Chapter 9
There was no point in stalling. No point in pretending she didn't immediately open the message once she saw Kathryn's name pop up on her screen. She would just be postponing the inevitable.
Sure.
The single word answer was all Aubrey could muster up after reading the text that promised her heart would likely be shattered in the next 24 hours.
Aubrey stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her wide eyes, usually filled with mischief and fire, looked back at her blankly. She blamed the makeup for exaggerating her doe-eyed appearance. She looked like a shell of herself.
At least it was true to the tragic scene they would be filming. Death coming to take her own child from the love of her life before it was even born.
The costume team laced her into a whimsical, corseted, sage green gown. The bodice was embroidered with leaf-like details. It should have excited her. Aubrey loved that the costumes for this project had such a broad scope and Death’s 18th century style was one she had imagined a lot. But all she wanted to do was shrink into a corner, fidgeting with the flared lace sleeves. She was grateful that the dress was covered by a simple cloak with a large hood, and she leaned into it immediately as if the thin fabric could shield her somehow.
The raven-haired actress made her way to the site where they would be filming. It was an actual forest: picturesque along the edge of a lake. Aubrey almost allowed herself to sink into the serenity of the surroundings.
The calm was short-lived. There was a shift in the air and she knew exactly what caused it. She should have been accustomed to it by now but she felt a shiver run up her spine. Daring to turn her head where it impulsively wanted to go, she instantly regretted her decision as her pulse began thrumming violently against her ribcage.
Kathryn was standing in the clearing, speaking with the director. The older woman was clad in a simple, flowy nightgown. It was white but was smudged up to look worn. Her hair was loose but made to look damp for the scene. She casually ran her hands through it, one of her signature mannerisms. And under it all, she had a bump slightly poking out from her center, which, to Aubrey’s dismay, she was rubbing absentmindedly.
The woman’s natural demeanor and appearance was absolutely devastating to Aubrey’s already fragile psyche. And to add to her frustration, it seemed that Kathryn was blissfully unaware of her affect on her co-star.
Aubrey felt like a ghost and she must have looked like one with how the blood rushed from her face. She tried to keep a low profile, gathering herself so she would be able to keep it together for the scene, holding her cloak tight. However, her plan was shot when Kathryn caught her eye-line.
The smile she flashed the younger woman as she sauntered over should have been registered as a weapon. Still holding onto that damn baby bump, Kathryn's eyes somehow appeared bluer, almost transparent. With each step she took, Aubrey could absorb a new detail. She had minimal makeup on and yet she looked radiant: rosy cheeks, full pink lips, creamy white skin.
It wasn’t the first time she’d seen the brunette with minimal or even no makeup. But the effect never seemed to dim. Every small line, every tiny freckle was perfect, as if they had been placed with care, one by one. Aubrey wished she could stare at her face and memorize every feature.
Oh my god, I’m fucking pathetic.
“Hey,” Kathryn said softly, snapping Aubrey out of her self-deprecation.
“Oh, hey,” she replied, fiddling with the flower prop she was holding. She stared at the ground, unable to even look directly at the other woman. Although she was unsure of what to say next, the silence was becoming awkward so she pressed on. “So where are you taking me tonight?”
Only after the words came out did she realize how suggestive they’d sounded. However, when she was about to apologize, Kathryn let out a low chuckle.
“Someone’s impatient,” she cooed. Aubrey dared to lift her gaze and saw the sly smirk on her co-star’s face.
Kathryn raised an eyebrow before continuing. “Well honey, I've been having a massive craving for Greek salad and I found a cute little spot not too far from here.”
Aubrey couldn't help the faint smile that tugged at her lips. “Hmm so I guess it's decided then? I don’t get a say?”
“Well it is two against one,” Kathryn answered as she cradled her protruding belly in both arms for emphasis.
The younger woman giggled. "Fair enough." She missed this: the playfulness, the warmth between them. It washed over her and made her feel lighter, it seemed so easy.
She was once again torn from her own thoughts by her co-star’s voice. “The place is pretty quaint and we should have enough privacy to talk.”
The dread returned with a vengeance. This was her problem. This dinner was where it was all going to end because she couldn’t keep her feelings in check and her damn mouth shut.
“Yeah, for sure, sounds great. Will you excuse me?” Aubrey muttered before breezing past Kathryn, pretending to need to talk to someone. She managed to stay out of her co-star’s line of sight until places were called.
Aubrey stood out of frame, twirling the flower in her hand mindlessly, trying to drown out the anxious thoughts about what was awaiting her after the day wrapped. How she’d be sitting in front of the woman that occupied her mind, at a restaurant, with nowhere to run.
“ACTION!”
Agatha braced herself against a tall firm tree in the center of the forest. She bit down hard into the lemon she held to mute her laboured cries.
Aubrey heard the pained whaling begin to slow, taken over by heavy breaths of fear. That was her cue. Expressions of pain transforming into ones of fear from her mere presence.
Agatha could sense it, like there was a shift in the air. Her eyes shot open looking for something. Someone.
Their eyes locked. “No. No,” she whimpered in disbelief.
The green witch swallowed hard. She began to walk forward. Face hardened, unmoving. A mask for the overwhelming nausea she felt as the purple witch looked at her with utter despair.
“It cannot be!” Agatha exclaimed.
“It must be,” Rio stated, emotionless. Ignoring the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
“You do this and I will hate you forever!” Kathryn spat. Her tone was venomous. Aubrey felt the woman’s words like a stake through her chest. She deserved it.
Death stood firm as the threat was thrown out. Her head nodded almost imperceptibly. The consequences of her actions were understood, her life’s purpose whittled down to this.
“Please let him live.” She knew her lover wouldn’t make it easy.
And then she said it. “Please, my love!” Kathryn sobbed.
Fuck.
The plea struck Aubrey like a final killing blow. Her eyes, now glassy, fell shut and she inhaled sharply through her nose to try and keep her composure.
The words sounded right coming out of Kathryn’s mouth and Aubrey knew she would do whatever she asked without question if they were said to her. Aubrey’s jaw clenched. The churning in her gut was relentless and the inevitability sank in.
“I can offer only time” she husked. If only she could offer it to herself. All she wanted was more time in Kathryn’s presence. To hear her cute snort when she laughed. To have her scrunch her nose at every complement she gave her. To see her hands wave through the air when she spoke passionately…
Jesus. I am so fucked.
“CUT!”
Before Aubrey could bolt off the location, Kathryn grabbed her by the arm gently, not wanting to startle her. The younger woman turned and looked down at the hand that held her and then glassy eyes stared up at her blankly.
Suddenly unsure of herself, Kathryn cleared her throat. “Did you want to drive together or should I send you the address?”
“You… you can text me the address. I have some stuff to do.” Aubrey’s voice seemed shaky and Kathryn felt her chest tighten at the tone.
“Okay” she murmured. “I’ll see you later then,” and managed to muster up a smile. Aubrey gave her a small nod and went on her way.
________
How did they get here? There had always been an undeniable string of tension between them. Their interactions were filled with suggestive comments and innocent flirting. Kathryn had come to terms with her small crush but it wasn't a big deal, it had been fine until now. When did it all get so heavy?...
At some point she must have taken things too far without realizing it. She couldn't bear the thought of making Aubrey feel uncomfortable or pressured around her.
The banter was always reciprocated and that had been enough at the beginning. However, when they started this project together, all she wanted was more. It only got worse with each scene they filmed. As the tension between their characters grew, so did the tension between the actresses.
Kathryn scolded herself endlessly but whenever she saw those wide brown eyes, her brain grew fuzzy and flirtatious words just spilled without any filter. Clearly she had overstepped with how Aubrey was acting around her recently. Maybe it was the poems, or the stupid fucking songs she just had to add to that playlist.
Whatever it was that she did, she had to make it right.
The rest of the days’ scenes were intense. Pretending to give birth was no easy task but Karthryn was satisfied with her performance. By the end of it, she was covered in a mix of dirt, fake blood and sweat but there was still only one thing on her mind. She shot Aubrey a text.
Hopping into the shower now, should be on time. You’re still ok for dinner?
She didn’t want to seem desperate but she also wanted to give Aubrey an out if she was feeling apprehensive.
Yeah I’ll see you there
The reply was just as passive as the one she’d received the day prior but she’d take it. At least it wasn’t a flat out “No.”
While she proposed the dinner to clear the air on whatever was going on between them, truthfully, she also just wanted to spend time with Aubrey. It had been forever since they’d just hung out. Initially, it felt like they’d been doing it on purpose, to save the chemistry for the camera. While it was never something they’d outright discussed, it felt like an unspoken rule between them. Building the anticipation and feeding the spark they’d already had to become something explosive.
It had definitely worked, but then, rather than being a playful decision for the benefit of the project, it transformed into avoidance. Kathryn knew it stemmed from fear, at least on her end, fear of pushing the other woman away.
She tried to dispel her doubts from her mind while getting ready. The least she could do was approach Aubrey neutrally and allow the younger woman to speak her mind without feeling pressured by her own selfish wishes for their relationship.
She ignored those thoughts, and got dressed. Wanting to look casual, she threw on a pair of jeans and a slightly loose black sweater and slipped on her black and white vans to make her way to the restaurant.
Kathryn walked into the restaurant 5 minutes late and felt Aubrey’s presence before she saw her. She scanned the restaurant until their eyes met. Immediately, the raven-haired woman jumped slightly and looked down into her lap, which allowed for Kathryn to stare at her unabashedly.
Aubrey looked effortlessly beautiful. She seemed to be wearing very little makeup, allowing her flawless complexion to be on full display. Her hair was held back in a low ponytail leaving an open view of her deep collarbones. The simple white tank top she wore was covered with a red and black oversized flannel. Once Aubrey stood up to greet her, Kathryn could see the black cargo pants she wore that accentuated her waist.
She questioned whether or not she should hug her co-star but before she could think any further, Aubrey reached out and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.
Kathryn instinctively melted into the embrace, her arms came around the younger woman’s waist and squeezed her lower back. She breathed in and was hit with the smell of sandalwood and the faintest vanilla odor…
Stop it!
Pulling herself away, she hoped her cheeks weren’t pink with how warm her face felt. She smoothed out her sweater in an attempt to compose herself before sitting down.
Amber eyes looked across the table before Aubrey finally broke the silence.
The corners of her lips gently lifted into a knowing smirk before she spoke. “So how was giving birth?”
Kathryn was relieved at the playful tone and felt her cheeks strain with her wide smile. “Laborious” she answered, earning a giggle from the younger woman at the pun.
They ordered their food, exchanging small anecdotes about filming the scenes they hadn’t been together for. Both women were keeping everything surface level, and it was easy to joke with each other.
But Kathryn knew they had to talk about the elephant in the room.
Taking a big sip of wine before setting down her glass, she inhaled deeply. “I really missed this,” was what came out, shocking even herself.
Aubrey blinked slowly, then grabbed her own glass and downed the liquid in one gulp. “What?” Her eyes were wide as saucers.
“Um, I… I mean hanging out. Just us. It’s been a while. We’ve just been working so much…” Kathryn was babbling.
The silence stretched out between them. She felt like she’d already fucked this up somehow.
Just apologize!
She opened her mouth to begin apologizing before being cut off.
“You know it’s funny,” Aubrey let out a low chuckle. “I took this job to work with you.”
It was Kathryn’s turn to look stunned. “You… Really?”
Aubrey smiled softly and continued. “Yeah. I really wanted to see you in action.I didn’t think it would lead to us spending less time together though.” The smile faded slightly and she averted her gaze.
Kathryn’s stomach clenched at the comment. “Listen. I know things have been… complicated recently. I want to apologize to you,” she began.
Confusion crossed the other woman’s face. “I think w– I got caught up in Agatha. In our– her relationship with Rio… and maybe I was projecting a bit.”
“I mean, yeah. That relationship is definitely intense. But it was so fun in the beginning and it all just… shifted.” Aubrey swallowed hard at the admission. “I’m sorry if I took it too far with the playlist and...”
Kathryn couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had Aubrey been taking this on herself the whole time? She couldn’t bear to hear the quiver in the younger woman’s voice.
“God no! No. Don’t. It’s not you. I – Fuck,” she fumbled as the right words seemed to escape her.
“Listen, you don’t have to lie, ok?” Aubrey attempted to speak sternly. “It’s very obvious that I have inappropriate feelings towards you and while they may have gotten out of hand because of what our characters have, it's not a reason for me to cross the line and make you uncomfortable.”
“Your have… feelings?” Kathryn’s head was spinning and she questioned if she was hallucinating. However, the way the woman across from her looked so sincere and so scared, it was almost too real.
“I… Aubrey, I asked you here today to apologize to you.” The same confused look stared back at her.
“But I–” Aubrey tried to interject.
“Please let me finish,” Kathryn said and comfortingly put her hand on top of her co-star’s, temporarily ignoring the heat she felt at the touch.
“Clearly we’ve both been struggling with the same problem here,” she flashed a coy smile, trying her best to reassure the younger woman.
“How about, we stop making assumptions about what the other is thinking and just… do what feels right?” She questioned. Aubrey’s eyes lifted curiously at her words so she carried on.
“I know that I have the most fun when we’re in a scene together and that you push me to get out of my comfort zone on and off set. I don’t want to lose that and I don’t think you do either.” She really hoped she was right.
“Of course I don’t,” Aubrey whispered
“So can we… Can we just go back to how things were? Forget about the rest?”
“Yeah. Yeah, we can definitely do that.” Aubrey smiled but not with her eyes. She looked disappointed.
And then Kathryn decided it was time to be upfront. “And maybe…”
Aubrey’s ears perked up as the older woman spoke again.
“Maybe when this project is over and we've separated ourselves from these characters,” she squeezed her eyes shut to gain the courage to finish. “Then we can see where we are,” she pointed between the two of them for emphasis.
God, she must think I’m pathetic.
“I'd like that.”
Kathryn’s eyes snapped open and she saw hopeful, honey brown eyes looking back at her. It felt as though the weight that hung over them had dispersed. They were both smiling genuinely across the table, looking at each other. No shame, no pressure, no expectations. Just them.
Aubrey blushed and ran her fingers through her ponytail. “So, how about that greek salad?”