Chapter 5
Chapter 5: ANBU Friends Are the Worst
I really should have known better than to get involved with the ANBU. I mean, they were elite ninjas, right? They were supposed to be scary, professional, and serious. But nope, instead, they were a bunch of weirdos, and I, unfortunately, was stuck with them.
The days after my accidental induction into the ANBU base went... differently than I expected. I thought I’d be in and out, maybe with a warning or two, but somehow, my position as their “mascot” became... permanent. It wasn’t something I signed up for.
It started with Weasel, of course. The ANBU member who first grabbed me and brought me to their base was constantly on my tail. He’d show up at the weirdest times, too—like when I was grocery shopping, walking through the village, or trying to enjoy some peace at the waterfall.
It wasn’t just him, though. The other ANBU members—Boar, Snake, and Cat—started showing up as well. They’d casually “bump” into me like they weren’t following me around like creepy shadows.
One afternoon, I was at the hospital doing my usual rounds. I was getting pretty good at medical ninjutsu, even if I still wasn’t a full-fledged ninja. But hey, I wasn’t interested in being a fighter. All I wanted to do was help people, stay low, and avoid causing any drama.
Apparently, the ANBU didn’t think I could just live a quiet life. I was walking through the hospital halls when I heard a familiar voice.
“Watch your step, kid.”
I groaned. I turned to see Weasel standing at the end of the hall, his usual cocky grin plastered on his face. "Are you serious?" I muttered under my breath.
“Yeah, seriously. I’m just looking out for you, Sakura,” he said, his voice way too cheerful for someone who was supposedly “elite.”
“You’ve been following me for weeks, and I don’t need a babysitter. I’m fine, thank you,” I snapped. I wasn’t going to pretend I didn’t notice him popping up everywhere.
Weasel just chuckled and leaned against the wall. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”
I resisted the urge to slap my forehead. “I’m cute when I’m mad?” I sighed in frustration. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“Nope!” he said with a grin. “I’m your official bodyguard now. Shisui’s orders.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. “Shisui? He’s the one who sent you? Seriously?” I tried to imagine Shisui Uchiha, the stoic, serious Uchiha prodigy, asking someone like Weasel to keep an eye on me. It made no sense.
“Yep! He’s super grateful for you saving his life. He’s got a soft spot for you now, so it’s my job to make sure no one hurts you,” Weasel explained like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“I didn’t ask for this,” I grumbled, walking past him. “Tell Shisui thanks, but I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.”
Weasel shrugged but didn’t move. “Yeah, well, I’m here to make sure you don’t get into any trouble. It’s my job, kid.”
And so, he followed me around like a shadow. It was bad enough that he stalked me during the day, but he even showed up when I was trying to relax. I’d be at the waterfall, trying to clear my head, and boom, there he’d be, sitting on a rock nearby like he had nothing better to do.
One afternoon, while I was reading in my favorite spot, I saw Weasel approach me with a ridiculously serious expression on his face.
“Hey, Sakura. You okay?”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“Just making sure. You’ve been a little... distant lately,” he said, sitting next to me without waiting for an invitation.
I stared at him, unamused. “I’m fine. I just need some space.”
“Sure, sure,” he said with a shrug, though he still stayed right next to me. “But hey, I heard you got into a little scuffle at the hospital today.”
“What? Who told you that?” I asked, genuinely surprised. “I was just doing my rounds, like always.”
“Oh, you know, the usual. The hospital gossip chain. Apparently, you tossed a medical cushion at one of the ANBU agents.” Weasel grinned. “You’ve got some guts, kid.”
I felt my face heat up, remembering my ridiculous attempt to “scare” the ANBU agent. "I was trying to scare him off, okay? It didn’t mean anything."
Weasel snorted. “Yeah, well, I gotta admit, that was pretty funny. You’re growing on me, kid.”
“Stop calling me ‘kid,’” I snapped, but inside, I felt a weird sense of relief. At least he wasn’t as bad as I made him out to be.
Things only got more bizarre from there. The other ANBU agents started showing up more often too.
One afternoon, Snake—the woman with the feminine voice—appeared at my door, holding a basket of fruits. “Hey, mascot! We thought you might like some snacks,” she said with a smile, almost like she was trying to bribe me.
I raised an eyebrow. “Are you trying to make me fat?”
She grinned. “You need to eat more, you’re getting too skinny.”
“Seriously?” I shot back. “I’m fine. I just eat whatever I want.”
Snake rolled her eyes, clearly not convinced. “Look, you can’t be our mascot if you’re not healthy enough to handle the job.”
“Is that a thing now?” I asked, feeling slightly insulted. “Am I really the ANBU mascot?”
She nodded seriously. “Yep. Officially. You’ve got the looks, and you’ve got the attitude. Plus, you’re useful, even if you don’t know it yet.”
I groaned. “I’m not your mascot, I’m a medical ninja. And I’m not useful—I’m just trying to get through the day without getting involved in all this crazy stuff.”
Snake mask shook as if she raised an eyebrow. “You say that, but I’m starting to think you like the attention.”
“No, I don’t,” I muttered, feeling my face burn. “You guys are all insane.”
“Oh, come on, Sakura,” she teased. “You’re one of us now.”
I sighed, knowing I was stuck with them. It was either that, or risk them dragging me into even more madness. “I’ll never get a normal life, will I?”
“Nope,” Snake said, popping a piece of fruit in her mouth lifting her mask only enough that I could only see her mouth and walking off with a laugh.
And so it was—ANBU friends, whether I liked it or not. They were the worst, but also... maybe kind of the best?