Jiwoo continuously banged her head lightly on the bus window, she looked out at the night sky, the forlorn stars barely shone through the thick clouds, casting a dim light over the cold night. The depressing state of the sky makes Jiwoo’s heart tug.
She feels so isolated.
She doesn’t want to see it, the flashbacks, the painful memories that she hopes that it just fades away. She hopes she can wake up one day and everything would return back to normal again. Everything, her relationship with her fellow group mate, Chaeyeon is everything to her.
Jiwoo finally let her crystal-clear tears fell onto her cheek, closing her eyes, she waits for the bus to reach the bus stop close to her house.
Jiwoo entered the password to her front door and opened it. She turned on the lights, turning the dark house into home with a warm and comforting space that awaits to embrace her after a long day at work.
Despite everything, her heart still feels empty.
“Berry, have you eaten?” Jiwoo hugged her white puppy that came running towards her after hearing all the commotions. This put a genuine smile onto Jiwoo’s face.
It will still fade away after.
Jiwoo cursed at herself, she buried her face into her pillow, the bad memories invade her thoughts again. She just needs to have a quick mental breakdown.
She hates herself; she hates every single word that had came out of her mouth that day. She despises the disappointed look on Chaeyeon’s face, and to make it worse, everything had happened because of her and herself, no one else.
Chaeyeon’s face fell in frustration, her eyebrows furrowed tightly, tears building up in the corner of her red eyes. She looked at Jiwoo in disappointment, she sighed, sighed for the tenth time since the start of their conversation.
Chaeyeon was speechless. And it’s all because of Jiwoo’s stubbornness.
“I-I don’t know what to say anymore, if you are that embarrassed of our relationship, then let it go.” Chaeyeon gave Jiwoo a ‘get out’ gesture.
Jiwoo felt helpless, no matter how much she tried to explain, her excuses proceed to became more and more stupid, and more and more hurtful.
“N-No, that’s not what I meant-” Jiwoo is on the verge on dropping on her both knees.
“GET OUT.”
It’s an usual Wednesday after their schedule, the members who now lives out of the dorm would always hang out in the dorm before getting home at night. Jiwoo huddled aside on the couch of the haus where Chaeyeon stays, listening to the conversations between the younger kids.
Coincidentally, her closest friend in the group, Yubin stays in that apartment too. Yubin noticed the strange behaviour in Jiwoo for the past few days and approached her. The older girl by a few months sat down beside her, placing a hand on her knee.
“Hey, you good?” Yubin is the only one that knows about her and Chaeyeon’s relationship, since they are literally childhood friends and even some members and fans would even joke about the three of them being in a poly relationship. “Did you and C got into a fight?” Yubin whispered the last part.
“No shit- sorry… I mean yea…” Jiwoo couldn’t control her emotions and temper.
“It’s okay, what happened anyways?” Yubin asked caringly, she would hate seeing her best friend being in this depressing state over another girl, who’s also another one of her best friends too. “I would understand if you don’t feel comfortable telling me, I wish you the best.” Yubin gave her a little side hug and excused herself.
Xinyu barged into the haus unannounced, with her box of tarot card with her.
“HEYY MY BABIES.” Xinyu announced her arrival in English. The Chinese placed her tarot card box down on the dining table and joined the younger members, Yeonji, Soomin and Seoah in the living room. “Where’s Binnie?” Xinyu asked and look around and caught a glimpse of Jiwoo’s miserable state.
“Bin is doing her homework and she has an exam coming up soon.” Yeonji answered and put a pile of slime on Xinyu’s palm. “Why are here, unnie?”
“My haus is boringggg, and Soda is ignoring me.” Xinyu did a little aegyo but her eyes never leaving Jiwoo’s direction. “Wait, excuse me for a while.” Xinyu said and Yeonji nodded then took the slime away from Xinyu’s hand.
The Chinese member plop her butt down on the couch on the spot beside Jiwoo and patted her knees. Jiwoo gave her a little side eye and raised an eyebrow. “You don’t look okay; do you need a reading?”
Jiwoo hesitated for a while then agreed, maybe it can answer her questions and gave her a solution to her relationship that’s on the edge of falling apart. Xinyu took her hands and grabbed the box and dragged her into Yubin’s room.
“What?” Yubin blinked at the presence of the two surprised guest in her bedroom. Xinyu then dragged Yubin’s little wooden coffee table that she used to put her stuffs on to the middle on the room. The owner of the bedroom understood the situation immediately and removed her stuffs from the table, allowing Xinyu to spread her tarot cards out.
“Pick three cards.” Xinyu ordered.
Jiwoo did as the older member told and handed the three cards over to Xinyu. The Chinese analysed the card one by one and started speaking.
“Did you get into a fight with your…PARTNER???” Xinyu held the third card in shock, who would think that there is a third couple in the group and what’s even more surprising is that, why didn’t anyone notice it? Xinyu wondered, even though she had never noticed it too.
“Yea…” Jiwoo replied, the voices and sight of Chaeyeon yelling at her and sobbing angrily in her brain hurts her head further. Yubin noticed the uneasy expression plastered obviously across Jiwoo’s face and patted her on the back.
“Is it…Chaeyeon?” Jiwoo nodded and Xinyu couldn’t contain her shock but she brushed it off quickly and continued her reading. “I know what you have been thinking just by looking at these cards and don’t worry, I can confidently tell you that your relationship won’t fell apart.”
Jiwoo was relieved inside.
“Fights are bound to happen in a relationship, whether it’ll worsen or make the relationship stronger in the future, it’s all up to you and your partner.” Xinyu paused for a while to let Jiwoo process her words. “Me and the cards you picked out advised you to talk to Chaeyeon asap before she completely ends it.”
Jiwoo decided to give it a try. After confirming with Yubin that Chaeyeon is alone in her and Yeonji’s shared room, she knocked on the door twice.
“Come in.” A soft voice replied. The soft voice that Jiwoo missed.
Jiwoo twisted the door knob slowly and made an eye contact with Chaeyeon who turned her head to the door. Chaeyeon’s face immediately fell at the sight of Jiwoo. “What are you doing here?” The older girl asked coldly.
“Just to talk.”
“What is there to talk about.” Chaeyeon pushed herself up from the floor and walked to the door, attempting to shut it in Jiwoo’s face but the taller girl easily overpowered her. Jiwoo walked into the bedroom against Chaeyeon’s will.
“Please, just hear me out.” Jiwoo grabbed Chaeyeon’s hand.
“Do not touch me.” Chaeyeon’s has no expression left on her face. She doesn’t want to hear Jiwoo’s bullshit anymore.
“About that afternoon, I was really out of my mind, you know, how tired I am after hatchi promotions? My mind wasn’t working properly!” Jiwoo threw her arms up in the air.
“AND SO THAT LEADS TO YOU SAYING HURTFUL THINGS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP?” Chaeyeon started yelling but Jiwoo begged her not to.
It was the same day when the two couples in the group had announced their relationship to everyone. After the practice, Jiwoo hung out in Chaeyeon’s room since Yeonji was out somewhere in the city. They stayed in the older girl’s bed, just casually talking about stuffs.
“Jiwoo yah, what would you say about us announcing our relationship to the girls too.” Chaeyeon looked up to her girlfriend.
“Why?” Jiwoo questioned.
“I mean, we’ve been dating for quiet a while already. I don’t want to keep it a secret anymore.” The older girl smiled but Jiwoo furrowed her eyebrows which confused Chaeyeon for a bit.
“But I like it better like this.” Jiwoo hugged the other girl tighter by a little. “I-I can’t imagine the member’s reaction if they found out that I am dating you…” The words slipped out from Jiwoo’s mouth without processing through her brain.
“What do you mean?” Chaeyeon escape from Jiwoo’s arms and sit up on the bed.
“N-No I mean like…I’m scared that they won’t approve of us.”
“Scared?” Now Chaeyeon was getting more and more confused. “Why would you be scared? Everything went well with Yooyeon Nakyoung unnie and Lynn Shion.”
“I-It’s different.” Jiwoo sat up too, facing Chaeyeon. “I-I mean…they suit each other well in other’s eyes.”
“So, you are saying we are not suitable for each other?”
“No, I mean like, I’m me, and you are…you.” Chaeyeon was puzzled by what was Jiwoo trying to say. The older girl asked the girl in front of her to stop beating around the bush and just say what she was thinking about directly.
“I am just scared that their opinion on me would change li-”
“This whole time…you are only thinking about yourself? Do you know how selfish you sound right now?” Chaeyeon’s felt her heart getting sore. Jiwoo’s eyes widen and waved her hands in protest.
“NO! We are the complete opposite of each other! Like if the members know about it, they would judge me for it…”
Sighs, followed by more and more sighs
Chaeyeon’s face fell in frustration, her eyebrows furrowed tightly, tears building up in the corner of her red eyes. She looked at Jiwoo in disappointment, she sighed, sighed for the tenth time since the start of their conversation.
Chaeyeon was speechless. And it’s all because of Jiwoo’s stubbornness.
“I-I don’t know what to say anymore, if you are that embarrassed of our relationship, then let it go.” Chaeyeon gave Jiwoo a ‘get out’ gesture.
Jiwoo felt helpless, no matter how much she tried to explain, her excuses proceed to became more and more stupid, and more and more hurtful.
“N-No, that’s not what I meant-” Jiwoo is on the verge on dropping on her both knees.
“GET OUT.”
“Please, I really don’t know what happened to me that day, p-plus, Yubin and Xinyu unnie know about our relationship now so…” Jiwoo finally kneeled down.
“You expect me to forgive you after that? Didn’t know what happened, you say, just sounds like excuses to me.” Chaeyeon rolled her eyes but Jiwoo wouldn’t give up.
“I AM REALLY OUT OF MY MIND, OKAY? I WAS SO SHOCKED, SO SURPRISED AT THE SUDDEN QUESTION.” Jiwoo raised her voice and started sobbing. Chaeyeon’s face softened and uncrossed her arms.
“Get up.”
Jiwoo got on up one knee first then the other one. She then pulled Chaeyeon in for a hug, which led to Chaeyeon desperately trying to push her away but in the end of the day, Jiwoo is ten times stronger than her.
“I’m really sorry, I deserve all the yelling but can it end now? Sometimes I even think that I deserve to die from hurting your feelings, I really hate myself for it.” Jiwoo mumbled in between her sobs. She felt a pair of arms wrapping around her suddenly.
“Hey…fine, I forgive you.” Chaeyeon whispered. Jiwoo broke the hug and looked into her eyes. “I understand, I knew you were always like that but…it really hurt my feelings deeply that day.” Now it was the older one’s turn to pull her into a hug. “Promise me, you won’t say anything like that again.” Jiwoo nodded her head eagerly and pecked Chaeyeon on the lips.
“I won’t do that anymore, I love you.” Jiwoo embraced her girlfriend further into her chest. “Let’s announced our relationship to everyone.”
“WHAT? ANOTHER ONE??” Soomin dropped her slime on the floor and Yooyeon scolded her to pick it up immediately. “MAN, WHEN IS MY TURNNNN.” Soomin pouted and hit Yeonji on the arm which caught the younger member off guard.
“STOP HITTING ME OUCH.” Yeonji covered her arms and scoot away from her friend.
“Let me give you a little tarot reading.” Xinyu winked and bumped her shoulder against Soomin’s.
“OKAY OKAY QUIET DOWN.” Seoyeon clapped her hands. “LET’S CONGRATS THE COUPLE.”