The dragon
5 partners in the dust already, and Pain couldn’t do shit against it because Kakuzu was such a good hand in making money. The old man was almost proud of himself. He was a bit unsure when he killed the first partner out of rage, but as he found that Pain wouldn’t dispose of him, he stopped caring. 1, 5, 50, what’s the difference. Teamwork is for babies. Keeping assigning him babies for partners would undoubtedly result in faster recycling of the job post.
“Kakuzu, we have a new mission for you and Itachi. Konan will oversee your progress as you two enter the borders of Yugakure and hunt down a serial killer. Allegedly, he became immortal from an evil God but no one has come back to tell the whole tale after encountering him.”
“And we’re going to kill him.” Kakuzu said it more as a statement than a question, but he had a bad feeling about this mission without knowing why.
“Yes, if he turns out to be less immortal than he’s rumored to be.” What if he isn’t? Kakuzu supposed they’d just bury the guy alive after chopping him into pieces. What else.
And as they arrived at their destination, they saw a tattered body hanging from a tree, the hands nailed to a symbol painted on it—a circle with a triangle inside. “The victim’s wallet is untouched. It’s not about money.” Itachi commented.
Kakuzu snatched the wallet from him and inspected it closely, counting the cash, knowing that Itachi was above asking for a split. “He kills to kill. So much is obvious.”
As they proceeded deeper into the country with Konan leading the way, a young albino man in his late teens or early 20s blocked their way, a 3-bladed red scythe in hand. “Hey there, fair lady! Wanna join Jashin-kyo? You’ll be free to kill as you please, no rules whatsoever, except to do just that!” What kind of pathetic asshole would need religion to justify killing? You do it for money, survival, greed, fun, and that’s it. If you implicate religious beliefs, you're a destitute and mentally broke weakling that needs to be weeded out ASAP. Whoever that doesn't agree should join that maniac's rank and wait to be purged. Kakuzu judged silently.
“So you’re that deranged maniac on the loose?” Konan was unfazed as always, but Kakuzu knew that it was a cue for him and Itachi to show up.
“Nah, deranged is too strong a word. I prefer enlightened. Hmm, two more guys dressed the same? You guys must be in a band or something!” As the young man blabbed on about his take on who should be playing bass, Kakuzu felt his veins on his forehead bulge. Time to kill this punk. He didn’t wanna suffer another second of his toxic idiocy, as every breath that moron took was a waste of oxygen and an affront to existence itself, so he stepped forward: “We’re not a band. And you’re just deranged.”
The maniac got pissed at that and swung his deranged looking scythe at Kakuzu, who dodged just in time and pierced the attacker’s chest with one swift punch from his detached arm. What a waste of time. For all those rumors about his immortality, guy couldn’t last even one round—
“That hurts, damn it!” The young man stood up while taking out his spear. Kakuzu’s heart skipped a beat. So, it wasn’t Edo Tensei or a fluke. Might it be legit? Only one way to find out. He punched the man’s chest again, straight through the heart, and felt something uncanny about its chakra nature like it wasn’t of this world. An imaginary number in a world of real ones. But before he could make out what it was, the punk snapped his veins in half before he could retract them in time, and licked the blood. Kakuzu watched in disbelief as his adversary’s skin turned black, bringing the spear down to his own chest. How’s that going to hurt me? He wondered, but his question was soon answered by a sharp pain in his own chest. His fire nature heart was destroyed in a beat, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“You… you just signed your death warrant.” Kakuzu gritted his teeth: It had been decades since he lost a heart so soon in combat, and losing it to a young man who didn't even have the reflex to dodge his attack twice in a roll added insult to the injury.
“Then take me on, motherfuckah!”
However, before they could further engage, Itachi interrupted the fight with gen-jutsu per Konan's order, and Kakuzu understood why he had that bad feeling: “We’re recruiting this guy.”
To Kakuzu, the new member, Hidan, was definitely going to be more liability than asset: No other real skills but immortality, redefining the meaning of one-trick pony. Hidan's chakra nature was also off and incompatible with his own 5-heart system, so it'd be useless to rob him of it. But if Pain wanted so bad to partner him up with someone else, so be it. He’d make damn sure that Hidan stood out of his way. “Piss me off, and I’ll kill you.”
“You talk the talk, but do you walk the walk, wanker?” Kakuzu hardened his fist and smashed into Hidan's smiling face. However, Hidan was unfazed about having provoked Kakuzu's fury even as he was beaten into a bloody pulp with the esophagus torn out: "Jashin-sama's saying ya got a stick up your ass! Loosen up, old geezer, unless you are worried about leaking shit outta that hole!" How insolent... Disemboweling him was certainly be satisfying, albeit pointless. Kakuzu's fists dug into the younger man's guts again, threatening to make a noose with it around his neck, but that just made him laugh harder: "You are so fucking boring, man! I'm still waiting for the real punchline!" There had to be something that this kid feared. Poison, acid, dismemberment, the list went on. However, money was to be made, so violent experiments had to wait. However, there was always a way to hit 2 birds with one stone. Thinking, Kakuzu took out a scroll where the bounties were classified. This man might just do. Hidan would have a hard time getting the upper hand, and lose a limb or two.
Just as Kakuzu expected, the brat got his arm joint eroded by sulfuric acid before being able to tackle the bounty. His face seemed to have this panicky-angry shade as he tried to put his arm back into its socket—no regeneration ability. Jackpot. Could it be repaired with earth grudger fear, then? Would be hilarious if it couldn’t. Either way, Kakuzu didn’t want Hidan to slow them down, so he patched Hidan up, taking in every expression his partner made when the threads did their work.
One of the reasons Kakuzu hated having partners was that they'd incur costs one way or another. If they insisted on sharing bounties half half, they'd have signed their death warrants. On the other hand, if they waivered their shares for fear or other reasons like pure ignorance (Hidan was blissfully oblivious that there was a bounty for the guy he killed), they'd still look to Kakuzu the treasurer to arrange matters like food and lodging. Sleeping in two rooms—extra cost. Sleep in one room—might attempt assassination. Safest way would be to slit his throat, too bad he couldn’t die. However, if Hidan feared losing an arm, he’d fear losing everything below his neck even more.
Finishing his calculation, Kakuzu booked one room when the duo arrived at a town. “Your place is on the floor or outside. Your choice.” As he expected, Hidan was very pissed at that and swung his scythe in a wild arc: “Fuck you old man! No one treats the apostle of Jashin like—”
“Idiot. So quick to give me a reason to decapitate you.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind? Jashin sama will smite you down for this! Stitch me back right this instant!!”
“Shut up. One more word, I’ll bury you alive and see to it that you rot. But if you let me rest, I’ll patch you up tomorrow morning.”
Seemed that Hidan wasn’t a total moron. He knew when the threat was real, and dismemberment would hurt him. Marginally useful… for now.