forgiveness is hard to give
Kanae has seen the man and the teens- the men and woman before. Aniki had dragged them home for dinner and she had cooked up a feast in return for his excited chatter and sunny smiles. They were easy to get along with, easier yet to relax with. Her Aniki had been so happy the whole dinner, and Uzume-baa-san even broke out her hidden stash with Namikaze-san.
Yet here she is, standing against them, amidst the crowd of Uchiha, watching as the boy-turned-man bowed his head for the honor of holding her Aniki’s eye. Watching as his sensei and the girl he fell in love with bow with him.
Kanae should scream, should be shouting and scorning them like her kin is doing, for what is seemingly bloodline theft. Should be glaring at him in hatred.
Except she isn’t.
Kanae remembers being Anka and talking with Kochou about sacrifices. She remembers the emphasis the girl placed on respect. She knows- knew her Aniki, knew how much he loved and cared.
She has made plans for this. Many discarded in a fit of anger. Kanae knows herself and her love. It’s not healthy but then again, which Uchiha’s is? She has wanted to be angry. Has wanted to be cold. Has written out attempted speeches and conversation and found herself lost for words when it inevitably ended up at the topic of her Aniki.
She stands, in the midst of her kin, a small, small girl, dwarfed by many, but so visible despite it all. She doesn’t talk even when people are shouting, just staring at the silver haired boy who was her Aniki’s something.
The silence is eerie to note.
Kakashi bows his head and doesn’t raise it back up despite the words and scorns thrown at him. He deserved this.
He was the team leader, the jounin, and yet he failed his team. Failed so badly one of them died.
(He left him just like he did why why why why-?)
Minato-sensei insisted they do this. Kakashi doesn’t refuse. Rin is right by his side and bowing with him, and he doesn’t really know what to do.
The trial was finished a few days ago. There was much ruckus and squabbling and arguing.
(Kakashi doesn’t understand the ruckus. They could just pluck the eye from his head. He wouldn’t object.)
And yet here they are again, at the Uchiha clan compound. He keeps his eyes to the ground. He doesn’t deserve this.
They are arguing, his sensei is apologizing profusely, bowing beside him.
(You don’t have to bow you are the captain you weren’t there you have no fault don’t bow for me please-)
They straighten up, but he keeps his head down. He is a shinobi, he’s not supposed to feel all of this.
The noises are too loud yet he can’t make out a word. Minato-sensei could ask for a report after this and he wouldn’t be able to write it down. Damn it.
Then suddenly, silence. He doesn’t chance a glance. A few moments pass, and a soft female voice rings out. Familiar, but not someone he has worked with before. His mind doesn’t place it immediately.
Then, he hears soft sounds. Feet on dirt, almost silent glide. A shinobi. A killer-in-training. He doesn’t recognize the steps, the gait, but that doesn’t matter. If they want to kill him, they can.
“...-san.”
The voice is closer now. Young. Familiar. It reminds him of teasing and squawking and hearty laughter from somewhere, with warm lights and bubbling food, of something he ruined-
“Hatake Kakashi, look at me.”
He jumps, snapping to comply with the order hidden in steel. There is authority in that voice, urging him to heed it like the soldier he is.
He sees little Kanae, who used to follow his brother to the training grounds and bring food and snacks for everyone. Little Kanae, who was kind and easy to talk to, determined to do well with her bright mind yet stubbornly refused to test out of the academy early.
That little Kanae is standing in front of him, a head shorter but her spine straight, hands clenched into fists by her side. There’s steel in her eyes, fire that threaten to burn anyone who comes too close. Her mouth is set in a determined line. There’s anger behind the calm facade she’s trying to keep up, Kakashi can see it, of course, she’s not good enough of a shinobi to hide it yet, not old enough to control her every expression.
There’s a tilt to her head, something conflicting within her, assessing him, watching. Kakashi awaits judgment.
“Show me.” She demands, not even moving a centimeter from her position, and yet the authority is there again, present in her voice, an order he doesn’t begrudge her. Kakashi knows just what she was referring to.
His shaky - steady hands untie the hitai-ie, slipping the cloth away from his face. He feels bare, but he peels off the bandage underneath anyway. It allows him a moment to keep his head down, a chance to stop looking at Kanae and be reminded of Obi- of him. They always look so alike. One, two, three, four. The medical tape holding the gauze there fell away.
And then he opens his - Obito’s eye to absolute clarity. He slowly lifts his head, enough to meet her eyes. She deserves this much, at least. He can be brave for her. He can follow orders.
There’s the stubborn set to her mouth, a sight so familiar that he has to catch himself. Her eyes glister, and the absolute heartbreaking face she makes make him want to leave, but Kakashi stays where he was. Her hands shake, clenching and unclenching, only to repeat the motion again. She was restraining herself, keeping herself still.
Kanae opens her mouth, the words whisper and crack as her lips wobble. “.. Can I … touch it?”
She still asks for permission like always, like usual, asking every time before she touches him in some way. It used to be a norm. But the sentence is always “Can I touch you?”, spoken calmly and leveled, like a question and not a request. There’s no pressure then. There’s underlying strength in her words now, even as she stares resolutely at him, even as her face twists in grief.
He makes the barest of nods, still keeping eye contact even when it’s uncomfortable for him. Kanae deserves that much when she’s clearly trying so hard not to break down. Kakashi owes her this much.
Her right hand slowly, shakingly, lifts up, the barest of touch on his face. It’s gentle. She avoids the scabbing injury, yet runs her thumb along the underside of his - Obito’s eye. The pressure grows, and in a split second, it feels like she was going to dig her finger in and pull the eye out. Kakashi doesn’t move. He would deserve it.
Instead, the pressure recedes, a lapse of control, and the barely-there touch keeps him looking into her eyes.
She was staring, sadness so evident in her smell and face. Kakashi breathes, and gets a noseful of salty sadness and the undercurrent of bitter anger and something hurting. He doesn’t move, doesn’t look away. Like she was trying to memorize the color, the shape, the mere sight of Obito’s eye. The last legacy she has of her brother, someone she loved.
After another moment, she steps back, her hand leaving his skin, head bows ever so slightly, yet her spine still straight. The bang she trims ever so carefully falls over her eyes, obscuring her face. It doesn’t matter. He can smell the grief, can see her soft trembling. He doesn’t say a word.
Before long, she raises her head again, meeting his eyes. There’s a certain curve to her lips that he was used to seeing, something that made him sigh and concede the argument to her when they talked. The sounds she makes are still so brittle.
“What was… were his last words?”
He stills. His mind whirrs to find the correct answer, to give her something that isn’t so brutal. She has been hurt enough.
“The truth, Hatake-san.” Kanae snaps out, commanding, “Only the truth, from the moment of his decision. Tell me.”
And so Kakashi does. He talks, voice monotone and devoid of any infliction. It’s a report, more than anything else.
“I’m giving you my sharingan. Whatever the village may say, you are a great jounin. Please accept. Rin, use your medical ninjutsu and have my sharingan, the whole left eye, transplanted to Kakashi.”
Kakashi takes a small breath, a pause that would be unnoticeable if he was anywhere else but in the Uchiha clan compound, in the presence of so many shinobi trained to notice body cues.
“I’m about to die, but I’ll become your eye and we’ll see what happens in the future.”
Kanae takes a shuddering breath, calming herself, or attempting to. Her eyes are closed, face scrunched together in pain. Then she opens them again and they
are
red.
There are tears flowing down her cheek, and when she speaks, her voice is soft.
(Too soft too gentle she should be angry at him hate him right now why why-)
The tomoe spins slowly.
“Aniki likes to watch the sunset from the Hokage Monument, on top of Niidaime-sama’s head. He likes to watch the clouds from the field behind the Tokimi stall in the West market. He told me about the seas and oceans and beaches, and said he loves seeing those beautiful sight.”
Kanae talks, and he hangs onto every word, because those are facts he didn’t know about his friend, his savior. It’s spoken like a whisper, a secret not meant to be shared.
“So, please, Kakashi-nii.” Kanae pleads to him, using the nickname she so rarely uses, only ever when she’s asking for something. The desperation is faint, but no less detectable. “Don’t let all that remain in his memory be blood and gore and tragedies, like it will no doubt see in this war and afterward. Take him to see the world, please. Let there be beauty in his remembrance.”
Kakashi doesn’t trust his voice, mentally shoving every emotion he is feeling at the moment into that tight little box in the back of his mind, pushing it in and locking it away. He nods, small and unsure, but it seems to unwind something in Kanae, because he can see the way her shoulders sag just that slightest bit with Obito’s sharingan.
She gives him a bright smile, not all forced, but the sad edge is still there.
“Protect that eye, please.”
“That goes without saying.” He replies, finally finding his voice, blank and flat.
She gives him that same sad smile, softer somehow.
“Then, live to see his legacy known, please, Kakashi-nii.”
He gives a nod, and she closes her eyes, satisfied.
She steps back out of his field of vision, and he lowers his head, closing Obito’s eye.
He can hear her steps, quiet but not yet silent, moving away.
Kakashi shoves his emotion back into a box in his mind and throw the key the fuck away, because he does not have the time to deal with them.