love isn't hard
The tears dried after a while.
Kanae is spent. Her emotional capacity has never really been great with tears, even her own. Maybe especially her own. She is taught that crying is weakness, after all.
She just - really can’t bring herself to let go of the hold she has on Kochou. It’s… safe. Logically, Kanae recognizes that Kochou really can’t do much in terms of protecting her from physical harm. It does not stop her body melting into the embrace, relaxing and being unguarded despite the dangers.
It’s ridiculous. It’s undignified. And yet, and yet-!
Kochou smells faintly of sweet milk and grass, something like nectar or fruit. It's ridiculous and should not be as calming as this.
Kanae is fucked to high hell, isn’t she?
She resolutely buries her nose into the soft flesh of Kochou’s neck again and ignores her problems.
They already have a sort of routine that they all fall into. The sisters?-cousins? would leave at around dusk, when the sky turns yellow and fades with pink. When the clouds look like dusty gray rolling over the gradients.
So Kanae isn’t surprised when Kochou starts to shift and move under her grip when the sky changes color. She just really, really doesn’t want to let go.
Her heart feels raw, and she kind of wants to learn Doton for the sole purpose of burying herself underneath the ground right now. It’s a tempting thing.
Kanae, as a principle, doesn’t enjoy physical touches that much. She has enough from her Aniki, but that’s- impossible now.
Even then, she didn’t like it when the touches lingered, something more than a passing hug or a pat on the back. So it comes as a surprise when she finds herself reluctant to pull away from the soft embrace Kochou has on her.
Kanae rasps out - hiding a wince because gosh, she sounds terrible. “You need to go home, right?”
She really wishes the answer would be “no”, but Kanae knows better than that.
Kochou gives a small nod, and Hana - when did she come so close again? Kanae needs to work on her situation awareness. This could get her killed - pulls her sister-cousin to her feet. She doesn’t ask which it is.
She reels her hands in, keeping it in her lap as she sits cross legged, looking up at the two girls. Her throat is definitely going to need some time, and her eyes are undoubtedly puffy and irritated, red streaks marking her cheeks. She attempts a feeble smile, and waves at them. “Be back soon?”
Kochou answers, almost soothingly. “We will try.”
She watches as the two walk off into the distance, somewhere to the South. Maybe they live on the outskirts. People don’t normally go to the village’s border. Kanae carefully doesn’t expound on that thought. It wouldn’t do to ruin the game too soon.
Kanae feels so much lighter, a weight lifted off her shoulder. She is still grieving, but she feels more composed by a large stretch. Not that she can be considered stable anytime soon, really. Uchiha loves deeply, and when they lose their loved one, it is often a shattered heart and half broken mind that follows. Kanae didn’t have anyone else. Uzume-baa-san might be, but she’s not, and Kanae knows that ultimately, the lady who has taken care of both of them would never be enough to pull her from the brink of insanity she would have fallen into as soon as she truly processed the news.
Kanae is a good actor, but she knows she would grow to resent this village and the war for its role in her brother’s death. Knows she wouldn’t be able to fool herself into being loyal. Knows she needs an anchor, soon. Knows she wouldn’t trust Konoha with her people’s life so soon.
Kanae has always been a little too self-aware, too understanding, but so unforgiving. Pride would be her downfall one day, surely.
But Kochou has broken through that layer so easily, hasn’t she? And Kanae has been the one to reach out. Maybe Kochou can be the one she needs. Maybe, just maybe, Kanae won’t lose herself.
Uchiha has someone they love and cherish above all. Their Person, Treasure, theirs. Whatever you want to call it. There’s no true criteria to it, you just click with someone. It doesn’t even have to be mutual. It hurts when it’s not mutual, when people barely care in the face of the vulnerability Uchiha shows to their Person.
Uchiha is the strongest with their Person, and sometimes stronger when they are gone.
It comes with the cost of sanity.
Children of the clan are taught extensively to recognize when their Person isn’t responding to their approach like should be. Taught to recognize when a Person might be bad for them, might use their feelings toward them. Taught how to disassociate from those bad ones, to carry themselves away from those relationships.
Despite the Uchiha’s icy exterior, they love as brightly as the fire they wield. They will burn for their Person, will fight to the death for them. Uchiha is a clan affected by their emotion, and so it will always be, even when many of them burn up in flame from their accursed love.
They are an Olde Clan, with the instinct to match.
Any Olde clan has a set of instinct, perhaps from their summons, or from the long line of chakra usage. Whatever it is, it allows those from the clans to be much more dangerous, with drawbacks matching it.
The Nara, with their intelligence, tends to be lazy, like a panther in waiting, but their body requires so much more rest.
The Akimichi, with their strength, are so often gentle souls that it pains them to be shinobi, but they care more for their people than anything else.
The Yamanaka, with their mind, often feel overwhelmed by the world before they learn apathy.
The Hyuga, with their byakugan, are an arrogant sort that turn onto their own blood because they can’t bear to keep looking outward and see the worst.
The Inuzuka and the Hatake are both wild clans, embracing their instincts with pride.
The Uchiha are cursed with pride but also love. Their possessiveness rivals that of the Hatake, their protectiveness on par with the Inuzuka, their love like lava in their veins.
Is it strange, then, that the Uchiha is so unstable yet so respected?
They hide their affections and emotions, keeping it close so no one can use them. Yet they need it to survive, because morals don't come easy in the face of loss.
Kanae is aware when she slinks back into the house that Uzume-baa-san already saw her. Even with the walk back to the house, her eyes aren’t dry and the puffy red must be so visible. She had cleaned up somewhat on the river, but just that won’t stop Uzume-baa-san, who has lived through a war, not unscathed, but still alive. You don’t get to that point without being able to see.
She doesn’t bother to hide the soft smile playing on her lips. It’s no use in front of her anyway.
Uzume-baa-san is leaning against the kitchen’s door when Kanae finally looks up from putting away her things. Her black eyes are assessing, watching her. Kanae lets her, knowing there’s no hiding herself here.
After a while, Uzume-baa-san huffs. “Rough day?”
Kanae can see the slight concern in her eyes, hear the roughness in her tone. “Good day today, baa-san.” She reassures her.
She can’t quite stop the grin on her face from widening. “I found someone.”
Kanae gingerly presses her palm to her chest. She feels warm and giddy, far less empty. A little like the “high” she has heard described, actually. She can recognize her own feelings, thank you very much.
“Mine.” She mumbles, the grin softening into something a little content and satisfied.
There’s a period of quiet, and then Uzume-baa-san ruffles her hair aggressively. “I see. Good for you, kid.”
Kanae goes up to her room for a little studying before dinner. It’s a good day, really.