Christmas Holiday
Sirius leaned against the wall, waiting. Christmas break had left the halls empty except for meal times, and the occasional screaming Second Year being peppered by snowballs. Not many students had chosen to stay this year. Even the muggleborns had, in larger numbers than usual, chosen to return home. Uncle Alphard had been surprisingly willing to let him stay his last Christmas at Hogwarts. He was slightly suspicious that James and Charles had something to do with it, but he wasn't willing to be ungracious about it.
Hell, this was the first time James had ever stayed. Although that might have had something to do with James' parents being fully aware of how much trouble they'd likely get into without constant supervision, and being unwilling to risk it. But apparently whatever James had written home to his parents had been enough of a reason that they were letting him stay; missing out on the usual series of parties and required social events. Sirius knew that part of that was the fact that Lily Evans was staying as well.
And the other part was him.
Blowing out a breath, Sirius ran his fingers along the wand shoved inside his cloak and considered. Months ago, Evans had torn off a section of his hide regarding his brother. He'd mostly ignored her at the time, because Regulus was a wound he had only ever let James see. But for all that she was muggleborn, Evans had already proven that she was far more observant than most of her pureblood counterparts. And that she'd seen where others, including his brother, had missed and had the balls to call him on it, had rankled. Frowning, he shrugged. So it still rankled.
But as James had pointed out over fire whiskey, annoying didn't mean wrong.
Which was why he found himself standing in a deserted back hall waiting; irritable, mentally exhausted but still waiting. Once he'd finally told the others about his conversation with Evans, it hadn't taken long for them to piece together a plan. And Peter was an expert at getting in and out of old Slughorn's office, so confirmation that Regulus had chosen to stay at Hogwarts was easy enough. Although he worried about what his brother had planned. Technically, this was the first Christmas where Regulus would be recognized as Orion's heir. Rubbing a hand over his face, he considered the idea of all the family politicking that would be occurring soon. There was no easily conceivable reason that Wallaburga Black would allow her precious heir to avoid the family gatherings during Christmas unless he was remaining behind for a reason.
But it was possible that they were waiting for the full family ceremonies this summer. Arcturus was nearing his late seventies, and while by wizarding standards he was still in mid-life, by Black Family standards they were simply waiting for him to die. Of course, once Orion was took over the family, it was possible that whatever Alphard had arranged with Arcturus would be null and avoid, and he'd be disinherited a second time. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he sighed.
There were rumors that several marriage arrangements were taking place, and Sirius wondered how deeply imbedded with Voldemort his cousins would be by the end of it. Still, he didn't see Wallaburga sharing her favorite's special day with his female cousins. He wondered if Alphard would insist he attend.
The familiar sound of tiny squeaks caught his attention, and Sirius glanced down to see Peter doing a familiar dance. Nodding grimly, he watched Pete disappear behind a suit of armor. Pete had confirmed that Regulus was alone, but he'd watch anyway. Mostly because James had insisted, but Sirius found himself less willing to argue after Remus had lectured him for twenty minutes on safety measures.
It wasn't easy, getting the drop on Regulus. Slytherinhad honed reflexes that years of being pranked had developed, and paranoia served everyone in green well. But he'd had years of learning stealth on his side and several pounds of muscle. And James' invisibility cloak.
He still didn't manage to come out unscathed, jaw throbbing from an elbow. Keeping his fingers curled his brother's collar; he pressed the tip of his wand hard under his brother's ear.
"Regulus."
"Well, if it isn't the Blood Traitor." Regulus sneered. His nose was bleeding and his lip split. "I hear you've managed to crawl back into the family. But I imagine that won't last much longer than grandfather."
"Shut up," Sirius warned him softly, adjusting the wand he had shoved under Regulus' jaw to make his point. "Do yourself a favor and don't prove just how good you are at spewing what you've been taught and listen, little brother."
"Rich, coming from you," Regulus sneered. "And I believe the proper address is now cousin."
Sirius magnanimously ignored the jab. "If you're set on being this Lord Voldemort's pet Black, we'll find ourselves on opposite sides of each other's wands. Make sure that doesn't happen."
"I think we've already found ourselves there." Regulus replied tightly, and the feeling of a wand between his ribs nearly made him flinch. "You should've planned this better if you wanted to threaten me. You'll find I've learned a few new tricks."
"You'll find I have to." Sirius returned. Forcing Regulus off his heels by wrenching him up by his collar, he smiled. "Tell me, what exactly did you need that second wand for, Regs?"
Regulus snorted. "I think you'll find within the family, that familiar form of address won't be tolerated. Just wait, cousin – you'll have to take your family oaths like the rest of us. You'll learn just how cushy life is when you're not the heir."
Sirius shrugged. "The family doesn't scare me now, Regs, and it won't in the future. Tell me, little brother, what happens if Alphard or I yank our financial support of your little causes? Dear mother's dowry was sizeable, but Orion's paranoia has cut through most of it, hasn't it?"
Regulus bared his teeth. "You have no idea of what you're speaking of."
"Then why haven't you hexed me yet?"
"But I will." Regulus met his gaze evenly. "If it comes down to this between us, I will take the shot."
Sirius stared at him, eyes narrowed. His little brother, solemn-eyed and quiet wasn't who was staring back at him. The banked anger and hate behind his eyes attested to that; too many years of discord and not enough between them to hold. Releasing Regulus' jacket he stepped back, wand curled carefully between his fingers as Regulus wiped his face.
'The only examples, the only way of living most witches and wizards understand, is what they've been indoctrinated in their wholes lives and no one is stopping them. You both wrote each other off because of where you placed by a talking hat...'
"I'm going to fight him."
Regulus looked up, a sneer on his face. "It won't do any good. He's already stronger than you can possibly imagine."
"I don't care." This side had been picked years ago. And Evans was right, the choices of a hat defined them both, but for him, it was the right one. It had sank into his bones as a child and never left. "And it doesn't matter."
"You're letting your Gryffindor show." His tone made it clear it wasn't a compliment.
Sirius snorted. "And you're too buried in your conspiracies to see. We're not on opposite sides yet, Reg. But we might be. I don't know what this summer will bring, but my threats are not idle ones. Ask Orion, if you don't believe me." Taking a deep breath he stared the unfamiliar eyes down. "But if you need me, find me. You're still my brother.
Regulus went motionless, eyes narrowing. "You're no brother of mine."
"When you find yourself in over your head - remember what I told you." Sirius lifted his wand and took two steps away. "And Regulus, I think we both know that day isn't too far in the future."
"You look like shit."
"Sweet talker, I see what Evans likes about you." Remus said without looking up from the notes he was cross referencing. James snorted and dropped into the chair next to him. Reaching over, he picked up the potions book that Remus was referencing and pulled a face.
"I can't say I'm looking forward to this NEWT, even with Lily beating it into our brains, one muggle flashcard at a time." He tapped his fingers against the table, a look of consideration crossing his face. "Do you think we should try to adapt her flashcards to say… exploding snap? I think I'd remember potions recipes and cutting procedures better if the card was going to explode in my face if I got it wrong."
A small smile cracked across Remus' face. "I think Lily would kill us slowly if we ruined her flashcards. And that we'd never be allowed in the Library again."
"Would she notice? She has so many of them!"
Shaking his head, Remus put his quill down and rubbed his fingers. "What do you want James?"
"What, a bloke can't just stop by for a chat?" Grinning, he shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'm hurt."
Remus snorted. "That last time you were involved in an involuntary conversation with someone, it was Peter. And look at the mess that got us into."
"You say mess, I say awesome."
"James."
Handing him back his manual, James twirled his wand casting a privacy bubble. The charm was advanced, part of the expected criteria that Charles had demanded they learn during the summer. Shaking his head, Remus set his quill down and waited.
"Dad and I've been talking."
Remus gave him an amused look. "I'm still curious about how you managed to finagle staying here this Christmas, when I saw you're mum's list of parties she was considering hosting for Christmas this summer."
James blinked and a suddenly serious expression crossed his face. "Lily's sister is getting married tomorrow."
Remus blinked. "But she's here."
"Yes," James said grimly. "She hasn't gone into a lot of detail, but obviously whatever happened this summer made an already strained situation worse. Snape is mixed in there somehow, but…"
"She isn't ready to talk about it."
Running his hands through his hair, he sighed heavily. "I wished she would have agreed to go home with me. But then this situation with Regs popped up, so I guess it worked out. But I think mum could have helped, some."
"Do you know what she's planning after graduation?"
"Flitwick offered her an apprenticeship, dependent on her N.E.W.T.s," James said with a slow smile, full of pride. "I'm pretty sure Slughorn is planning on making a similar offer. But she's waiting for her N.E.W.T.s before she makes a decision."
"Good for her," Remus said softly. "That's huge."
"I'm offering her a room at our place, at least until she gets things into motion and she can support herself. I don't think she'll be able to go home."
"Good. Although you'll have to work it carefully, so she doesn't think it's a pity offer."
"I know." James shrugged, eyes narrowing as he considered. "But if I have my way, she won't have to worry about supporting herself alone for long."
Remus blinked. "James?"
He waved his hand then smiled. "But speaking of graduation, what are your plans? You've been awful mum about it."
"I don't know," Remus said finally, his brows pinching together. "Dumbledore has dropped a few hints at possible positions, but I don't believe I'll be able to hold any of them. It won't take long before someone starts noticing certain days that I miss, and I won't have the benefit of whatever charm work Flitwick managed to keep people from thinking about me for too long."
James frowned. "Dumbledore, huh?"
Remus shrugged. "I think he's worried I'll get discouraged once everyone starts applying for positions or apprenticeships, when I am perfectly aware that a perfect set of N.E.W.T.S won't help at all. Who knows, I might try to finagle some short term work in the muggle world.'
James nodded, fingers moving restlessly against the table. "I have a proposition for you."
"James," Remus said warningly, "I'm not interested in pity either."
"Good, because I'm not going to give you any. And it'd be entirely based on your N.E.W.T.S anyway."
"What is?" Remus finally asked when it was clear that James wasn't going to elaborate.
"I know you've got a pretty good taste of what is expected of me once I graduate this summer." James said slowly, obviously feeling out his words. "Dad and Mum are getting on in their years, and he's ready to start handing over some of the more strenuous duties pretty much right away."
"At least this way you and Sirius can commensurate together," Remus pointed out.
"Eh, Pads would have survived, either way." James shrugged carelessly. "Actually, once he realizes that I got to you first, he may hex me when I sleep, but it'll be totally worth it."
"What will?'
"I need you to be my steward." James said firmly. "And I'm pretty much not accepting no as an answer."
"I'm not sure this is something you get to decide for me," Remus said finally, only the way his shoulders barely jerked giving away his surprise.
"So you say."
"You know what I am." Remus said tightly, finally. "Peter would be better."
"In a way, maybe. But no one is going to take him seriously; we've spent years making sure that no one would take him seriously. Plus, I'm not sure if there isn't something more to what Dumbledore has been hinting. I know for certain he's been watching Peter and you. I'm not sure he knows what to expect from me or Sirius. And honestly Remus, with the political climate and Voldemort slowly gaining power? I'm not so sure having someone with your furry little problem as my steward isn't such a bad idea. And dad agrees with me."
Remus pressed his lips together, clearly biting back a comment. "Charles agrees?"
"I've ran this idea past him first, Moony. He's more impressed with your D.A.D.A and Charms scores, but he agrees that you'd have what it takes. There'd be a training program; you'd have to work with cousin Iggy, while I worked with Dad. But it pays well, and you've have job security. And honestly Remus, I'm going to need you. There is a lot to take in, and I need someone I trust to handle some of it."
Remus gave him a blank look. "Iggy?"
"Ignatius? I always felt a little bad for the poor chap. Cousin on Dad's side. Got stuck to with one of those traditional Potter name's that makes you want hide in a closet. 'Course, he could've had worse, and been stuck with something truly ridiculous like Horologium."
"Do I even want to know?"
"It's a constellation. Keep waiting for some poor Black to end up with it."
Remus tugged his hands through his hair, looking uncharacteristically rumpled. "I reiterate, you're not functioning with all your gobstones, mate."
"Iggy doesn't have a problem with you."
"And when my problem gets out? You know it will. It'll cost you support."
James made a familiar dismissive gesture with his free hand, hazel eyes determined. "I don't care. People who make judgments based on fear are cowards. And it's just another form of prejudice. Lily is right. We might not judge people the same way that muggles do, but it's not any better.
"They have a right to be afraid," Remus said tightly. "I'm dangerous."
James leaned forward and smiled tightly, wand twirling between his fingers. "So am I."
"That's not the point," Remus pointed out in exasperation. "What you are is insane."
James shrugged unconcerned. "So you and Lily say. Instead of fighting me on it, why don't you use it to your advantage then?"
"You're my friend," Remus growled, brown eyes lighting to honey.
"So why do you keep expecting me to be less loyal to you, than you are to me?" James demanded. "You can do this job, Remus. You'll be brilliant at it. I don't have the patience for the research or the time to get to know everyone at my estates intimately. People expect me to react a certain way, to be a little wild. Dad's getting older, and one day he won't be there to help me keep my head."
Remus scrubbed his face with his palms. "This is insane."
"All our best ideas are."
"If I agree to this," Remus said slowly, fingers drumming staccato on the table. "And James, this is a big if, what exactly are you thinking?"
James shrugged. "The position has been around for as long as there have been Ancient and Noble houses. Usually the position is kept in the family, but it's been a long time since there was enough Potters for that. Cousin Iggy is the only son of an only son, and he never married, although honestly I've never gotten specifics on exactly how he is or isn't related to the family. Dad suspected that I'd be choosing you or Pete. I'm not going to say that he didn't have some initial concerns about your furry little problem, but he agreed with my reasoning."
Remus frowned for a moment, before rubbing his forehead. "You mentioned estate management?"
"Merlin, most of that is just awful. A steward's role is pretty much what you think it means. The official wording is all officious and dry as Binns at his worse, but it's basically broken down into a secret keeper, advisor, estate manager and sometimes accountant. Amazingly, four years of being a prefect actually gave you life skills."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Glass houses, Head Boy."
"If you agree," James said blithely, ignoring his comment, "then will start using the Potter Owl to send correspondences between you and Cousin Iggy for training. Shall I send him a message and let him know you're in?"
"I still have several objections to this plan," Remus said finally, sighing as he looked up. "But you're going to ignore them the same way you always do."
"I don't always ignore your objections!" James protested. "In fifth year, you thought my plan for using the third floor corridor as an ice rink would be irresponsible, because someone could fall down a staircase. So we set up those barriers and they were charmed to catch people. Worked brill!"
"It used any student who crashed into them as bludgers, and the rest of the ice skaters were used as open targets!"
"I know! We never would have thought of that without you!"
"I'm going to regret agreeing to this." Remus muttered. "A lifetime of headaches."
"Think of the children!"
Remus gave him a blank look and James shrugged, grinning. "Lily keeps saying it, thought I'd try it out."
"And she's still dating you?"
"She told me I was dating her, but I don't care." Wand flicking, he brought down the privacy charms. "I'll write dad tonight. Chin up, Moony. This is going to be great!"
James crossed his arms behind his head, enjoying the quiet of the common room. The later hour gave a rare chance for some privacy. Well, as much privacy as one ever had at Hogwarts. Even Sirius had finally decided to get some beauty sleep, having decided that whatever was going was too much for him without some sort of sugar to tide him over.
Glancing under his lashes, he studied the redhead staring into the fire with a set expression on her face. She'd stopped pretending to read twenty minutes ago and was simply watching the flames, as if they could solve her dilemma. Petunia had been married for six hours now, and James had given up on trying to find the right words. Instead, he was determined to simply be there if she decided she needed to talk. He didn't have a sister, but he had brothers, and he couldn't imagine what it would be like to be shut out of their lives.
"Don't think I don't know what you're missing by being here, James. What all of you are missing."
James pushed himself up, fingers smoothing down his hair a she finally broke the silence. "I have no idea what you mean."
She made a noise that might have tried to be laugh, but came out as something strangled. "Honestly James, I'm neither blind nor deaf. And even if I was, I wouldn't have missed the build up to Christmas break, or the politics behind them. Just because... just because Snape used to spend Christmases with me in the muggle word doesn't mean neither of us were aware of the politicking that goes on at Christmas in the wizarding world."
James shifted his weight forward, so that his shoulder could press against hers. Reaching down he tangled their fingers. Speaking only when she let her weight lean against him, he shook his head. "Lily, it's not important."
"But to some people it is." She rebuked quietly. "Which is why I wanted to say thank you."
There were a wealth of hidden meaning in her tone, and he wasn't sure which angle would be the best one to take, so he opted for the option that would let her change the subject. "You never said that Snape shared Christmas with you. I mean, I suppose I could have guessed if I'd thought about it, but I usually did my best not to imagine you two spending time together."
She took a deep breath and pressed her head against his shoulder. "I would have been alright here, you know. By myself."
"But you shouldn't have been just alright," he said quietly. "It's Christmas."
Lily looked down at the large had tangled with hers and sighed. "How is it the boy who I spent so much time hating has ended up being my best friend?"
His head rested against hers and he laughed. "Well, to be fair, I did spend a lot of time studying you. So I might have had a leg up on the whole friend thing, once you gave me a chance. Had a lot of time to think about it, as it were. And don't you mean the best friend you've had, right?"
Lily breathed a quiet laugh and then went silent for so long James didn't think she'd speak again.
"I met Severus when I was nine."
James felt himself tense, but other than tightening his grip on her hand, he kept silent. "He'd seen Petunia and I playing, but we'd been ignoring him. I wasn't in the habit of speaking to other kids who looked like him, and Petunia… Pet hated him from the moment she first saw him. Said he looked wrong."
Lily gripped his hand tighter. Now that the words were loose, they kept coming. Spilling almost without her permission. But she needed James to understand. She just didn't know if she was trying to explain Sev or Pet.
"You know I don't remember what it was we were doing? I can tell you which park, which swing… they still have the same ones, which is probably some of hazard. But I don't remember if we were jumping and I was staying in the air too long, or teasing Pet by doing something else. Petunia hated it when I did anything 'unnatural' and would cry." A faint ghost of a smile crossed her mouth. "Sev must have seen whatever it was that I'd done, because he came popping out of the bushes declaring that I was a witch."
James leaned back, studying the lines of her face. "You bonded over that, then?"
Lily nodded. "He was weird, and dirty but... he understood me when my sister didn't. When my family told me to hide it. He made it seem natural. His parents..." she bit her lip and shook her head. "My family didn't approve at first, because Petunia disliked him so intently. But then, well, after that first meal, my mom figured out pretty quickly that he was being neglected. So she started inviting him over for dinner. He'd spend holidays with us. That first Christmas, we camped out in front of the tree. Dad had outdone himself and it was a huge one…"
She looked up at him, and sighed heavily. "It was the first year that Petunia didn't sit with me and make up stories. We'd sit there for hours, pretending we were part of another world. And then I was."
"Sometime I think I'd like to see a muggle Christmas tree." James said thoughtfully, giving her a moment to catch herself. "You do such interesting things with those light-thingies."
"Thingies?" Lily spluttered in surprise. "Is that your technical word for the day?"
"Yup." Pleased that he made her laugh, he shift to wrap an arm around her waist and then re-tangled their fingers. "I'm sorry that you had to give up your lights this year."
Lily looked up at him and then shook her head. "I knew it was a possibility when I didn't tell them about Sev. I deliberately kept things from them knowing how they would react. I have no one to blame but myself that it went as badly as it did."
"They could have chosen to react differently." He suddenly rolled his eyes. "Oh Merlin, I sound like McGonagall."
Grinning, Lily shook her head. "No. I don't think they could have reacted differently, James. You have to understand… Sev was like a son to them. Dad always wanted one, but then he just had daughters. And one of them was part of this strange, unusual world that he wanted to supportive of but couldn't understand. Then it started to eat away at my family. How much Petunia hated it, how much my mother didn't understand or approve of my growing independence away from them. It was going to be blow sometime. They tried, they tried so hard to understand. But I just… the war made it so difficult for me to talk to them you know? Once I was old enough to realize how dangerous it was going to become, how dangerous it already was…"
James nudged her temple with his chin. "That doesn't make it okay."
"No, I suppose it doesn't. But it was such a shock to them, to learn that the boy they cared about, who was another part of the family, would suddenly want them dead for nothing more than a blood status that me means nothing to them?" She blew out a breath. "It was like everything Petunia had ever said suddenly became self-fulfilling and I didn't know how to explain or defend so I did nothing."
"I'm sorry."
"I wish I could say that no matter what happened, if we'd never had magic or come to Hogwarts, Sev would never had made the choices he did. But the truth is he hated his father. And he was so intensely bitter about being denied the things that the thought should have been his, which his mother's family should've given him. I always thought that our friendship would be enough to hold him, but I was wrong."
"We almost lost Pete."
Lily snapped her head around. "What?"
"Peter. We almost ruined our friendship with him due to our self-importance. Well, I say we, but I don't think Remus has ever been arrogant a day in his life." James sighed. "I'm not proud of it, forgetting that all the things that made Peter an amazing friend also meant he needed us to watch his back a little closer than we had."
"I didn't realize you'd all had falling out."
"We didn't. Not really. But I think, had we ignored him and his problems he kept so close to his chest, wanting to prove himself, that we'd have ruined something irreparable between us." James tugged on her hair. "What I'm saying Lils, is that if Sirius and I could recognize in the midst of the worse of our teenage arrogance that we were hurting a friend, then so could Snape."
"He hated you and Sirius so much. I mean, those first two years you were a big fat bully, but we were still children. But later… I wish I knew when he changed past the point of being able to help. Them maybe I'd stop feeling so guilty."
James sighed heavily. "I don't like him Lily. I've never liked him. Part of that might have been you, but the rest… I don't think if things had been different, if we had been in different houses and no longer had that excuse to abuse each other that we would have liked each other any better. But maybe, maybe we helped push him."
Lily snorted. "Don't give yourself that much credit, Potter. You were a petty, verbally abusive bully who didn't know when to stop the torment. But… as much as it pains me, you were still a child. We were all children. The responsibility to stop you was with the professors and when that didn't happen, then the Headmaster should have stepped in. And I wasn't blind, as much as I would have liked to pretend otherwise. You don't think his calling me a mudblood was the first straw do you? We fought. The year before the incident… it was horrible. For both of us. And your hatred, it went both ways. He never tried either." Turning she cupped her hands around his jaw and met his gaze. "Your rivalry just ended up being an excuse, a reason for his decisions. And if it wasn't you, it would have been something else. In the end, it might've one day even been me."
Reaching up, he curled his hand around hers. "Still, I've never apologize to you for some of the things I did. I am sorry that I hurt you. I'd like to say I didn't mean to, but I've never done well with rejection and you are particularly gifted with words. It's a flaw, and one I'm sure you'll see again, but I'm learning. And one day, I might even manage to control my temper."
Lily kissed his jaw and shook her head. "Let's not try for miracles, Potter."
He snorted out a laugh and relaxed. "What's the fun in that?"
Lily rolled her eyes and then hesitated, eyes searching his. "I'm really not blind, James. For all that you were a right terror… how long did it take you to figure out what Remus was? To try to find a way to be friends with him? Knowing now how you handled that… you care about people. I don't know if I've ever met someone as compassionate underneath the ass, and I'm so grateful you looked beyond my own brattiness."
James swallowed and tried to smile, pressing his forehead against hers. "You're are a bit of an opinioned swot, Lils."
Eyes narrowing, she pulled back enough to glare. "Don't call me Lils!"
Grinning, he nipped softly at her bottom lip, chasing the sting with the tip of his tongue before leaning back in and sliding his mouth against hers. Her hands slid down his neck before digging into the muscles in his shoulders. Shivering at the slide of her palms, he used the arm around her waist to pull her against his chest, sinking his other hand into her hair to better direct her to the angle he wanted.
The sudden, clamoring sound of feet rushing down the stairs jerked Lily out of his arms even faster than the time McGonagall had found them outside the kitchen.
"James!" Peter hissed as he landed on the bottom step and saw him. "You need to come upstairs. Sirius just got a letter from his solicitor… Uncle Alphard is dead."
Hogwarts was surprisingly quiet in the early hours of the morning. She'd have thought more students would have been sneaking around during one of their last nights of holiday, but they hadn't even heard another student. Lily shifted her grip on her wand and arched an eyebrow at Remus. "I still can't believe none of you ever considered using this place to study."
Remus frowned at her before he twisted around to keep up the trek to open the Come and Go Room. Waving a hand in a manner usually used by Sirius, but sometimes James, he tsked. "Evans, we've told you. Some places in the castle are not to be sullied by studying things that are legal to study in the library."
Lily rolled her eyes, not caring that he couldn't see the gesture. "How many times did Sirius make you repeat that?"
"It was actually one of the few times he managed to get his hands on my chocolate stash." Remus said with a shrug. "He hasn't tried it since."
Lily grinned. She was pretty sure he was sashaying now. "Still, it would make it a lot easier to keep the 'Claws away from my notes if they couldn't find me."
"Who knew there was such a black-market for old notes, much less having such a detail, complete set as yours? Or that someone would leak it."
Snorting, she leaned against the wall. "Please. Sirius totally leaked that I had such amazing notes. Apparently even Ravenclaw firsties are subject to sleeping in Binns class. Although you'd think that they'd have some ancient collection of notes dating back to the founding, instead of trying to steal mine."
"Everyone knows that you are going to take top marks in our N.E.W.T.s, Evans. Of course they want to see what you are studying." Remus pointed out. "Just be glad James didn't copy your cards, figure out how to charm them like an exploding snap deck, and sell them."
Her eyes narrowed. "I'd hurt him."
"It's the only reason Ravenclaw still has their eyebrows."
And he'd been distracted for the last week. Exploding Snap study cards was the type of idea he'd have when he was bored. The past few days had been lots of things – exhausting, painful and filled with brooding silences – but boring wasn't one of them. And the funeral for Sirius' uncle and adoptive father had been two days ago; James had gone. Both had come back stone faced and angry, but neither of them had been willing to speak of it. Lily hadn't pushed, but she hadn't seen much of her boyfriend or his wayward best friend, either. Tomorrow, the rest of the school returned from holiday.
"How is he?"
Remus made a helpless motion with one hand, not bothering to ask who 'he' was. "Angry, resentful… guilty. Sirius doesn't blame himself, I think; however, he wishes he could have been there. Alphard was the only one that cared about him for himself – well, except maybe a cousin. But that's it."
"And Regulus." Lily pointed out quietly.
Remus' mouth tightened but then he sighed. "And Regs. Until it all went to hell."
Lily nodded to the food. "You never said with this was for."
"I didn't, did I?"
Suddenly suspicious as Remus pushed open the magically appearing door, Lily braced herself as she walked in behind him. The room had shifted into the warm, familiar lines of the common room, but it looked like she and Remus were the last to make it. Peter grinned at her and waved.
She narrowed her eyes. "I can take at least one of you with me."
Sirius rolled his eyes, which somehow only managed to emphasize how haggard he looked. "Please Evans, while this would certainly be a fabulous place to hide a body, can you imagine what a house elf would say when they found you decomposing?"
Peter snorted. "You mean, how much Remus would bitch once the house elves whined to him about the body. Let's not pretend you have a deep, lasting care for house elves."
James tugged her down next to him on the couch, smiling. "I'd miss you."
"Thanks." She glanced at Remus, who was scowling. "Why the long face?"
"He's just bitter because the only girl he's managed to catch at Hogwarts has floppy ears and bug eyes." Sirius said with a wicked smile. "I think her names Buttons."
Remus narrowed his eyes and reached for the chocolate torte. "Don't be bitter because the house elves have helped keep you out of my chocolate stash."
Sirius pointed a finger at him. "Is that how you did it, you cheat?"
"Did what?" Lily grinned at the blatantly innocent expression on Remus' face. "I have no idea what you are insinuating and am prone to being offended if you continue with your baseless accusations."
Hot breath ghosted over her ear. "If we don't stop them now, they'll keep going for hours. Remus doesn't look it, but he enjoys lording his superior vocabulary over us plebeians."
Lily glanced up at James and shook her head. "Slandering Remus like that, so rude James."
Peter laughed. Then he grinned at her, his expression knowing. "Not telling James where Remus used to do most of his practicing?"
Lily frowned and then rolled her eyes. "How many rounds of patrol did you hide in his pocket?"
"Only a dozen or so, and it was really just a wait to avoid Mrs. Norris," Pete said, eyes dancing. "Remus has this robe with bottomless pockets."
James tugged on her braid. "Ask him about the unfortunate incident with the sugar quill."'
"Ask James about the first trip into the forbidden forest and what he got his antlers stuck in." Peter responded without batting a lash.
"Hey," James protested. "We promised never to speak of it."
"I could have sworn we'd said something similar about the sugar quills." Remus murmured.
Knowing that this particular conversation could go on forever, she nudged James wither elbow. "So what was with all the secrecy?"
Mischief brought out the green of his eyes. "Well, first, we are here to celebrate Remus' accepting the position of being my Steward."
Sirius threw a pillow at him. "You sneaky rat. I was going to ask him."
"Hey," Peter protested. "Don't bring me into this!"
Remus frowned severely. "The position is entirely depending on my N.E.W.T.s, James."
He waved his protest off. "Which we all know you are going to ace. Don't be bitter that Lily's notes are better than yours. Oh, speaking of, Lils, I had this idea…"
Lily poked him in the ribs. Hard. "No. You cannot turn my flash cards into exploding snap. I will hurt you. In ways that you'll never be able to prove."
Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "Promise?"
James threw the cushion back at him. "Second, we are here to honor the life of someone who mattered a great deal to all of us.'
Sirius braced his forearms on his thighs, jaw tightening as he turned to and stared at the fire. James continued undaunted, but his eyes were glued to his best friend. "Fathers, the real ones, are hard impossible to replace. We won't forget, Sirius."
Lily bit her lip, wondering at the hidden context that she could almost see but couldn't understand. Sirius looked hard, James and Peter were solemn and Remus looked weary. Clearly there was more here than they were willing to tell. Maybe some other time, she'd have demanded answers, but James was threading his fingers through hers, and the crackling of the fire in a hidden room at Hogwarts seemed to be the type of honor they would pay to someone they considered one of theirs.
"Andy sent a post." Peter said suddenly, into the silence. Sirius looked up, surprise on his face. "We kept it for you."
"We may have burned others," Remus said apologetically. "We were worried about contamination."
"I hears it's a real problem with mail," Peter agreed. "Specifically, the disease 'stupidity.' Although sometimes I hear that rotting 'blood purity' problem sneaks in occasionally."
Lily smiled. "It okay Pete. My burning charms are some of the best, and I'm pretty sure the only thing that could've made the letters burn hotter would actually have been fiendfyre."
Remus frowned. "Which you wouldn't do."
Peter and Lily glanced at each other and then smiled at Remus. "Of course not."
"That would be irresponsible."
"Or at least, not until we had the motions for the counter course down pat. Which Flitwick won't even teach until a little later in the year, anyway." Lily mentioned. She blinked at the way James started shaking with silent laughter.
"What?"
"I forget, sometimes. That you're such a little rebel." He grinned and tugged on her hair. "First a Misuse of Magic warning and now considering how best to use fiendfyre."
Lily eyed him. "Well, it's easier to learn fiendfyre than it is to learn the counter for it."
Sirius looked up at her, a frown on his face. "Yes, but even Purebloods don't teach the spell to their children until Seventh Year."
"Yes," Lily murmured. "But that doesn't mean it isn't in books."
James suddenly wasn't smiling. "Fiendfyre is dangerous, Lily."
"I know," She said simply. "But not knowing might have been worse."
Peter and Remus exchanged looks before Remus broke the silence. "What exactly where in those books of yours this summer, Lily?"
"Ask me again when we graduate." She leaned back against James, who was still frowning at her, his brows bunched together. Reaching up, she poked him between the eyes. "Stop it. You've tried things that were just as hideously dangerous – or do you actually think I don't know the theory of animagus or just how stupid you were to try it?"
"I'm not sure that's the…" James tried to start but she narrowed her eyes and cut him off.
"How about we ask McGonagall about it?"
Peter cleared his throat, pointedly ignoring the way Sirius was laughing at James' expression. "Actually, Lily, we can't. Tell McGonagall, that is. She'd want us to register, and right now we aren't sure it'd be a good idea."
"You haven't registered?"
"Of course not," Sirius said in exasperation. "How would we explain where we got the information? No one is going to be believe that we figured it out on our own."
"Or that James shortened the process." Remus pointed out, his eyes on the ceiling. "Which I am very firmly not thinking about."
Lily closed her jaw with a snap after several heartbeats. "Improved the… James!"
He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, shifting uncomfortably. "It's not that big of a deal. I just didn't know you couldn't do certain things… so we did them."
"I have no idea if I want to be impressed or horrified." Lily said finally.
James sat up straight, pushing his glasses back into place, the brown of his eyes catching the fire as his eyes dropped to her mouth. "What would I get if you were impressed?"
Sirius made a gagging noise. "Keep it to yourself, Prongs!"
Without looking up, "You're running a moment here, Padfoot."
"I'm hoping he killed it." Peter said firmly.
"Agreed. Motion to kill moment, passed." Remus declared. "Don't make me dig the hand guide out of wherever Sirius stuffed it. I'm pretty sure Peter wrote the chapter on 'the girl issue' and 'Lily Evans' in particular and we will quote it."
Lily had to clutch at the couch to contain her laughter. Finally, she grinned at them. "Chapter on me, huh?"
Sirius flopped onto his back and threw his arm over his eyes. "Evans, if you had any idea of the torture you were responsible for years…"
"Hours of it." Peter affirmed.
Remus gave her an apologetic look. James was glaring at all of them, his face red. "Traitors."
"So says the man who tried to make out with his girlfriend while the rest of us were trying to eat!" Remus shot back, clutching his hot chocolate to his chest like a shield.
"So why isn't this room on the map?"
Sirius dropped his arm from his eyes. "What?"
Lily waved her hand to encompass the room. "The map. Why isn't this room on it? I've seen the map, and while you know about this room, you clearly left it off. Was it because it moves?"
The boys exchanged looks before Peter shook his head. "Nah. We'd tell you how we made the map, but I don't think you're ready to swear an unbreakable vow to protect our secrets?"
Lily blinked and then frowned. "Why would… you didn't."
"Trust me," Remus said warily. "Sometimes, it's just better not to ask."
James nudged her a little. "That's not the important thing right now."
"Really? Then what is?"
"One day," Sirius said slowly, as if the words were being drawn from him. "There might be kids."
"Will be kids, at least five," James said airily. "I'm to awesome not to pass my genetics down."
"Yeah?" Lily asked. "Let me know how the search for the mother goes."
Remus covered his eyes, letting out a long sigh at the obvious irritation on Lily's face. Without looking, he kicked Peter who jumped and then hurriedly spoke before James could.
"But the point is, we'll obviously, eventually give them the map. And some secrets, you have to find for yourself."
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