Lethologica

Lethologica (noun): When you can’t think of the word for something. The inability to think of a particular word or name.

1.

Shikamaru considered himself rather smart. It would be disrespectful towards the Nara name for him not to after all- he was raised with the best minds and despite how little he actually cared for studying- he was always around top of his class. 

Despite all that- he was lost on why a certain pink haired classmate kept telling him off for being lazy- sure Ino did that all that time. His mother too- and Naruto wasn’t shy about it either. But he and Sakura weren’t that close- there had been a time where they were something akin to friends, sure. But that had long since dissipated when her and Ino split off.

So that begged the question- why did she care if he was lazing around or not working his best? If anything didn’t  that help her- she was the actual top of class and she worked hard for what she got. It was admirable the amount of studying and training she put in- as a civilian student she was at a disadvantage, but she worked to erase the distance.

He hummed, maybe it hurt her pride to know he wasn’t trying? She seemed like someone who took pride in her accomplishments, especially regarding her smarts. Or maybe it annoyed her that he, a clan kid, was lazy but passing with flying colours. That deep down they both knew it didn’t matter if he tried or not- he wouldn’t be held back. 

And yet every time he was laying by the training grounds cloud watching- there she was. She found him and tugged on his arm to try and make him stand up. He found it amusing that despite trying so hard she never was able to move him- really she should spend more time on the training grounds than in the library. She was plenty smart. 

Instead of letting him live leisurely, she grumbled and tugged and made him try- or at least she attempted to make him try. It wasn’t always, but sometimes she would win him over. If not because of how hard she tried- but because he wondered how she’d smile if he put his all into something. It was usually because she was annoying though- 

One such afternoon was 3 days before a large exam. It was covering everything they’d learned in the last 6 months- and certainly meant a lot for their class rankings. Sakura had been particularly upfront with wanting him to put some effort into studying for the test- he really didn’t know how to tell her he’d be fine without sounding like a privileged prick. Which in all fairness- he was privileged and the fact he didn’t try was pretty standard prick behavior.

So maybe she was onto something- 

Shikamaru had found a particularly nice cloud watching spot in the grass behind the Academy when a shadow fell over his figure. Glancing up at the pink haired girl he just groaned. 

“Back again?”

“Shikamaru-san! Get up and stop being lazy- you need to study for our exam!”

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t get why you refer to me respectfully, but you speak so rudely.” 

Sakura’s face flushed slightly- he couldn’t tell if it was embarrassment or anger that did it though. Suddenly he felt a kick on his left leg and he opened one of his eyes to give her a non-impressed look. The girl just huffed and sat down on the grass next to him. It wasn’t uncommon for her to do so- she often would begin ranting when she did. Inwardly he sighed- he wouldn’t mind spending time with her. He just didn’t get why she wasted it by yelling at him. 

“I don’t get why you aren’t more worried! This is such a big part of the rankings- are your parents not worried? I know you’re smart, but you need to put in more effort! What’s going to happen when you forget how to be motivated huh? Then what!” 

Shikamaru found that to be a rather ridiculous statement, “troublesome woman, you do sound like my mother.” 

He felt a punch to his arm- he could have dodged but he didn’t. She didn’t hurt as much as Ino did- she wasn’t trying to hurt him at least. Ino didn’t hold her punches back much to his grievance. He closed both eyes again and just let out a low hum. There was a lull in noise for a while- he could hear the wind in the trees and birds chirping. It was a nice day out- one of the best for napping. He had rather rudely been interrupted as he was getting ready to do so- but now it was quiet. Maybe she would leave once she realized it was a lost cause? Unlikely. She didn’t give up.  

Eventually he drifted off to sleep. It was only about half an hour when he woke up again- stretching out his limbs. As he moved his arm he felt it hit something- sitting up quickly he looked towards it and saw a mess of pink hair and a red dress. Sakura had fallen asleep right beside him. Before he could wake her, she let out a slow breath and he felt frozen. She looked peaceful- and he was observant enough to see the tired bags under her eyes. She clearly hadn’t been sleeping well, perhaps on account of the soon exam. But if he thought about it- she was often tired. Most likely due to the added amount of work she had to put in.

Slowly he lowered his hand and sat back on the ground. He looked over her for a moment- and decided she needed this. He would wake her in a bit more time- besides that just meant more peace! Which was the main reason why he did it- the small twist in his stomach when he looked at her had nothing to do with it. It was another 15 minutes when she stirred from her place. As soon as she realized what had happened she turned beat red and fled the area- he just shook his head before returning home.

“Shikamaru! There you are- what were you doing out so late?” His mothers voice greeted him as he entered the kitchen. 

“Napping.”

“Maru, you can’t just sleep all the time. Gosh, you’re father is such a bad influence on you- don’t you have an exam in a few days?” She shook her head, “You should be studying!”

He tsked, “I already have one troublesome woman telling me to- I don't need you as well.” It was said lightheartedly- he still loved his mother after all. 

“Oh is Ino giving you a hard time about it?”

Shikamaru blinked, wondering why she brought up Ino. Sure the blond wasn’t shy about yelling at him- and certainly she was classified as a “troublesome woman”- but he didn’t really care for her rants. 

“No, Sakura-san keeps trying to get me ‘motivated’ as she puts it.” He shrugged, “something about putting in the effort and how I’ll forget how to do so if I keep sleeping all day. I dunno- I don’t really listen.”

Yoshino raised an eyebrow, a smile growing. “Sounds like you do know- that’s an awful lot more detailed than when you tell me Ino yelled at you. Sakura-san? That’s the Haruno girl with pink hair right?”

“Yeah… she is- she used to be friends with Ino remember? Till’ they started fighting about that Uchiha boy.”

His mother nodded- looking lost in thought for a moment. She turned her attention back to him and smiled, “Well maybe you should take her advice. Sounds like she’s coming from a good place and wants you to succeed.” 

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, “What a drag..” 

If he ended up studying for the exam- well then only he knew.  

Ino and Chouji were in the hospital. 

And Shikamaru felt like shit.

They’d gone on a mission that was supposed to be a C rank- all it was supposed to be was delivering a scroll- but suddenly enemy-nin had found them and attacked. They’d had to escape and found a cave to stay in for the night. Thankfully they had escaped the encounter relatively unscathed- but they were tired and separated from Asuma-Sensei. Which meant that Shikamaru was in charge- or at least the one making plans.

And he knew in his heart that it was his future- he would one day be the team leader and would be in charge of making plans and analyzing. But that was supposed to be after he’d made Chunin- after he had trained enough to know what to do- to know how to handle enemy-nin and injuries- he wasn’t supposed to be team leader now.

But Asuma-Sensei wasn’t there and he had to step up. So he formed a plan to get them out and back to the village as safely as possible- and for a while it was working. They had made it halfway back to Konoha before it began to grow dark. Shikamaru had wanted to be back before night was fully on them- so he pushed Ino and Chouji to keep going. They could rest when they were safe, but instead of making it to Konoha the enemy-nin found them again and attacked.

Without their Sensei they fared even worse than before- they were tired from the traveling and lack of rest- and they weren’t winning. Ino-Shika-Cho was a notorious team name for sure, but they weren’t a combat team, they couldn’t handle 5 enemies at once. Maybe one day- but they were genin and unprepared.

It didn’t take long for the three to get backed into a corner- Shikamaru had to close one eye because of a cut on his forehead bleeding out, and he was covered in bruises in scrapes. Chouji had a broken arm and was breathing heavily- there was blood dripping from his mouth, and Shikamaru was worried about internal bleeding. Ino looked the worst out of them, there was a kunai sticking out of the side of her leg and torso, she hadn’t taken them out in hopes of slowing the blood loss. Shikamaru only prayed that the kunai weren’t poisoned.

By some stroke of luck they’d survived so far- barely hanging on together. 

Suddenly a smoke tag fluttered down in front of team 10 and, before Shikamaru could question it, exploded.

“SHANNARO!” 

Shikamaru felt a sigh of relief- he knew that voice. It meant safety.

Team 7 along with both Kakashi and Asuma-Sensei arrived in time to fight off the enemies. Ino nearly collapses where she stood once realizing she didn’t need to fight anymore, but Shikamaru managed to hold onto her and let her down slowly. She looked bad- they would need medical attention quickly.

“Shikamaru-san! Are you okay? That cut looks nasty” 

Sakura had left her team to find them and was looking over Shikamaru with concern. If it was any other situation then maybe he would have analyzed her a bit more- or analyzed the warmth flowing into him with her concern. But now he was holding his dying teammates- he couldn’t spare any time for the pink haired genin.

“I’m fine- Ino and Chouji aren’t though.” The voice of weak protest came from Ino, whom he just shot a slight glare at. “She’s got two kunai still in her- I don’t know if they’re poisoned or not. Chouji possibly had internal bleeding and one of his arms is broken- we need to get them to the hospital.” 

Sakura nodded at his assessment and knelt down beside him. Before he could question it her hands began to glow green as she started working. Slowly pulling the kunai out and healing the wounds to stop the blood loss. Soon enough Ino lost consciousness, but looked physically better. She then turned to Chouji and assessed him.

“I can’t heal your arm right now, broken bones should heal traditionally. I’ll see what I can do about the internal bleeding though” 

Just as she said her hands began to glow again and Shikamaru watched as the cuts began to disappear on Chouji- his breathing became normal again. He let out a sigh of relief, seemingly from the pain disappearing. Shikamaru couldn’t help but stare as Sakura worked. He knew she was talented- always had. But he didn’t know she’d begun to learn medical ninjutsu. The way she used it looked natural, like she was made for it. He couldn’t help but keep watching her. 

“Shikamaru, come here.” He looked started, having just realized she was looking back at him. “So I can heal you?” 

“Oh. I’m fine- I can wait until the hospital. Don’t waste your chakra on it.” Shikamaru shrugged.

Before he could protest, Sakura stood up and stomped over to him. Something fierce in her eyes as she grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer. He was close enough to see the small frown she had on as she began treating the cut on his head. If he was any saner he would have questioned why she was so worried- it wasn’t a big cut. But he was far too mesmerized with the way she looked while working to notice. 

“Hey, Sakura! We finished up finally- how is team 10!” Naruto shouted running up to them.

Shikamaru didn’t know why, but he felt vaguely annoyed at the boy. Which didn’t make sense considering he and Naruto had been something like friends for a long time now. Even back in the academy they’d gotten along. Sure the boy could be loud, but he wasn’t as stupid as he made himself seem. Impulsive sure, but he was a good friend. So the feeling didn’t make sense at the moment. 

“What a drag.” Sakura shot him a glare.

“Rather banged up. I helped as much as I could, but they'll need to be properly treated in the hospital once we get back.” Sakura shrugged, looking guilty. 

“We would be in far worse shape if you didn’t help us, Sakura-san. I’m sure all 3 of us owe you our lives for fighting the enemies off, and especially for the medical ninjutsu.” Shikamaru cut in. He didn’t like that she was downplaying her actions- she helped him and his teammates immensely.

Sakura looked surprised before smiling and looking away. Mumbling a quiet thank you. He didn’t know why- but he felt vaguely aware that the blond boy was looking at him weirdly. Before he could question Naruto, the two jonin walked up and ushered them back to Konoha. 

Now Shikamaru was waiting outside of Ino and Chouji’s hospital rooms with dread pooling in his stomach. It was his choices that led to this- his plans that got his teammates, no best friends, injured. They would be fine this time, but next time? What happens if Shikamaru screws up and they get hurt. Was he even cut out to be a team leader? Let alone a ninja at all- he froze. He knew he froze in battle and Ino had jumped in front of him. That’s how she got a kunai in her torso. She was protecting him, because she always did. His mouth tasted like blood. He felt the pit opening further beneath him. Why was he team leader? He was going to get them killed- it was all his fault. Ino and Chouji were going to die because of his plans- and maybe he wasn’t smart after all. Maybe he didn’t deserve the Nara name-

“Shikamaru-san, why are you still here?”

He looked up, startled by the voice. His shoulders tensed up as he realized he’d been pacing back and forth outside of the hospital rooms. A quick glance out the window told him he’d been there for 2 hours. He had minor injuries, and they were mostly healed by Sakura already so he got to leave while the others stayed the night. Despite that he had remained stuck pacing outside their rooms for hours longer. He really was a mess, and by the look on Sakura’s face he looked a mess too. He shrugged and looked away from her. He didn’t know what to say. Instead of being upset at the lack of response, Sakura sighed and grabbed his arm. Before he could protest he was being dragged away- he would have tried to escape if he thought it possible. The grip on his arm was solid and, while not bruising, strong. 

She led him out of the hospital and tried to match her pace. She might have been a great deal shorter, but she was walking much faster than he did. ‘She must train a lot,’ he mused. Noticing the strength in her arm that latched onto him. Finally they stopped at a curry restaurant and she turned to him with a cheerful smile. Gesturing for him to follow her inside, she had finally released his arm, before she walked in herself. It took only a second for Shikamaru to follow her. He didn’t think he would escape even without her holding on to him- and he almost didn’t want to. 

They found a table and Sakura ordered for them both. He’d questioned why she ordered for him, but after looking at the menu he realized she’d ordered exactly what he would have. Shikamaru only rolled his eyes at the girl's smug face. It was mostly Sakura talking, as it always had been for the two of them. She told him about team 7’s adventures, recent books she read, or the latest shops opening. Anything that wasn’t Ino or Chouji or team 10’s latest missions. In the back of his mind, Shikamaru knew she was just distracting him. But as he listened to her chat, or when their food arrived and he tasted something besides blood in his mouth. He found he didn’t mind. 

Finally once they finished their meal she led him outside and they began to walk. He didn’t know where to- just followed along beside her. She seemed sure of herself, like she had a destination in mind. So Shikamaru trusted her to not get them lost. About 12 minutes of walking later he found himself being led onto team 7’s training ground. At first he thought she wanted to do some late night training- he was about to object considering he was still injured and she was still exhausted from chakra use. But then she found a patch of grass and sat down, patting the ground next to her. Slowly he made his way over and made himself as comfortable as he could. Wistfully he thought about how soft the grass by team 10’s training ground was. As if on cue a shadow fell over his face as he thought about his teammates. 

“You know it isn’t your fault, right?” 

Shikamaru blinked- turning to look at the girl. “What?”

“Ino and Chouji’s injuries. It wasn’t your fault.” She wasn’t looking at him. 

“I don’t think that- why would you think I do.” He shrugged, denying it. Even as his mind called him a liar- he wouldn’t let her know his doubts. 

“Why did you stay, hours after you were released, outside their doors?”

“Why did you? As far as I know you left Ino for a boy. Why were you still at the hospital?” He bit back. He would feel bad later about the harshness in his voice. 

If Sakura had been upset by the remark she didn’t show it. Endless patience radiated off of her- making it hard for him to feel justified in his anger. 

“I did. And I consider that to be one of the greatest mistakes I have ever made. She was my best friend, the first person who truly believed in me- she gave me hope. That I could be strong.” She sighed, shaking her head. For this first time since they’d begun talking, she looked at him. “But I can’t take that back. It happened- and I have to live with my actions. But I still care about her, I still miss her. I still want her safe- and I still consider her the best friend I’ve ever had. So I stayed to check on her.” 

Shikamaru felt frozen in his seat. She had shared so much that he almost felt guilty for continuing to hide from her. Vaguely he knew she was doing it on purpose. Sharing with him to open a space for him to share with her. But he found he didn’t mind. She had bared her greatest failure to him- someone who she could barely call a friend. Someone who could easily tell Ino about her regret and visits. And yet she didn’t look worried, she trusted him. So it was his turn to trust her.

“You’re right. I feel like shit about the mission. It was my fault- it was my plan that got Ino and Chouji hurt, we could have waited longer- or stopped running and they would have had more energy. I Should have dodged- Then Ino wouldn’t have gotten stabbed.” He breathed in a shaky breath. “It’s my fault.”

“I thought you were supposed to be smart as a Nara.”

“What..?”

“Did you stab that kunai into Ino with your own hand?”

“N-no?”

“Did you break Chouji’s arm?”

“Wha-"

“Did you break Chouji’s arm?” 

“No..”

“Did you purposely harm your team?”

“I get it- You can st-"

“Did you-"

“NO! Sage- No, I didn’t.” 

Sakura simply smiled. And turned back to looking at the sky. Suddenly Shikamaru wondered what she was seeing and looked up as well. He spent his days cloud watching, but rarely did he watch the stars. They didn’t speak for the rest of the night. Instead looking up at the sky. It was peaceful- they didn’t spend too much longer basking in the night. Perhaps only half an hour longer- He listened to the birds as they fell asleep and the way Sakura breathed. It was calm- it was safe. And when they finally left the clearing he stopped her.

“Thank you.”

And she smiled. 

Team 10 had been training when the topic of Sakura came up. 

Despite being a chunin he still regularly trained with Ino and Chouji. That day Shikamaru had gotten cleaned up rather quickly once training ended- even despite the limping in his foot. He had clearly injured his leg while sparing- for whatever reason he’d tripped over a rock and hadn’t caught himself. He’d grumbled but hadn’t accepted any help getting up. It seemed as though he was eager to leave on time. Which was strange considering Shikamaru never hurried anywhere. He was far better than Kakashi- at least when the Hokage asked for him he was on time. Still he took his time getting around, but now he was near rushing to be done. 

“Where are you going?” Ino walked up beside him as he washed the dirt from his hands. 

“Who says I’m going anywhere?” At Ino’s glare he rolled his eyes. “Troublesome woman. Whatever, I’m meeting with Sakura for dinner.”

“I knew it!” 

Shikamaru paused and looked at his friend with a raised eyebrow. “You knew it?”

“Yes! You’ve been spending so much time with her! It’s weirdddd!” Ino huffed. 

“So do you?”

“Yeah- but I’m her best friend!” The two had reconciled finally during the chunin exams. “As far as I know you two didn’t even talk to each other before recently- and suddenly you hangout as much as we do!” 

“Sakura and I have been friends for a while.” He shrugged. “Besides as you said- I don’t hangout with her any more than I do you. What’s the problem?”

“It’s not a problem- it's just confusing! Yeah you hangout with us a lot- but we’re your team! You’re obligated to and we’ve been friends since birth! You never even spoke to Sakura at the academy.”

“I really don’t get why you’re so upset right now.” 

“I’m not upset- I’m just weirded out!” 

“She has a bit of a point, Shikamaru.”

He looked over at Chouji who’d made his way over to the duo. Shikamaru gave him an annoyed glare- betrayal at its finest. He thought at least Chouji would take his side. He hummed in contemplation as he resumed washing the dust off his skin. 

“What’s really so weird about me hanging out with Sakura?” 

“That right there! That’s weird!” Shikamaru raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Oh shut up-"

“She means how you refer to Sakura-san. You refer to her using her first name. Which all of us at the academy began to do, so that’s normal. But you’ve also dropped any honorifics- which is something you do only if close.” Chouji hummed. “Forgive us for being a little curious on how you two got so close.” 

When did he stop referring to her as Sakura-san? It had been a while- maybe it was after that horrible mission and she’d comforted him. Or was it later once they began to hangout more often? Shikamaru wasn’t certain- she called him Shikamaru and occasionally Shika, so it went both ways. It felt natural for him to refer without honorifics.

“We just ended up having more in common than we thought I guess. I only didn’t hangout with her in the academy because you two were on bad terms.” He shrugged and set down the wet towel, finally deeming himself clean. 

“Ughhh- you are soooo not giving me actual answers!” 

Shikamaru looked at her appraisingly- she was fishing for something specific. As if she knew something he wasn’t telling her- but truly he didn’t know what she could be referring to. He was telling the truth- he and Sakura hung out all the time, sure, but it wasn’t weird. They were friends. 

“What are you even asking about, Ino?”

“For sage’s sake- do you lik-" 

“Shikamaru! There you are.”

All three team 10 members were startled hearing the girls' voices. Shikamaru recovered first and turned to greet Sakura as she walked onto the training ground. He couldn’t help but feel a tug in his lips as she looked at him. She had a hand on her hip and was still wearing a hospital coat over her outfit. She had begun working part-time at the hospital after the Chunin exam attack, and she ended up staying there when she wasn’t on missions. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. These two were just holding me back from leaving as usual.” 

Ino made a rather unladylike squawk at the remark. Chouji laughed softly as he turned to mind his own business. And this was why he was Shikamaru’s best friend! Ino on the other hand looked at Sakura and then back at Shikamaru and fixed him with a raised eyebrow and a glare. He just rolled his eyes and turned his attention away. Apparently the wrong move according to Ino.

“Sakuraaaa- Shikamaru hurt his leg during practice today! Could you heal it please?” Ino latched onto Sakura and pointed at Shikamaru. Sakura’s eyes locked onto him sharply. 

He rolled his eyes, there was no need for Sakura to waist her chakra on a minor injury. He had gotten it by lazing off mid spar- he couldn’t handle a sprained ankle for a day. He couldn’t tell what Ino was playing at- it was like she was trying to prove something. But what? He didn’t know. He would have loved to just toss the mystery out and continue on with his life, but it seemed like she would be meddling with him in order to find out. So he needed to figure it out soon enough. As he opened his mouth to tell Sakura it was fine- he was cut off by the girl.

“Course I can. Where did you get hurt, Shika?” 

Of course she had to use the nickname now. Shikamaru spared a glance at Ino only to see her mouth open and surprise evident in her features. When she recovered from that there was an evil glint in her eyes that the boy didn’t like. As Shikamaru explained to Sakura what had happened she nodded and set to work. Her face scrunched in concern as she worked. He didn’t see the point in her wasting chakra on him, but as always- she was too nice. As the green light touched his leg he felt a fuzzy feeling form in his stomach. It always happened when Sakura was close to him- he couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it was a reaction to something she had on her?

Once she finished he thanked her and stood up, testing out his leg. Just as always she did a perfect job, and all the pain was gone. Before he could turn around and ask her if she was ready to go, Ino grabbed one of Sakura’s arms and pulled her away.

“I need to borrow Sakura for a second! You can wait, I'm sure.” She giggled. 

“What a drag..” Shikamaru huffed as he made himself comfortable on the grass.

From his viewpoint he could vaguely make out the two girls talking. Ino was talking a lot with her hands- he couldn’t tell the context of the situation but Sakura had begun shaking her head frantically. Then she covered her face and he could hear Ino yelling “I know it!” From where he was. He grumbled about how loud she was, but continued to watch the girls talk. Finally after a few minutes they began to walk back. The first thing Shikamaru noticed was that Sakura looked rather pink, more than usual, and Ino looked pleased. Ino being pleased was never a good sign, so he glanced at Sakura questioningly. When she noticed his gaze she just shook her head and averted her gaze. He just shrugged and went to stand up again- if she wanted to tell him she would. 

“Well- now that you're done. Could Sakura and I get going now? I’m starving.” 

Ino rolled her eyes and shoved Sakura forward- who narrowly missed stumbling into him before she righted herself. The girl turned and gave Ino what he assumed was a glare, then smiled at him and nodded. 

“Yeah let’s go! I didn’t get a chance to eat this morning.” She began walking away. 

Shikamaru frowned, beginning to follow after her, “It’s almost 7.” He sighed and matched her stride. “I’ll pay today, make sure to actually eat.” Sakura opened her mouth to argue but he cut her off. “I get paid more as a chunin. Besides, if you don’t order enough I’m going to buy you more food anyway.” 

At that she just let out a resigned sigh and rolled her eyes. He could see from the corner of his eyes a small smile on her face though. She almost never let him pay, so he considered this a win. It was only logical he paid. He was a clan heir and a chunin, but he also knew Sakura didn’t like it when others pitied her. So even if it wasn’t out of pity- and if he really just wanted to be friendly- she refused. So he was glad she was agreeing this time. He’d thought of more reasons for her to say yet, but he’d have to save those for later. The walk to the restaurant was relatively quiet. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence though, they were perfectly fine without talking. Most of the time they spent together was through cloud watching or occasionally star gazing. Over time it had become normal for silence to rule their hangouts. It was a nice difference compared to their normal friends. Shikamaru’s time with Ino and Sakura's time with Naruto were often ruled by noise and entertainment. While Shikamaru and Sakura had a peaceful and calming time spent together.

Shikamaru grew to appreciate his time with Sakura more than he thought he would. Ever since the mission they’d become a lot closer. Hanging out several times a week and getting dinner after Sakura’s shifts. That routine wasn’t broken unless one of them was sent on a mission. It had become an almost escape from everyone else for Shikamaru. 

After they’d finally finished eating the two stayed seated at the restaurant for a while and caught up about the day. 

“What was it that Ino was talking to you about earlier?” 

Sakura looked confused before her face darkened into a shade of pink. “Oh- Uh! Nothing- nothing really- uhm.. Yeah! It’s not important.” She stumbled over her words before eventually covering her face and sighing. 

Shikamaru felt his shoulders shake as he laughed. “Alright? You could have fooled me with that display.” 

“Shut up! It’s just personal is all-" 

“Sakura, you don’t have to tell me.” He leaned back in his chair. “I’m not going to push.” 

She smiled softly and returned to her normal colour slowly. He didn’t know why but he felt a bit disappointed. As he was lost in thought trying to figure it out he shifted his sitting position and winced from soreness. As if sensing his pain, she might actually be able to- he didn’t know, she furrowed her eyebrows in a concerned manner. 

“Does your leg still hurt?”

“Huh? Oh- no I’m just sore. Been sitting here for a while now.” He shrugged. She nodded slightly, still looking at him as if to see if he was lying. “Why are you so worried? It was just a training accident, and you healed it perfectly.” 

Sakura hummed, her green eyes flickering away. “Is it a crime to be worried about my friend?” 

“I guess not.” He shrugged.

“Then that’s why. Anytime you get hurt, come find me. I’ll heal you, Shika. Promise.” She smiled at him and he couldn’t focus on anything else. He just nodded stiffly. 

A few days later when he came back from a mission, a kunai slash on his arm, he requested Sakura be the one to heal him. And she kept her promise. 

Asuma-sensei was dead. 

Shikamaru couldn’t feel his hands. 

He had to get revenge- he had to. Chouji and Ino were in despair- he had to kill Hidan. He had to honor Asuma’s death and find his killer. He didn’t care if it was some stupid fantasy or if he was being blinded by rage- he had to. 

He couldn’t feel his hands. Not as he placed the explosive tags. Not as he threw the lighter. Not as blood and scratches covered his hands. His hands were numb as they held a kunai tightly. Even as he wiped away the blood- he couldn’t feel them. He could see them though, and they were shaking. He couldn’t stop the tremors- the tremors that had racked his hands since hearing about Asuma’s death. Since finding out his wife would be a widow and his child would never grow up with her father. She would only hear stories of him. They hadn’t stopped shaking. 

Even as Ino and Chouji found him once he came back, as they cried seeing him alive. Even as his parents pulled him into a hug and comforted him. Telling him they understood why he did it, that it was going to be okay. Even as his wounds were healed and his physical pain was gone. He couldn’t stop the shaking, his hands were numb. 

Then she found him. Sakura sat next to him and didn’t speak. She let him recover slowly. Then she reached out and took his hands in hers. Holding them tightly, rubbing his palms slowly- centering him back to Konoha. She never spoke- she didn’t have to. She just stayed and that was enough.

His hands stopped shaking, and he tightened his grip on her hands.

And it wasn’t alright.

Because Asuma-sensei was still dead. It would never be the same again.

But it was better. 

Sakura had cornered him and given him a gift. He hadn’t understood why until she looked at him pointedly and said,

“Happy Birthday, Shika.” 

It was his birthday- he’d been on a mission for the last 2 weeks and had just gotten back. So no one else had gotten the chance to wish it- He could already imagine whatever surprise party Ino and Chouji planned on throwing. At his house of course so he couldn’t escape it- and his parents would agree fully to it. He shivered, not just from the cold air. The cold winds had finally found Konoha. He internally sighed, but he gave a small smile to Sakura as he took the gift from her. 

She was fidgeting with her hands nervously as she gestured for him to open it. He thought it was a bit odd she wanted to do it now rather than wait for the party, but he just shrugged. Opening it revealed a few things. One was a knitted green and black scarf that had braided tassels on the ends. It was perfect for the cold weather and it was soft to the touch. A glance up at Sakura’s nervous face led him to a conclusion.

“Did you make this?”

“Well- I- yeah. I did. I’m not that good at knitting- but I wanted to try it out and-" 

“It’s amazing, Sakura. Here I’ll put it on right now.”

He fumbled around with it trying to use one hand to wrap the scarf around himself. Sakura began to giggle as he clearly struggled, one hand still holding the rest of her gift. Taking pity on him she stepped closer and fixed the scarf for him. He held his breath as she got closer, subconsciously memorizing her face. She had a dusting of pink on her cheeks, and it looked like she’d been biting her lip recently. He felt his hand twitch, but before anything happened she stepped back and smiled. Shikamaru ran his fingers along the scarf and returned her smile. 

“Thanks, Saa.” 

She blinked, startled. “Saa?” 

Shikamaru paused, only just realizing what he had said. It wasn’t a particularly fancy name for her- just the first pronunciation of her name. But he hadn’t called her that before- maybe in his head once? Yet it slipped out of his mouth easily. He could feel his face warming up, most likely embarrassment from the slip up. 

“Uhhhh- I guess- yeah. New name? I mean you call me Shika, I feel like it’s only fair.” 

It wasn’t a bad argument- perhaps unfair considering he hadn’t actually asked her if it was okay. She had asked him a while back if it was okay to call him Shika, and he’d agreed. Realistically it didn’t matter if she told him not to use Saa. It wasn’t like he had ever used it before- besides he respected her opinion on the matter. He glanced at her waiting for a reaction. Instead of looking upset she started laughing and nodded.

“I guess that makes sense.” 

Shikamaru relaxed, he didn't know when he got so tense. “Good.” 

Looking back at the rest of his gift he opened the small box and found a small wooden deer attached to a tassel. Looking at it, the deer was made from dark wood and was carved delicately- the tassel was black with small red beads. The tassel was long enough to attach to a belt or his pants. It was cute. He heard Sakura clear her through and he looked up- seeing her holding a wooden cat that was made from the same wood and had the same tassel. She looked shy as she held it up.

“You don’t have to wear it- but I wear mine attached to my pants. I just thought they were cute.” She was fidgeting again.

“I’ll wear it.” 

She looked up with surprise filling her eyes, a bright smile found its way into her face. The smile she gave made his chest tighten even more than it already was- he was beginning to worry about his lungs collapsing. For a second he thought that her smile was the best gift he got. Then the thought was gone and he was tying the wooden charm to a loop on his waist. Sakura took the time to put hers back on, and then they matched. Shikamaru felt a small smile finding its way to his lips.

“Alright- let’s go to my surprise party.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “They need to stop trying to surprise you. You figure it out every year!”  Despite the annoyance there was a giggle to her comment. 

He shrugged and began walking, Sakura following right after. He didn’t mention that he wouldn’t have remembered if she hadn’t told him. 

When they got to his estate he was welcomed in happily, but no one said happy birthday to him. Just as he expected they were told to wait until after the surprise. He thought about sneaking into his room and avoiding the whole party, but Sakura was next to him and she wouldn’t let him skip out. 

“What a drag..” He mumbled as he pushed the doors open to the dining hall. 

Upon entering loud noises of cheering greeted him, along with bright lights. It took his eyes a moment to adjust, but once they did he took in the group. His parents were there of course- as were Ino and Chouji. The rest of Konoha 12 had been invited as well- and there were a few other Nara family members present. In total about 30 people were crowded into the hall. He very quickly got pulled into hugs and celebrations as soon as he entered. He went along with it, if only to appease his friends. They were rather adamant on big parties even though he protested it. Ino pouted once she realized he wasn’t surprised. He reminded her that he always found out- and she smacked his head for it. Ino was constantly trying to plan surprises for him, but especially on his birthday. It was a pattern despite how much she tried to change it up. She had even tried throwing a party several days in advance to catch him off guard, it hadn’t worked. 

Eventually he was freed from his friends and he escaped over to his parents. Shikaku looked amused by the whole situation. When Shikamaru walked up to his parents, both of them zeroed in on the new additions to his wardrobe.

“Where did you get that scarf?”

“Where did you get that charm?” 

Shikamaru took a second to stare before shrugging, “Sakura.” 

Shikaku raised an eyebrow. “From Sakura-san eh?” He looked to Yoshino, “When’s the last time he wore anything that wasn’t his Chunin uniform?”

Yoshino hummed, a finger pressing agaisnt her mouth in thought. “Well he certainly doesn’t wear what I buy him!” She shook her head, “That scarf must be very comfortable. Or maybe Sakura’s just that special?”

Shikaku nodded, turning to Shikamaru with a teasing gaze. He felt like he was missing something- it was the same way he felt with Ino. They were looking for an answer he didn’t have- didn’t know. And it was beginning to really annoy him. He wasn’t used to not knowing something. And the fact everyone else seemed to know it but him was the worst part of it. Right as he was about to demand an answer a voice broke into the conversation.

“Shika! I finally found yo-" Sakura walked up to him before freezing as she noticed his parents. She bowed her head quickly, and when she looked up again he noticed her face was tinted pink again. “I’m sorry Yoshino-san, Shikaku-san- I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.” 

“Oh, don’t worry at all dear. I’m sure Maru’s happier to see you anyway.” Yoshino smiled, a glint in her eyes. 

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and grumbled at the use of the nickname. He did notice however that his shoulders had become less tense since Sakura came up to them. Perhaps the distraction from his parents had been greatly needed. Turning his attention to the pink haired girl he saw a smile slip onto her features and he couldn’t help staring. She dipped her head and told Shikamaru to find her when he was done, he promised to do so. As he watched her leave his father fake coughed, and his gaze broke from the kunoichi. 

“You’re staring, Shikamaru.” Shikaku teased. 

“What?”

“Dear, stop teasing him. I’m sure Shika doesn’t appreciate it.” Despite her scolding she had the same teasing tone in her voice.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes- he felt his face warming up as she emphasized the name though. It wasn’t weird to have nicknames among friends- so what if Ino and Chouji didn’t and they were his best friends. Sakura and him were close and she liked calling him that. He felt something shifting in his stomach again and he just looked away from his parents stares. They both laughed before Yoshino pushed Shikamaru towards the group.

“Go follow her, don’t let us distract you.” 

He rolled his eyes, but walked after the girl anyway. He paused for a moment to find her in the crowd of people and saw her chatting with Naruto and Ino. Well, more like she was laughing while Naruto and Ino argued. They both had loud personalities so it wasn’t uncommon for the two to argue if in vicinity of each other. He walked up next to her- Sakura was too distracted by the fighting to notice him.

“Yo.” 

She jumped, a small squeak escaping her before she bit down to stop it. She turned and glared at him but he just gave her a lazy grin. Ino and Naruto hadn’t seemed to notice him just yet and he was fine with that. He’d rather not deal with the troublesome duo more than he had to. He nodded at them and raised an eyebrow. Asking what they were fighting about. She rolled her eyes before giggling. 

“Ino made the mistake of calling that ramen shop by her house the best. Of course the only correct answer according to Naruto is Ichiraku- but you know Ino. She doesn’t like to back down, and neither does Naruto.” She shrugged

Shikamaru just sighed. It was very like the two to argue about something so trivial. “What a drag…” For a bit he just stayed with Sakura and watched the blonds fight. After a while though he was growing bored- and hungry. So he nudged her and nodded towards the food table. “Come with me to get some food, Saa?” 

Sakura opened her mouth to respond but instead both Ino and Naruto’s heads swiveled to look at him. He raised an eyebrow questioningly as he saw the two matching expressions of shock.

“Did you just-"

“Call her Saa??!?!?”

+1

Shikamaru hadn’t meant to piss her off. Honestly it was a minor wound that he didn’t see a need to go to the hospital for. At least he thought it could wait until the morning anyway– he needed sleep before dealing with anyone else. He was far too tired to think straight and it was honestly just easier to not care. Sure his arm was on fire and he was pretty sure he had a concussion, but it could wait.

Apparently when he did go to the hospital the next morning he found out it could “not” wait and was an “Idiot” for thinking it could. He took offense to that- Shikamaru scored pretty high on IQ tests. But Sakura wasn’t concerned about his IQ and was more concerned about the inflamed cut on his left arm that was really beginning to hurt. So alright maybe she had a point- and he should have gone to the hospital earlier- but when he blamed his poor thinking on his possible concussion she just got more angry. Sakura pushed him into the emergency room herself and yelled for nurses to help him get ready for treatment. 

For some reason Shikamaru couldn’t take his eyes off her as she moved around the room swiftly, getting people into the proper positions, and of course ranted about him being an idiot. He blamed the warmth in his face on the concussion- or at least the inability to think coherent thoughts on it. Sakura sat in a chair next to him and began cleaning the cut- a concentrated look taking over her face. He held his breath as she got closer, he could see the scrunch in her brow. When she finally deemed it ready to begin treatment she held her hand over the wound and a familiar green light surrounded it. No matter how many times it happened, Shikamaru was mesmerized by the way it healed. It wasn’t any healing thought– it was only when Sakura was the one doing it. He had usually assumed it was because he actually knew her. So he felt more comfortable when she did it. 

After a moment she took her hand away and inspected the cut. Nodding as it looked healed she looked up and accidentally met his eyes. He felt his face warm up even more and he looked away quickly. He didn’t know why he felt embarrassed- but a quick glance at her told him she was also tinted pink. She stood up and straightened her coat before excusing herself to get the equipment to check for a concussion. As she left he found himself watching her again- gaze only being interrupted when the door closed behind him. While he sat lost in thought a young nurse walked up to him. Looking over at the boy he raised a brow in questioning. The nurse had a grin on his face and nodded towards the door Sakura had left from.

“So are you her lover?”

Shikamaru frowned, “What? No- we’re just friends.”

The nurse paused, a contemplating look crossing his face. “Oh… interesting.” 

“What made you think that?” 

The nurse shrugged, “I’ve never seen her so worried about someone before. Especially not for a minor wound- even if you should have gone here earlier, Doctor Haruno is acting like you're on death’s door.” Shikamaru frowned, confused. “I mean even when her teammates get injured, which is all the time by the way, she barely yells at them anymore.” 

“Huh..” Shikamaru felt like it was important towards something- like the nurse was giving him critical information, but his head hurt when he started trying to put it together.

“Plus you two keep having heated sessions of staring at each other- I apologize but it looked like you were in lov-"

“Yorichi! Are you bothering my patient?” 

Both boys turned startled as Sakura entered the room. She still looked pink- and was staring daggers in the nurse, Yorichi he noted, as if he had personally offended her. Shikamaru felt a smile tug on his face as she glared him down. The nurse just gave a cheeky grin and shook his head- ducking out of the room before Sakura could yell at him. She huffed and turned back towards Shikamaru.

“Sorry about him, Shika. Yorichi liked to talk a lot- I hope he didn’t make you uncomfortable?”

“Nah- he was fine.” He shrugged. 

“Alright- well let me finish treating your head. I want to see if you have a concussion or not.” She glanced over at him. “I uh- I need you to take down your hair for that though.”

Shikamaru blinked. He had his hair in a ponytail at all times unless he was sleeping- or if his mother made him put it down for a formal event. Which didn’t happen all too often since most of the Nara clan men all wore their hair in the same way. It didn’t really matter much to him- it was just his preferred style. So he shrugged and began untying it, not noticing the uncharacteristic silence from Sakura. When he finished, his black hair fell down to his shoulders and he glanced over towards the girl. If he remembered- he was going to ask her if she was getting sick or not. Her face was a shade of red he didn’t think was normal to be- before he could do so she gathered herself and began working. The green glow surrounded her hands again as she began to move over his head. After a bit she stepped back and gave a satisfied nod.

“It doesn’t look like you have a concussion thankfully, but you definitely hit your head hard. I would take it easy for a few days.” 

“Thanks Doc.” He gave her a mock bow as he stood up from the examination table.

She rolled her eyes and playfully hit him in the shoulder. “Whatever, Shika.”

“How could you! Are you supposed to hit injured patients?”

“Not injured enough if you’re talking like that!” She threatened.

He laughed and left the hospital- promising to meet her for dinner later that night. 

A week later Shikamaru was cleared for missions- and of course was immediately sent on one. What was odd about this one though was that he was sent with Sakura. Usually he was either sent alone, with Ino-Shika-Cho, or a large team. He and Sakura both had their own teams and specialized in very different skill sets. Which meant they very rarely got sent on missions together, let alone missions with just the two of them. He wouldn’t argue though- he got along and worked well with Sakura. 

The two met up outside the gate. Sakura had arrived first and he had momentarily paused seeing her. It had been a while since he last saw her in mission clothes. Her green chunin vest was rarely worn outside of missions, and she had long black pants and a tight black shirt on. Just as the moment came it left and he began walking towards her again. She greeted him with a  nod and a small smile before they set off. The mission wasn’t particularly long. They would only be out for 3 days- just there and back. Delivering a building plan for a nearby village then heading back. As the two set off they made a quick pace and traveled into late evening. The whole time was spent talking. 

As it began to get too dark to travel they stopped and found a suitable place to set up camp. Shikamaru started setting up the tents while Sakura went to get wood. When she came back they started a small campfire and sat around it. There was comfortable silence for a while- the tiredness from running the whole day catching up to the two shinobi. After a bit Shikamaru pulled out a cigarette and lit it. A loud sigh from next to him made Shikamaru turn. Sakura was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He just mirrored her back questioningly. She rolled her eyes and leaned towards him. He only didn’t move because as she got close he froze- and she pulled the cigarette from his mouth. Holding in her hands she scrunched her nose and coughed.

“Ugh- this is actually disgusting. Why do you smoke this shit?” She shook her head and threw it away from them. “Don’t you know it’s going to kill you?”

He rolled his eyes, “As you tell me everytime, Saa.” 

“Then why don’t you listen to me?”

“You sound like my mom.”

“Well that’s because Yoshino-san is incredibly intelligent.” She grinned. “Wonder what happened to you.”

Shikamaru scowled, “Whatever- I’m an adult I don’t have to listen to you anyway.” 

“You should listen to your doctor, Shika!” She rolled her eyes, bumping his shoulder with hers. “Come on, I worry about your health. Smoking really isn’t good for you.”

He just elbowed her and grinned. “If you keep acting all worried I’m going to think you love me or something.” He joked, but there was no response but a strained squeak from the girl. Curious, he glanced at the girl and was met with a very red Sakura. Frowning he went to ask her if she was okay- but then something clicked. 

“Shikamaru-san! Are you okay?”

“Shut up! It’s just personal is all-" 

“I’ll heal you, Shika. Promise.”

“Happy Birthday, Shika.” 

“I’ve never seen her so worried about someone before.”

“Shit. You do love me.” Shikamaru turned wide eyed at Sakura, her eyes looked panicked and she was flush. She was going to speak but he was still lost in thought.

“For sage’s sake- do you lik-"

“Or maybe Sakura’s just that special?”

“I’m sure Maru’s happier to see you anyway.”

“Go follow her, don’t let us distract you.”

“So are you her lover?”

“I apologize but it looked like you were in lov-"

In love. 

“Shit, I love you.” 

Sakura flinched hard- looking at him as if he was insane. He felt insane- how had never noticed? He had been in love with her for years- everything made sense finally. The reason he was so attuned to her, the reason his face was warm when she laughed, why his eyes followed her, why she was so peaceful to him- which she worried about him, why she was always there for him. Suddenly had an answer to what everyone else knew- because he was the last one to know he was in love with her. The last one to know she loved him- because he had been an idiot.

“You what?” 

“I love you.” Shikamaru felt dumb as he said it. 

“You love me?” Sakura looked as shocked as he felt. All he could do was nod in response. “Okay- okay uh. You don’t sound very sure?”

“I am- I am! I just- I kind of just realized- like it’s been that way for years? But I just realized? I don’t know I feel stupid-” He placed a hand over his face. He could feel how hot his face had become- he was incredibly embarrassed for not figuring it out before. 

“Okay… Well- I uh- I love you too? But you already knew that- Did you just figure that out too?” He nodded. “Shit, I owe Ino money. I thought you already knew-”

“In my defense I should have known-” 

“I don’t think that’s as much of a defense as you think it is, Shika.” She laughed- the tension seeming to break from her shoulders. She leaned backwards and ended up fully on the ground. A breathy laugh escaped her. “You love me?”

“Yep. It seems to be that way.”

“Awesome.” She laughed again. He couldn’t help but laugh with her god how it had taken this long. He loved the sound of her laugh. 

Suddenly there was a tug on his arm and he was pulled down next to her. She grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. He found himself looking up at the sky again- just like the night that had started so much for them. He squeezed her hand and felt a smile growing on his face, a mirrored expression on Sakura's as she turned towards him. 

“I love you, Shika.”

“I love you too, Saa.”

He knew it.