understanding emotions
Naruto didn't leave. He spent a sleepless night, remembering everything Sasuke had said, everything that had passed between them since that fateful night at Shushu-ya’s, and when dawn came, Naruto knew he couldn't leave the dark lord.
He had expected Sasuke to be glad, to spend his every waking moment in his company. Instead, Naruto had the feeling Sasuke was avoiding him. Though he joined him each night at supper, he seemed withdrawn. Naruto had thought, after what he'd told him, after the day he had spent sleeping beside the dark lord, that Sasuke would take him to his bed. Instead, he held him at arm's length, his dark gaze warning him to keep his distance. It was most confusing.
Tonight, Sasuke was late. He picked at his food, wondering if he had dreamed the whole thing. In the cold light of day, all Sasuke had told him seemed like a fable—reading minds and magical cloaks, living on the blood of sheep mixed with wine, being forced to live forever in the darkness. It was inconceivable.
He sensed Sasuke’s presence even before the dark haired man entered the dining room. Looking up, meeting his gaze, and he knew that it was all true. Sasuke was a vampire. Alive and yet dead. It explained so much: the despair he sometimes saw in those dark eyes, why he had never seen Sasuke during the light of day, why he never saw the man eat, why his skin was ever cool to the touch.
Naruto felt a burst of hysterical laughter bubble in his throat. He had been afraid Sasuke had bought him to shame him, to defile him, when all he had wanted was to drink his blood.
"Hungry, my lord?" he asked bitterly. Leaning back in his chair, he slowly and deliberately bared his throat to the dark gaze as all his dreams of a future with Sasuke dissolved in a crimson sea of impossibility. Sasuke would not claim him.
"Naruto, don't." Sasuke turned away from the revulsion in those blue eyes, from the sight of his bared throat, the pulse beating wildly. The scent of the blond’s despair, his blood, flooded his senses.
"I'm sorry. Forgive me," Naruto murmured, and tears cascaded down his cheeks without his consent. He would leave this place in a few months. Someday he may find a partner, a woman perhaps, and marry. He would have children and grandchildren, but Sasuke would still be here, locked in chains of eternal darkness, forever alone and lonely.
"Naruto!" Muttering an oath, Sasuke knelt in front of the blond and clasped Naruto’s hands in his. "Naruto, don't cry. Please don't cry. I cannot abide your tears. You needn't stay here any longer. I'll send you home tomorrow. Tonight, if you wish. Only please don't cry."
"I'm not crying for me," Naruto sobbed.
He stared up at Naruto, stunned by the realization that the blond was weeping for him.
"Is there nothing that can be done for you?" Naruto asked, sniffing back his tears.
"Done for me?" Sasuke asked, frowning.
"Can you never be mortal again?"
Slowly, Sasuke shook his head. "No."
"I'll stay with you,” he promised. “I’ll stay as long as you want me."
"Ah, Naruto, you have no idea how that tempts me." Never to be alone again. To have someone to share his life. He would show Naruto the world, shower him with diamonds and emeralds, grant him anything he desired. Naruto would never want for anything. The blond could sleep days at his side. His beautiful face would send him to sleep and welcome him when he awoke...
Slowly, Sasuke shook his head. He could not condemn Naruto to the kind of life he led, expect him to shun the daylight, to spend his life with a man who was not a man at all, simply to ease his loneliness. He might be a monster, but even he could not be that cruel.
Sasuke’s loneliness, the complete and utter sadness in the depths of his eyes, caught at Naruto’s heart and made his soul weep. "Don't send me away," he begged softly. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to Sasuke’s brow.
Sasuke slipped his arms around the blond’s waist, his face pressed against his chest. The warmth of the blond engulfed him, dispelling the cold that was his constant companion as sunlight chased away the chill of night.
"I won't." He drew in a shaky breath. "God forgive me, I won't."
A sense of peace, of coming home, filled Naruto’s soul as he stroked thick blue black hair.
"My sister is to wed on the morrow," he reminded the dark lord. "Say you'll come with me to the wedding."
"If you wish." Sasuke no longer seemed to have any will of his own, he thought with wry amusement. When Naruto spoke, he yearned only to obey.
"I do," Naruto chuckled when Sasuke looked up. "You are most agreeable, my lord."
"It seems I can deny you nothing."
"Nothing, my lord Sasuke?"
"What would you have now, Naruto? A chest filled with sapphires to rival the color of your eyes? Gold to match the color of your hair?"
"What I want is of infinitely more worth, my lord." Naruto shook his head gently.
"I cannot imagine what it might be."
"Can't you?" Naruto raised a brow in challenge.
Naruto was flirting with him, Sasuke mused. And quite brazenly, too. "Tell me, my sweet, and it's yours."
"A kiss," Naruto said, drawing out the word until it was a caress. "One kiss."
"Only one?"
"Or two.”
"Or twenty?" Sasuke murmured, covering the blond’s lips with his.
Naruto made a low sound of assent deep in his throat as he wrapped his arms around Sasuke’s neck. This was what he wanted, he thought as Sasuke’s touch drugged his senses. To be here, in Sasuke’s arms, for the rest of his life.
Time ceased to have meaning as Sasuke’s tongue stroked his lower lip, as his cool smooth hands slid up his rib cage, his thumbs lightly stroking his nipples.
"Sasuke... please…”
Sasuke drew back to look at him. His breathing was ragged, he could feel his eyes alight with a fierce inner glow.
"Don't turn me away again," Naruto pleaded softly.
"Naruto, I want you more than you can imagine…”
"But?"
"I'm afraid I'll hurt you, that..."
"What?"
"Naruto, I can't always separate my desire from the hunger that plagues me. I'm afraid that, in the heat of passion, the lust for blood will overcome my self control."
"Does it always happen that way?"
"I don't know. I've only taken one woman to my bed since I was made into a vampire."
"Only one? In four hundred years?"
"The lust for blood has ever been more powerful than the lust of the flesh." Until Naruto, he thought. Until Naruto came and threaded hope into the lonely tapestry of his life.
"What happened to that girl?"
"She died in my arms."
Naruto sat back in the chair, unable to suppress the shudder of fear that skittered down his spine.
"Naruto, I could not live with the guilt if anything I did should cause you harm."
"Have you... taken nourishment this evening?"
"Yes." Knowing he would see Naruto, remembering what it had been like to hold the blond while he slept, he had fed, and fed well.
"Are you hungry now?"
Sasuke shook his head, the certainty of what was coming next exciting him even as it filled him with a sense of dread.
Sasuke needed him, needed him as surely as Naruto needed him in return. Knowing that gave Naruto the courage to shake off his fear. Rising to his feet, he took Sasuke’s hand and drew him up beside him. "I've waited for you long enough, my lord."
The words were spoken so softly, Sasuke doubted a mere mortal could have heard them.
Sasuke shook his head. "I cannot, Naruto. Please do not ask this of me."
"I'm not afraid."
His fingers curled over Naruto’s shoulders. "But I am.”
“Did you love that other girl?”
“No.”
"Do you love me?"
Sasuke nodded, unable to deny it.
Naruto’s smile was as bright as the sunlight he would never see again, as warm as a mother's love. "You're sure this is what you want, Naruto?" For answer, Naruto took his hand and turned toward the door.
Helpless to resist, Sasuke followed the blond up the winding staircase to his room.
Inside, Naruto’s courage seemed to desert him, and he stared up at the dark lord, his eyes wide and uncertain.
"We don't have to do this," Sasuke whispered.
“No, I want to. I just don't know what's expected of me.” Naruto could feel the heat rising in his cheeks from embarrassment.
"We could start with a kiss," Sasuke suggested, hoping it would put them both at ease.
He drew Naruto into his arms, felt the nervous tremors that shook the blond from head to foot. "Naruto." He murmured his name as he claimed pink plump lips.
Naruto was sweeter than honey, warmer than a summer day. It was like standing next to a ray of sunshine, Sasuke thought. Holding Naruto in his arms chased away the chill that seemed ever to hold him in its grasp, and he drew the blond closer, absorbing the heat of him, the softness. His warm body was crushed against his chest; he could feel the rapid beat of Naruto’s heart, sense the passion rising within him.
The blond responded to his kiss ardently, pressing himself closer, harder, his arms sliding around his neck. A moan escaped the blond's lips while he slid his tongue down and over his throat, along his shoulder. "Naruto, Naruto, do you know how often I have dreamed of this moment?"
Naruto made a wordless sound of assent, drawing back a little so he could see Sasuke’s face. The heat emanating from those dark eyes threatened to scorch his very soul, and Naruto thought how wonderful it was that an innocent such as he could arouse such a powerful man.
Sasuke released the blond long enough to remove his cloak. Naruto watched as he tossed it over a chair, felt his breath catch in his throat as he caught sight of himself in his mirror.
For a moment, it was as if the world came to a stop and Naruto saw everything in frozen moments of time: his reflection, his golden hair slightly mussed, his cheeks flushed, his lips slightly swollen from Sasuke’s kisses. He could see the black cloak, spread like a river of velvet blackness over the chair. He saw the bed behind him. But Sasuke, who stood beside him, cast no reflection in the glass.
Startled, Naruto glanced at the dark lord, assuring himself that he was there. He looked in the mirror again, and felt the blood drain from his face.
"What is it?" Sasuke looked at him suspiciously and then, slowly, he followed Naruto’s gaze. The blond’s image stared back at him from the mirror, his blue eyes wide, his face ashen. "Naruto?"
"I ... You..." He drew in a deep breath, let it out in a long, shaky sigh. "The mirror... You don't ... Why can't I see you?"
Sasuke went suddenly still. "I'm not sure," he replied stiffly. "There are many theories, the foremost being that vampires cast no reflection because they are composed of unnatural flesh."
Vampire... Naruto knew that was what Sasuke was, but he had refused to dwell on it, had tried to pretend that it didn't matter, that it was some sort of rare disease rather than a state of being. Naruto knew now why there had been no mirrors in the castle, knew the heavy draperies over the windows weren't there simply to shut out the light.
Taking a step back, he gazed up at Sasuke. In an unconscious gesture of self protection, he crossed his arms, hugging his body.
Sasuke did not miss the significance of the action. Drawing himself up to his full height, he moved to the far side of the room. "I told you what I am," he said, his voice cold and slightly defensive.
"I know, but I guess I never really realized what it meant. It doesn't matter. Truly, it doesn't. It just startled me for a moment." Naruto shook his head, his eyes looking elsewhere.
"Startled?" Sasuke lifted one black brow in bitter amusement. "You look ready to faint."
"Do I?" Naruto smiled wanly. "Can you blame me?"
"No. This isn't going to work, Naruto. I'll have Iruka take you home in the morning."
"No!" Naruto hurried across the floor and placed his hands on the dark lord’s shoulders. "It doesn't matter." He gestured at the mirror. "I just didn't know about this. You never said..." He crossed his arms again, suddenly remembering that Sasuke had imparted this knowledge to him when he explained about Fuuka and how he had become a vampire. "I'm sorry, I forgot."
Naruto thought of all the other things Sasuke had told him about vampires. It had all sounded so unreal, so improbable. He knew now that, in spite of Sasuke’s ability to open and close doors and start fires with the power of his thoughts, in spite of the dark lord’s need for blood, deep down, Naruto hadn't really believed Sasuke was a vampire. "Is there anything else I should know? I mean, I've heard stories about vampires, of course, but ..."
Naruto bit down on his lower lip to stop his inane babbling. Even after all he had seen, after all Sasuke had said, he didn't want to believe it was true. Tears stung his eyes as he looked up at Sasuke, hoping he would tell him it had all been some horrid mistake.
"Ah, Naruto, you are so young, and I feel so very old."
"Tell me."
"I believe I've told you everything you need to know." His gaze moved to the slender column of Naruto’s neck, to the pulse that throbbed so invitingly. The scent of his blood teased his nostrils. Overcome with tenderness, he took Naruto’s hands in his and kissed each one, his lips cool against his flesh. "I think I'd better go."
"But... I thought that…”
"Another time, Naruto." He was both relieved and disappointed when the blond didn't argue.
"Will I see you tomorrow night, my lord?"
"If you wish."
"Will you accompany me to my sister's wedding?"
"Do you think that would be wise?"
"I don't know. Perhaps it would be good for you to spend more time with people and less time locked away in this castle.”
Sasuke looked skeptical. "What time is the wedding?"
"Seven, my lord, at Konohagakure Chapel." Naruto bit down on his lower lip. "Can you... I mean, you won't...?"
Sasuke laughed softly. "I assure you, the church will not collapse if I enter, my sweet. Nor will I disintegrate into a smoldering pile of ash." Bending, he pressed his lips to the top of Naruto’s head. "Until tomorrow night."