Chapter 12
"Obasan?" the boy – but really, he couldn't be called that anymore. Not with the blood coating his hands, – asked, swirling a spoon in his teacup. "Can I ask you something?"
"Hm... It's rather unusual for you to ask me questions." the older woman hummed. "Go ahead."
"I don't understand women. No– girls."
Silence. Then, a chuckle. "To think I would get to hear you say those words." The woman raised her teacup to her mouth. "Now, this is an interesting turn. Have you finally met the one? Perhaps a heartbreaker, just like you?"
"No, not like that." He was flustered.
"Are you sure?"
"Definetely. It's not anything... love-related."
"Well, that's unfortunate. But what is it, then?"
Deciding that this topic called for a more serious situation, he got rid of his casual, bored expression and sat a little more upright, letting go of the teaspoon. "I met this girl..." He started, his mind running through several ways he could explain the situation to his aunt without revealing too much. Tensions between members of the Konoha Military Police Force and civilians outside the clan were rising, and his aunt was married to the leader of the Police Force. He had yet to deduce exactly which side she was on in this whole ordeal.
Said woman, sensing the severity of his tone and perhaps wanting to lighten the mood, asked, "How old is she?"
The boy blinked as his mind that had been wandering was thrown back into the present. "She's young. Four, I thi– But! That's not the point."
Mikoto didn't say anything, simply watching him in silent acceptance to hear him out.
So, he started. Again. "The girl—I found her training in the woods—said she'd join the Academy."
"So in a class with Sasuke."
Shisui stopped himself from mentioning that Itachi had said the same thing, not wanting to give away his older cousin's involvement.
"Yeah... in April. I asked why she'd train if she was going to learn it all soon anyway. You see, she was all alone in the forest, and her training methods were more than 'just risky' and also unsuited for a child of her age. According to her, it's preparation for the Academy. To ensure she won't fall back in a class of clan heirs. But, the way she trained... It wasn't just preparation." He took a deep breath, deciding that his next statement couldn't be sugarcoated. "It reminded me... of someone preparing for war. Someone who was working with a time-limit and knew it. Someone seeking to become stronger just fast enough to survive, but not caring for long-term damages." He knew that train of thought all too well.
His aunt's expression didn't change visibly. But he knew that her surprise and bemusement were carefully concealed underneath that guise of calmness. It was just like Itachi, he thought.
"But it isn't something she needed to do. She doesn't need to do... all of that. We're not in war, her generation is the first to grow up in complete peace. It puzzled me—it does now, too—which is why I questioned her." Strictly speaking, it had been Itachi, not him. But the two thought more alike than others thought. If Itachi hadn't asked, Shisui would've done it.
"She doesn't have to become a shinobi. She doesn't need to go to such lengths."
Mikoto, ever the graceful Clan Matriarch, didn't lose her unperturbed composure, though she never broke eye contact with him, a sign of her unwavering attention. Shisui wondered what she would be like had she awakened the Sharingan.
But there was his question, so he resumed. "She– immediately denied it. As if not becoming a Shinobi was never an option. As if her very life depended on this ambition. As if... she couldn't even consider, nor imagine the thought. But Obasan, why would she think that? Is there really a need to become a Shinobi in this era of peace?"
There was a reason why he'd gone to her specifically. For one, Mikoto was family. Family, on a different level from the relations he had with his fellow clan members. Secondly, she was one of the wisest women Shisui knew, working alongside her husband to lead the clan, while also managing to not turn into an emotionless block of ice, instead maintaining the ability to communicate properly with human beings, quite unlike his uncle. Consequently, she had begun functioning as the social part of the Uchiha Clan Head, playing the role of the 'nice' one in a display of everlasting patience, albeit never revealing her true emotions.
And the last reason was that she was a woman, and Shisui had been working on this mystery for some time, enough to consider the possibility that it was Sakura-chan being a girl that made it so difficult to wrap his head around her thoughts and actions.
Slowly, his aunt started talking, looking deeply thoughtful. "You don't know her well, do you? If I'm seeing this correctly, you have yet to meet her again, and I haven't even done that, making my thoughts on this no more than hypotheses, assumptions if you may."
Shisui nodded.
"But, judging from your description, and believing it to be unbiased, I speculate that this girl has a rather... twisted sense of reality, maybe influenced by the people around her, causing her to have been led to adapt a misbelief. One of urgent need to become stronger and join the Shinobi ranks. But we can't tell for sure where or how those training methods were first given to her and when they started to be perceived as the correct approach to reach her goal."
Huh, that made a lot of sense.
"On another note, I am very sure that this degree of ambition is a product of outside interference, since a typical—four-year-old, you said?—is quite unlikely to be so willing to take risks. The most likely candidates would be her parents or a parental figure that fed her lies. However, it is possible that this goal was already established to some extent when the interference influenced her to take such measures. Perhaps a strong sense of justice, a role model to look up to, a promise she's hoping to have fulfilled when becoming a ninja, or another goal to be approached after becoming kunoichi that she has in mind."
Shisui was incredibly grateful to have decided to ask his aunt (and quite proud of himself to seek some advice), because he was sure to not have ever reached this much insight on the situation. Mikoto was truly smart.
"Nevertheless, we have to consider the worst possibility, which is the girl actually knowing something and thus preparing for a war." Shisui gulped at that, the thought having also crossed his mind. But he hadn't wanted to consider it too deeply. Not that the wife of a Clan Head could afford to give someone the benefit of doubt.
"She could be a spy," she continued without hesitation, "or at least have heard something from a spy, implying an event that required even young children joining the ranks as swiftly as possible. I trust you to know what to do if that were to be true, Shisui." With that, she took a sip of her long-cold tea and smiled softly, the very picture of elegance. "But alas, this is all just speculation. Do not take the words of an old woman too seriously, Shisui."
"Oh no, Obasan! You are still too young to call yourself an old woman!" Shisui quickly slipped back into the role of the charismatic and funny teenager, acting like the previous conversation never happened to begin with.
Sakura Haruno. A mysterious girl, indeed.
It had been the right choice to offer her training and keep an eye on her.
So, Sakura summarized mentally, I fucked up. Not just once, but twice in a row. And she couldn't blame it on her needing to adjust, having to get accustomed to living in the past, or the seemingly random changes in this world.
Oh no, she knew exactly why.
The thing that had caused her to be caught on two separate occasions while doing something she shouldn't know of or attempt; it was—and had always been—her biggest enemy.
Not Madara, not Kaguya, not Zetsu, but her own fear.
Sakura was a medic. She could do extensive and thorough evaluations, could analyze and memorize the human body on a molecular level. And that was just when talking about her patients. While there were things she simply couldn't know about the body, build, or condition of others, that restriction didn't exist with her own body.
She knew, better than anyone else, just how indescribably weak she was. Hell, she had checked herself. She, the one to be called the best Iryō-nin in the future. There was no way she had made a mistake. Not when it was glaring at her like a big, glowing sign.
Why even attempt to do anything with this body?, It taunted.
Sakura wanted to glare back. Sneer at it, and prove it wrong. But she didn't, couldn't. Because it was true. She was so, so weak. Weaker than ever, weaker than she had been even last time around.
It made her scared, anxious. It had her wanting to curl up and hide in her mother's warm and alive embrace, and hope someone else would do the job for her. She feared the future and the fact that only she could change it. She feared not being able to accomplish anything. She feared dying a meaningless death—again—without having done anything. (Because this time, she had sworn to try until the very end. She wouldn't give up like that again.But what would be the point of all her ambition if the outcome would be the same?) She feared not being able to become strong anymore.
She feared that she would remain weak.
So, she had gotten reckless, had wanted to prove herself—her own assessment—wrong and show that she could still be something. She had trained harshly, pushing the limits of her young—and so weak—body. Guised under the excuse of wanting to check her current arsenal and what she could attempt in an actual fight, she had created a Shadow Clone. And let herself be seen, caught.
The Shadow Clone had only further confirmed her first conclusion. Perhaps she couldn't become stronger than last time, after all. Perhaps she couldn't even become as strong.
Which is why she had jumped at the opportunity to get out of this miserable situation. She had been offered training by a genius—a prodigy even—someone to be remembered for years and decades after his death ('suicide' the book had said. Sakura had wondered if this person's suicide was connected to the Uchiha Massacre that would happen only weeks later. She had wondered if this person knew what would happen. But questions weren't always tolerated—most of the time, even—she had learned. Especially when the topic was that.).
Looking back, it was highly suspicious for Shisui Uchiha to want to train her. She had let her guard down after seeing how unlike other Uchiha—usually stern, stoic, and cold—he was. Why would he do that? What was his intention, his actual aim? He could have all kinds of goals he hoped to accomplish by offering to help her 'prep for the Academy'. Many of which could come back to bite her later. But now she had agreed. And Sakura wasn't sure if she would've done it differently, were she given the choice again.
A drowning man will clutch at a straw, they say.