‘Date’ was not the first word that sprang into Kakashi’s head when he was hanging out with Gai.
It wasn’t even the second or third word he thought of to describe the things he did with his best friend.
If it weren’t for Kurenai flat out asking him how his ‘date’ with Gai yesterday went, he may never have made the connection at all. Now, it was all he could think about.
“So?” Kurenai propped her head on her right hand and watched him with mischievous eyes.
“It was…” he searched his mind for the appropriate word, but none of them seemed satisfactory. He couldn’t call it a ‘good date’ or even a ‘satisfactory date’ because when he thought of all the things he’d done with Gai the previous day, none of them stood out as ‘date activities’ to him.
It was just a regular day off that he had decided to spend with Gai.
All they two of them had done was spar, grab some dango, and watch the sunset by the river.
Things that they had been doing together since they were kids.
“I don’t think-”
That mischievous look in her eyes melted away. In its place her eyes narrowed into a firm expression. One he recognized all too well.
Annoyance.
That was the look she was giving him now, and he couldn’t understand what he had done to deserve it. Most days he’d understand. He had a personality that many people found annoying for a variety of reasons.
None of those reason’s applied to this specific moment.
“You can’t be serious,” her eyebrows pinched together in the centre of her forehead. “Seriously, Kakashi?”
“We were just hanging out.”
“Your idea of ‘hanging out’ doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“We do it all the time.”
“You think that explanation helps?” she waved her index finger in front of his face, sighing when he tilted his head like a confused puppy. “You’re hopeless, you know that?”
Did Gai tell you it was a date?” He couldn't explain why, but his heart fluttered at the thought of his best friend running around the village telling everyone that they had gone out on a date.
The idea should have bothered him, or possibly even scared him. Instead, it seemed to excite him. As if he wanted Gai to call their hang-outs ‘dates’.
“No,” flopping back against her chair, Kurenai sighed. “He’s just as hopeless as you.”
A feeling of disappointment washed over him, but he did his best to brush it off and focused instead on the topic in front of him. “We’re not hopeless.”
“Oh ya?” immediately Kurenai sat up and stared directly at him, her fierce red eyes staring straight into his soul. “Tell me honestly, if it were anyone else you were doing those things with yesterday, would it be a date then?”
“Why would it be?”
“Really think about it, Kakashi. If it were someone else, like Genma,” his face scrunched up at the idea. He hadn’t meant to react that way to his friends name, it just sort of happened. “I know, but just think about it. Would it be just a regular hang out if it was Genma you’d spent the day with?”
He didn’t really want to think about it, but faced with a determined Kurenai he decided it was better to deal with the issue now rather than allowing it to fester.
She’d only get more annoying about it the longer he tried to avoid the issue.
Would it be a date if it had been Genma he’d been spending the day with
That was the question he faced now.
The first thing him and Gai had done during their day out was have a spar. It was easy to answer ‘no’ to that part of the question. While Genma was a talented shinobi, he was nowhere near being a challenge for Kakashi. A spar with him would feel like a waste of time, so naturally it would not have been the same.
He had better things to do with his day off. Wasting his time on a spar that wouldn’t help him improve was something he’d refuse to do, and Genma wouldn’t bother to ask knowing how Kakashi felt about it.
That was a spar, though. Everything else he’d done with Gai he could easily do with someone else.
Getting dango, for example.
As he thought about it, though, Kakashi found himself facing the same results for very different reasons.
As much as he enjoyed Genma’s company, Dango was something he only really enjoyed with Gai. it was Gai who made him smile while they shared a pile of dango too big for any normal person to enjoy even with help from friends.
With Gai he’d sat in that little shop for two hours just enjoying his friends comforting presence and sharing all of that dango.
“It doesn’t work,” he announced, sighing when Kurenai watched him with curious eyes. “If it had been someone else I wouldn’t have spent the day with them.”
An hour maybe.
Two if he had nothing else to do.
But unless he was forced to spend more time with others due to a mission or some necessary work in the village, he didn’t. It was nothing against them, he just preferred not to be with the same person for too long because their company got boring.
He didn’t want his friends' company to feel boring, or like a chore, so he called an end to their time together before those feelings could begin manifesting in him.
Gai was the only person he could happily spend an entire day with, without getting bored. No matter how many times he told the same joke, Kakashi would always chuckle. Regardless of how boring their chosen activity might get if he were with someone else, it never did when it was Gai he was doing it with.
The idea of spending an entire day with someone else felt like it would turn into a chore. Something Kakashi didn’t want to feel about any of his friendships.
With Gai, it was the farthest thing possible from being a chore. The time he spent with Gai was something precious to him. In his darkest days, when everything felt hopeless and all he wanted was to find the sweet release of death, it was the thought of seeing Gai again that kept him going.
“Oh…”
“Oh?” Kurenai leaned close, a triumphant smile spreading slowly across her face.
“Are we…” the realization hit him almost as hard as one of Gai’s punches.
“Dating?” he nodded his head slowly, unsure if he truly wanted to hear the answer Kurenai seemed so excited to give him. “Officially, not at all. Unofficially and with the full support of everyone in the village, yes. Without question.”
“How long?”
“Oh I'd say about…” she thought about it for a moment before answering with a proud smile. “Twenty years.”
Twenty years.
She was trying to suggest that him and Gai had been an unofficial couple since they were eleven.
The worst part was looking back, he couldn’t really disagree. If it had been Asuma and Kurenai he would have noticed immediately and teased them non-stop about it, but because it was his own love life he’d completely missed it.
All those years of turning potential partners down harshly he’d thought he simply wasn’t interested in dating anyone. Now, looking back, he realized that wasn’t the case at all. He was interested in dating.
There was just one person he wanted to date, and even when his brain refused to realize that his heart knew without a doubt.
Gai was his person.
He’d spent years believing that friends spent their days together, and for others that might have been true, but for him it wasn’t the case.
Gai was the one he wanted to spend those days with.
It was only ever Gai, and Gai alone, who he could happily waste away an entire day with.
The worst part was now that he’d realized all of that, there was a mixture of emotions stirring up inside of him. Emotions he didn’t want to deal with.
“Let’s just drop it,” he suggested,desperate to talk about anything else.
“Don’t do that,” Kurenai spoke harshly, her usually round eyes narrowed as she watched him. “Don’t push your feelings down. I cannot go another twenty years of watching you two pretend this is a standard friendship.”
You two.
Her words suggested that he wasn’t the only one trying to ignore the truth of the situation. Gai was doing the same thing.
The thought of his best friend, the person he trusted and adored above all others, lying to himself made his heart ache.
Gai was always so honest about who he was and how he felt. It was something Kakashi admired about him. Even if others laughed at him or told him to give up on what he wanted he would always smile and cheerfully thank them for their unwavering support.
But just like Kakashi, he was denying the reality of their situation. Perhaps even because of Kakashi.
“He deserves the world,” his heart ached as the words left his mouth, but they were the truest words he had ever spoken.
Gai, with his brilliant smile and endless enthusiasm, deserved happiness. A partner who could give him all of the love that he gave them. Something Kakashi wasn’t sure he was capable of giving.
“He deserves what makes him happy,” Kurenai replied after a short pause. A warm smile greeted him when he looked back at her, offering him a silent comfort when his brain was telling him he didn’t deserve anything good. “And believe it or not, what makes him happy is you, Kakashi.”
His heart thumped with joy upon hearing that, but Kakashi tried his best to ignore the emotions that welled up inside of him. He didn’t want to give himself hope when the world had already taken so much away from him.
“Isn’t it you who’s always saying we need to fill the hole in our hearts?” Kurenai pressed, her eyes watching him with a calculated caution. As if she knew exactly what was running through his mind.
“Yes,” he whispered in response, unsure where she was going with this conversation.
“And isn’t one way to fill the hole in our hearts to find someone we love? Someone that we can see ourselves spending our lives with?”
“Yes…”
“So,” folding her arms over themselves on the table she leaned in closer. “By your own logic, wouldn’t a relationship with Gai be a good thing for you?”
Staring down at the table he sifted through the thoughts swirling around in his head. The doubts, the worries, even the self loathing.
One by one he went through them, weighted them against Kurenai’s argument, and filed them away into the back of his mind until there was only one left.
One question that he couldn’t answer or ignore, no matter how hard he tried.
The one question that even his own logic, so rudely used against him, couldn’t satisfy.
“What if,” he stopped, turning the question in his mind once more in search of that elusive answer. When he still failed to find it, he continued. “What if this dating thing ruins everything?”
He could handle life as long as Gai was at his side. It didn’t matter if they were lovers or friends.
As long as they were together, standing back to back so they could protect each other from whatever the world had to throw at them, he was certain he could face anything.
If they tried dating but it failed, he risked losing Gai. one of very few constants he’d had since childhood. The only person he trusted wholly and completely to not only have his back, but to reign him in when he was out of line.
“I don’t think it will ruin anything,” Kurenai answered with a warm smile. “I’ve seen your bond survive so much worse than a bad break-up, Kakashi. I don’t think there’s a single thing in this world capable of tearing you two apart.”
“What about-” he choked back the word. Just the thought of it made his heart ache with such intense pain he felt as though his heart would explode.
“Death?” Kurenai answered with a soft chuckle. “I think there’s no one in the world who would fight death harder than our Maito Gai. that man is going to live to be one-hundred.”
“You can’t know that for sure,” even as he argued Kakashi felt a smile tugging at his lips. If there was anyone he could visualize trying to fist fight the very harsh reality of death, it was Maito Gai.
“Listen, Kakashi,” calling his attention back to her she stared straight into his single visible eye. “Tell me honestly. Is there anyone else in this village, or even the world, that makes you feel the way Gai does? Because in my experience, I have never seen you smile more than you do when the two of you are together.”
She was right of course.
Kakashi didn’t need to think about it to know that she was right. When he was with Gai his world seemed a little brighter. The weight of his regrets seemed to lift off of his shoulders, never truly leaving him but rather fading into the background while Gai’s warm energy surrounded him.
There was no one else who made him feel as comfortable as he was with Gai.
No one who made him feel like he was loved, and like he deserved to be loved.
“What do I do?”
“There’s two things you could do. One, you could pretend you didn’t just realize that your best friend is also the person you’ve fallen head over heels in love with. If you do that I can’t promise that I won’t jump over this table and try to strangle you.”
Ignoring her playful threat he waited for her to continue.
“Or, two, you could tell him.”
His shoulders tensed as the words hit him.
Telling Gai how he felt about him was the most terrifying thing he could think of. Not because he was afraid Kurenai might be wrong about Gai returning his feelings. Even if that were the case Gai would find a way to let Kakashi down with a smile that was sure to make him forget any heartbreak.
His fear lay in the opposite scenario.
The one where Gai breathed a sigh of relief and announced that he returned Kakashi’s affections.
In that scenario, Kakashi was certain his world would turn upside down.
“I don’t want things to change,” he admitted, his gaze falling to the table between them. “I like the way they are, the way we are.”
“They’re unlikely to change much,” Kurenai laughed. “Really, Kakashi, the two of you are going to continue the same way. Do you really think dating you is going to suddenly change Gai’s mind about your rivalry? That he’s just going to stop challenging you?”
“I can’t know it won’t.”
“I can,” raising his gaze, he locked eyes with Kurenai once more. “They two of you are going to keep going the way you do right now, that’s what makes it so obvious your little ‘hang-outs’ are actually dates. I just know when you two become an official couple your idea of a date is going to be spars, challenges, walking around the village, and dinner at the sushi place down the street from the Jonin accommodations.”
Someone else listening to her list off all of those activities might turn up their nose and insist that those weren’t real dates. To Kakashi, though, they sounded perfect. Simple, relaxing activities that he already did with his favourite person, and which he could continue to do as a couple.
If Gai agreed to being an official couple of course.
“There’s also the added bonus’” Kurenai continued, her eyes sparkling.
“Added bonus’?”
“The things only couples do. Cuddling, kissing. You’d stop getting so many treats on valentine's day from other people trying to date you,” that sounded like a dream. Kakashi wasn’t trying to be rude when he pawned off all of those boxes of chocolate he received every year onto others, it was just that he didn’t actually like chocolates. They were too sweet for him.
“Gai might miss all of his free chocolates,” he joked, an image of that giant stack of chocolates Gai always held in his arms being reduced to just one little box with Kakashi’s name on it was a little sad, but at the same time it was comforting.
He’d be the only one getting Gai chocolates, and he’d make sure that they were the ones he loved. Gai might be willing to eat any chocolates he’d given, unlike Kakashi, but it was always an extra special treat to get a box full of favourites.
“Gai will be happy getting whatever you get him,” Kurenai dismissed his comment with an equally playful tone. “Oh, and of course there’s the sex.”
Blood flooded into Kakashi’s face so fast he began to feel dizzy. He’d entertained such thoughts in the past, always excusing it as a passing fancy to help him get rid of a bit of pent up energy. Faced with the thought that those thoughts might actually become a reality, he felt a rush of excitement.
“You can’t just-” his eyes darted around the room, scanning for anyone who may have heard Kurenai’s words; None of their friends were in the area, but they were shinobi. Any of them could show up without notice and hear the conversation they were having.
“Oh please, we’ve all been waiting so long for you two to get your heads out of the clouds and realize you were in love. If any of our friends heard they’d be too busy celebrating to focus on the possibility that you two could have sex.”
“Kurenai!” His face grew overwhelmingly hot as she continued with the topic. “We’re not even dating!”
“Not yet,” she insisted. “But once we finish here i know for a fact you’re going to go hunt him down and ask for a proper first date.”
Shaking his head, Kakashi sighed as the embarrassment slowly faded. “You can’t know that for sure.”
“I do, because if you don’t I will kill you in your sleep.”
Kakashi raised an eyebrow and gave her a rather unimpressed look. “You wish you could.”
“I can try,” she sighed. “But I'm serious Kakashi. Put us out of our misery and please just ask Gai out.”
“Why are you so interested in my love life?”
“I’m your friend and i care about you?” he stared at her, waiting for her to provide a better explanation than that. When she realized he was unsatisfied with her reasoning she sighed and flopped back in her chair. “We placed bets five years ago on when you would ask each other out, and if you don’t do it this week I'm going to have to pay one of our other friends.”
“You…made a bet on my love life?”
“And you’re going to cost me money,” she confirmed. “Money i could be using to help pay for your first date.”
“You would use your money to fund our first date?”
“I don’t think you understand how many people bet on you two getting together. With the money I'd get, i could pay for the next ten dates for you two.”
Mulling that idea over, Kakashi smiled. The idea of a free first date did sound nice, and now that he’d thought everything through and realized his feelings for Gai were different than what someone might have for a regular friend, he couldn’t think of a reason not to ask Gai out.
“Ok,” he nodded, deciding in that moment to give Kurenai what she was looking for. “But I'm not making it a public thing. We’re doing this in private.”
“As if it would happen any other way,” she snorted. “And besides, that doesn’t matter. Once you do it Gai’s going to make sure the whole village knows the two of you are officially a couple.”
He wanted to protest.
To insist that his rival wasn’t that open about his life and relationships.
To do so would be a lie though, and Kakashi didn’t like lying unless it was for a job or to troll with someone.
He knew all too well that Gai would do just what Kurenai said and that he wouldn’t hear the end of it for the next month. Yet, even that knowledge did nothing to dampen the excitement brewing up inside of him.
He was going to ask Maito Gai, his eternal rival and best friend, out on a date and if everything went well he would say yes.
Then the two of them could continue doing the exact same things they already did, with those extra bonuses that Kurenai had mentioned.