Lilies, Not Orchids
Pow had never been so scared in her life. Ekko was quick to fall asleep after…whatever the hell just happened, but her mind was racing. She laid silently in her bed, quietly observing Ekko’s calmed body, listening to his deep snores. A stark contrast to just twenty minutes ago, when he had been lost in his own head, gasping and choking like something had wrapped itself around his neck and squeezed. She thought yesterday was bad, seeing him so scared after a nightmare, but this was something new entirely.
There were so many things she wanted to say to him, so many questions she had to ask. What had he been carrying so much blame for all these years? He had been sobbing, choking back screams, half delirious with terror, incomprehensibly rambling about how it was his fault, how they were all dead because of him. No matter how much she or Vi had tried to get through to him, the mumbling was endless, like he hadn’t heard them at all. Who was she, and why was he so anxious for her to come home? Pow knew he had some close friends among his Firelights, young men and women who were like family to him. What was so important about this specific ‘she’? He was anxious to see her, but scared of her all the same, and Pow worried about who she could’ve been, what she couldve done to Ekko to scar him so deeply.
“Has that…ever happened before?” Vi whispered from her side of the bed. She lay stock still, back to Powder, but she knew she had Vi’s full attention anyhow.
The weight of the situation landed on Pow with a heavy thud, crushing her chest. “No, never. Never even came close.”
Pow knew that Vi was remembering the exact same moment she was: the moment Vi had burst into the room, hearing Ekko’s voice pleading out to the void, sobbing at open air, begging to be left alone. Pow’s panic the moment Ekko’s fists had taken to his hair, yanking and pounding, as if trying to release whatever monster in his head had caused this. The moment Vi had sprung into action, navigating the room as if it were something she had done a million times before, taking a hold of his hands as his out of control shakes sent one bony fist straight to his lip, busting it instantly. The blood chilling, terrified screams the moment Vi had touched him. Holding his shaking hands over his head and away from his body as she spoke to his unhearing, babbling shell, watching as the blood and tears ran down his face in endless streams. Vi had called it a panic attack. Pow hoped he never had another one.
“You did good, helping him,” Vi said.
Pow huffed. “I didn’t do much of anything. I just sat there and watched you do all the work.”
“Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do in a situation like that. You just have to keep him from hurting himself and keep on talking until he hears you.”
“Some good I did, then.” Pow eyed Ekko’s split lip, the remains of blood on his chin and teeth. He looked so peaceful now. She wished he had never looked anything but, but she couldn’t get everything she wanted.
“You did wonderful, Pow Pow.” Vi turned over to face her sister and Ekko. Pow slowly sat herself back up, letting Ekko’s head fall back down to her lap. He barely stirred, mouth easing closed before Vi would be able to see the wounds on it. “It’s devastating, seeing someone you love like that. I’ve done this for Cait more times than I can count, it never gets easier.”
“He thought he had killed us,” Pow whispered. She couldn’t hold her tears back anymore, as hard as she had tried to be strong for Ekko. He was safe, he was resting, finally resting. And she couldn’t bear the idea of ever having to hear that guttural agony in his voice ever again. “How do you just move on from that?”
“We were fucked up kids, who grew up to be fucked up adults. Unfortunately, this is just part of the job description.”
Vi scooted close to Pow, and she nuzzled carefully into her older sister’s side. It felt like coming home, being this close with Vi again after sixteen long years. The two of them savored each other’s presence, taking in the near silence of the dark room. It was several minutes before either spoke again.
“Who was he talking about?” Vi asked. “It sounded like he was waiting for someone to show up here.”
“Hell if I know,” Pow snorted. “He never tells me anything.”
“Sounds like Little Man. I guess I just wondered if it was something to do with Ionia. You were gone a long time.”
Pow sighed. “No. Ionia’s a very peaceful place. Nothing goes wrong, nobody out for vengeance, or blood. Everyone just wants to go about their own peaceful lives. I think…I think a lot of what he’s been struggling with happened while I was with Silco. I can’t help but feel like lots of this is my fault.”
“No, Powder, none of this is on you.” Vi took Pow's hand, rubbing circles into her palm. “What happened to us as kids was a whole lotta things that created their own perfect storm. There isn’t much that any of us could’ve done differently. Is there more to Ekko that we haven’t dug up yet? Seems so. But it’s not on you. I tried being gentle with him, letting him open up on his own terms, but after that…we need answers.”
“But what if we try and that happens again? I don’t want him to be scared of us.”
“Sometimes the best way to get over trauma that intense is to meet it head on. He needs to accept it, or he’s only going to get worse and worse. The second he entered that bar this morning, he put himself at a dangerous risk of addiction. It’s only going to get worse if we don’t make him confront the issue.”
Pow ran her hand through Ekko’s loose locs, smiling to herself when he subconsciously nuzzled into her touch. What a loveable pain he was. Always too selfless for his own good. She would talk to him in the morning, it may not be easy for either of them, but there would be no more tiptoeing, no more being gentle. If it meant saving him from whatever horrific pain he was in tonight, it was worth it.
“Shit, you two are so cute it makes me sick,” Vi smirked. “I knew this was coming one day, but I always thought you’d both be that crazy, troublemaker couple going around Zaun and causing stupid shenanigans. I never took either of you for the quiet, cuddly types.”
Pow laughed. “Well, a lot can change in twenty years, huh? Especially when you get the chance to love each other off the battlefield.”
———————————
Pow woke up late as always to an unusual weight on her chest. Ekko was rarely, if ever, asleep longer than her, instead choosing to rise with the sun. A habit from his Firelight days, he’d always said. But today, he was still asleep, despite the sun shining through the large window beside them. Pow had remembered last night before her eyes had even opened, and she was glad to see her husband still resting. He needed it.
She eased herself up slowly, trying to free herself from the bed without waking Ekko. Once that was done, she took his cane, which leaned up against the wall beside the door and placed it against the dresser by the bed, in case Ekko would wake up before she came back. She wanted some tea.
When she entered the kitchen, Vi and Caitlyn were seated at the table with Idina and Lora, all hunched over several papers and pens, talking in low tones. A teapot sat abandoned at the other end of the table, matching cups empty beside the four girls.
“Hey kiddos. Hey Dumb and Dumber. How’s the arts and crafts going?” She asked, approaching the table to get a better look at what everyone was so into this early in the morning.
“We’re working out seating arrangements for the wedding,” Caitlyn explained, stirring her tea slowly before taking a long sip. “It’s an outdoor venue and we want to be able to integrate everyone.”
“Yeah, because as well as Piltover and Zaun get along now—which is barely—it’s a whole different story when it’s a wedding between their mutual citizens.” Vi chimed in. “We don’t need the Medarda’s whipping out some voodoo shit against Dawes, or so on and so forth.”
“Am I missing something, who is Dawes?” Powder asked.
“Ah, he’s just an old pal from Stillwater. Big dude, real softie but you wouldn’t know it.”
“We need to rearrange this front row a bit, to accommodate for the children,” Caitlyn continued. “We only had seats reserved for my father, the councilors and a few Zaunites Vi invited over. The rest would be just anybody who showed up; everyone always wants to know who’s going to succeed the sitting council, so the weddings tend to be quite populous.”
“And where would Ekko and I be going? We’re in the front as well, I hope?” Pow teased. “Can’t be stuck up in the rafters for my own big sis’s wedding day.”
“Actually, no.” Vi didn’t speak further, and Pow felt her stomach drop. She looked up to Vi, who was failing to suppress a smirk. She’d never been good at lying to her siblings. “Yeah, yeah, wipe that shitass grin off your face. You two aren’t getting seats. I already chose you to be my maid of honor—”
“Matron of honor, technically, since she’s married,” Caitlyn interjected, grinning when Vi huffed.
“Yes, cupcake. I, a Zaunite, from the nation of Zaun where marriage is hardly a thing, knows the difference between a maid of honor and a matron of honor. Fuck you and your technical bullshit. You will be my matron of honor, Pow Pow, and seeing as we do not have a father to walk me down the aisle—because according to princess over here, that’s another important part of weddings—I am going to see if Ekko would fill that role.”
“Couldn’t your father walk you, Caitlyn? You actually have one, so wouldn’t that make more sense?” Pow asked. She didn’t understand the complexity of fancy weddings; her and Ekko had been wed in an Ionian courthouse by a local priest and called it a day.
“Theoretically, yes, but since Vi is marrying into my family and not the other way around, Vi would be the one to walk down the aisle.” Caitlyn explained, as if that made things any more clear. Her face must’ve given her away, as Cait continued on.
“Typically, a woman would be married off to her husband, joined into his family and taking his name, but for multiple reasons, that wouldn’t work in this situation. Starting with the obvious, we’re both women, so there is no man for either of us to join with, meaning we choose who’s last name remains. And if I weren’t a councilwoman, I would love to have my father walk me down the aisle and marry me off to Vi. But since my name holds immeasurable weight in Piltover, and since I’m the only woman in line to house Kiramman, I have to remain in that lineage, so Vi has to be wed to me, in order to keep the Kiramman line alive.”
Pow’s head spun. None of what Caitlyn just said made any level of sense to her. She looked to Vi, who she could always count on for a simple, mediocre explanation for everything.
“Lesbians and political bullshit,” Vi helpfully offered. “Is that better? That’s about all I took from that the first time too.”
“Sounds great to me!” Pow sat down, pouring herself a cup of tea. “So you want Ekko to walk you down the aisle since Vander isn’t here to do it, and you want me to do, what, exactly?”
“Well, as a matron of honor, you would stand beside Vi at the altar and give a speech during the reception. You would also help with wedding planning, but you don’t need to concern yourself with that. I already have it handled.” Caitlyn explained.
“You say that like it’s some shitty burden that’s been dropped on your head,” Vi groaned. “You begged me to give you control over 90 percent of the ceremony.”
The two continued to bicker as Idina turned to face Pow, Lora following suit.
“Are aunt Vi and aunt Cait always like this?” Idina asked, rolling her eyes. Holy hell, that girl was essentially a verbal Isha. “They’ve been at this all morning.”
“Oh, you should’ve seen them before you were born. Put them in a room and one usually came out with a broken bone or ten. I’m just glad the guns have left the equation.”
“Well, whatever. You just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” Vi stood up and walked over to Pow, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to check on Little Man. Kids, don’t let aunt Cait talk you into orchids. We’ve already agreed on lilies, no matter what she says.”
Pow understood the unspoken request and got up to follow Vi. Behind them, Lora got up to follow, but Pow paused, leaning down to meet her daughter at face level.
“You gotta stay with aunt Cait for a few minutes, kiddo. Can you do that for me?”
Lora shook her head, tears welling up in her huge brown eyes. “I wanna go with you.”
“I know you do, but you need to wait here for me, okay? I need to go visit Papa upstairs and he’s still feeling sick, I don’t want you two getting sick. That would make our trip very stinky, wouldn’t it?”
Lora nodded, though Pow knew she would risk sickness to follow along anyway. She hadn’t realized until that moment, it may have been a mistake to allow the kids 24/7 access to her with few exceptions; they were poorly equipped to handle life the second she stepped away. Idina seemed to be handling it much better, but she was at that age where she started wishing for independence. The twins were only five, and at the age where all they wanted was mama.
“How about this?” Pow suggested, beckoning Idina over beside Lora. “You guys give me a few minutes to make sure Dad is feeling better, and when that’s all done, we can go piss off aunt Cait until she takes us to that little ice cream shop down the street?”
“Oh, come on, Powder, I just bought them all sandwiches that they didn’t even eat,” Caitlyn groaned, while the two girls grinned excitedly, bouncing on the balls of their feet before sitting eagerly back at the table, as if telling Pow to hurry up already.
“Such is the life of being a good auntie,” Pow smirked. “Besides, councilor Kiramman, you should have a couple dollars to spare for a few scoops of good old fashioned chocolate?”
“I’m feeling quite manipulated right now.”
“I hope for your sake, that you and my sister don’t go having babies. If you think I’m being manipulative, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“I highly doubt that’s ever going to happen, Pow Pow,” Vi insisted.
“Why not? You raised enough kids in your lifetime, you know the drill by now.”
“Again, Powder. Were lesbians! We don’t have the proper tools for children!”
———————————
Ekko was still asleep when Pow and Vi returned to the bedroom. He hadn’t even moved from where Pow left him twenty minutes ago. Pow climbed back into the bed beside him, while Vi sat on the edge.
“He wake up at all during the night?” Vi asked quietly. Ekko was the lighter sleeper of the two, always had been, and it seemed neither wanted to risk waking him quite yet.
“Not once. But I also probably wouldn’t have noticed if he did, given yesterday.”
Powder still couldn’t believe herself, she’d let that happen. He had been hurting, and she hadn’t tried hard enough to get him to talk, and when he got drunk, instead of being gentle, she got angry. What kind of wife was she? Between the series of events that had taken place yesterday, the day drinking, the dissociation, the panic attack, he was clearly in a terrible frame of mind, and what had she done? Made it about herself. It didn’t matter what Vi said, being married meant putting her husband and her marriage first, and she had walked off at the first sign of trouble.
She pulled herself instantly back from her self deprecating spiral the moment she saw Mylo in the corner of the room again. It wasn’t his job to point fingers. He didn’t get that power. Pow focused back on Ekko, debating whether she should wake him or not. He looked so peaceful like this, so unlike ten hours ago, and she didn’t want to take that from him. But she knew he would need to get up soon. She wanted to talk with him before the day got away from them. She put her hand on his chest gently, rubbing slowly at his bare skin until he began to stir.
“Hey, Big Man,” Pow whispered as Ekko’s eyes drifted to her. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like shit,” he replied, voice still shot. “Damn, did I sleep that late?”
“You did. You needed the rest.” Pow counted to three in her head, needing those precious seconds to mentally prepare herself for what needed to happen. Ekko seemed only half awake, and she needed to get this going before he fell back asleep. Was she harsh for doing this first thing in the morning? Maybe. But how else would she get him to talk openly. In his fully conscious mind, he would only shut down again, and there would be no more of that. No more running. “Ekko, we need to talk about what happened last night.”
Ekko’s face scrunched up, as if he wasn’t sure what she was talking about. Then, Pow could see the second by second recollection as his face shifted from confusion, to anxiety, to pure terror and reluctant acceptance. He sighed.
“I’m sorry for flipping out like that. It was childish.” He said.
“No, sweetheart,” Pow quickly took his hands, helping him sit up. “No one is angry. We’re worried about you. Both of us.”
Ekko hadn’t noticed Vi until then, given the shame in his eyes increasing threefold at the sight of her. Pow wrapped herself around him, like a pup clinging to its mother. She felt him ease slightly at her touch.
“We need you to talk to someone, Little Man,” Vi said. “Could be us, could be just Pow Pow, but you can’t keep running from whatever’s going on in that big, empty head of yours.”
Ekko nodded, lips pursed shut. He looked between Pow and Vi, his dark eyes taking on an all too familiar watery shine. She squeezed his hand.
“No one is going to judge you. No one is going to hold anything against you. But keeping everything to yourself…it’s killing you, Ekko. I hate seeing you in so much pain. Last night…that was terrifying to watch, sweetheart. You know I hate forcing anyone to talk, but if I have to choose between that and what happened yesterday—”
“I understand. I would do the same if I were you.” Ekko took his hands from Pow’s, wiping at his wet eyes. “I don’t know which part would be easiest to start with.”
Pow didn’t care where he started, she was just so glad that he had finally given up his strong man act, finally willing to be vulnerable with her in a way that he’d never been before. She pulled him in impossibly closer, wishing she could fuse with him, become one and know his every innermost thought, spare him the pain of having to openly speak, and discover every hidden part of him, so she could have more of him to love. His hands shook, his breaths unsteady, but he didn’t run, didn’t deflect.
“Just start with whatever comes to mind first.”
He paused for several seconds, likely gathering his thoughts into something presentable. She wished he would just be out with it, he didn’t need to wrap every word into a pretty little bow for her. She wanted his truth, the raw, unfiltered thing.
“After the fight on the bridge… I was stranded pretty far from the Undercity. I lived in the alleys for about a week until Heimerdinger found me. He took me in, said he wasn’t a councilor and had little left to lose, and brought me to his lab in Piltover. I helped him and Jayce crack a Wild Rune, because we needed to understand it in order to stop Viktor. But then, reality started inverting on itself.”
“I remember that,” Vi whispered. “I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why everything was so messy all of a sudden. During our fight, you remember that too, I’m sure, Pow Pow?”
“Wait, so that wasn’t just me seeing things again? That actually happened?” She asked. “It didn’t bother me at all, I just assumed it was my mind fucking with me again and ignored it.”
“Nope, definitely real. Explains why you didn’t seem affected, though.”
“Yeah, that was Jayce, Heimer and I,” Ekko continued. “It tore my body apart, and when I woke up, I was…somewhere else.”
“Oh, you did tell me about that part,” Pow remembered that story. Ekko waking up in his counterpart’s body, with a reunited Silco and Vander, a living Mylo and Claggor, a blue eyed Powder, and…no Vi. A near perfect utopia on the other side of the Arcane.
“Define somewhere else?” Vi questioned.
“A mirror dimension. Like ours, but everything had changed. Hextech didn’t exist, Piltover and Zaun were allies, our family was mostly intact. It was a near perfect world. But…”
“Wish I could’ve gone, it would’ve been nice to experience a life outside Stillwater,” Vi replied.
Ekko’s hands shook worse in her grip, his eyes drifting down to the bedsheets, away from her, away from Vi. Pow knew it had to be impossibly hard for Ekko, hearing those words from Vi. It was gut wrenching enough to Pow, hearing her sister wish for a happier world, knowing it was out there, but not knowing the cost of that perfection.
“You weren’t there.” Pow watched Vi freeze, if only minutely, masking her hesitance towards Ekko’s words. “Our family was mostly intact. You were gone. Your death was the reason Hextech didn’t exist. And it was my fault.”
“Ekko, I may not have lived there, but I know that if I had, I wouldn’t blame you. It wasn’t on you. I’m guessing I went out either doing some shit stunt or an enforcer got me. It isn’t on you. That isn’t even our world, it couldn’t possibly be on you.”
“That day was the diverging point between our worlds. You died in the explosion at that apartment robbery. On the job I tipped you off on. In any reality, people died because of my greed.”
The room was silent. Pow knew Vi was gone, but Ekko hadn’t ever told her just how deeply it affected him. To no one’s shock, Vi broke first.
“Ekko. Who decided to take that job?”
Ekko sniffed quietly. “You.”
“And who was the one who made sure everyone was safe before escaping herself?”
“You.”
“Exactly. I went out keeping my family safe. I went out doing my job, and I’ll bet I went out thankful that the rest of my family made it home in one piece. That’s what matters. You gave a tip, but it was my decision to take it. I need you to listen. My death in that world, was not your fault.”
“But it’s this one too,” he sighed. “You lived, but the heist got Vander arrested. The four of you broke him out, but only two of you five escaped alive, and neither of you was the same. And what did I do? I hid in the safety of my own home.” Ekko fisted his hair, and Pow gently pried his fingers loose before he could do any damage to himself.
“Yes, you survived a slaughter. Someone had to make it out of that night in one piece.” Pow said. “I, for one, am glad you didn’t have to witness that.”
“Right, there’s nothing quite like watching your father die as everything around you burns to traumatize you for life,” Vi teased.
Pow was glad her sister had healed to the place of being able to make light of past struggles. However, that seemed like a very poor choice of words as Ekko’s breathing came to an abrupt halt. His eyes fogged over, reminiscent of the night before, just minutes before everything went wrong.
“Now what the fuck did you go and say that for?!” Pow asked, landing a firm punch to her sister’s arm as Ekko mindlessly buried his head in his knees. “Ekko, breathe.”
“Shit, I forgot about Benzo.”
“Yeah, clearly! Nice going, shithead.”
“It…wasn’t Benzo.” Ekko muttered. Pow could tell he wasn’t all there, but he was still present enough in his body to engage in the conversation. He lifted his head, gazing off into the mid distance at something Pow couldn’t see. “Papa.”
Vi and Pow both paused at the same time, looking to each other in nervous confusion. Ekko had never mentioned anything about a father before. Pow was severely tempted to ask, but she didn’t want to scare him back into silence. She knew it was a bit manipulative, to allow him to share something so deeply personal when she knew he was in a compromised frame of mind, but she needed him to talk.
“I can hear you thinking from here, Powder,” he continued, a slight slur to his words, grossly reminiscent of his drunken state just twenty-four hours ago. “You didn’t think Benzo was my real dad, did you? Fucker’s white as snow, and look at me.”
“Of course I knew that, but…I’d assumed your father just wasn’t in the picture. Tends to happen when you’re a Zaunite baby.”
Ekko still hadn’t quite leveled out from his panic, Pow could tell, but he was noticeably more present than last night, so it was a start. He didn’t speak for several minutes.
“She killed him. I waited up for her, and I watched her kill him. She was aiming for me, but she killed him. It was my fault.”
Maybe he was slipping, after all. Pow held onto him desperately, doing her best to be an anchor in his storm. Ekko shook his head.
“No, she’s dead too. She’s not coming back.”
Was this the same she that Ekko had been mumbling about all of last night? He had been on a near constant loop of wanting to sleep, but refusing to do so until she returned home, among other various haunts. Pow got the sinking feeling that whoever this she was, she was the root of many things Ekko had struggled with in his lifetime.
“Who is she, Ekko?” Vi dared to ask. “Who did she kill?”
Ekko shook Pow’s hands off of him, easing harshly out of her grip. His head back between his knees, hands back in his hair.
“Korey.” Ekko’s carried a grief unlike anything Pow had ever known. He’d spoken the name like it was a forgotten memory, like it hadn’t passed his lips in a lifetime, yet something so familiar it weighed on his soul like lead. “My brother. He was only three.”
Pow could have cried in that moment. Would have, if not for the fragile composure of the man beside her. It was no wonder Ekko had grown up so bitter. It was no wonder he had been so angry every time he watched her or her siblings argue, why he had stormed off in a sobbing, wordless rage the day Vi and Powder had gotten in such a nasty fight as kids, over something so stupid when she looked back, that Powder had dared to let the words “I wish you weren’t my sister” pass her lips. Ekko had a brother, and he was dead before he even had a chance to live. Murdered, likely right in front of him, given the passing words she was aiming for me.
Pow turned to Vi, confused, as her sister’s eyes blew open like saucers, a terrified, devastated look in her eyes, as if she had learned something she wished never to know. She spoke carefully, poking a sleeping bear. “Who was she, Ekko?” Her voice shook.
“My mom.”
Ekko hadn’t held back his tears anymore. As soon as the words left his mouth, he’d been overcome with heaving, heartbroken wailing that no amount of consolation from Pow could fix. Vi closed in on his other side, putting her arm around him in a show of affection which was rare for anyone besides her sister and bride.
“She was aiming for me but he was—he was in the way and she got him.” Ekko hadn’t stopped crying, likely couldn’t if he tried, but forced himself to speak. Pow wanted to stop him then and there, regretting her decision to make him open up this morning, but she also knew how it was: the dam had fallen, and the words wouldn’t stop until they’d all come flooding out. “She almost got Papa but he killed them both and burned what was left, just to keep her from hunting me down. I saw everything. I told myself I would never let anyone give their lives for mine again and what do I do? I sit at home, safe, while your brothers and father die! I watched Benzo die, because I had the nerve to piss off the enforcers and get Silco’s attention! I built the Firelights to save people from Silco, and from Shimmer, and then I sent most of them to their deaths in the Noxian war while I was off in Utopia. I curse everything I touch and somehow I haven’t gotten a single taste of my own poison.”
Pow wasn’t even sure how to respond to any of that. She had expected something tragic, for Ekko to guard it all so fiercely, but the truth was far more devastating than anything she could’ve expected. Still, the wailing continued. A few moments turned into nearly twenty minutes.
A lurch beside her had Vi scrambling up from the bed and out into the hall. She returned barely three seconds later with a bucket, just in time for Ekko to empty his stomach. Pow, ever the sympathetic puker, felt nauseous herself, but she choked it down. Not right now. The force of Ekko’s heaving gave his crying a moment of pause, a chance for his body to catch up to his mind. Pow stayed firmly tucked into his side through it all, ready whenever he was ready to continue. Though, part of her prayed that things couldn’t get any worse. But when had her prayers ever been answered?
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that alone,” Vi whispered, seconds, minutes, hours later. “But we’re here now. And we both want to help you, Little Man.”
“Yeah, what she said,” Pow agreed. “You’re safe here. And I promise you, none of that was your fault. The firelights who fell, went off to battle willingly. And Vi wouldn’t even let me on that rescue mission, so there’s no way she would’ve allowed you along either—”
“Hell no I wouldn’t have,” Vi agreed. “After what happened to Benzo, I had hoped not to let you out of my sight until I saw you smile again. But then Vander…I was hoping to just go get him and come back with something nice for you.”
“And I ruined that,” Pow finished for her sister. While the two had mostly reconciled from that horrific night, the scars ran too deep to ever fade.
“You killed half of Silco’s henchmen that night too,” Vi retaliated. “You put a pause on Silco’s plans, and looking back on it, that short pause very well could’ve been the difference between the life or death of Zaun. Not to mention, everyone I fought with agreed that Silco had seemed to really, genuinely like you, enough to let you get away with doing whatever you wanted even if it meant putting a wrench in his operations. So I think it’s safe to say that you did Zaun more good than not, even as one of Silco’s soldiers.”
Pow had to admit to herself, she’s never thought of it that way. She’d just been living in the moment, following whatever childish whim came her way. She knew that she had been a royal pain in the ass to Sevika and many of Silco’s other lapdogs, but she hadn’t considered that she’d been an unwitting saboteur all those years.
“But Ekko,” Vi continued. “You didn’t let your pain stop you, and you grew up into someone amazing. Despite the pain, because of it, maybe a little bit of both, but you never gave up once, and you saved Piltover and Zaun alike.”
“I guess you’re right. But still…I guess I just can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had done anything differently. Kor was only in the way because I was holding onto him, just in case we needed to run again. Benzo was killed because I had followed his customer home. My lieutenant, my best friend, died alongside so many other firelights because I followed Heimer back to Piltover on a whim and got lost in the Arcane. I just have to wonder,” Ekko heaved a deep breath and continued. “If I had just stayed in my lane, maybe none of the bad would’ve happened.”
“Your lieutenant, you mean Scar? He’s not gone, I see him at council meetings with Sevika all the time,” Vi asked.
“Not Scar, but I’m glad to know he’s okay,” Ekko replied. “Mila. The Firelights weren’t just a rebel group. We were a Zaunite refugee organization. Overseeing the entire operation myself was a bit much, especially since I laid the groundwork when I was only thirteen, so I asked Scar to help me oversee the rebel side, and Mila to help with the refugee side. But with the war…there weren’t enough soldiers, so she got every able bodied refugee together and dropped guns in their hands, led them into battle. She died right along with them.”
“She sounds like she was very brave,” Pow said, and she meant it. It took a heart of gold to do what she did, to sacrifice everything she believed in, everything she had worked for, to offer her world a chance at another day. “I wish I could’ve met her.”
“Oh, she would have hated you,” Ekko said, a hint of a smile in his voice. “She was a perfectionist in every possible way. Not a single speck of dust could be out of place, every word was planned out before she let a single syllable leave her mouth. Watching other people just fly by the seat of their pants made her twitch. And by the way you like to live, she would’ve been a convulsing mess on the floor after a single day with you.”
“So she would’ve be more in tune with Cait, from the sound of it,” Vi said. “She still won’t let me help much with the wedding. I had to threaten your children into compliance so they wouldn’t let her change things up while I was out of the room.”
“Sounds like her.” Ekko said. Pow could sense some of his light returning, and she was glad that despite the past thirty minutes, he was still willing to smile and keep on going. “Vi?”
“What’s up?”
“How did you…how were you able to just move on, after Vander?”
Vi sighed. The look in her eyes was haunted, scared. “I didn’t. As soon as I walked away—I only left for a moment just to cool off, and that quickly, some rogue enforcer knocked me out and drug me to Stillwater. I spent eight years in and out of solitary, being beaten constantly by the guards who just decided they felt like hitting something. I lost track of time down there, I was so focused on staying alive and not breaking that I just…forgot Vander. And I got out, Cait forged some papers, and it was just a whole lotta doing whatever she asked in exchange for my freedom. I hadn’t thought about Vander once until Jinx came and told me he was still out there.”
Pow hadn’t realized that Vi had been tortured that whole time. It was becoming obvious she hardly knew her family anymore. She didn’t correct Vi on the name choice, because she was right, it was Jinx back then. But Pow wouldn’t allow herself to wallow in her own self pity, she knew Vi and Ekko wouldn’t want her to feel guilty for not considering their lives while she was stuck under Silco’s thumb.
“I guess, the best way to move on is to just sit in the pain for a while,” Pow said, in lieu of Vi’s help. “It was something Sevika always pushed, especially after Isha died. It may work better for you than it did for me. It seemed to help Sevika whenever she went through something traumatic like that, but I suppose when you have voices in your head that don’t shut the fuck up, ruminating in the ache isn’t the best idea.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Ekko replied after a minute. “Ashley was the only one I stopped to mourn, and I moved on from her death long ago. I guess it was also easier for her since she died before she lived, I had less of a connection to her.”
“Ashley?” Vi asked.
“My sister. We believed she was a girl, at least. Mom was pregnant when she died.”
“Your mom…” Pow started, then paused. She wasn’t quite sure how to go about this, or even if it would be a good idea, but there was one more item that she felt needed to be addressed. “Did she hurt you often?”
Pow had caught fleeting comments, several that when combined, made her worry for Ekko. Ekko had been holding his brother, in case they would need to run again. He couldn’t sleep until she came home. I don’t want her to hurt me again. He burned the house to the ground, just to keep her from hunting me down.
“Yes,” Ekko replied after a long pause. “It usually wasn’t anything more than a grab to the face or a bit of shoving. She mostly just liked me to know that she wished I was never born. I guess…that night just had me paranoid. Even the thought of her and my first instinct was to fear that she’d do to me what she did to Kor.”
“It doesn’t matter if you think it wasn’t much, Little Man,” Vi whispered. “Back then…it was every man for themselves in the Lanes. All you had was yourself and the people you called family. If you didn’t even get that, even if it was just the occasional shove, it was the only ones you could trust stabbing you in the back.”
“You’re always dismissing the issues, love,” Powder added. “If it hurt you so badly that even the thought of it causes you to shut down, it’s a big deal, and you’re allowed to treat it as such. You’re allowed to feel, sweetheart.”
Ekko nodded slowly. “I guess we all have things we need to work through. But honestly, I’m too hungry to do any more emotional unpacking right now. You didn’t happen to save any of those sandwiches from last night, did you?”
“Who do you take me for?” Vi asked, hand placed dramatically over her chest. “Eight years as a Piltie royal didn’t turn me into a waster.”
———————————
Pow went back to the kitchen, Ekko on her arm, to see Idina leaning over the table, hands splayed over the papers sat before Caitlyn. Lora and Argus watched in silent enthusiasm. Vi was off waking Rashi and getting him changed.
“What’re we doing now, squirt?” Pow asked her oldest daughter.
Caitlyn grinned. “Alright, Idina. I promise, no orchids.”
Idina pouted, in a perfect mockery of Isha once again. “You better not.”
“Ah, more wedding drama, I see?” Pow grinned.
“All I said was the word flower and the kids are all in a panic,” Caitlyn giggled.
“Yeah, aunt Vi wants lilies,” Idina emphasized.
“Come on, trouble, let’s let aunt Cait work. I’m sure she’s too scared of aunt Vi to actually try anything. And I did promise you all ice cream, didn’t I?”
The three kids all scrambled out of their chairs and to the back door, eyeing Ekko as he limped along beside Pow, munching slowly on Argus’s leftover ham sandwich as he walked, as if silently beckoning him to hurry up. Caitlyn sighed and stood as well, heading for the stairs.
“I’ll go get Violet. I suppose I could use a treat as well.”