The Hazard Hotel

“Sit back down, here only we will ask questions.” Carmilla Carmine said after arriving, voice cold as ice and throwing daggers at Lute with her eyes. Who for her part gulped and for the first time in years had the urge to pray to God. This won’t end well, she knew it.

The air felt like it had frozen in the room. Carmilla Carmine the High Seraphim, who took up a lastname to get closer to mankind was in the room. “No” Lute said, only to feel herself get pulled down and fixed to the chair by her magic. I am doomed, I am doomed, Lute thought at that moment.

“Yes!” The other person arriving in the room said. Clara Carmine, the other brat of Carmine, the one who Lute also had a crush on admittedly. She looked at her and saw those beautiful locks of hair, those blue and white eyes and that usually smiling freckled face of hers. Damn, she promised loyalty to Adam, not blindness. Wait, they lived in hell, they both were committed to sinning and Adam did it all the time. This time she could cheat and smash that- What was she thinking it isn’t even that kind of situation, this is an interrogation and she is being interrogated. And she is not that hot to get Clara to be with her, no, Clara is more into the V nerd, Cake or whatever she is nicknamed or was more into her when Lute was still in Heaven.Though, maybe she would have a chance of making Odette fall if she plays her cards right.

“What are you doing here, Lute?” Carmilla tiredly said and Lute, even though she wanted to annoy the fuck out of her, knew that she needed to get back to Adam in one piece.

“It was an honest accident, your highness.” Urgh it was so long ago, since she had to be this polite, the goal to get back to Adam unharmed was really strong.

“Honest mistake? Like your little streams reaching our televisions sometimes? You and Adam are truly disgusting.” What? Lute thought as Carmilla FUCKING Carmine was now standing in front of her. Looking at her like she was an insect to crush.

“What are you talking about? Me and Adam? Doing what exactly? I don’t think we have ever recorded anything that could have been streamed here. We have just started thinking about sending up here ads into Heaven for our Hotel.” Lute said with confusion, what the hell were they on? Like it wasn’t possible that any of the hellish channels reached Heaven, plus her and Adam? They never recorded themselves. A bright green cased phone was thrust into her face, by none other than Clara.

“Are you denying that it is you in these records?” She asked and hit play. The video was titled ‘Hellish night, am I right? Accidental broadcast from hell #666” By the VVV Channel. The scene started out by her and Adam walking into their shared bedroom, clearly under something heavy, because they just stumbled in and then just started to go on each other. When THE Big Dick himself for her at least started to take off Lute’s shirt Clara took away her phone.

“That fucking bitch, when I get back, I am murdering her!”  Lute growled out when she saw it, she can guess that it was the plush cat Molly gifted them and they placed it on one of the tables in their room. “The bitch hid cameras in there!” Lute just smacked herself on the head. “Of FUCKING course and there are 666 times it reached Heaven at least.

“Wait, you actually didn’t know about it?” Clara asked as Lute saw Carmilla raise an eyebrow in the background. 

“Of course not, we didn’t even know we could reach your television broadcasts. Me and Adam going at it, wouldn’t be the thing coming here, if we knew. “ Lute said and felt like she said something wrong. 

“What wouldst thy have hereth sent, if thou hath known about it?” Suddenly a Man’s voice questioned her. Of course Zestial was here. He only showed that he was when he wanted. And now he wanted, his purple and pinkness becoming visible suddenly.

“Not me and Adam FUCKING, more like Molly’s big-” Lute started with a growl and closed eyes, this will hurt. “Fat ass for doing it to us!” She yelled and it was quiet.

“My ass isn’t fat.” Molly’s voice said and Lute opened her eyes wide, she was back. Lucifer brought her back, at that moment.

“Took you long enough, was caught up there, asshole.” Lute told Lucifer, who suddenly turned from smug to shocked. Especially seeing Lute dressed up as an angel, he couldn’t even imagine her being fallen like this, so how the hell did she even get caught?

“What do you mean, YOU were caught and what the fuck are you even wearing?!” Lucifer got into her face and she in turn stared him down the best she could.

“I tried to blend in, but no, you sent me to the busiest places, right into Odette Carmine’s path and at least we got to know one thing.” Lute smirked at all of them. “Some of Molly’s streams made their way up there.” She said and everyone cheered and who knows who, but someone said, let’s celebrate, so booze, the good beelzebub kind of one, she got or made was served. Now all they needed was Adam to tell the good news to, then they could turn it around together. Lute smiled, overly calm and then felt pain in her abdomen. Emily had her knife back. She decided as she watched Emily straight up go and cut down Molly’s hair and then try to attack her own mother, who blocked her and a brawl broke out between the two.

Lute smiled at the sight, this is gonna be their breakthrough, she knew it, everyone knew it. And now, she could see Lucifer helping Molly with her usual streaming platform she used to stream Lute and Adam, to strengthen the signal and send up the advertisement they made. They will show it on loop, maybe more deranged winners will come knocking on their door, hopefully. And after launching it the party started back up, this is gonna be amazing. They finally did it.

After hours of waiting for Adam a knock sounded at the door, Lute did not run, she just hurried like she was haunted by something to the door. She opened it up with a smirk and got ready to greet Adam. Only it was not Adam, a blond haired angel was standing in the door. Odette Carmine in the flesh. Lute was stunned, what the hell was she doing here? Were they getting busted this early?

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Lute asked her, trying to make sense of her suddenly being here, knowing it must be because of their advertisement, but trying not to give it away.

“Is your refrigerator running?” Odette suddenly asked and Lute looked at her like she was crazy, maybe Molly put something in her drink already, there is no way it is Odette Carmine. Maybe one of those little pervs with the bad jokes who did arrive here.

“What?” Lute asked in a deadpan voice, Odette or the one she is hallucinating Odette’s face on, raised her eyebrow in amusement.

“Because if it is, you should run after it.” Odette added and Lute still wasn’t sure if it was drugs or the real deal Odette Carmine who she had met today.

“This was horrible.” Lute said, actually snorting at Odette’s joke who smirked back at her. “Why are you here?” Lute questioned her ex who in answer opened up her six wings and Lute felt the dread.

“I am here to look at your permits-” Lute felt herself faint, this was the end wasn’t it it was the real deal and if Odette was here, then Carmilla and Clara were close by and they would easily outnumber Lucifer and everyone else like this. “Nah, I am here to see that party of Hell you are advertising. So can I come in?”  Odette asked Lute, who was stunned again, especially when Odette with a smug look took out a suspiciously similar headband to what she was wearing that day from her bag over her shoulder and placed it upon her head, where her hair was in a ponytail. Where also her halo was nowhere to be seen and now that Lute was looking at her, she was wearing a black sweater and black pants with red glasses over her nose and a red pair of glasses. Surprisingly she wasn’t standing out like a shore thumb would. She was actually blending into hell like this, way better than Charlie ever did. And she could even give Lute a run for her money, even after she had changed back into her normal clothes. Dressed up as an angel, Lute stood out more than Odette.

“Wait, little miss perfect decided to come down to hell to party? Are you sick Odette?” Lute teased her and Odette actually rolled her eyes.

“I am on a scouting mission on paper, so give me a drink before I start writing everything down about this place.”  She said and Lute opened the door and yelled out.

“HEY ASSHOLES! This is Odette, she came to join the party! “ Lute yelled over the noise and she saw the moment Emily ran up to Odette and worked her charm.

“ Hi! I'm Emily, the one and only, though you can call me Em! Emmy, E, whatever you want, I go by whatever. “Emily started with excitement and shaking Odette’s fingerless gloved hand. Emily giggled like a maniac while doing this, then added” Welcome to Hell!” And started  dragging Odette around to introduce her to everyone. 

“This is my Mother, Sera, we are working in the weapon industry here, do you wanna see my knife?” Lute could hear Emily’s excitement and she didn’t even wait for Odette to say yes, but at least Odette took it like a champ and looked at it politely. Maybe she will become Emily’s friend someway. Lute watched and might have blushed when Odette sent her a smirk when she was discussing something lethal with Emily. Turns out Little Miss Seraphim’s daughter was a weapons nerd and got an offer to work with Sera and Emily immediately after she started talking about weapons with proficiency.

“You know she would need to go back if we don’t want a war with Carmine?” Lucifer said, suddenly spawning beside her. Of course he knew who Odette was.

“She said she is here to see if our advertisement is true, though I doubt that.” Lute said and Lucifer nodded along, he could see that Odette came, because she wanted a bit of freedom away from her Mom and with a sudden flash their fate had been sealed. If Carmilla really didn’t know about Odette coming down as they suspected then she won’t be glad to know that her daughter just made a deal to help their weaponry industry in hell. Though for now neither Lucifer nor Lute cared, Emily and Sera were seemingly buzzing with energy as they talked with Odette, who for her part had a shine to her eyes as she could finally talk about her interests. And she was finally free as a bird with one handshake to do whatever she wanted without anything nagging at her to act or be more responsible than Clara. She was free now, now if she could smash that L-

Meanwhile this happened Adam was still listening to Charlie TALKING like it was the must for her to survive.

“Then on visitation day, we could have a boozeless party or a beach day and more people would attend? An amazing idea right?” Charlie asked Adam, who might have dozed off once or twice.

“Ah-wha-NO!” Adam said like a dummy and smacked his hands onto the table. “It is not a solution.” He simply said and Charlie looked at him ununderstanding.

“Why not?” She asked naively and Adam knew it was his time to TALK.

“Because having these meetings is not something we can keep up! It is like a sadistic zoo that you have yearly, like aaawh look at the druggie sister I have, isn't she cute?” Sorry Molly, you were the one who came to my mind the quickest, Adam apologized silently and Charlie’s eyes widened.

“It is not our intention.” Charlie said and Adam laughed out with a bit of anguish escaping his lungs too. 

“But it is what is happening, Blondie.” Adam answered and Vaggie who has been quiet for a while answered this time.

“Charlie only has good intentions with it. People can meet their family members who ended up there, it is peaceful and a harmless method.” Vaggie explained and Adam had the urge to laugh some more. They really didn't see anything wrong with it.

“The road to hell is made with good intentions too, Vagina.” Adam answered and then got a more cruel idea. “Ask your blond hottie about that.” Vaggie looked like she was ready to kill.

“Now listen here you Little sh-” Vagina was cut off by Charlie suddenly, who placed a hand over her shoulder and shook her head. Vaggie sighed and stopped what she wanted to say.

“Look Adam, I know about it, I met good people in hell, who were screwed over by others.” Charlie said slowly like talking to a dumb child. “However their numbers are seldom, they in a way or another deserved what they got, there is no denying it.” She argued and Adam just wanted to ask Lucifer to come and talk to his brat.

“And you deserve to be in Heaven too?” He asked in return and got knocked into the wall by none other than Vagina.

“Charlie is different from you scum kind.” The white haired defective officer growled and Adam might have gotten a bit hard. Don’t blame him, blame Lute for doing it rough with him most times.

“Vaggie!” Charlie tried to warn Vaggie who looked at her seriously.

“Are you just going to take it?” She asked her wife. “He can’t just act like this, you deserve to be in Heaven, to be with me. Adam is just an ass” Vaggie said and Charlie just shyly smiled at her wife.

“Thanks Honey” Charlie told her and Adam made a face. “Now, our meeting is soon to be over, is there anything you would like to tell us? Adam, the first man and the first sinner down in hell? “ Charlie asked him and Adam knew it was his chance.

“ Okay “ Adam said and got ready to sing out his soul like he wanted to from the start.  “Okay, I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time”

“And I feel like you weren't hearing me before” He said and knew it was his time, now or never.

“So here it goes” Adam finally got the opportunity, he won’t waste it. So he stood up and started doing the thing he was secondly best at, Sing. The first one wouldn’t have gotten him forward, the two didn’t seem to want to hook up with him. Their loss.

“I know Heaven’s population is out of control

It's a bad situation

It's taking a toll

If we corrupt these Winners

And fuck up all their souls

At my Hazard Hotel—” He quickly sang, summoning a few illusions of the people he knew doing their stuff, Emily stabbing and just attacking Lute while Molly was taking photos of it. That was a fun day.

“Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!

Right! Family visitation!” Adam tried to start at the most important part of his idea, trying not to get lost in the beautiful illusion of his lover he summoned. Even if she was fake bleeding there she was knock dead gorgeous. 

“I know you guys fly down

Just to meet once a year

And it must be annoying

To schlep all the way here

If you join us in Hell

That trip disappears!

You can wave that chore farewell

It'll be a happy day in— “ He sang quickly, until he was cut off by none other than Charlotte Fucking Morningstar. Fuck, he was so close to telling them all about it.

“May I stop you right there” She started singing too and Adam felt the dread that he won't like the end of this. She seemed dead set on her ideas pridefully like her father, of course he won’t like it. Especially with the glares Vaggie is now sending him suddenly.

“Oh” He could only say dumbly. This won’t end well, will it?

“Save us all precious time” Charlie added and now Adam knew he really wouldn't like this one.

“Okay…” He mumbled as he saw the general and the partner of Charlie nod along to her words now with a smug look.

“If what you're suggesting

Is letting them fall

Off the ladder

Oh, they'd rather cross the Fiery skies?” Charlie mocked Adam in her own way, it was a rather dumb idea to let the souls who did not deserve it to rot, enter hell for forever. Her job was keeping up connections, if  she lost it, she would be sent back to hell, after all. Then she can say bye to her beautiful Vaggie.

“Well, uh—” Adam started and never got to finish it, because Charlie started it up again.

“Sorry, Adam

But there's no defyin' their fates!” Charlie told him and then started to sing, in her voice. Adam could see that it was really Lucifer’s and Lilith’s brat, because, damn she could sing.

“'Cause Heaven is forever

Whether you like it or not

Had your chance to behave better

Now you boil in the pot” Vaggie joined in with a verse and got kinda approving looks from the ex princess of hell. Though there must have been a quiet battle of wills between the two while glancing at one another,only they knew that and Adam can only guess.

“'Cause the rules are black and white

There's no use in tryin' to fight it

They're awarded for their lives

Until they live again!” Charlie added singing, making her a hypocrite. She rose up to heaven when she was around two hundred because of how heavenly she behaved and up there they must have brainwashed her or something if she thinks like this. And doesn't want to see her parents. Leader of keeping up connections, what a joke.

“Okay, but—” Adam tried, even though he didn't know what he wanted to say, that it was a hypocrite sentence or how not everything is black and white but he got cut off again, anyways.

“Just try to chillax, Adam

You're wasting your breath” Vaggie sung and Adam could see Lute and her being created the same way, but being differently defective. Lute was a bloodthirsty animal and Vaggie seemed like a helpless kid many times sticking to the stronger kids. Maybe that's why Carmine liked her and banished Lute. Speaking of Lute, maybe Vaggie had recognized her in his illusion, oops.

“ Hehe… “ Adam could only say that.

“Did I hear you imply

That they don't deserve paradise?

Are they Winners?

Are they Sinners?

'Cause it's cut and dry” Charlie sang again, does she even know that her parents miss her dearly? Does she even care? She is from hell, but damn, it was heartless for even Adam too.

“Well, actually, if you take a look—” Adam started trying to tune his guitar quickly, however, getting it pushed to his chest by a gust of wind coming from the ex -princess of hell.

“ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye!

And when all's said and done (Said and done)

There's the question of bond (Ah-ah)

And for those of us with Divine Ordainment

Visitation day is entertainment!

Bow-now-now-now-now

Vaggie solo, heck yeah!

Oh, da-nah-nah now-n-now, now-now-now-now” Charlie got into singing really, she did not even notice embarrassing everyone in the room with one line. Vaggie solo got Vaggie to be embarrassed and the heck yeah got Adam to frown more.

“ Ugh…” Both Vaggie and Adam felt very awkward now. 

“Heaven is forever

Whether you like it or not

Had your chance to behave better

Now you boil in the pot” Charlie and the quickly unstunned Vaggie sang together now as illusions of people, a snake, a maid-like creature, the radio angel, a spider boy and a cat appeared behind them.

“How the fuck did you get here?!” Adam asked in alarm as the whole group started dancing to Charlie’s and Vaggie’s lines and started backing them up.

“'Cause the rules are black and white

There's no use in tryin' to fight it

They're awarded for their lives

Until they live again!” Charlie sang with a wide smile and Adam knew one thing, he will have the last words after this one.

“Frickin' Hell is forever

And it's meant to suck a lot!

So give up your dumb endeavor

'Cause you don't have a shot!” Charlie and Vaggie sang together with all the winners and Adam knew he would have the last words no matter what.

“Long as I've got your attention

I guess I should probably mention

That we made the determination

To move up the next Visitation!” Charlie sang alone as everyone else nodded along.

“What?!” Adam asked in alarm, he won’t survive needing to hide more than once a year from Eve. He would rather commit than for that to happen.

“Can't wait a whole year

To meet those little naughties

I know it's just been a week

But we'll be back in six months!” She added and Adam knew his next action would get him thrown out, but he just had to do it, so he gathered up his strength and opened up his mouth.

“Your father misses you!” Adam yelled in as a last attempt at something, even though he didn't know what and Charlie suddenly yelled out, he might have accidentally triggered her.

“Oh FUCK YOU!” And slammed the door on his nose dammit, it hurt. Maybe they were right, his idea might have been a sick joke. He grimly thought as he walked the empty streets of hell and then took out his trusted angelic steel knife, Sera had made him, from snatched weapons from the visitation day officers. And he placed it into a dumpster, making sure its blade was upwards and then strutting up the building’s stairs it was next to. He felt empty and sick, he wasn’t up for this, he spent hundreds of years down in hell, trying to have a breakthrough, but nothing, nothing ever changes. Nothing ever will. Even with Lute by his side it will always be the same, he didn't even want to cheat since they met. With a sigh Adam let himself fall forwards from the ledge and got impaled through his groin. He laid there to suffer, die slowly and then suddenly-

Adam woke up with a start, what the fuck was that? Demons in heaven? Sera as a weapon arms dealer? Lute as his most trusted sidekick, wait that was no dreamy bullshit, she is his right hand in arms and in life. Also, Damn, Lucifer’s brat as an angel is a hottie, too bad he needs to make her back down from her dumb idea. No one is able to change to be better. Well tomorrow will be fun. Adam thought as he watched the sun rise in heaven, not even trying to see if there were any underlying meanings to his dream. It was just a weird dream after all. Oh... what a grave mistake.