Rewind

"I heard you broke the rules, Kakashi." Hiruzen's voice sounded serious. He was always serious.

"I'm aware, sir." Kakashi stayed kneeling on the ground.

"You disobeyed your captain's orders. Left his sight like no big deal. You didn't stay with your team. You nearly lost the kyuubi." Hiruzen continued, and with this kind of tone, Kakashi was getting scared by the second. "Honestly, if it weren't for Minato's accommodation, you'd follow the others and fail the exam.".

"I understand." Kakashi didn't raise his head. He stood by his words. Hiruzen liked him better when he didn't care about others, when he followed the rules. Doing what his father did got him in trouble, and he needed someone else to fix them.

"Don't beat yourself up, kid. You did the right thing," the kyuubi commented.

"Doesn't look so," Kakashi answered coldly, leaving the mindscape. He failed again.

"From tomorrow you're a jonin, so I expect your best behavior." Hiruzen sighed, "You are a jinchuuriki now, Kakashi. You cannot roam freely as you did unless we request it. You were supposed to be near Minato; we talked about it. Tomorrow, however, your team will go on a mission. I appointed Aoi to be part of your team, so I expect you to finish this mission. The Kanabi bridge is used to exchange goods for war, and we cannot afford that. So your mission is to destroy it and make sure the supplies for the enemies don't reach it," Hiruzen explained.

"Yes, sir," Kakashi nodded.

And it was this moment that broke every achievement Kakashi reached these past weeks. His friendship with Rin and Obito, his excitement over their improvements, and Obito's new rank. Everything seemed to lose importance.

At first no one on his team noticed; they rambled to Kakashi about Rin's ice chakra and how Obito could throw his rasengan, but the Hatake seemed in a completely different world. The only thing he mentioned was that they were supposed to get ready for a mission.

Maybe Obito and Rin were too busy in their own excitements that they didn't notice the change in Kakashi, or maybe they simply didn't want to see. Everything had been so good till recently that they didn't want to imagine a different scenario than the one they lived with the Hatake. Reality hit them during their travel with Minato.

They have been attacked by a bunch of ninjas, and while the teamwork between Aoi, Obito, and Rin was impeccable, Kakashi ran headfirst toward his enemy with his Chidori in hand. If it wasn't for Minato, the younger would have been easily killed.

"Kakashi! I told you not to use that jutsu!" Minato scolded him, "You didn't even notice the movement of your enemy."

"I'm a jonin now. Get off my back," Kakashi nearly growled back at Minato, pushing Rin's hand away and storming further from the others.

"Sensei? What's going on with him?" Obito asked, now worried. Kakashi has never been disrespectful toward his teacher and, less alone, snapped at Rin that way.

"I'm going to talk to him. Please prepare for the night." Minato instructed the kids before reaching Kakashi, "Care to tell me what's going on, Kakashi?"

"I failed. That's what's going on," Kakashi spoke.

"You failed? You failed what?"

"The jonin exam. If it weren't for you... I would have been suspended. Probably stripped of my ninja rank altogether. Everyone's expecting me to follow their ideals, but no one even asked me how I feel!" He snapped, "Once this war is over, you're taking the kyuubi out of me."

"You're going to die if I do that."

"Yes, I know. You told me that already. But at least people will stop ordering me around like I'm some sort of machine that has to adapt to others. Why for once can't others adapt to me?"

"What are you talking about?" Minato asked, confused.

"You wanted me to learn about teamwork and friends. And I did. I got to know Obito and Rin better; I got to give them a chance for the Chunin exams. I did what you wanted. And when I did the same thing to Hikari, suddenly it was not okay. If I think about myself, it's bad; if I think about the others, it's bad. So what do you want from me?" He spoke on edge.

"I want nothing from you, Kakashi. I know everything's confusing, but the world isn't black and white. You can do both things at once; you know that, right? You can be friends with someone and still follow the rules. Instead of running away, you could have told me about Hikari, and I'd have gone with you to help her out. What I want from you is to understand that this world isn't against you and you need to be open to others. You can be strong all you want, but the real strength is knowing you're nothing on your own, accepting others as part of your identity. Boats don't move if everyone rows in their own way, don't you think?"

"Then why did they hate my father for that? Why did they push him to leave me like that?" Kakashi asked

"I don't know," Minato looked at the setting moon, "but I know for a fact that it wasn't his village going against him that ultimately ended his life." Minato wrapped his arm around Kakashi. "I believe that he couldn't stand the thought of his own son hating him."

"Well, I do hate him! For leaving me here! For not being here!" Kakashi snapped.

"But you weren't alone." Minato looked at him. "He left you with a legacy. He left you with the knowledge that no matter what, you'd never be alone. I guess you interpreted it in the wrong way. Obito and Rin...they never left you. I don't ask you to forgive him, but I ask you to think deeply about the whole ordeal and figure out how you truly feel about him. And acknowledge the fact that your own feelings are completely valid. You are allowed to feel angry, depressed, sad, or even in need of a cry. The important thing, though, is to talk about it, let those feelings go. If you hold on to those, they will lead you to the same path your father took," he stated.

"Sensei! We are ready!" Obito yelled out as Minato got up.

"You aren't alone, Kakashi. Your team is here for you. And so are your friends. Make them understand how you feel, and you'll find out the care others have for you. You might not understand why, but with time those wounds you push to keep open will eventually close up," he finished, going back to the team.

Kakashi had trouble falling asleep. He quite couldn't. No matter how much he thought of it, he couldn't understand his feelings toward Sakumo. He was angry and in pain; that was clear. Maybe the anger wasn't even placed correctly as he directed it in the wrong way, but he was unable to see the difference.

"Kakashi?" Obito called out, sitting up.

"Why are you awake, Obito? It's not your turn to look out."

"I can't sleep," he shrugged it off as Kakashi looked at him. "Dude. Are you okay?" He asked, suddenly alert.

"Yes. I'm fine." Kakashi turned around, returning to watch out.

Obito wasn't buying it. He gently poked Rin until she was fully awake herself.

"What is it, Obito?" She asked

"Kakashi's crying," Obito whispered. It was enough for Rin to get up. The two shinobi immediately joined Kakashi.

"You're supposed to sleep." Kakashi pointed out annoyed

"Only when you told us what's going on."

"Nothing's going on," Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Your eyes are shining," Obito pointed out. "Clearly something upsets you."

"It's nothing serious. Just a mission that went bad.

"Want to talk about it?" Rin asked without pressing.

"It's more, speak because we won't move."

"I told you, it's nothing serious. Go back to sleep," he ordered the two.

"Sorry, that won't work on us. We are your friends, Kakashi. You know you can tell us anything."

"Fine! I was thinking about my father!" He snapped at the curiosity of the two.

"Oh. What about him?" Obito asked, not connecting the dots.

"I was thinking about why he did what he did. And how I feel about it," Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Am I missing something?" Obito asked as Rin sighed.

"Obito...remember Kakashi missing from the academy? Well, in that period he died. She tried to be as sensitive as possible.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Kakashi. Was it due to illness?" He asked.

"In a way, you can say that. My father...well...he was the white Fang of the leaf.

Suddenly everything clicked for Obito. He knew the downfall of the white Fang. He knew the shinobi took his own life.

"Kakashi..." Obito started before recomposing himself, "So how do you feel?" He asked.

"I'm not sure. I'm mad at him. I'm mad at his decision. I was left here to figure things out on my own as if he didn't care." Kakashi clenched his fists before relaxing lightly, "But I'm also... in pain. It pains me that he never told me how he felt. That he was alone and I didn't realize it. It hurts to know he felt like he didn't have any other choice. That he thought I would have hated him. I keep wondering where I'd be now if he were alive, if he were with me with the Kyuubi.

The silence fell upon the tree due to the heaviness of the conversation. "I think what hurts the most is the confusion he left me with. I mean...he doesn't even deserve that. Or why I waste my time listening to Minato. He made a choice. It was the wrong one. But me standing here...feeling bad about him...feeling guilty. Well, it's his fault!"

"Kakashi, he was sick."

"He should have sought help. I would have helped him. Dad had so many reasons to live, yet he killed himself. So that's fine. But I won't cry about him.

"And that's okay." Obito said, "I just don't understand why it took you so long to tell us about it. Is this why you hated your teammates? Because of your dad?" He asked, looking at Kakashi. When the answer didn't arrive, Obito continued. "I admire your dad," he confessed, surprising Kakashi as the Hatake looked at him. "His strength, his willingness to save his comrades. He is my hero! Thanks to him I remind myself, every day, to befriend others. He taught me that unity is the strongest weapon of all. I don't agree with those that turned their backs on him, and I regret not getting to know him better. I saw him only when he came to pick you up from the park, remember? Hearing you talk about wanting to save your friends... I found something. I found my ninja way."

"Really?" Both teammates asked.

"Those that abandon the mission are scum." No doubt about that. However...those that abandon their friends to their destiny...they are worse than scum. Those ninjas that turned their backs on your dad... they are the real scums. Not your dad. That's how I see it," he looked at Kakashi with confidence. "That's why I know for sure that we can succeed in this mission without a sweat. Because we are team 7. We look out for each other. If one of us is down, then the others will pick them up. And I'm talking to you as well, Kyuubi. The fact that you are inside Kakashi and helped us this much... it proves that you are also a member of Team 7," Obito beamed.

"Tsk," Kurama commented with a smirk, "and to think he treated me like garbage."

"When?" Kakashi asked, surprised.

"Doesn't matter, kid. I told you, didn't I? You need to be the real you. Whether you like it or not, people will hate you for it, but those that keep sticking up to you... they are worthy to have around."