“how can beauty that is living, be anything but true?”
He wakes up the next morning feeling slightly better than before. He’s not magically happy all of a sudden. Obviously. But he’s better.
He hears the door creak open and Lily peaks her head in.
“Hey Rem, how are you doing?” She gives him a tentative smile.
“Better, you?”
“Good!” She cracks the door the rest of the way open and fully enters the room, “are you feeling up to looking for a gift today?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Great! I’ll make tea and we’ll go as soon as you’re ready.” She exits back out the door and shuts it behind her.
He cannot stress enough how much he cares about and loves Lily Evans, clearly. He rolls over and plants both feet on the floor. Slowly, he makes his way over to his dresser to make himself look somewhat presentable when he has to go out. Rifling through his drawer full of sweaters, he thinks about the party.
Remus was naturally quite an awkward person, if that wasn’t already evident. He didn’t know how to talk to people, they scared him a bit honestly. After a few conversations he could carry one pretty well but usually people didn’t stick around long enough to find that out. He had even been quiet around Lily back when they first met. He thought she would realize he wasn’t that interesting and go find some other people to be friends with but apparently she saw something in him that most people didn’t, that he couldn’t even see in himself.
Once he got comfortable with her it was only a matter of time before he fully trusted her. She peeled back his layers like an onion until she saw who he really was, and even then, she stayed.
He spotted his favorite sweater for when he felt extra anxious and, shrugging off his old sweater, put it on. It was sort of a forest green and was extra soft which is why he loved it so much. He moved down to his pants drawer where he found a pair of brown corduroys that he also chose to wear. Happy with his choice of clothing, he marches into the bathroom to brush his teeth and fix up his hair, hopefully.
Once he’s in the bathroom he stares at himself in the mirror for a bit. He had never thought of himself as ugly, exactly, just … very much not attractive. He had a scar running from his left eyebrow, across his nose, to his right cheek and another one from his left cheek down to the right side of his mouth. He knew it was the first thing people noticed about him, the thing people couldn’t look past.
His curls are a right mess, a mop of frizz on his head. He turns on the sink and wets his hands before running them through hair, trying to make it look okay, at least. When he’s finally done, his hair doesn’t look perfect but it certainly isn’t as frizzy. He brushes his teeth and stares at himself for just a bit longer. Finally, he exits the bathroom and makes his way into the kitchen.
Remus loves his house, him and Lily got a really good deal on it. They lived in a duplex but it was really spacious and you could tell that it really was lived in. Parts of their personality were everywhere, if you looked hard enough. They had one big bookshelf that they shared but they also had books strewn about in different places: on tables, on the couch, in the kitchen, and even some lying on the floor.
They had a bay window where they put all the plants they had acquired over time. At first Lily wouldn’t let him get any, ‘you can’t even take care of yourself Remus, how are you going to take care of a plant?’, but eventually she relented with the promise that he would water them or he wouldn’t get anymore. He ended up forgetting about it all together after a week, leaving Lily to take care of the plant. As much as she complained about having to do it at first, she grew to love it and kept buying more and more. Now, she could name them all off the top of her head, could tell you exactly how to take care of them, and recall every fact possible. Remus still liked to pick out one once in a while but it was an unspoken rule that she would take care of it.
They also had a guitar in the back corner that they had bought and then neither of them had ever played. The guitar was cheap and they had bought it at a garage sale so it wasn’t like they were wasting too much money but they should still probably get rid of it, no one really knew why they kept it. All of this is not even mentioning all the little trinkets they had bought at thrift stores or had gotten as gifts. They quite literally had a statue that was half woman, half turtle. They had no idea how they had acquired it but it was theirs, and they loved it.
“Remus! I hear your footsteps, get in here!” Lily called from the kitchen.
He makes his way to the same stool he always sits at and starts to drink the tea that was already sat out in front of him.
“So,” she takes a sip of her tea, “you wanna go to Olivander’s?”
Olivander’s was the one thrift store they had and was crazy popular. In a college town, full of broke students drowning in debt, it makes a lot of sense.
“I don’t know. Shouldn’t we get them something, like, more expensive?”
“No Remus,” she rolled her eyes, “engagement party gifts are supposed to be small, personal.”
“Alright then. I think I need another sweater anyway, you know, for fall.”
“You already own at least fifty sweaters. There is absolutely no way you need more. You should try buying something that, I don’t know, fits the weather?”
“Well it’s not like I can go summer shopping now. I mean, it’s practically over!”
“I’m not even going to start this argument with you because you’re going to wear a sweater no matter how hot it is.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” He grins.
—
Two hours, two cups of tea, and a long walk later they finally step foot into Olivander’s. They roam through the home decor isles, pointing out things that they like: plates, bowls, tea sets, wooden boxes painted with flowers, etc. Eventually, they find two sets of two swans that look in love, one of them dressed to be a male and one, a female. Their foreheads are pressed against each other but a closer look shows that they can be separated. Remus and Lily look at each other and grab both of the female swans—separating them from the male swans—before pushing the two male swans together. Everything as it should be, they smile.
Having picked out their gift for Mary and Marlene (the swans), they walk over to the clothing section. Remus stays with Lily in the woman’s section while she searches through the racks. He is starting to get antsy from being in the shop so long and he feels like everything around him is getting louder. He hears a scream from across the room and flinches hard, his muscles stay tense even after the scream has ended.
“Remus?” Lily says, “how about you go shop for yourself while I stay over here so we can be done as soon as possible and leave, yeah?”
“Alright,” he replies, muscles loosening slightly at the prospect of leaving. He walks over to the men’s sweaters and quickly goes through each thing on the rack.
He’s almost at the end—he has acquired only a plain maroon sweater—when he hears a familiar voice, a voice that has been stuck in his head for the last two days.
He looks up and catches a glimpse of shoulder length black hair, that’s enough confirmation for him. He quickly ducks his head and keeps his eyes resolutely on the floor, walking back over to Lily while praying he doesn’t run into something on his way there.
After he’s certain he’s walked far enough away he looks up and sees her standing in front of him.
Yes! He made it!
“Lilylilylilylilylily,” he says her name five times, as one word.
She jumps, “Jesus Remus you scared me!” She looks at him for a minute, noting his nervous behavior. “What's wrong?”
“Look,” he says between his teeth, “over,” he points towards where he saw Sirius last, “there.”
“Oh! What are the odds?” She looks from where he’s pointing and back to him. She pulls her lip between her teeth and looks like she’s contemplating something. “I'm gonna go talk to him,” she says finally.
“What! Why?” He looks back over and finally notices that James is there too.
“They came over to us last time, it’s only fair!”
“I still think it’s weird, I mean, we hardly know them.”
“I’m still doing it,” she sing-songs.
“Okay fine but I'm not going over there.”
She frowns and gives a sigh before marching determinedly towards them. He watches her as she goes, ponytail swinging behind her. Sirius and James have noticed her and James has gone completely red in the face. Sirius is talking quickly and quietly at him, Remus tries to read his lips but only catches the phrase ‘be cool.’
Yeah, Remus thinks privately, good luck with that.
Lily, having finally reached the two boys, gives a smile and starts talking. Remus can’t hear what she’s saying nor read her lips so he chances a glance at Sirius. What he’s surprised to see, though, is that Sirius is already looking at him and when they make eye contact he doesn’t look away. Remus, on the other hand, quickly diverts his gaze back to Lily who seems to be mostly talking to James now. James is talking back, certainly stumbling out some kind of nonsense that might be classified as flirting.
Eventually, he notices Sirius join the conversation, chiming in every minute or so. Feeling confident that he won’t get caught staring this time, Remus looks at him. He’s wearing a leather jacket today that looks way too heavy for the weather, even Remus knows that, but suits him quite well. Obviously, he was very wrong about not getting caught and Sirius’ grey eyes are back on him. This time though, Remus doesn’t look away. They are both looking at each other and he can feel all of the noise that was bothering him start to fade into the background. His muscles fully relax. He feels safe.
Sirius’ eyes are soft and he gives Remus a small smile that is returned. Sirius gestures towards James and slaps his own forehead in an exaggerated manner. Remus laughs a little at that which only makes Sirius smile wider. He continues to make faces and gestures mocking James clearly obsessing over Lily and Remus keeps laughing and Sirius' smile gets wider, if that’s possible.
Is this flirting? Remus thinks. A train of thought that is quickly interrupted by the sight of Lily saying goodbye and walking back over towards him.
Sirius looks between Lily and Remus and frowns before giving Remus a little wave goodbye. Remus raises his hand and gives a wave back and then focuses on Lily, tearing his eyes away from the ones he wants to keep looking at.
When Lily reaches him she hops a little bit and has a full grin on her face that quickly turns into a smirk.
“Okay, so you know how Mary and Marlene are having an engagement party?”
“No, not at all. Remind me again who they are?” Remus says, tone dripping with sarcasm.
“Oh shut up, smart-ass.” She pokes him in the side. “And you remember how Sirius and James originally came in looking for a gift for an engagement party?”
Remus nods, dropping the sarcasm.
“Well! It turns out that the engagement party that they're going to is the same one we’re going to!”
“So you mean…”
“Sirius and James are attending Mary and Marlene’s engagement party? Yep!”
“Oh, great,” Remus says flatly.
“Oh shut up! I know you’re happy and I know you want to see Sirius again, don’t lie.”
Remus just rolls his eyes, which Lily scoffs at, and they head to check out.
They quickly scan all of their items and head out the door. Finally, Remus can breathe fresh air again and he relishes in it. He takes deep breaths and pictures the air reaching his lungs. They walk and chat, dropping the topic of Sirius and James in favor of talking about ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and exactly why Barney should’ve ended up with Robin and Ted should’ve ended up with Tracy.
“It’s so stupid! They could've just not had Tracy die and had Barney and Robin not get a divorce! I understand that they were building up to Robin and Ted ending up together but Robin didn’t even like him that much and they did it in such a bad way!” Lily is on a roll now and Remus keeps nodding his head in agreement.
He listens to the birds chirp and looks at how the sun shines through the trees. He can hear the cars go by and the sound of dishes clattering in restaurants. He closes his eyes for a minute and takes it all in. Sometimes he likes to do this. Just…be there, for a moment. Life goes by so quick and if you don’t stop or slow down every once in a while you might miss it. You might miss the important things. Like how the trees dance in the wind or how the flowers smell or even the feeling of the warm sunlight on your skin.
No matter what he is doing, Remus vows, he will always make time for these things. He loves them and why miss out on them when having them is so simple? When all it requires is slowing down a little and taking a breath. Seasons will change and people will too but he has found a constant within all this: the beauty of life. It’s all around us. Everywhere you look. If only you choose to see it.