i love you
Agatha came back with their breakfast she picked up from the town and placed it on the kitchen table. She had let Rio sleep in; Rio had come home really late, and though Agatha was barely awake, she could tell Rio was upset. She only wished she had managed to stay awake long enough to talk, but her eyelids had different plans. She had gotten her a white camellia— Rio’s favorite. It was kind of damaged, but it wasn’t that bad. She got to the door, pausing when she realized there was movement. She slowly pushed in, then completely when she realized it was just Rio sitting cross-legged on the bed, her face in her hands, facing away from the door.
“Rio?”
Rio’s head whipped around as Agatha sat beside her, placing the camellia aside.
“I’m sorry.” She managed a whisper, though her voice broke. Her hands crossed over her arms, and she dug her long, dark nails into the fake skin.
“It’s okay.” Agatha matched her volume. She moved her hair out of the way, finally seeing her reddened eyes. Agatha let her breathe for a moment, then put her hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“I— You— They—“ Rio buried her head in her hands again. Agatha rubbed her back, giving her a moment to find her words. “Do you even want me?”
Agatha’s brows furrowed. “Of course, I want you! I love you more than anything! You know that.”
Rio wiped a tear away with her palm.
“Why would you ask that?”
Rio sniffled, trying to speak, but no sound came out. Agatha pulled her onto her lap, stroking her hair.
“It’s okay. Did your siblings say something?”
Rio shook her head.
“Um, was it one of the souls?”
Rio shook her head again. Agatha continued stroking her hair, letting Rio find her words.
“Sometimes,” Rio swallowed, her voice just as small as before. “I wish I could forget. Forget that I— I’m not just Rio. Because every time I remember why I exist, I— I don’t– I don’t want to anymore.”
Agatha opened her mouth to say something, anything to change her mind.
“Then I remember I have you.”
Agatha’s gaze softened as she looked into Rio’s eyes, unshed tears gleaming in them.
“I love you, but I… I hate myself.” Rio nuzzled into Agatha, her nails digging deeper into her skin, though she knew that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t hurt herself. “I hate myself so so much.”
Agatha watched her, worry all over her face as she tried to find something to say.
“Please, don’t say that.”
That was all she could manage.
“I love you. I love you so very much. I promise.”
Rio chuckled dryly. “I love you, too.”
Agatha stroked her hair, sitting in silence for a bit.
“I know that doesn’t change how you feel. I’ve been where you are— well, not exactly, but…”
Rio sniffled, curling up.
“You help souls to the afterlife. There’s nothing bad… about… that.” She trailed off as she noticed Rio digging her nails into her skin, something that was so familiar to her. She pulled her hands away from her arms, making her grab her own instead. Rio immediately relaxed her hand, refusing to hurt Agatha. “See? You wouldn’t do that to me. Don’t do it to yourself.”
A few tears made their way down Rio’s face.
“That’s right, let it out.”
There was one thing Agatha noticed when Rio cried; it was quiet. Far quieter than hers, at least. Over the year or so she had had Rio, she had let herself go, cried like she used to; loudly, screaming, sobbing… Rio, however, wasn’t like that. Agatha could barely tell she was crying at all. In all the times she had seen Rio cry, she had never noticed how truly quiet she was.
Rio, however, had noticed that ages ago.
She noticed the first time she had seen Agatha cry, then the first time she herself cried. It made sense to her; she had spent a lot of time thinking about it. Agatha started quietly if she could hold herself, only letting herself go once Rio allowed her. She assumed that was because her mother had forced her to stay silent for so long. If she couldn’t, she had the scars to show the consequences. Her true, raw cry, however, was loud. She had spent most of her life begging for a chance to defend herself, to speak her mind, to be heard. She needed everyone to hear how much pain they had caused her.
Rio wasn’t meant to be heard by anyone.
She wasn’t meant to be seen by anyone.
She was just… there.
She wasn’t supposed to be perceived.
It didn’t surprise her that even when she finally managed to do something mortal— cry —she was still bound by what she had to be.
She didn’t have a choice.
She’d never had a choice.
Agatha could sense all those thoughts running through Rio’s head. She moved one of her hands to her forehead, tracing over it.
“I can feel you thinking.”
“I can feel you thinking, too.”
Agatha took a deep breath. “I, uh, I brought you something.”
Rio looked up at her as Agatha grabbed the camellia.
“It’s not much, but—“
“You remembered.” Rio’s eyes widened as she took the flower, holding it carefully as she inspected it.
“Yeah, of course. Admiration, longing, resilience, and… unspoken emotions, right?”
“Yeah, I didn’t— I didn’t think you were awake.”
“Barely. I— It’s kinda damaged, but so am I and you like me, so…”
Rio put her flower behind her ear and caressed Agatha’s face. She opened her mouth to speak, but Agatha shushed her.
“Don’t say I’m not damaged.”
“Oh, I wasn’t going to.”
Agatha furrowed her brows.
“Sure, you’re damaged. So? You’re also insane, and you’ve kind of always been a train wreck–”
“Where is this going?”
“But that doesn’t change anything. You are who you are after all that, and I love you.”
A smile crept onto Agatha’s face. “I love you, too.”
Rio put her head against Agatha’s chest, just listening to her heartbeat.
“If it makes you feel any better, I forget sometimes, you know.”
“Forget what?”
“That you’re Death. I just… You’ve always been Rio to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love that part of you, too, but… I just forget.”
“Must be nice.” Rio twirled Agatha’s hair. “You’re the only thing I haven’t destroyed or ruined.”
Agatha took her hand, interlacing their fingers. “I’d stay with you, even if it destroyed me.”
A tear streamed down Rio’s face. “But I will. I— I’ll end up killing you. It’s fate.”
“And I’m still staying with you. Promise. You’re stuck with me, Switchblade.”
Rio smiled as she let out a quiet sob. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”