Temari
Temari gaped at the younger blonde.
Naruto patted her arm. “What ya have to understand, Temari, is that I was trained by The Master.”
Shikamaru groaned again. He’d heard things tonight he could never unhear. “What a drag.”
“Naruto, I don’t think Jiraiya-sama would’ve wanted you to… to put it like that,” Temari drawled, meaning ‘especially now that you’re a woman!’ Or for you to say that at all. Although who knew how in the world that old pervert’s mind used to work?!
Temari would like to simply laugh off what Naruto said but she wanted what was best for her!
“I know what to do - or at least I THINK I do,” Naruto grinned, smacking her fist into her hand excitedly - although then she paled, shifting uncomfortably as if she were having second thoughts.
She shook her head, hair flying this way and that, determination growing once again in her expression.
“I’ll offer Kakashi a quick blow job. Ero-sennin said they were always good in a pinch. It always made him 'feel a little in love' and that’s at least a start! But… I don't know how to do one properly. Maybe?”
“Naruto, go home,” Shikamaru demanded. She got up, always eager to please, but Temari pulled her back down.
Temari’s eyes were huge and pleading with him. “You cannot have her go out and offer something like that!"
Naruto rolled her eyes and thought Temari’s concern was cute. Then it occurred to her: “You don’t like blowjobs, Shikamaru?” Was it just a Jiraiya thing?
Shikamaru glared at her. “Get outta my house.”
“Okay.” Naruto got up again but hit the floor as Temari dove on top of her.
“No!” Temari couldn’t let Naruto leave like that! “You are NOT leaving until you understand how badly that’ll freak Kakashi-san out!”
Naruto’s bottom lip slowly slid out - and out - and out, and then she snapped back up, looking as confident as ever, with her hand on her hip. “I think I know Sensei better than you do. I just need some tips!”
Shikamaru groaned before falling into a drunken fit of snickers. Just the tip! He’d definitely had too much to drink - plus it was four a.m.
“Of course, you know him better than I,” Temari agreed. But Kakashi is the most repressed man I have ever seen, she thought. “...BUT to win his heart, you’ll have to be sneaky!” Calming down, Shika narrowed his eyes on her. Temari tried to telepathically communicate that he needed to go along with her on this.
“Why do you think that?” he slowly asked, suddenly quiet and thoughtful. –But still drunk.
“WELL,” Temari began, realizing that the wine was hitting her a lot harder than she’d thought it would. “Kakashi-san reads those crappy books all the time. –Sorry, Naruto.”
“Nah, I agree,” Naruto said, double-agreeing. “Aside from his first book, Ero-sennin’s books, I mean his porn ” --*snort snort*-- “are crap.”
Temari choked. She either needed more wine or to pass out.
“Which…is… why,” Shikamaru drawled, beginning to warm up to Naruto’s idea, “you should uhhhh…” Both blondes leaned forward until his wife realized where he was going with this (when he smirked at her) and flicked his ear.
Temari rolled her teal eyes. “Which is why offering him any kind of um, ‘favor’ like that probably won’t phase Kakashi-san. He sees that stuff in his books all the time.”
“Ohhh,” Naruto replied, sort of getting it. Her mouth fell open. “Oh, man! I’m gonna have to really think outside the box!”
Temari and Shikamaru glanced at each other, each wondering exactly what that would look like. “Maybe you should just give him time to reflect on your confession,” she suggested.
Naruto blinked, staring ahead dazedly, her expression very serious. “You think?”
“I do,” Temari promised.
“Well, I’ve waited all this time,” Naruto guessed when her thought process was over, throwing her hands up. “I guess waiting a little longer can’t hurt!” She got up and bowed to them both cutely. “As long as I don’t go into that menopause thing or somethin’ before he decides." She let out a snort. "Thank you so much for your help.”
“You’re welcome,” Temari said sincerely. Tired, Shikamaru drunkenly bobbed his head beside her. “And keep us apprised of how things go.”
“I will,” Naruto grinned. “And you better tell me if you hear anything, Shika!”
“Okay," Shikamaru yawned, watching her go. Naru skipped out of their house looking happy and way too sober for the amount of wine she’d drank.
Temari shook her head, still staring at the door she’d just left through. “Good gods. Naruto would’ve eaten Gaara alive.”
“Told ya,” Shikamaru smirked. But I guess she would’ve been happy doing it.
Naru had seemed a little too eager to please Kakashi-sensei Lord Sixth. Not that Shikamaru's genius mind was quite putting together thoughts as it normally would. Shikamaru figured as long as he didn’t pictureanything specific she'd mentioned between them in his head, he’d be fine. “So,” he began, softly trailing a line up his wife's arm. “How about we review your… tips,” he snorted: he DID have way too much to drink— “on blowjobs. —HA! I’d forgotten this one time we were at the hot springs, and Naruto mentioned that he didn’t get what all the blowing was about.” His laughter died down as he grinned at his wife, who was smiling back at him, looking amused. “--Troublesome. But enough about that. Whaddya say we try some specific techniques out so we can give her better notes.”
Temari knew he was joking. They were private people. “Forget it,” she said, shutting him down immediately. Shikamaru whined and rested his head on her shoulder. “At least not tonight; it’s way too late.”
“Hm!” If it worked out and he got head in the next day or so, Shikamaru would have to thank Naruto then.