The sky was completely clear, and large rays of sunlight hit his face. He was exhausted after a training session in the forest.
His teammates and sensei were busy with their own tasks; they had a day off, and he decided to spend it training. He had hit the trees until he was tired, run, jumped, and thrown kunai until he could do no more.
But he couldn't afford to keep being a burden to the group. He clenched his fists in anger and helplessness over everything that had happened. Over the times he had stood still and watched as his teammates did the work.
He felt bad.
He didn't have the fortune of being a prodigy; he didn't have the fortune of coming from a recognized clan, let alone a powerful one. He was simply Naruto Uzumaki, the container of the nine-tailed fox.
A pawn that the village would use to defend itself, because in the end, that's all he was. He was the container of Konoha's weapon. He wanted to cry, scream, and vent everything he was feeling.
How his heart hurt to see that he couldn't do anything right; he was at the bottom of his class, didn’t have outstanding intelligence, wasn't strategic, wasn't a good fighter, and didn't have any ocular abilities.
He was nothing.
A boy with the dream of becoming Hokage, someone trying to defy his destiny, which was showing him that surrendering would be for the best. And that's how it was; he was nothing, he excelled at nothing.
He could be good at some things, but there would always be someone better than him.
What was the point of continuing on when there was someone who surpassed you as if you were nothing?
What motivation did he have to keep going after realizing that he wouldn't be good at anything?
When could he say that he excelled at something, that he was the best at it?
Never, never.
Because he is simply one more among the crowd, just another apple in the thousands of boxes filled with them; he was nothing important.
He wanted to cry out of helplessness knowing that he wasn't improving, that no matter how hard he tried, someone better would always come along and crush him as if he were nothing.
As Iruka had said:
“The best in the class with the worst in the class.”
He wanted to shout at him, tell him it wasn’t his fault.
That he didn’t understand what was happening, that he had no idea of all the suffering he was going through, that every evening on his way home felt like running with his heart in his throat.
He had no idea how his stomach twisted and churned at the horrifying looks he received, that the insults and sometimes physical abuse hurt so much he could cry.
But he was just being a whiny kid.
“Aren’t you hurt, little scaredy-cat?”
His hand clenched into a fist and hit the ground hard; he looked up, and his blue eyes rested on the vast sky. He felt useless, completely replaceable.
“I never thought you would be petrified, Naruto.”
His sensei repeatedly made comments or gestures of disappointment towards him that made his chest ache; he felt like he was giving it all for nothing.
And his sensei brushed him aside as if nothing mattered. He remembered his fight against Neji; his sensei had simply told him that he wasn’t going to train him and that he had someone else.
It had been no one other than the man who took care of Konohamaru. He felt stupid; he felt like an idiot for believing that at some point his sensei would really look at him, but it wasn’t so. He was just something that moved aside as if he didn’t matter.
His well-known sensei left him to his fate because he had to train with Sasuke. Because Sasuke was going to fight someone very strong; he understood that.
He understood completely, but he wanted something; he wanted advice, a strategy—he was only asking for a few hours at most. But what did he receive in return?
Nothing, absolutely nothing—just some simple words.
“I can’t train you, Naruto, but I found someone who can.”
Just that: Naruto, take care of yourself.
As always, he had to scour the library for help because he couldn’t feel the fox’s chakra and spent days trying to help himself. And he succeeded.
He loosened the seal a bit and trained completely alone; the Sannin appeared and guided him on some things and gave him a contract. He thanked the man; he really did.
But his heart still ached from how his team left him behind. Sakura was completely focused on Sasuke, and he wanted to laugh out of bitterness because his sensei was also dedicating his time and techniques to Sasuke.
He knew about his sensei’s past and truly felt bad for him.
But he was suffering too; he really wanted to improve. But it was always the same—someone came along and destroyed his efforts; he didn’t have the strength to continue.
To be under the same yoke as the villagers, to endure cruel comments, to see Sakura's glances, to accept Sakura's hurtful words.
He tightened his hands even more, not caring that the claws breaking through were tearing his flesh; he wanted to leave everything behind, he wanted to have a family.
He wanted to have parents, he wanted to have a clan, he wanted to be a spoiled child by his parents, he wanted training sessions with his father, he wanted to be happy.
He didn't want any of this anymore, nothing.
He diverted his gaze to the person standing on a tree beside him. He sharpened his gaze but remained completely silent.
It was often boasted that Kakashi was an amazing ANBU, but he still left traces that were too easy for Naruto to detect, making him laugh mockingly.
"You know, Kakashi-sensei, for being the ANBU you say you are, you leave much to be desired," he said in a bored voice without even looking at him.
But he could still imagine how his sensei frowned while keeping an unconcerned expression.
"Oh really, Naruto?" Kakashi asked with a slightly mocking tone.
"Yes, sensei. You jumped between three trees and almost slipped on the last one. As I said, it's so easy to detect you; it really makes me question your great ANBU career," he replied still without looking at him and kept his voice tinged with boredom and a hint of cynical mockery.
He was being mean, very mean, but he was tired; he wanted to be away from this life. He had come to the forest to be alone. Besides, he was being completely honest; his sensei hadn’t concealed his entrance or anything.
He could feel that now his sensei had indeed frowned, but he continued not looking at him.
"Naruto, what's wrong with you?" Kakashi asked seriously, and Naruto rolled his eyes.
"Nothing, Kakashi-sensei. I was just pointing out your entrance. You can listen to me if you want or ignore me; after all, it’s something that comes naturally for you," Naruto knew he was being an idiot, but it was the truth. His sensei could pay attention if he chose not to.
After all, they were just simple words from the bottom of the class.
"Naruto, what’s really going on? You’re not like this," Kakashi took a few steps toward him and stood in front of him, blocking his precious rays of sunlight.
"Like what, Kakashi-sensei? Tell me what you find strange about me," he replied and slightly frowned upon seeing that the older man didn’t move aside.
"This isn’t like you, Naruto; you’re being an idiot."
Naruto let out a soft laugh and looked at Kakashi for the first time.
"It’s also not typical for a sensei to prefer one student over another; it’s also not typical for teammates to be so cruel; it’s also not typical for a village to hate and mistreat a child throughout their childhood," he grumbled as he stood up and coldly stared at his sensei. "It’s also not typical for you to care about me; so this role doesn’t suit you, sensei."
When he finished speaking, it made the sensei sound more like a mockery than anything else. He watched as the man in front of him frowned even more.
"Naruto, what are you trying to do?"
"Nothing, sensei; you asked and I gave you an answer. You could have told me that there was already an expected answer if mine bothered you," he said in a bored voice and let out a bitter laugh.
"You’re being childish, Naruto, enough of this," his sensei growled, and the blond could feel all his anger starting to boil in his blood.
"Childish, sensei? I'm just telling the truth. I know it hurts her, but it has to be this way," he replied, clenching his fists to stifle his rage.
"I don’t know why you’re acting like this; you’re being more childish and stupid for some reason. Naruto, that’s enough."
"It’s enough for you too, sensei. I was here, and you showed up. I wasn’t hurting anyone," he responded, managing to calm down and starting to count in his mind. He couldn’t let his anger out; Kurama still couldn’t handle chakra and his own body properly.
"Naruto," his sensei growled as he stepped closer. "What’s going on? You're being so different. I thought you had let go of that childish and annoying attitude..."
"What else?" he asked, cutting off what Kakashi was about to say.
"What?" Kakashi was pretending not to understand, and Naruto was getting even angrier.
"What else bothers you about me, sensei? Tell me so I can change who I am to make you accept me. Go ahead," he replied in a completely bored tone, and the older man could feel that he had messed up; Naruto remained composed.
"You’re not understanding well, Naruto. Stop being so selfish and childish..."
Now the blood in Naruto's body flowed like lava; his claws came out into the air as he clenched his fists tightly, not caring about the blood that was falling.
"Selfish me?" he scoffed dryly. "Wanting to fit in just to have a bit of respect is being selfish? Keeping myself away from people so they don’t say I annoy them? Staying completely alone when the man who said he was my sensei abandoned me as if I didn’t matter at all? Is that being selfish, Kakashi?"
His tone had risen a bit at the end. The older man stepped back, and Naruto no longer cared what he thought; he didn’t care about anything.
"You know what, Kakashi? Don’t answer me; it’s fine as is. After all, I’m just a selfish child," he said. "Go ahead with Sakura and Sasuke, and by the way, keep complaining to Jiraiya-san because he taught me the Rasengan and Sasuke was going to feel intimidated by it." After finishing speaking, Naruto turned his back on him and untied his headband, staining it with his blood.
"Naruto..." Kakashi tried, but it was too late; he wanted to disappear from that place.
"I don’t want your stupid excuses, Kakashi. You’ve shown enough already and said enough. But it’s fine; maybe it was a disappointment for you to have me on your team." Naruto held his head high; he looked at the headband for a few seconds and let a nail grow, scratching it in the center. "I’m tired of all this; I hope you do well—keep being the famous ninja you are. Too bad you're a complete disappointment as a person."
After finishing speaking, he let the headband fall and walked away without looking back, not caring about the village where he had survived as best as he could. There was no point in staying there any longer.
He would send some note to his grandmother Tsunade, Shikamaru, and Teuchi-san; after that, no one else was worth it.
He had been alone all his life; now it would be no different.