chapter 1

She always thought she would pass away in her sleep of old age, not at the age of 24. The supposed golden years of her life.

Sitting there in her car head bleeding profusely she thought back to her choices that led to this. She was driving back home for a surprise visit.

It was raining.

Then her wheels spun out and the next thing she knew she was past the guardrails going down the steep slope before being forcefully stopped by the trees below.

Breathing was becoming increasingly difficult, and black dots danced across her vision. She knew no one was going to find her in time. She had taken the shortcut through the mountains in order to be there in time for breakfast.

Her eyes were getting heavier, and with each ragged breath the harder it was to keep them open. Soon, her eyes shut and an inky blackness consumed her.

In what was only moments to her she opened her eyes to a white ceiling only for her to be pulled back into the darkness before she could get a grasp of where she was. This was the first time but it would be the last in a never-ending battle. She would have moments of clarity before she was pulled back into the void that held her with its inky tendrils refusing to let her go. It was like being submerged in water and each time she came up for air she would regain control of her body. However, she would quickly tire or the water would forcefully drag her back under.

Even when she wasn’t in control, she would watch as her body moved of its own accord but it acted more like a doll with no emotions rather than a small child. Due to not having much else she was able to learn the language quickly. However, she fought desperately for moments where she was in control of her own body again. Eventually, she slowly started to notice that it was becoming easier to wake up and stay awake. She saw the relief in the caretaker's eyes at seeing her becoming more expressive, more alive. Her new body was two when she stopped having these periods where her autonomy was taken from her. Since then she’s been fully conscious. She dreads the day when she’s not.

The place she now inhabited was an orphanage. It was well past max capacity. She was surrounded by children of all ages and new orphans would come in and occasionally some would leave whether that be because they got adopted, became adults or disappeared varied. The fact that she was an orphan didn’t truly hit her until she was nearly three.

The reality of her situation bulldozed into her when she tried to go to sleep that night. When the fact that she died set in she broke down crying into her pillow to muffle the sound of her wails. She wanted her loved ones. She wants to go home and be surrounded by her family as they watch a movie laughing when her older sister spilled all the popcorn because of a stupid jumpscare. She didn't even get married yet. She doesn’t want to be here alone because she was unwanted.

She hated being alone.

She cried herself to sleep that night and the following fortnights. The days were a blur as they blended into a muddled mess. It was only after she started to accept that there was nothing she could do to change her situation that she stopped crying herself to sleep and her days didn’t quite blur together anymore. Of course, she still cries occasionally when she thinks about her family but this is a new chance at life and she wasn’t going to waste it by wallowing in grief.

She was three and a half the first time she wandered the village by herself. There were too many children and not enough caregivers to monitor each child so she was able to slip out. After they got to four they were allowed to wander in the area around the orphanage but she didn’t want to wait anymore. When she turns around the corner she is greeted by the sight of a mountain with faces on it. She immediately realizes where she is. “Shit,” she said under her breath.

Her mind immediately goes over all the information she has on the anime in her head trying to figure out if she has ever seen herself in it. She draws up a blank so that's a strong no and moves on to figuring out when exactly she was. Judging by the fact that there are only three faces on the Hokage mountain it's safe to say she's sometime before Minato becomes Hokage.

After mulling it over she realizes there's not much danger for her until Naruto’s born. Granted there is the third or second shinobi war she has to look out for but as long as she doesn’t become a ninja she should be fine. As to her knowledge neither wars reached the village so she shrugs and continues wandering. It’s a problem for future her to deal with. She circles the general vicinity around the orphanage before heading back for dinner.

This was her routine until she was five when she encountered someone unexpected. This meeting would change the course of her life along with several others.

At this point, she was accustomed to the area around the orphanage knowing the general vicinity almost like the back of her hand and every so often she decided to explore farther out. On this day she decided to go farther than usual and as she was looking around admiring the scenery she spotted someone whose form was radiating sadness and bitterness. Since coming to this world she’s been able to feel people's emotions like a background tab in her head that she could bring to the forefront if she wanted to. However, sometimes when the emotions were strong enough they stayed at the forefront no matter what she did. At times it got overwhelming but she appreciated the newfound gift.

Without a second thought, she grabs a piece of candy from her pocket that may or may not have been obtained from less-than-upstanding actions and rushes over to them. With a one-minded focus on their self-imposed mission.

Once she was in front of them she snatched their hand and placed the piece of candy in it. The moment she looks up at the receiver of the candy the blood drains from her face.

She is met with narrowed piercing golden eyes with purple markings around his eyes and skin as unnaturally pale, almost ghostly in coloration. The person to whom she had just given candy is Orochimaru, one of the three Sannins that later deflected, killed his teacher, and did horrible human experiments, but he also helped win the 4th shinobi war. Her body tenses ready to run but then she looks at him.

Not the identifying glance at his face but really looking at him and his attire. His clothes were the first thing she noticed that was different than she was expecting. Instead of the traditional jonin outfit she saw in the anime or his more signature outfit after he became a rogue nin, he was in a more casual ninja attire with his headband proudly displayed on his forehead. It threw her off kilter.

The next thing was his face. He didn’t look furious, or even offended, instead he looked more bitter and apathetic than anything. Even with his face carefully blank he felt resigned and he wasn’t softer per se but less sharp in a way that had her reeling. His eyes reflected his emotions in a way she wasn’t expecting as she knew shinobi were taught to be completely stoic. To hide their feelings. To shove them in a box and ignore them. This wasn't the monster from the anime. She knew logically this wasn't some show this was real life but she couldn't help but view it in a detached way.

With her fear diminished the realization of what she did hits her and a furious blush covers her face and she starts to curl in on herself trying to make herself appear smaller. “Um, I-I’m sorry. I um hope da candy ma-makes you feel better.” At this point, she can almost feel steam coming out of her ears as she stutters through her words. As soon as she finished saying her piece she turned around and high-tailed it out of there.

She only makes it a bit more than two blocks before she leans against a wall gasping for breath.