Roja como Rosas de Sangre (Isabella)
I was just walking by when I heard my 4 year old sister crying out to me.
“Isa!”
I quickly went to the sound and saw Mirabel on the ground and was on the verge of tears.
“What happened?” I asked, sisterly instincts kicking in.
“I tripped and fell…” Mirabel said as she cried and pointed at the bruise on her knee. It looked to be bleeding really badly, making me even more worried.
“Don’t worry! We’ll get you to mama! She can heal you right away!” I said, as I carried her on my back and took her to Casita. As an oldest, I knew I had a responsibility to make sure my sisters are alright. And I plan to make sure of it. “I promise I’ll make sure you’re safe no matter what!”
As I heard her sniff, she looked at me with wide admiring eyes, “Do you mean it?”
I smiled widely, “I promise!”
Her smiling face made the both of us all too happy, making me more determined to keep my promise.
“This is all your fault!”
“Isa-”
“No! No excuses! It’s your fault that she's gone! Your fault that she is no longer with us!”
Three years after the incident. Three years after losing everything. Three years of living in a shared home with the Guzmans with the woman that caused all their problems.
Three years since I realized… how much of a terrible big sister I was.
And after one comment from Abuela of all people, I have had it.
“You always pushed us in your image of perfection. Always overworking us, always belittling our wants, and never realizing the damages.”
Right there, Abuela was stunned to the ground. Eyes wide in every bit of what I was saying. I didn’t care if my words were meant to bite, I wanted it to bite and I wanted them to hurt.
All my years, I wasn't proud of my words aimed at Mirabel. But I don’t have any regret of aiming them at Alma.
“Camilo hid his true self, Dolores was sensitive to every sound you make when you yell, Luisa had to carry everything on her shoulders and I had to strive in being perfect. I’m just glad that Antonio hasn’t been through these troubles before he lost his gift.”
I was hurting. It hurt so bad.
Everyone else was watching. Both from upstairs and from downstairs, wanting to do something but didn’t know how.
“But worse than all the suffering you submitted our family into, the worse was how you treated Mirabel.”
That day had been the first time I was free. And the first time I had realized I had lost something important, only to be too late.
The day I realized I had failed to be an older sister. And too late to start being one again.
“You thought of her useless. You thought she had no worth just because she didn’t receive a gift. You thought of her as a bad omen to our family.”
“Isa-”
“I don’t want to hear it! And because of you, she had to prove herself everyday and look at what happened. She's gone! Never to come back! All because she not only wanted to prove to the familia, but to you! YOU, ABUELA!!!”
I want… I want her back… I want to tell her how sorry I am. I want to hug her and say all the things I wished I could have said to her. I wished she could’ve spent time with me and Luisa like we used to.
To say how sorry I am for not keeping my promise… that if I spent a single time with her, Alma would…
But that can never happen. Mirabel’s gone and she’s never coming back. Luisa and I are left without our baby sister. Mama and Papa lost their precious youngest daughter. The whole family lost a loving bright young family member that they cherished with all their hearts.
And all I want now-
“I WISHED YOU WERE GONE!!!!”
Without thinking, I pushed Alma out of pent up rage and spite. But without realizing it, I pushed her too hard.
Right down the stairs.
Everyone tried to react. To save her life. But it was too late.
And I stood there. Horrified.
Seeing the color of blood red roses laid bare.
Two months after the death of Alma, I sat there in that room. My family was quick to reassure me that none of that was my fault and that it was an accident. But I was too scared of what I had just done. I was just so angry and meant to say all those things. I was a murderer. And thoughts kept coming.
You’re a murderer.
You’re a terrible sister.
You’re a cruel, heartless person.
You deserve to die .
I grabbed a piece of paper and something to write with, making sure to mean every bit of my words. After doing this, I placed it on the bed and then grabbed something underneath it.
A vile. A vile of poison.
I drank every last drop. Every last drop of red blood.
Urgh….
I slowly opened my eyes. Staring up at the red ceiling.
Where… oh, right. Home. All of that was… just a dream.
… what a shitty way to wake up in the morning.
Now that Camilo is finally gone (I made the locations so far that it would take the whole day. He’s an adult, I’m sure he’ll be fine) the only one in the room was just me and my wonderful girlfriend. Alone time at last.
“Now,” even though I was still pissed off by my idiot cousin, I can still take time to spend the day with Luster. Just have to finish some work and then some much needed cuddles. “Do you have anything planned for the day, querida?”
She smiles that oh so caring smile, “Well, helping you with some work might be nice. That way I can see that spark of creativity I just can’t help but love about you.”
Oh the ways she makes my heart light and flutter.
“Is that so?” Despite the cold hard front I show to everyone else, I can’t help but let it break for the demon woman by my side.
“Why, it always brightens my day, you know.” Luster says. But then, she frowns for a bit, “Bella, you do know that the only times you get cranky is when you have a bad dream, right?”
Shit. She knows.
Judging from my silence, Luster knows that she’s right and sighs, “You can always tell me whenever it bothers you, you know.”
“I know…” How can I? When all the things I did… and what a terrible person I am…
“Hey,” I looked at her as she had those loving eyes I had come to sometimes think I don’t deserve, “Remember the first time we met?”
Oh… she was doing this. I smiled at the memory, “How could I forget? I punched you in the gut.”
Luster chuckled, the sound music to my ears, “I couldn’t help but be smitten when you did that. And ever since then, I started following you around. The more I stayed with you, the better my life felt for the first time in years. I met you and Camilo. You two were the best things that ever happened to me.”
I sometimes wonder how I made her life better. I was cruel and there was a good reason why I ended up here. How can she see me with such… love?
“You really believe that?” I asked, not believing it myself.
She nodded, “I do. And no matter what you think, it’s true. And the more I got to know you, the more I grew to love the person you really are.”
“How…” I hesitate to say it, “How can you really think that about me? I did horrible things. I was a terrible sister by saying all those mean things to her and I killed my Abuela.”
Luster just shrugs, “Do you regret it?”
“Yes.” I immediately said.
“And do you want to make things better?”
“Yes.” I said firmly. With every bit of myself I want to make things better for my family. I would do it the first chance I get.
“Then you’re already on the path of change.” She says, and I know she’s putting everything she’s saying as Luster looked determined of this, “Just because you did bad things does not define who you can be now. Bad things happen and you’ve done shit, but that doesn’t mean good things don’t come around. You acknowledge your actions and you start improving, that’s what it takes to change things and that is what I love about you.”
I cried… I cried so many tears.
At the tears, Luster already grew worried, “Oh! Uh, I didn’t mean to make you cry! Was it something I-”
I shut her up with a kiss. I didn’t care if it was so sudden! I wanted to kiss my lovely, wonderful, and all too kind girlfriend!
The kiss was so good. So passionate and filled with love. Like roses.
After the kiss, we were practically breathless. “Bed.”
“What?” the response was quick and Luster smirked, “I thought you were going to-”
“Tomorrow.”
Luster just laughed. She wasn’t complaining for sure as I dragged her into our shared bedroom.
I still doubt the words she says. I still do. Words don’t hold more meaning than actions. And I don’t think that can happen anytime soon. Not unless I get to see my familia again… and I don’t think that’s a good idea either.
Luster once suggested the hotel that redeems sinners, but both me and Camilo turned it down. Even if it might be possible, I doubt the both of us can face them. We did leave abruptly when we died.
Besides, I have a life here. A girlfriend that I love very much and would never leave. Even though I’m not fond of my work, I still have a life that I’m content with.
But still… If I were to ever have a chance to actually keep my promise, I would do anything.
I would do anything to keep my loved ones safe.
No matter the cost.