Chapter 1
Ami stood near the window of their shared apartment, her suitcase packed and sitting by the door while Serene was sitting on the couch, her face buried in her hands, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“You know you don’t have to do this,” Serene murmured, her voice breaking. “H– hahayaan naman kitang umalis. Pero hindi sa buhay ko, Amihan. Please lang – we can settle with a long distance relationship muna until mag end yung contract mo sa Canada.”
Ami sighed, she didn’t like seeing people cry, mostly when she’s the reason. What more if it’s Serene? She hated it. Her heart ached at the sight of her vulnerability. “We can’t, we tried for one month na yan dati, diba? And what happened? We ended up almost breaking up din.” Ami remained firm despite what she was saying.“I’m flying to Canada in three hours na. Please, Eres?”
Serene shook her head, holding Ami’s hand tightly. It did hurt, yes – but what’s happening now was definitely more hurtful.
“We made it work naman before. Please, Amihan… eight years na eh,” She was trembling, afraid that Ami would really leave her behind. “Lahat ng pinagdaanan natin, itatapon mo nalang ba ng basta basta?”
Ami knelt in front of Serene, gently squeezing her hand in hopes na lulugawan niya yung pagkahawak niya.
“Eres,” The older girl looked into her eyes as if begging her to understand. Yet she kept crying – ayaw niya mawala yung tao eh. Ami was her everything after all. “I’m not throwing it away.”
“You know, I’m grateful for everything. Sa walong taon na nagsama tayo, pinapasalamatan ko pa rin ang Diyos kasi binigay ka niya sa’kin.” Ami had a crestfallen smile on her face, and had a look that Serene really irked. It meant that she was fading away again, that she wouldn’t be able to reach out to her again. “But,”
“I have to do this for myself. You know how much my career means to me,”
Right. It was always her career over Serene. Wala siyang laban.
“A– ayoko,” Serene croaked out. “A– ayokong mawala ka. Please.”
“Eres.” She let go of her hand, her voice stating that she was already sure of her decision. “It won’t work. Maaabandona lang natin ang isa’t isa like last time, so no.”
Serene shook her head, about to voice another reason. “B– But–”
“Please, Eres. I’m sure you’ll find someone better than me. Someone who would choose you over anything, someone na kayang gawin yung hindi ko kaya.” She stood up, kissing Serene’s forehead. “You’ll be okay, I promise.”
“Pero ikaw lang ang gusto ko! Anong parte doon ang hindi mo naiintindihan!?” Serene yelled, frustration bubbling up inside of her. “You know you mean everything to me, you know that you can be that better someone na sinasabi mo!”
Ami stepped back. “This isn’t just about us anymore. You know how long I’ve been dreaming about this– now that it was offered to me, bakit ko tatanggihan? I won’t be able to focus on you – on us.”
The words were like knives, cutting through both of them. Her mouth opened to speak, trying to find the words, but they wouldn’t come.
She continued to sob, and if Ami said that she wasn’t hesitating to just stay because of Serene right now and turn down the offer back in Canada, she’s definitely lying.
“Mahal kita, Amihan.”
The woman froze on her spot, she wanted to say it back so badly. She wanted to just say “mahal din kita”, repeatedly – if it meant that Serene would stop crying. But no, it meant that it would give Serene hope na hindi siya aalis.
She badly needed this. She worked so hard for this.
Ami steeled herself despite the pain clawing at her chest. She was already sure of it – so she shouldn’t be faltering right now.
“I’m sorry, Eres.”
And yet, her reaction just broke the younger woman on the couch just more.
Serene let out a choked sob as Ami stood and walked to the door, her suitcase in tow. Ami felt like her feet was stuck on the floor of their shared apartment for a moment, her hand on the doorknob, before stepping out into the night.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Ami woke up in a cold sweat, her breaths came out ragged. She immediately grabbed the water bottle on her bedside table and drank to calm herself down. The ache on her chest never left, it still felt so vivid to her.
Fuck. She cursed internally, clutching on her shirt. That night again.
It’s already been five years since that happened, yet – she just couldn’t stop remembering everything. Even in her dreams, the woman she left still haunted her.
Inhale. Exhale.
“Why can’t I stop thinking about you, Eres?” She muttered under her breath, setting the bottle down and ran a hand through her hair. “Tangina…”
It’s been a month already since she came back to the Philippines after her contract in Canada ended. It felt like a fleeting dream which ended so soon, or maybe she really didn’t focus on it. Her career there had flourished – she achieved everything she left the Philippines for. Climbing her way to success despite each step requiring her determination which she swore had left her body. She had everything, the promotions, the busy days, and titles she only received in her dreams before.
Ami told herself that she’d come back as soon as this dream of hers ended. To reconnect with her roots–meet her family–and reunite with her old friends. But maybe those weren’t a lie and the entire truth either. Maybe she was hoping that the soul she broke hadn't found the better someone she had mentioned before now that she’s ready.
Really, it’s making her look stupid.
But, she felt hollow and there was an empty piece of herself which she couldn’t figure out what.
Until Serene was the first thing she saw when she stepped a foot into where everything started.
On billboards, televisions, magazines— everywhere. Serene had grown into a famous model, her name was spreading like wildfire worldwide. A person that even a sight of her would count as a blessing, her presence being paid for, someone who graced the covers of magazines. She seemed so out of Ami’s league now, her life and Ami’s were so different – too different. Honestly, it felt like she was being haunted by her past. The one last missing piece in her life who had completed her for years before.
She distracted herself with work before, but now upon returning here to get a new one while seeing someone who used to be her special person, it felt like she was back at that night again. She wanted to leave, to escape. But that’d make things worse. She told the others that she already moved on, yet it was a lie.
Probably the biggest lie in her life.
Because the memories of Serene kept coming back, like an unfinished melody seeking to be continued yet again.
She even tried to date some other people before in Canada.
A guy named George; he was nice, but they never worked on what they actually have. Then there’s Sloane; she was… okay. She left Ami hanging after a night of them arguing over some stupid thing, but it didn’t affect her in the slightest. She was unfazed, with Serene creeping into her mind whenever she’s with someone who wants her badly.
No one could really replace her.
Only Serene Eres Sevilleja could fill in the gaping hole in Ami Hannah Arceta’s heart.
“Ami, you really have no plans to like, come back to your ex?” Mikha questioned, her brow raising to judge the girl who was already so out of it. Drunk and wasted, additional na lang yung nangungulila siya.
“Nooo,” She whined. “I was countries away dati, now she’s an entire galaxy away.”
Mikha laughed, elbowing Sheena. “How about Serene?”
“Bakit mo sa’kin yan tinatanong? Kapatid ko lang siya ‘te, it doesn’t mean na she shares stuff like that sa’kin.” Sheena huffs as she took another hit. “Plus, kung meron, edi nasabi ko na sana para tumigil na rin tong babaeng ‘to.”
Ami’s head was already resting on the counter, deeply intoxicated by the amount of drinks she consumed. Her tears were flowing out of her eyes and she swears she could fill an entire bucket with it with how overwhelmed she is of her own emotions.
Sheena and Mikha drove her back to her old apartment. The one she used to share with Serene.
She still had it under her name. She still paid for it despite the fact that she wasn’t even in the country.
Sheena carefully placed her on the bed while Mikha fixed her belongings before the two locked her room and went back to their house.
Now she’s alone again.
She glanced over the couch on the corner of the room. She remembers how Serene used to make her sleep there whenever she’s sulking but the moment she woke up, Serene was in her arms, comfortably sleeping with her on the small couch.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
The clock felt so loud, she could hear it so clearly.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
She grumbled and took her phone from the bedside table. She felt sick and dizzy from what she drank earlier,but she didn’t care.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
The time was ticking, and still she froze when she spotted Serene’s name in her contact list.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Her heart skipped a beat, she knew what she was about to do was stupid, but why would she care about that now? She was drunk and free. There was no one in here to stop her.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
She frowned. What if Serene changed her number? What if Serene was busy? What if Serene had her number blocked?
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Despite her overthinking, she pressed the call button.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
It rang once, then twice. Ami thought that there was no hope for her.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
She decides that she seems like a bitter ex who can’t move on, and just what if Serene already moved on?
Tick. Tock. Tic—
“Hello?” The voice came from the other side of the call. It was cautious, and the background was loud with music. Though the voice remained clear, it still held the same warmth she used to feel just hearing this person speak.
Oh.
Oh.
“You answered…” Ami whispered shyly, “Why?”
A laugh. It was a soft one. “You called. Am I not supposed to answer?”
“Eres…”
Then there were sobs. Ami’s face contorted with disbelief and longing. She didn’t know how much she actually had been longing to hear Serene’s voice, but it was surely hitting her now.
When Serene heard her sniffles, her laughter stopped.
“Amihan,”
“I’m sorry… Eres, I’m sorry.” Ami murmured, her voice breaking. “I–”
The music from the background of Serene’s end stopped, there was a car starting that could be heard.
Ami continued crying, and then twenty minutes had passed. She heard the door of the apartment open, then close.
She held her breath, then when the bedroom door opened – she released it with a shaky exhale.
She dropped her phone to the floor and lazily got up, her arms quickly wrapping around Serene’s waist. She continued to cry– she didn’t have a reason not to.
And Serene wrapped her arms around her as well, letting the older girl’s tears wet her shoulder.
She’s finally home. They both thought.