“The Unlikely Rebirth”
"Naruto?"
"Yes, Kakashi?"
"What happened?"
"I don't know, Kakashi"
"The last that I can remember is us holding down Kaguya and then you started sealing her and then white light, what do you remember?"
"I sealed her into the Shiki Fuin on my stomach and then white light."
"I see....Are we dead?"
"We are talking, aren't we?"
"Right, so where are we now?"
"I don't know, Kakashi"
"Fair point. Maybe we're ghosts?"
"Boo?"
"Very funny, Naruto. Okay, so not ghosts. Zombies then?"
"I don't feel particularly hungry for brains, Kakashi."
"Speak for yourself. I could go for some ramen right about now."
"Ramen isn't brains, Kakashi."
"Close enough. It's brain food."
"That's... not how it works."
"Right, back to the point, so where are we now?"
"Heaven? Hell? Purgatory? The great ninja afterlife?"
"If this is heaven, I'm severely underwhelmed. No Icha Icha Paradise anywhere."
"Maybe it's hell, and your punishment is no more pervy books."
"Now that's just cruel. Even for hell."
"Fair enough. So, not heaven, not hell. Any other ideas?"
"I can't use chakra anymore neither can I sense anything in our surroundings."
"That's because we have no chakra, Kakashi."
"Then how are we even alive?"
"I don't know, Kakashi"
"Well, that's reassuring," Kakashi deadpanned. "Maybe we're in a genjutsu?"
"A genjutsu without chakra? That's like ramen without noodles, Kakashi."
"Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it. Could be the next big thing in Konoha."
"Right, and I'm the Sage of Six Paths," Naruto rolled his eyes.
"You know, technically..."
"Don't even go there, Kakashi"
"Can you use your eyes to look around us?"
"I already am, Kakashi"
"Why can you use your eyes but I can't use mine?"
"Don't be jealous, Kakashi. I'm sure your eyes will catch up... eventually."
"How do you even know that?"
"My eyes have a separate chakra pool situated between the brain and the eye socket that they use to function. This pool is entirely disconnected from the body and from what I can see right now, the chakra from both of our bodies and the Gates is missing."
"Again, why are we alive? Is this some sort of ninja purgatory where we're doomed to float down rivers and make bad jokes for eternity?"
"I don't know, Kakashi. Maybe we're in a really weird episode of 'Ninja Survivor' and we just haven't found the hidden cameras yet."
"Great. Just great. So we're chakra-less, clueless, and possibly on reality TV. Any other surprises you want to spring on me, Naruto?"
"Well, now that you mention it... This....place, has no chakra."
"No shit, Sherlock. I already said that. What's next, you'll tell me water is wet?"
"Actually, Kakashi, water isn't technically wet. It makes other things wet, but-"
"Naruto, I swear to the Sage..."
"Okay, okay. Your brain is forming a chakra pool like mine, right between your ears."
"Why? And please don't say 'I don't know, Kakashi' again."
"Fine. It's probably the Eternal Mangekyo's side effect. I can sense Obito's chakra in your eyes."
"Huh. So I'm getting Obito's eyes back?"
"Possibly, it's like the universe wants you to keep your trademark look or something."
"Why can't I sense anything different? I feel as clueless as ever.
"Probably because you're not used to having a separate chakra pool for your eyes. It's like trying to wiggle your ears for the first time."
"Great analogy. So I'm basically a chakra newbie again?"
"Pretty much. Welcome back to ninja kindergarten, Kakashi"
"Makes sense. Would I regain Obito's eyes after the chakra pool is formed?"
"That would be Ideal."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I know, Kakashi."
"Why are you adding my name to your every single line reply?"
"For the comedic value, Kakashi."
"Ah yes, because nothing says comedy like repetitive name-calling. I'm in stitches."
"For the readers, Kakashi."
"And why does everything look so big?"
"Because we are small, Kakashi."
"What?"
"I don't know about you but I seemed to have reverted to the body I had when I was two years old, although my hair colour has changed from red to white."
"You remember what you looked like when you were two?"
"Perks of having photographic memory from birth, Kakashi."
"Great, so now we're not just clueless, we're also clueless toddlers. Fantastic."
"Look on the bright side, at least we match now."
"Match? What are you talking about?"
"Well, with my hair gone white, we're practically twins. You always wanted a mini-me, right?"
"Ah yes, because that was at the top of my bucket list. 'Turn my student into a miniature clone of myself.' Cross that one off."
"Hey, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Kakashi."
"I'm flattered beyond words. Really. Can't you tell by my overwhelming enthusiasm?"
"Your sarcasm is showing, Kakashi."
"Oh no, whatever shall I do? My secret weapon, exposed."
"At least your mask still fits. Silver linings, right?"
"Yes, because in the grand scheme of things, a well-fitting mask is clearly the most important aspect of our current predicament. That would mean we're both somehow chibi versions of ourselves. And are we floating down a river?"
"Yes, Kakashi"
"And we haven't drowned yet?"
"We will if you keep moving, Kakashi. I have lost the motor skills required to move. So if you can swim, keep that up, because otherwise, we won't have a chance at surviving whatever this situation is."
"So we are essentially fucked, royally fucked even," Kakashi paused, his tone remaining surprisingly calm despite the colorful language. He then continued, as if casually listing items on a grocery list, "In fact, cosmically fucked, paradoxically fucked, quantum-mechanically fucked, and let's not forget the cherry on top - we're ninja-without-chakra fucked, considering our current predicament."
"Don't forget chronologically, We seem to have time-traveled to toddlerhood."
"Ah, yes," Kakashi nodded sagely, "How could I forget? We're temporally fucked as well."
"So, any bright ideas on how to get out of this mess?"
"I'm fresh out. How about you, Mr. 'I-sealed-a-goddess-and-now-we're-babies'?"
"Hey, don't pin this all on me. You were there too, remember?"
"Vividly. Though I'd rather forget the part where we ended up as pint-sized versions of ourselves."
"Look on the bright side, at least your mask probably fits better now."
"Oh joy, my lifelong dream of having a perfectly fitted mask as a toddler has finally come true. Whatever shall I do with all this happiness?"
Just as Kakashi finishes his sarcastic comment about his mask, a splash of water hits their basket. They look up to see Shuri Himejima, who had accidentally kicked some water while leaning over to investigate the strange floating object.
"Ara ara!" Shuri exclaims, her eyes widening as she peers into the basket. "Kawaii chibi-chan tachi! Doko kara kita no? (Where did you two little cuties come from?)"
Kakashi, quick on his feet (or rather, his back), immediately lets out a convincing wail. Naruto gawks at him, bewildered.
"What in the name of the sage are you doing?" Naruto hisses in Elemental.
"Surviving," Kakashi whispers back between fake sobs. "Now cry like your life depends on it, because it just might!"
Naruto, caught off guard, manages a weak whimper that sounds more like a deflating balloon than a distressed infant.
"Maa maa, daijoubu yo, (There, there, it's alright)" Shuri coos, reaching out to gently pat their heads. "Obasan ga tasukete ageru kara ne? (Auntie's here to help you, okay)"
"What's she saying?" Naruto mutters. "And why does it sound like she's singing?"
Kakashi, still maintaining his crying act, replies, "No clue, but keep looking cute and helpless. It's working."
"Kawaii ne! (How cute!)" Shuri giggles, tickling Naruto's chin. "Kono shiroi kami, marude yuki mitai! (Your white hair looks just like snow!)"
Naruto squirms, fighting back a giggle. "Kakashi, she's tickling me. What do I do?"
"Laugh, you idiot," Kakashi hisses. "Babies love being tickled."
Naruto lets out a forced giggle that sounds more like a hiccup. Shuri beams, delighted.
"Ara, waratta! Nante kawaii sound nano!"(Oh, you laughed! What an adorable sound!)
"I think she likes us," Kakashi whispers. "Though I can't tell if she's praising us or planning to eat us."
"Saa, uchi ni kaerimashou ne, (Come on, let's head home,)" Shuri says, gently lifting them from the basket. "Atatakai oyu to oishii miruku ga matteiru yo! (Warm baths and yummy milk are waiting for you!)"
As she cradles them against her chest, Naruto and Kakashi exchange panicked glances.
"Well," Kakashi murmurs, his eye curving into a familiar crescent, "at least the view is nice. These are definitely grade-A—"
"Finish that sentence, and I'll find a way to Rasengan you into next week," Naruto hisses, his tiny face scrunching up in disgust. "We're babies, you perv!"
"Ara, nani ga okashii no?(Oh, what's so funny?)" Shuri giggles, misinterpreting Naruto's expression. She bounces them gently, unwittingly giving Kakashi a better vantage point.
"I'm just appreciating the finer things in life," Kakashi replies innocently. "It's not every day you get a second chance at childhood."
"Yeah, well, your 'appreciation' is going to get us dropped on our heads," Naruto grumbles. "Try to act your new age, would you?"
"Kawaii ne, kono futari, (You two are just the cutest little things! Are you talking to each other?)" Shuri coos, oblivious to their banter. "Mou, hontou ni kyoudai mitai (you really do look like brothers!)!
"Any idea what she's saying?" Naruto asks, trying to distract Kakashi from his 'view'.
"Not a clue," Kakashi admits. "But she seems happy. Let's hope that translates to 'not going to eat us'."
As they're carried off to an unknown destination, Naruto and Kakashi share another look, a mix of apprehension and resignation in their eyes.
"We're being kidnapped by a singing lady," Naruto mutters. "This is not how I imagined my afterlife."
"Look on the bright side," Kakashi replies dryly. "At least we're not drowning anymore."
Shuri, oblivious to their conversation, continues to coo and chatter as she carries them towards the shrine. "Anata-tachi no namae wa nan darou? Hmm... Shiro-chan to Gin-chan wa dou kana? (I wonder what your names should be? Hmm... How about Shiro-chan and Gin-chan?)"
"I think she's naming us," Kakashi whispers. "Please don't let mine be 'Poopy-chan'."
Naruto snorts, then quickly disguises it as a sneeze when Shuri looks down at him fondly.
"Ara, daijoubu? Kaze hiita kana?(Oh no, are you catching a cold?)" she asks, concern lacing her voice.
"Nice save," Kakashi murmurs. "Now, let's see who can learn this bizarre language first. Loser changes the winner's diapers for a week."
"You're on," Naruto whispers back, "any bright ideas on how to communicate with our new... mom?"
"I'm working on it," Kakashi replies. "Though I'm pretty sure 'goo goo ga ga' is universal."
"Great," Naruto deadpans. "Our fate rests on your baby talk skills. We're doomed."
As they approach the shrine, Shuri's pace quickens. "Mou sugu tsuku yo! Papa to Akeno-chan ga matter!" (We're almost there! Papa and Akeno-chan are waiting for us)
"Sounds like we're about to meet the family."
"Joy," Kakashi deadpans. "More people to coo over us."
They reach the shrine, and Shuri calls out, "Tadaima! Mite mite, kawaii mono mitsuketa yo! (We're home! Look what I found, it's so cute!)"
A deep voice responds, "Okaeri, Shuri. Nani ga atta no? (Welcome back, Shuri. What's all the fuss about?)"
Shuri enters a room where a tall man with black hair and violet eyes is holding a small girl with similar features.
"Ara, Baraquiel! Kono futari, kawa de mitsuketa no, (Oh, Baraquiel! Look what I found by the river)" Shuri explains, presenting Naruto and Kakashi.
The man, Baraquiel, raises an eyebrow. "Kawa de? Douyatte? (By the river? How on earth...?)"
"Basket," Naruto whispers to Kakashi. "We're literally foundlings."
"Could be worse," Kakashi shrugs. "At least we're not frogs."
The little girl in Baraquiel's arms peers at them curiously. "Aka-chan? Futari tomo? (Babies? Two of them?)"
"Sou yo, Akeno-chan," Shuri nods. "Anata no otouto-tachi yo."
Akeno's eyes widen with excitement. "Hontou? Watashi no otouto?"
"Sou yo, Akeno-chan (That's right, Akeno-chan)," Shuri smiles warmly, gently patting Akeno's head. "Anata ga onee-chan ni natta no yo. (They're your new little brothers.)"
Akeno's eyes sparkle with excitement. "Hontou ni? Watashi, onee-chan? (Really? I'm a big sister now?)"
"Un, sou yo, (Yes, that's right)" Shuri nods, her voice soft and encouraging. "Kore kara, kono futari no otouto-tachi no sewa wo suru no yo. (From now on, you'll be taking care of these two little brothers of yours)"
Baraquiel chuckles, his deep voice filled with amusement. "Akeno, taihen na shigoto da yo. Dekiru kana? (Akeno, that's quite a big job. Think you can handle it?)"
"Dekiru yo! (I can do it!)" Akeno puffs out her chest proudly. "Watashi, ganbaru! (I'll do my best!)"
Naruto and Kakashi exchange glances, trying to decipher the conversation.
"Oi, Kakashi," Naruto whispers, "what's with all this 'onee-chan' business?"
Kakashi shrugs, his tiny shoulders barely moving. "Looks like we've been promoted to little brothers."
Shuri notices their hushed exchange and coos, "Ara, nani wo hanashiteru no? Kawaii ne! (Oh, what are you two whispering about? How adorable!)"
"Kaa-san, (Mom)" Akeno tugs at Shuri's sleeve, "otouto-tachi no namae wa? (what are the little brothers' names?)"
"Sou ne... (Well, let's see)" Shuri ponders, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Ano ne, kono shiroi kami no ko wa Shiro-chan to yobimashou. Soshite, kono gin'iro no ko wa Gin-chan! (How about we call this little one with the white hair Shiro-chan? And this silver-haired cutie can be Gin-chan!)"
"Shiro to Gin? (Shiro and Gin?)" Baraquiel raises an eyebrow. "Mattaku, Shuri... (Really, Shuri...)"
"Wakaranai, (I don't know)" Shuri admits. "Demo, kawaii deshou? (But isn't it cute?)"
"Hey, I think they're talking about our hair," Naruto whispers.
Kakashi nods. "Probably wondering why we look like tiny old men."
Akeno wiggles out of her father's arms and toddles over to Shuri. "Mite mite! Kawaii! (Look, look! cute!)"
She reaches out to touch Naruto's whisker marks. "Neko mitai! (Looks like a cat)"
"Oi, watch it," Naruto grumbles, trying to dodge her fingers.
"Just let her poke you," Kakashi advises. "It's less suspicious than a baby with ninja reflexes."
Baraquiel chuckles. "Akeno, yasashiku ne. Aka-chan wa kowarerushi. (Akeno, please be kind, the babies could get hurt.)"
"Hai, Papa!" Akeno nods seriously, then gently pats Naruto's head. "Yoshi yoshi."
"Great," Naruto sighs. "I'm being comforted by a toddler."
Kakashi snorts. "Better get used to it. We're the babies now."
Shuri giggles at the scene. "Ara ara, mou nakayoku natteru ne. (Oh my, they are getting along well)"
"Shuri," Baraquiel says, his tone turning serious. "Kono ko-tachi, dou suru? (Are these two staying?)"
"Mochiron, sodateru no yo, (Of course, I'll raise them,)" Shuri replies firmly. "Kami-sama ga ataete kureta purezento da to omou wa (I think it's a gift from Kami-sama.)."
Naruto looks at Kakashi. "Any idea what they're saying?"
"Not a clue," Kakashi admits. "But I think we've just been adopted."
"Yatta! (Yay!)" Akeno cheers, clapping her hands. "Otouto ga dekita! (I now have little brothers!)"
"Well," Naruto says, resignation in his voice, "I guess we're part of the family now."
Kakashi nods, his expression unreadable behind his mask. "Welcome to our new life, I suppose. Let's hope it's less eventful than the last one."
As Shuri and Baraquiel continue to discuss their unexpected arrivals, little Akeno leans in close, poking Naruto's cheek.
"Yawa-yawa," she giggles.
"Great," Naruto sighs. "I'm a human stress ball."
"Could be worse," Kakashi chuckles. "She could be trying to eat you."
to be continued~
Well well well, look who's back.
All jokes aside, this is something that clicked in my head while I was napping during class and since I liked this concept very much, I thought to save it as a chapter. I'll work on this later on, as the others who read my previous work know I already have Saikyo and Changes on the backlog (and I promise I'll update those soon enough) but this was a fun little chapter for me to write.
Let me know what you think about it in the reviews, this is definitely different from my usual stuff.
You can also find me in AizenTheGoat's discord server if you'd like to talk to me other than this platform. Here's the link https://discord.gg/3yZ5tW5aU6 or type in this code 3yZ5tW5aU6
alright that's it for now,
Until next time.