You're not a monster
As Madara disappears into thin air, Sasuke wonders what possibly Madara would gain from bringing him here. It sure as hell wasn’t something stemming from kindness or empathy.
But Sasuke didn’t feel like thinking about that, because all that was on his mind was his brother.
He has another chance, to get all the answers he needs.
Most of all, he just wants to hear the truth from his brother and his brother only.
Warm, fuzzy feelings came back to him, feelings that he hadn’t felt since before the massacre. It was strange, having something comforting pressing against the churning hatred he held so dear. Yet he couldn’t quite bring himself to appreciate it. Hatred was, is, his only motivation, he was an avenger, stuck on a path that had been forced upon him.
The path that Itachi drove him down. He was the reason Sasuke hates himself so much, the reason why Sasuke’s hands were covered with blood. Sasuke feels like he could never forgive him for that, yet it was a lie. Itachi sacrificed his life for the village and him, tried to make him strong and keep him safe. He was selfless, in the most selfish way possible. He took the burden of the village’s crimes, and took the burden of Sasuke. He loved Sasuke but Sasuke had killed him. Sasuke’s advanced sharingan burned at the thought.
It was so hard to imagine Itachi’s face without wanting to scream in rage. Yet, despite the turmoil, Sasuke so desperately wanted to see his face without being covered in blood. He wanted to see the same face that smiled at him, no mad laughter nor villain facade. Just his brother, nothing less, nothing more.
That’s why you’re here, Sasuke reminds himself, walking down the same stone path he had before. The hatred still felt so familiar, so there. He felt an endless void of nothingness where all the pain was stored before, and the emptiness seemed to weigh him down. It was like phantom pain after losing a limb, missing something that’s not there. Things chipped away at him, and he would never know until it was too late.
He was barely holding back his emotions. Some parts of him wanted to mourn the loss of his brother, and other parts wanted to scream at him for making Sasuke who he is now. The hall seemed too haunted, too empty, to exist in this world. His steps didn’t seem to be in the correct rhythm, nor was his breathing.
Would Itachi even care? Would he be so focused on achieving his goal that he would force Sasuke to fight? To kill him a second time? Would Itachi try to put more hate into him? Make him watch their parents get killed for days?
What if Madara was lying and Itachi was actually the cold-blooded murderer everyone made him out to be?
He was crying when he left me that night. You dismissed it as a dream.
The stone tunnels seemed endless, and his footsteps seemed too loud yet so distant. Sasuke still instinctively kept a hand over his sword, half expecting to come face to face with Itachi at every turn. Even so, he still startles when he actually sees Itachi.
This one is a clone, He reminds himself.
He steels down on his heart, keeping everything the same until he meets the real Itachi.
“I have no interest in speaking to a clone.” Sasuke says, his voice cold and sharp. He must stay composed for the time being.
The clone gave away no emotions.
“You are certainly sharper than before.” Itachi murmurs, but not to himself. Sasuke couldn’t stop a surge of pride at Itachi’s words. He knew he should’ve played it off like before, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to stab Itachi through the chest again. “I am at the Uchiha hideout.” Itachi pulls apart into a murder of crows, and the cawing and the wingbeats fill the room. When all the crows left, Sasuke reaches up and let one of the black feathers land on his hand, the bristles brushing against his palm. He feels a small tug of his lips and gently puts the feather into his pocket.
Itachi waits at the tall, stone chair, waiting for his death. He makes himself a list of what to do during the fight, goals he has to achieve before he dies. The entire battle is planned out, every possible combination has been burned into his brain.
You deserve worse, He reminds himself. You deserve much worse than death.
His arm that rested against the edge of the Akatsuki cloak helped ease the pain in his chest that his medicines couldn’t. His body isn’t in any condition to live, let alone fight.
Sasuke, how strong have you become?
He had seen from the clone’s memories that Sasuke had seen right through the clone. Itachi was a bit surprised that he did. Pride filled his chest, taking over the constant pain, yet he couldn’t show it. Sasuke will never find out the truth.
It makes him wonder if Sasuke knows something about him. He brushes that off, since it seemed like an unlikely possibility.
Truth is, he misses Sasuke. But he doesn’t deserve to feel love for someone like Sasuke, when he himself was the one that ruined his life. It hurt Itachi when he saw Sasuke beat up by his own fists, not that he was allowed to feel hurt, after taking so many lives. Seeing how hate-stained his little brother was now compared to the little child who followed him everywhere made his soul hurt.
But he swears he will let Sasuke kill him. He will accept any torture Sasuke will inflict on him. After all, if it will make his little brother happy, he would let him. He will give Sasuke the relief of taking him off the face of the planet forever and give him his eyes.
“You must kill your best friend, just like I did…” Itachi’s own words echoed through his head. Had Sasuke really…?
He shook the thought off, he still has to get rid of Orochimaru’s curse mark. Sasuke deserves to be free of both himself and Orochimaru.
Sasuke, when will you come?
“With those eyes of yours, how much can you actually see?” Itachi is seated on the throne, just like before. Sasuke cringes remembering his own narrow-minded response.
“I can see the truth.” Sasuke means it now, “I can see past your lies.”
Itachi merely raises an eyebrow. Sasuke couldn’t pin his reaction down.
“I mean it, Itachi, drop the act already.” He approaches his older brother, deciding not to activate his sharingan. He isn’t quite sure if Itachi would attack him, or if it was a genjutsu. But he didn’t care, he just wants to see Itachi close up again.
“You are truly foolish, little brother.” Itachi says, his voice was even icier than what Sasuke remembered, “If you think this ploy will trick me, you are wrong.” He stood up from his seat slowly, staring down at Sasuke with red eyes. “I killed our clan to test my abilities,”
Sasuke narrows his eyes, and he wishes Itachi would just drop the facade and be his big brother again. Although, it made sense how devoted Itachi was to his plan, after all he sacrificed.
He died for your sake…
As he gets closer, Sasuke wonders again if Itachi had put him in a genjutsu. His brother’s face was staring back at him, frowning, but still unreadable. How would Itachi react? How would Sasuke react? Everything Sasuke felt has been pushed to the back of his mind, but seeing Itachi made it all fill up in his chest. He feels like he wouldn’t be in control of himself as soon as he starts talking to Itachi.
Now that he knows the truth, he can see the cracks in Itachi’s villain persona. He could see brief emotion flicker past his brother’s eyes when the possibilities of Sasuke knowing the truth came to mind.
He’s so young. Sasuke realizes. Ever since he was young, he saw Itachi as this looming figure, much older than him. A role model, an enemy. Despite the lines of fatigue on his face, he was only twenty-one. Only five years older than himself.
He was only thirteen when he was ordered to kill his clan. The thought made Sasuke sick. He lived the next eight years of his life in exile for the village’s crimes, waiting to be killed.
Itachi is younger than Kakashi, too. For some reason, they had seemed the same age.
Sasuke stops right in front of Itachi, who is still staring down at him. His brother is much taller than he was, but that doesn’t bother him. He reaches out for Itachi’s arm cradled on his cloak. Itachi narrows his eyes in suspicion, but doesn’t make a move to stop him.
The calm reaction is hard evidence that Sasuke was in a Genjutsu, or the Itachi in front of him is a clone.
His own hand brushes over his brother’s, and he gently takes his wrist. He remembers the burns he had inflicted on him before, and shudders. Itachi’s hand is cold and pale, but is turning warm in Sasuke’s hand. The touch reminds him of their childhood, and it brings a small smile to his face. Itachi remained frozen, staring at him with little expression on his face. He seemed genuinely confused, and Sasuke didn’t blame him.
He isn’t completely sure about what he wanted to do. His hand is curled around the larger ones of his brother, but his brother doesn’t do anything in response. He realizes that he wants to pour everything into his big brother, everything that he has shoved away from his own heart.
Finally, everything started to set in.
His brother sacrificed everything for him and the village
He killed everyone he loved
He was blackmailed by Danzo
He infiltrated the Akatsuki, all by himself
He lived as a criminal
He lived for Sasuke
He died for Sasuke.
It hadn’t completely made sense before, but now everything came rushing in blindly. Before, the truth was just there, but Sasuke just never processed it. However, the impact of his own realizations far surpasses the impact of Madara’s words. The numbness that has always been present was replaced with emotions that Sasuke couldn’t recognize even though it was familiar.
He chokes on his own sobs, and he feels Itachi’s hand flinch slightly. It becomes hard to breathe in the presence of his brother, and he wants to scream. His cries came in shudders and hiccups that ripped at his throat. He throws himself against his brother, and Itachi becomes as stiff as a rod. He wrapped his arms around his frail frame and buried his face into the crook of his neck.
He isn’t in control of what comes out of his mouth anymore. He mumbled apologies, over and over, some incoherent and some loud enough to pierce his own ears. He isn’t sure why he’s apologizing, but there was nothing else to say. His tears wet the infamous Akatsuki cloak, which hadn’t masked the scent of his older brother. He smelled like his childhood.
“You sa-sacrificed so m-much,” Sasuke gains some control of his speech, “Itachi…you w-wanted to die.” He feels Itachi tense up even more.
“Why?” Sasuke asks, choking on himself, “You tried to make me hate you, lead me down a path that you knew I couldn’t follow…” He gasps for air, “I can’t hate you now, now that I know the truth.” He can feel each shuddering breath Itachi made, and how irregular his heartbeat is. It served as a painful reminder of Itachi’s illness. “Y-you told me that I-I was too worthless to kill, and it made me wish I had died that night too.” Itachi blanches at that. “You let me hate you and let me kill you! You used me as your executor.” He spat, but he didn’t feel any real rage.
Sasuke feels Itachi’s hand reach up and cradle the back of his head gently. His hand cards through his hair, carefully, as if he was scared to make everything worse. Sasuke just went back to saying incoherent things, and shudders were running through him. He let himself cry and couldn’t stop the hiccups. Whenever he tried to breathe normally, the hitched breaths would come out even worse. He just nuzzles his face farther into the base of Itachi’s neck.
Itachi shushes him, the first sound he has made in the entire time Sasuke had hugged him. He unknotted the tangles in Sasuke’s unkempt hair.
The embrace is achingly familiar, as if no time has passed since their childhood.
“You’re alright,” Itachi says, his voice soft, as if the ice that has always been there thawed and revealed something warm, “It’s alright.”
Sasuke wants to scream that it wasn’t about himself. Even if Sasuke is alright, Itachi would never be. God, why was Itachi always so selfless?
He can’t bring himself to yell at his older brother, though. His legs suddenly feelweak, as he sinks to the ground. Itachi slows his fall, sinking down with him.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Sasuke.” Itachi says gently, his hand is warm in Sasuke’s hair. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have forced you onto a path. You should be able to choose your own. I’m sorry.”
“Brother…” Sasuke trails off, hesitating. Did he really have nothing to apologize for? His voice was muffled in Itachi’s shirt. “Don’t apologize. It is the village’s fault, they made you do it.”
Itachi sighs, and Sasuke can hear him shake his head. “No, they gave me a choice, Sasuke. I am responsible. I am a criminal, and a monster.”
Sasuke remembers Itachi’s dream. He wanted to become Hokage to stop all fighting. It makes him sick to his stomach as he realizes that the village had stolen that from him. The village had ruined Itachi’s life, and ripped away all dreams Itachi had.
“You’re not a monster.” Sasuke says as firmly as he can. “You’ll never be. You deserved better.”
He pulls back, away from the warmth that kept him anchored the entire conversation. He looks up at Itachi, and is surprised to see how wet his eyes were.
Maybe he could stay in this timeline for just a bit longer.