Part I. Prologue
“How long has it been since the war? A year, two years, five years? Sometimes these events completely disappeared from memory. Life seemed to stop there, in the heat of battle. The war... It changed everyone who witnessed that battle with Shinju, Obito, Madara, Kaguya, and Akatsuki in general..... And yet we were able to prevail then...”
Such thoughts plagued me every day. “I became a Hero of the Shinobi World, a savior,” I snorted involuntarily at the mention of my status - I was disgusted.
“I can't live a normal life anymore. My life is left there, on the battlefield.... Once again, I was kidding myself. On the battlefield were the ones I truly loved: my friends, a couple of shinobi from among our sensei, a girl who loved me blindly, selflessly. I had spent my whole life going to this long-awaited world, I wanted to become a Kage, I wanted honor, recognition, I wanted a family... And what did I get?! I gave up the position of Kage of the village, and the second “Savior”, Sasuke Uchiha, was put there to build up the fighting power of the village and revive his clan by means of a harem, one of whose concubines became Sakura and later Karin. My first love, Sakura, still comes to me in tears, sometimes in the middle of the night, and starts complaining about how Sasuke turned out to be such a shit; “well yeah, it hasn't been that long...hell, how long has it been?”. Everyone “survived” those years in their own way. Kakashi was the only survivor of my teachers, and he was hardly a chipper guy. The fight with Obito had taken a toll on him, but he continued to teach the younger generation. Tsunade retired and became a counselor until she died in her sleep. I was glad she didn't agonize, didn't suffer, just quietly went away... Now she's with Nawaki, Dan, and Jiraiya. Those who survived the massacre, and there were only a few of them: Rock Lee, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Ten-Ten Takahashi, Ino Yamanaka - that's it, they started families. Tenzo died, Mitarashi Anko died soon after, as Orochimaru's resurrection sucked most of her life force out of her. Maito Gai died after opening the Eighth Gate. Gaara didn't survive either. My acquaintances could be counted on the fingers of... one hand.”
I took out my last cigarette. I was starting to look like Kakashi when I was younger and younger - the places to find me: the cemetery. There, I'd hang out forlornly in front of the grave of my parents, Hinata, Tsunade, or Jiraiya, or the abandoned training ground #44 - the Forest of Death - where I trained. The rest of my time was spent on missions.
...
A long-smoked cigarette lay beside me. I had been sitting by its grave for over three hours now.
“The survivors tried to move on with their lives: they started families, got involved in village life, became sensei, some went to the ANBU. I'm just existing, you can't call it life ... I'm just down. I'm tired, I'm tired of fighting for a pipe dream after what I've seen. There can be no peace, man exists as long as he can cut his neighbor's throat ... People love war - it's their nature. They like to glorify the slaughter and write poems about it. Two years later, localized skirmishes began. Another year later, the War between Iwa and Kumo in Taki no Kuni territory. Я... My “investigation” of the Uzumaki clan had again undermined my faith, but now in the people around me... It was unpleasant to realize that I was a shinobi of a village that had participated in the destruction of my clan.
There was no point in starting a family, I just wouldn't be able to. Fear, an overwhelming, animalistic, panicky fear enveloped me. I was afraid to put my family in danger, afraid of losing them. And the memory of Hinata kept me awake, every night in my nightmares I see that war. I'm proud of myself, I don't even wake up in a cold sweat, I'm so used to it. I see people dying, I remember the smell of war: charred bodies, the smell of decomposing flesh, the acrid odor of fresh blood. I remember Ino screaming hysterically over the bodies of Shikamaru and Choji; I remember Lee carrying Neji's body and putting it in the coffin himself; I remember Hiashi Hyuga's face when he brought the dead Hinata, my beloved Hinata, to her father...”
- Stop it, Naruto! Stop it, you're making me sick,” Kurama whined in my subconscious.
- You're right, Kurama, I can't bring them back. Even with your father's power, I can't bring them back. Shall we go home? - The fox stepped out of the cage and formed up beside me. He nodded, and we moved towards my apartment in the shinobi dormitory.
***
“You don't understand! These people you call friends...”
“Ten-tail!”
“NARUTO!”
“We can do it! Together! My friends are in my heart, and you can't take that away! I feel their pain!”
“NO!”
“Enough!”
“No! No! No! Hi-na-ta, my daughter ... HINATA!”
- Ah-ah, ouch!” I jumped up. “There's that dream again.” Putting my hand to my forehead, I felt cold. “Cold sweat... Wow, it's been a long time since I've had one of these. It looked very colorful this time.”
- I'm sometimes amazed that you haven't lost your mind yet! Even though I've shielded your brain from that part of your memory while you sleep,” came a sleepy voice from the corner of the room.
- Never mind, Kurama. I'm used to it. It's just a dream,” I mumbled on my way to the kitchen.
- A dream?!
- It's not a nightmare. I'm just used to it. You want meat?!
The nine-tailed fox climbed out of his sleeping basket and ran into the kitchen, licking and mouthing. I just grinned.
***
After training, I sat in the cemetery in front of Hinata's grave again. Rikudo's strength, all the Biju, Sennin Modo, Rinnegan, Kekkei Genkai from the Biju, and my father's techniques all stayed with me after the 'victory'. I didn't want to lose my grip, so I often hung out at the range or in the library. I had to make up for lost time at the Academy, because people started whispering about my “shallowness” when I first joined the ANBU. I had to refresh my brain with knowledge to avoid embarrassment.
- Kurama, can you feel it? - I asked aloud, though I didn't have to, when I felt a fleeting surge I hadn't felt since the massacre.
- Yes ... father.
I drifted into unconsciousness.