Burn Me Alive

The sun shines through Konoha as falling green leaves dance around each other, caught in the wind and spiraling with reckless abandonment. Kushina, Menma, and Gai sit on a picnic blanket on one end of the training field. Guy was snacking on an onigiri Kushina packed for him, and Menma was doing the same. Both had bits of rice that they should wipe off.

Menma giggles at a face Guy makes at him. He makes grabby hands at the scarf Guy is wearing, making a sound of wonder at the color and texture of the accessory. Guy smiles at little Menma politely. Kushina hands Guy a piece of strawberry mochi. “Thank you very much, Kushina-san.” He grins a real grin this time and Menma giggles at how his teeth literally sparkle with the light of the sun.

A safe, further distance away was Konoha’s Yellow Flash and Copy Ninja. “It’s starting,” Kushina says, feeling with her own chakra the rise in Kakashi and Minato’s own energy fields. Guy’s attention shifts from Menma to the field. Menma catches on and looks. “Akakashi,” he mumbles.

“So, Kakashi,” Minato says, trying to sound casual. “Are you going to try out the new jutsu first?”

Kakashi tilts his head to the side, “Hm, I wonder.” Neither confirming nor denying.

Minato grins wide. He throws out several kunai. Kakashi lifts his headband, opening his sharingan eye and dodging. Minato’s teleportation kunai for the Flying Thunder God technique litter the training grounds.

The two exchange blows of metal against metal as kunai meet. “Go Minato!” Kushina booms from the blanket. Gai, emboldened by Kushina-san, echoes similar cheers for his rival.

“Earth dragon jutsu!” Minato signs. Kakashi copies him and the dragons slam into each other. Menma giggles, clapping at the sight in front of him.

Minato teleports close to Kakashi, “Lightning Prison-“

Kakashi inhales, countering, “Earth Wall!”

The two go back and forth, changing the landscape with each of their jutsu. Minato uses speed to get closer and closer to Kakashi, then retreats as the two switch up from short range to long range once again. Many elements make an appearance, and the duo look as if they are in a dance with one another more than a battle.

Guy is surprised when he sees one hand sign that Kakashi uses is a familiar one. “Tortoise?” He echoes, thinking Ningame, his own tortoise that he had a contract with.

Tortoise. Hare. “Lightning Step.” Kakashi says. His voice comes out calmly as he bursts forward, a stark contrast to how he shouted out the command during his solo training. Lightning climbs around his legs and feet as he moves his arm out to clothesline Minato.

Kakashi second guesses his move, thinking that he might seriously damage Minato’s neck if he does that. At the last-second, he thinks better of his movement and elects to bring a palm to Minato’s chest instead, knocking sensei to the ground. The jutsu made the seconds trickle by for Kakashi, giving him time to see every subtle move Minato made in his stance.

Minato slams into the ground with a resounding, “Oof.” Kakashi stares down at the spot that he touched Minato. He realizes with growing horror that where he touched Minato’s chest is where he touched Rin when he had-. A sick feeling grows in his stomach and Kakashi goes down on his knees. He used his other hand to pat down Minato’s chest, looking for any trace of a wound. “Are you alright, sensei? I’m sorry.

Minato looks at Kakashi and doesn’t see the seventeen-year-old in front of him, seeing a flash of the young boy who had come home after the accident with Rin. Panick was in his eye. “I’m perfectly fine, Kakashi.”

Kakashi’s eyes look far away, and he doesn’t seem to be looking at Minato anymore. His sensei puts his hands on his shoulders, gentle as if he was worried he would scare his student away. “Kakashi?” He flinches away, scooting away from the contact and stands up tall on rubbery legs. He turns his back on his teacher for a moment, composing himself.

Kakashi looks down at his hands, rubbing them on his shirt. He’s fine. Sensei’s fine. He didn’t hurt him. He spins around and walks up to Minato, grabbing his arm and pulling him up. He sees green out in the distance, and takes inspiration from Might Guy. He pretends to emphatically dust off Minato’s back, checking for injury. Minato makes a startled sound, twisting his head this way and that to try and catch his pupil’s gaze, “Really, Kakashi, this is unnecessary…” Minato tries changing the subject, feeling the unsettled energy that Kakashi was giving off. “That is some jutsu you have there.”

Kakashi wanted to show it to sensei, knew that Minato’s intent in asking him to spar, however, he still abhorred the idea of explaining its inception. He didn’t want to witness the expression that would end up on Minato’s face, the one that always did when Hatake Sakumo came up.

He forces himself to respond, to match sensei’s energy and joke, “Fast enough to get out of the way of your Flying Thunder God Jutsu?” He withdraws from touching Minato’s back, smiling a bit. It doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I don’t know if it’s that fast. After all, you took me by surprise! Shall we test it again to find out?”

“Yes!” He truly did, but he did not want to test the jutsu in the same manner again. It was too much. He rubbed his wrist against his shirt, resisting the urge to look and verify that there was no blood.

Minato-sensei seemed to get it. “We’ll make it a race! Guy-kun!” Minato called out to the Taijutsu expert, who takes off running to them. Kakashi wasn’t sure why Guy had come. He’s sure he had much better things to do than on a beautiful day.

After some instruction from Minato, Guy made a finish line with one of his legs and embedded one of Minato’s kunai right in front of the line.

“Ready?” Sensei asks Kakashi. They both give thumbs up to Guy.

Guy counts down from three, and shouts out, “Go!” Both men use their jutsu at the same time, excited at the prospect of a challenge to see who’s jutsu was faster. Kakashi’s jutsu was still a bit in its infancy. After all, he had just started to get better at sticking the landing without ending up going too far or not far enough.

Guy whoops as the two cross the finish line, Minato appearing, and Kakashi jolting forward with lightning erupting from his legs and feet. Kakashi is sure he can utilize this jutsu to take out several enemies at a time. Or to protect a comrade, Ka… Ka… Shi…?

Kakashi tried to slow down as he goes across the finish line, but like yesterday (or was it earlier this morning?) he couldn’t quite stay in control. “Shit,” he says quietly, putting his arms out in a protective gesture to stop himself from slamming into a tree.

Guy’s arm grasps Kakashi one-handed, spinning them both until they stop. Guy grins, knowing he had just saved his rival from some nasty bruising at least. Kakashi looks away. “Tch,” he responds. His gaze drifts downwards, checking that none of his lightning natured chakra had gotten to Guy. He managed to keep his distance when he grabbed Kakashi, leaning over like a tree does in a large windstorm.

You’re not supposed to do that for me. I don’t deserve it; a small voice in his mind tells him.

Minato claps, getting their attention. “So, Guy, who got here first?”

“You did, Minato-sama!”

“By how many seconds?”

“One and a half.”

Minato whistles in appreciation at the narrow margin. He looks at Kakashi, and down at his legs and feet, still smoking and steaming from the lightning nature chakra.

“Does that hurt?” He asks, moving closer to inspect his legs.

“No,” Kakashi pulls away from them both. He clenches his teeth and says through them, “I’m fine.” It truly didn’t hurt as much this time. The first thirty times had been much more of an adjustment. Kakashi could not stand this care from these two. That’s his job to do for them.

“I guess yours is faster,” he quickly changes the subject.

“Yes, it is, and yours has a bit more aggressive force to it, rather than just transport, it’s also an attack.” Minato looks over his shoulder at the damage on the ground. Smoldering, smoking black lines that looked like the imprint of lightning were left behind.

“Where did you find this jutsu?” He asks the question finally. The inquiry lands heavy in Kakashi’s chest.

“Hatake Sakuno,” his answer is clipped, and he turns around. Hiding from his sensei’s face.

Minato is silent for a moment, “He truly was one of the best.”

Kakashi’s heart was going to explode. He might break down into sobbing if he stays a moment longer. He could also just Lightning Step his way straight into a water source again and shock himself. He walks away, ignoring the calling his best friend and sensei made out to him. He has a grave to visit.

Bakakashi, just let someone in… Don’t shut them out, Kakashi. He shudders as the voices of his teammates come through. Stopping by the grave, he could only manage out a few sentences before punching the stone hard enough to bruise knuckles. He meanders home from there, walking slow with the weight of his emotions. In the darkness of the house in which his father died in, Kakashi lets his tears fall.

Even after all this time, it feels almost as if his father had taken some part of Kakashi’s heart with him that night. He’s seventeen, he should be over this by now. What if there is no getting over it? He couldn’t sit with that idea, that there was no way through this feeling. He wouldn’t survive it.

He didn’t show up for dinner at the Minato-Uzumaki household that night. At a brisk knock on Kakashi’s door, he opened it to see no one except for a gift on the porch. That annoyingly sweet bento box was left at his doorstep, dark green and filled with Kushina’s cooking. Kakashi swiveled his head around, part of him craving company, but unwilling to seek it out. He sighs and shuts the door, settling in with his food and his favorite Icha Icha novel.

There’s a knock on the door. Kakashi swivels around, a little too quickly, and opens the door. Guy stands there, grinning and holding up a bottle of sake. “A little evening toast, rival, to your successful ninjutsu!”

Kakashi resists the urge to slam the door in Guy’s face. To warn his friend away. Don’t you see that everyone around me dies? He’s too weak to chase away his friend. Kakashi opens the door wider, and Guy seems surprised for a moment before storming in.

Guy had been inside when he had snuck in the bento boxes, but he had never been invited inside. He looks around the kitchen and living room and repeats what he said before about décor. Kakashi ignores him and serves the dinner on plates. His hands tremor for a moment, from relief of having company, or chakra exhaustion, he doesn’t know, but he takes a moment to still his hands and brings the food over to the living room.

Guy pulls out a little television radio from one of his pockets on his utility vest and sets it down, fiddling with the antenna and turning up the volume. Some random show pops up on the small screen and it lights up their faces a bit, lighting up the heavy atmosphere. Kakashi glances at the floor. There’s no blood.

Guy fills two cups with sake and cheers with Kakashi. When the food is eaten and sake begins to settle in, making conversation and laughter bubble up between the two, Kakashi feels the knot in his chest loosen just a little.

Maybe he would be alright. Guy pulls out a second bottle and Kakashi raises a brow. “You never drink, and now you want to get drunk?”

Guy shrugs. Uncharacteristic of him, to be so quiet. Kakashi catalogues the reaction in his mind under ‘miscellaneous rare Guy reactions’. “Just seems like the thing to do.”

Kakashi takes the offered drink. Guy gives him a knowing look as they share the knowledge of what today would have been if Hatake Sakuno had survived taking his own life. Kakashi let himself dream about it in that moment. A big party in here, streamers, cake, and laughter. The vision fades away and he downs the sake in one go.

Guy begins chatting Kakashi up again, getting him to engage in conversation. To be a normal person. “To Hatake Sakumo! May he be protecting his friends in the afterlife like how Kakashi protects his here!” He cheers. Kakashi smiles at his friend, grateful. He opens up a little, letting himself relax a bit and bicker with Guy.

He doesn’t remember much after a couple more drinks like that, except for Guy taking the bottle away and Kakashi keeping a grip on it. A silent glaring match that Guy loses. Of course. Kakashi is the best at giving a whole story in a solitary look. Guy slips the bottle away when Kakashi gets a little too drunk and starts dozing off. “Off to bed now, Kakashi.” He puts Kakashi’s arm over his shoulders, walking him to his bedroom.

“You know…” he murmurs drunkenly. Kakashi would hate this later if he remembered it. He hates being out of control. Guy should shush him, and tell him to save it, but he lets him speak just the same. It was too rare of sight to see inhibitions cast aside with Hatake Kakashi. It felt the same way watching an impending summer storm come through felt. One just had to tilt their head up and watch.

Kakashi continues forging on in his sentence, “If you just stayed here, Guy, you wouldn’t have to visit. Be easier for the garden. For decorating,” his voice trailed off and Guy smiles tightly.

“I think I could enjoy that, Kakashi, but you may just wish to take those words back when sobriety comes back to you.” Kakashi scoffs. He lays on the bed and Guy covers him up. He stops mid-step when Kakashi calls out his name.

“Yes?”

“Please stay here tonight,” he murmurs.

Guy looks at his friend and nods. “Happily, rival,” he says back quietly. Guy finds Kakashi’s travel bedroll and unfurls it next to Kakashi’s bed, snuggling into the sleeping bag and drifting off to sleep.

gling into the sleeping bag and drifting off to sleep.