into Otou-san’s room and found him there, bleeding out, his tanto at his side. I grabbed imouto out of bed and took her to Sensei. I knew he could help us.”

There’s a hum and, for a moment, he wonders if the Hokage is going to call him out on his lie. 

“Is this true, Kohanae-chan?” 

Kohanae, Kakashi is learning, has nerves of steel. 

She faces Sarutobi head on, not even glancing at Kakashi, and nods. “Nii-san take me to Sensei.”

The Hokage holds her gaze for a moment longer and Kakashi is comforted by Minato’s bright chakra buzzing beside him with concealed emotion. Kakashi isn’t the only one upset. 

“Your brother was very smart to do so,” the Sandaime finally says, returning his attention to Kakashi. “Minato-kun has adamantly petitioned me for guardianship over the two of you. You are a genin of Konoha— it’s within your rights to refuse.”

It’s not a question, but with this world so spectacularly different than his own and a toddler suddenly the last of his family— his pack—he hardly needs a thought to answer. 

“We’ll both stay with Sensei, then.”

Minato’s posture relaxes beside him the slightest bit and he realizes that in his previous life, if he’d been given this same choice, he’d likely have declined. But— if Kakashi goes off on his own, what will happen to Kohanae? 

In a world where Danzo Shimura likely lives, Kakashi does not want to find out. 

“Very well, then.” Sarutobi reaches for his pipe and addresses Minato. “You already know my feelings on the matter. You have your work cut out for you, Minato-kun.” 

Sensei only nods politely. “Sandaime-sama.”

“You’re dismissed.”

The only way Minato could have gotten them out of there faster is the hiraishin. 

Minato makes no stops in the village.

He escorts them straight back to his apartment and settles Kohanae down on his couch, reminding Kakashi a bit too much of last night. The girl is quiet, almost hauntingly so. She sits neatly, watching Kakashi closely, but flickering her eyes over to Minato now and then. 

Meanwhile, Kakashi follows his Sensei into the kitchen where he immediately starts pulling out food from his refrigerator— likely to cook, which Kakashi already knows he’s excellent at. He pulls himself up onto the closest chair like a child would, not feeling quite so bothered to hold tightly to the dignity he once carried like a shield in his true youth. 

Sensei sets something to simmer before turning to crouch directly in front of Kakashi. 

“I don’t want to ask you this, Kakashi, but— what really happened?”

Kakashi blinks at him. “I already said what happened, Sensei.”

A pained look passes over Minato’s face, his eyes closing for a long breath before opening them again. 

“I saw the blood, Kakashi. I’m sorry— I am. I hate that we’re talking about this. But I need to know.”

“I-” he cuts himself off, struggling to look into Sensei’s bright, bright eyes— eyes just as pure as Nar— “Imouto found him. I woke up to the smell, but then she knocked on my door and I found them both. I brought her straight here.” 

Minato’s focus flutters over Kakashi’s face too quickly, but then he settles. “Thank you, Kakashi. You did the right thing. I’m glad you came to me.”

And then the strangest thing yet happens.

Sensei hugs him. 

Pulls him right into his chest off the chair, both his arms wrapped around Kakashi’s tiny child body, one hand cradling the back of Kakashi’s head like he’s small and precious. 

It’s… different. 

Somehow, Kakashi is the softer sibling.

Neither he nor Kohanae speak much, Sensei’s idle chatter narrating most of the following days, but Kakashi has stopped panicking at each of Sensei’s gestures of affection. He allows the hugs and doesn’t immediately flinch away when he wakes up each morning curled into Sensei’s side. The ruffles to his hair are actually a little nice in all honesty. 

Kohanae hides from Minato. 

She sticks to Kakashi like glue and whispers her thanks for everything she eats, but she never seeks out their guardian and never asks him for anything. 

Even with Kakashi the most she speaks is small mumbles. 

While Sensei is visibly concerned with her apprehension of him, Kakashi has turned to a different sort of worry. 

Why hasn’t she ever asked what’s happening? Why aren’t they going home? Where’s Otou-san?

He hadn’t considered that a problem at first, it hadn’t occurred to him, but after a few days of experiencing her following him in his shadow he’d started to wonder if this was normal. 

There’s a suspicion in the back of his mind, one that itches and reminds him that he’s not supposed to be here, not supposed to be a child in this time, not supposed to be reliving his own life as if he’s been given a second chance. 

Kohanae, also, is not supposed to be here. 

It’s whether she knows that or not that’s his concern. 

She’s smarter than she should be. 

Two year olds are senseless and selfish and babies. Kohanae is reserved and aware of her surroundings and moves with a bit too much grace for a toddler. 

Yes— he’s suspicious. 

But then she comes padding up to him with a hairbrush stolen straight from Sensei’s hands and offers him a wide eyed, “Nii-san?”

He’ll be careful, but he already knows, in the end, she’s his imouto now. 

No matter who she might have been before. 

One week into their living situation, Kakashi wakes up to see Kohanae frowning into Sensei’s chest. The both of them fall asleep together on one side of the bed, Sensei settling on the other to give them any space they might want, but every morning they wake up the same as the first. 

It’s the only time Kakashi sees Kohanae close to Sensei— aside from when she’s forcefully scooped up for errands in the village. 

She’s usually still asleep, Sensei’s hand over her back to protect her from falling, and when he wakes first, Sensei will set her down on the other side of Kakashi before leaving them to make breakfast for the three of them. 

But this time Kohanae is awake and pouting, her tiny hand gripping Minato’s shirt as if he’ll either disappear or attack her the moment he wakes. 

He realizes slowly, then almost dismisses his own idea in a flurry of discomfort. 

She’s afraid of Sensei. 

Not because of anything Sensei’s done, but perhaps Kakashi was right about Kohanae’s experience with their father. Perhaps Kohanae has no experience with adults— with anyone but Kakashi, really. 

It’s… an upsetting thought. 

“It’s okay,” he finds himself whispering, feeling the moment Sensei’s chakra flickers awake despite his perfectly concealed state. 

Kohanae latches her eyes onto his.

“It’s okay to trust Sensei,” he tries to explain, tries to fight his own pain at making the words leave his mouth. He doesn’t deserve to say these things, doesn’t deserve to be so close to Sensei again, to feel the safety that he brings that Kakashi’s never experienced any other way in his life. 

But Sensei deserves to know. 

“It’s— it’s okay to… to love him,” he breathes into the small space between them on the bed. Shifting closer, he presses his forehead to Sensei’s shoulder. “He’ll take care of us.”

The silence nearly splits him open afterward, the knowing that Minato is awake and aware and listening churning something in Kakashi’s gut. 

But Kohanae watches him carefully before relaxing, her eyes a little misty for a girl who never cries. “Okay, Nii-san.”

One month later, the three of them are moving into a new, larger apartment and Kohanae has started talking to Sensei without Kakashi there to ease her burdens. 

She calls him Papa. 

Kakashi is six, almost seven, when Sensei tells him they’re taking their first mission outside the village together. Distantly, he remembers his excitement the first time this happened, but now he frowns sharply, avoiding Sensei’s eyes. 

Sensei ruffles his hair and tells him they have a special dinner tonight before they leave tomorrow. 

That night, Kakashi and Kohanae meet Kushina. 

The mission is a success and Kakashi comes home to find Kohanae stuck to Kushina like glue.