Unanswered questions that leaves tears of grief
Naruto huddled under the covers, listening to the clock chime the hour. It was a quarter past four in the morning, and Sasuke still hadn't come to bed.
At midnight, he had crept downstairs, hoping to find him sitting in the study, but the room had been dark and empty.
He had found Iruka in the kitchen. He had been sitting at the table, a heavy blanket draped over his shoulders, a large glass of brandy cradled between hands that trembled. Feeling the blond’s gaze, he had looked up, then glanced away. But that one haunted look had stilled the questions on Naruto’s lips. It was the look of a man who had glimpsed the fathomless pits of hell, had stood close enough to feel the heat of the flames.
He had turned and ran back to the tower. That had been hours ago.
Where was Sasuke?
It would be dawn soon.
Why didn't he come to bed?
Rising, he wrapped a quilt around his shoulders and left the tower. The floor was cold beneath his bare feet as he made his way down the narrow winding staircase to the first floor.
No lights shone.
Drawing the blanket more closely around his shoulders, he walked slowly toward the study. He knew Saske was inside as soon as he put his hand on the latch.
"My lord?" He opened the door and peered into the darkness. "Sasuke?" He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. "I know you're in here."
"Go back to bed, Naruto."
"It's lonely there without you," Naruto pouted.
"I cannot come to you tonight."
"Are you ill, my lord?" Naruto asked quietly.
Sasuke laughed softly, bitterly. "I am never ill, my sweet. Only sick in mind and spirit."
Naruto took another step toward him. "Let me help you."
"There is nothing you can do, Naruto."
"But…”
"If you care for me as much as you say, you will go back to bed." He drew in a ragged breath and released it slowly. "Go now, while I am willing, and able, to let you go."
"Sasuke, please…”
"Leave me." He spoke from between clenched teeth, his voice harsh, resounding with the power he held tightly leashed within him.
With a strangled sob, Naruto turned and fled the room.
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Sasuke’s side of the bed was empty in the morning.
Alarmed, Naruto drew on his robe and hurried down the stairs. "Iruka! Iruka!"
"Yes, my lord?" Iruka stepped out of the kitchen, looking much improved from the night before.
"Where is he? He didn't come to bed. The sun…" Naruto shook his head, blue eyes wide with a fear he dared not voice aloud.
"He is well, my lord."
"Where is he? He hasn't..." Naruto took a deep breath. "He hasn't left the castle?" He hasn't left me. The words, unspoken, seemed to hover in the air between them.
"No, my lord."
Naruto frowned. "But if he's here, where is he?" Iruka hesitated a minute, as though deciding whether he should tell the blond or not.
"Tell me."
"He's in the cellar."
"The cellar!"
Iruka's gaze slid away. "He takes his rest there, on occasion.”
"In the cellar? Why ever for?"
"I'm afraid only my Lord Sasuke can tell you that."
Naruto turned toward the door, felt Iruka's hand upon his arm. "He will not like it if you go there."
"I'm his partner and lord of this castle," Naruto said, surprised by the faintly imperious tone of his voice. "I will permit no secrets between my lord Sasuke and myself."
Iruka removed his hand from his arm, then bowed. "As you wish, Lord Naruto."
Naruto met Iruka’s gaze, an apology on the tip of his tongue. He had never treated Iruka like a servant and was ashamed he had done so now.
Iruka shook his head. "You need not apologize, my lord." He pulled a long white candle from a drawer and lit it for him. "You'll have need of this." He reached into his pocket and withdrew a large brass key. "And this.”
Taking both candle and key, Naruto turned away, his heart hammering in his chest as he made his way toward the long narrow flight of stairs that led down to the cellar. A wave of cold air met him as he opened the door. For a moment, he stood at the top of the steps, looking down into the darkness beyond.
Why had Sasuke chosen to rest down there? What would he find?
Summoning his courage, reminding himself that Sasuke was his, so he descended the steps. Holding the candle higher, he saw several well stocked wine racks, dozens of barrels and boxes, an enormous trunk covered with dust. Tightening his grip on the candle, taking another deep breath, he made his way deeper into the cellar.
The air was dank and musty. Dusty cobwebs hung from the corners of the ceiling. The floor of hard packed earth was cold beneath his feet. Images of hairy spiders and rats flitted across his mind.
When Naruto reached the far end of the room, he stopped. And then he saw it, a narrow iron strapped door to his left.
Sasuke was there.
With a hand that trembled, he slid the key into the lock. Dropping the key into the pocket of his robe, he took a deep breath and opened the door. Praying for courage, he crossed the threshold.
The room was empty save for the coffin set against the far wall. A long black coffin, with the lid closed. And carved into the top of the lid was the image of a raven in flight. Bile rose in his throat as he stared at the casket.
Aren't vampires supposed to sleep in coffins? he had once asked.
And Sasuke had replied I find them narrow and confining.
Terror settled in his stomach like a chunk of winter ice. This was what Sasuke was. He had told him so plainly enough. Sasuke had let him see his face with the mask of humanity gone. And still, Naruto had not understood completely, nor, he realized, fully believed, until now.
With a determination he had never known he possessed, he forced himself to cross the floor, to lift the satin smooth heavy lid, to look inside. Sasuke lay on a bed of white velvet. His cloak was wrapped around him, the black of his cloak and hair a sharp contrast to the casket's lining.
His husband. A vampire.
He stirred, as though aware of Naruto’s presence, and his cloak settled more firmly around him, as if to restrain him. A look of pain crossed his face, and then a single word whispered past his lips.
"Naruto."
Tears welled in blue eyes and ran down tanned cheeks. Tears of sorrow and pity, tears of compassion and soul deep anguish. Tears that fell faster and faster, wetting the black robe he clutched, dripping onto Sasuke's cloak. Tears that refused to stop. A river of silent tears that Naruto feared would drown them both.
He had the feeling that Sasuke knew he was there.
Naruto could feel Saskuke struggling through layers of darkness, fighting to be free of the deathlike sleep that imprisoned him, and Naruto knew he could not face the dark lord now.
And then Iruka was there beside him, offering him an arm, leading him away.
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Sasuke woke with the setting of the sun, his nostrils filled with Naruto’s scent. He vaulted from the casket, hands clenched in anger. Naruto had been here. He had not dreamed of the blond’s presence while he lay helpless in the dark, but then, he never dreamed. Naruto had been there.
Iruka! Attend me! Now!
He paced the floor while he waited for his servant, the certainty of what he must do cutting through him like a knife. He whirled around as the door to the cellar opened.
Iruka eyed him warily. "My lord?"
"I'm leaving here. Tonight."
"I shall pack your things."
"No. I'm taking nothing with me." His gaze met Iruka's. "Nothing.”
"Very well. I shall be ready."
Sasuke shook his head. "No. I want you to stay here, with... with him." He couldn't say his name aloud, not now.
"I don't understand."
"I am not as other men, and I find I cannot pretend any longer."
"My lord, perhaps if you did not keep so much to yourself. Perhaps if you went into the village for an evening and spent time with the people, let them see you. Perhaps if they knew you were the one providing funds for the shelter, it would help to dispel the rumors."
"No. It will be better for Naruto, for all of us, if I leave." Sasuke turned away, his arms folded over his chest. "I want you to stay with him as long as he needs you. When he's..." He took a deep breath. "When he's found someone else, you will come to me."
Someone else, Sasuke thought bitterly. Someone like Hyuuga.
"Yes, my lord." Iruka cleared his throat.
"Will you be telling him this yourself?"
"No." Sasuke shook his head, despising himself for his cowardice. "I'll need paper and pen."
"Yes, my lord."
.
.
.
Naruto looked up from the book he was reading, smiling expectantly, but it wasn't Sasuke in the doorway. It was Iruka.
"What is it?" he asked, alarmed by the grim expression on Iruka's face. "What's wrong?"
Iruka held out a sheet of paper. "This is for you, my lord."
"A letter?" He stood up, the book in his lap tumbling to the floor, forgotten, as he took the paper from Iruka's hand. A letter at night could only be bad news.
He stared at it as if he had never seen a letter before, then slowly turned it over, his heart plummeting into his stomach when he saw Sasuke's seal pressed into the wax.
With a bow, Iruka left the room.
Crossing the floor, Naruto sat down on the edge of the bed, the bed he had shared with Sasuke, and stared at the envelope, at the stark white paper, at the raven's head imprinted in the blood red sealing wax.
Finally, with hands that trembled, he broke the seal.
Naruto,
I cannot pretend any more. These past six months spent with you have been the happiest of my existence. You will never know the joy you have brought me, but I cannot stay with you longer. Your nearness soothes my soul even as it stirs the demon hunger within me, a hunger I fear I can no longer restrain.
The castle is yours. Do with it as you will. Iruka will stay with you as long as you need him. It is my wish that you forget me and find another. Hyuuga would make you a fine husband, one who can give you the kind of life you deserve.
Forgive me for telling you this in a letter, but, coward that I am, I could not tell you to your face for fear that you would convince me to stay. To do so might put your life, your very soul, in danger, and that is something I would never do.
Know that I shall cherish your memory and love you until my last breath.
Your obedient servant, Sasuke
Naruto stared at the words, words blurred by his tears, unable to believe that Sasuake had left, that he would never see him again.
He didn't know how long he sat there, silent tears tracking his cheeks, staining the paper in his hands. Sasuke was gone.
"Lord Naruto?"
It was an effort to lift his head. Iruka stood in the doorway, his expression somber, his eyes filled with sympathy.
"Lord Hyuuga is downstairs, my lord."
"I can't see him now."
"I'm afraid he's insisting."
"Send him away."
"He will not go." Iruka took a deep breath. "He says my lord Sasuke bid him come.”
Sasuke! Perhaps Hyuuga would know where he had gone. "Very well." He stood up, the letter clutched in one hand. He followed Iruka down the stairs, not caring that his eyes were red and swollen from his tears.
He was beyond feeling, past caring what anyone else thought.
Hyuuga was in the front parlor, his back to the hearth. He swore under his breath when Naruto entered the room, then swiftly crossed the floor and gathered the blond into his arms.
Naruto didn't resist, simply stood there, forlorn as a lost child.
"Naruto." Taking him by the hand, he led the blond toward the big overstuffed chair near the hearth. Knowing it was against propriety, he nevertheless sat down and drew Naruto into his lap, holding him as if he were a babe in need of solace.
Naruto snuggled against Hyuuga, his face buried in the hollow of the man’s shoulder.
Muffled sobs shook through the blond; tears soaking Neji’s coat. Murmuring to the blond softly, he stroked his back, quietly cursing Sasuke for his cruel abandonment.
He had seen Sasuke at Shushu-ya's earlier that evening.
FLASHBACK
"I am leaving Konohagakure," Sasuke had said without preamble. "I want you to look after Naruto."
It had taken the viscount a moment to find his voice. "Where are you going?"
"It doesn't matter."
"When are you coming back?"
"I don't know. Perhaps never."
"I don't understand."
A trace of wry amusement had flickered in Sasuke's eyes. "I cannot explain it to you, Hyuuga, but I want your word that you will look after him.”
Neji had stared into Sasuke's eyes, those compelling black eyes that had, over the years, often made him uneasy. There was no hint of danger lurking in those eyes now, no arrogance, only a pain so deep it could not be concealed. "You know I will."
Sasuke had nodded. "Be good to him," he had said, and then, his cape billowing behind him, he had left the room.
Disappeared, Neji would have thought, if such a thing was possible.
END FLASHBACK
"He's left me."
Naruto's voice brought Hyuuga back to the present. "I know."
"Why?"
Blue eyes looked up at him, the pain in those eyes reminding him of the anguish he had seen in Sasuke's. "I don't know," Hyuuga replied softly. Taking a linen handkerchief from his coat pocket, he wiped the tears from blue eyes, tanned cheeks.
"I thought he loved me." Naruto looked at the letter still clutched in his hand. "He said he loved me."
"He does," Hyuuga said. "I'm sure of it."
Naruto then looked at Neji as if seeing him for the first time. "Why are you here?"
"Sasuke asked me to come. He didn't want you to be alone."
"He sent you to me? You saw him?" Hope flared in his eyes. "When? Where? Where is he now?"
"He's gone, Naruto. He wouldn't tell me where or why, only that he was going." It hurt to watch the hope die in those blue eyes, to see the hopelessness settle over him once more. It hurt to know that the blond loved another.
"Naruto, what can I do?"
"Do?"
Naruto stared at him blankly. Naruto shuddered in his arms as a fresh wave of tears filled blue eyes. Helpless, Neji watched him cry, watched the silent tears flood his eyes and cascade down tanned cheeks.
After a while, Naruto collapsed against him, and he held him tight, his hand stroking blond hair, his back, wondering if the blond would ever smile again.
Standing outside in the shadows, Sasuke peered in the window, watching. A pain as sharp as a stake pierced his heart as he listened to Naruto’s tears and knew he was the cause.
“I love you, my sweet Naruto,” he murmured.
And it was that love that made him turn away, that sent him running through the night, away from the only person he had ever loved.
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Days passed, but Naruto was hardly aware of them. He spent his mornings wandering through the gardens, remembering the nights he had spent walking in the moonlight with Sasuke. He ate at Iruka's insistence, though he had no appetite for food. He took long naps and retired early to his bed because it was only there, in his dreams, that his husband came to him.
Hyuuga came to visit him each day, his concern evident in the look in his eyes, in his voice, the gentle touch of his hand. He didn't intrude on Naruto’s grief, didn't tell him not to cry, not to grieve. He bowed to his wishes when Naruto wanted to be alone, held the blond when he asked for comfort, dried his tears when he wept. And hoped that, one day, Naruto would accept his love, prayed that one day he would grow to love him as deeply as he loved the dark lord of Castle Uchiha.
And sometimes when he cried, when the pain in blue eyes made his heart ache, he knew he would gladly see Naruto reunited with Sasuke if it would make him smile again.