7th Year
Hogwarts after the first snowfall was magical. It meant that Halloween and Christmas were just around the corner, that the school year was moving along at its usual brisk pace and that the grounds were brightly lit from moonrise to moonset. Pumpkins were gathering in corners with wicked or playful faces, the ghosts were seen out and about more often than usual and nights were spent buried in thick cloaks or huddled next to fires as the temperature dropped. Their first Hogsmead weekend had come and gone and everything had finally started to settle.
But it also meant that the school year was moving along at its usual brisk pace – and for Lily, that mean that N.E.W.T.s were just around the corner and it was time to panic. Which was why she was sitting on her usual library table, books and folders spread out around her and a headache was starting to pound at her temples. This was a nightmare. A bloody, terrifying nightmare that was crawling under her skin and making its home at her temples; even if she just limited herself to starting with her O.W.L. reviews and worked her way up…
“Oh merlin,” Lily moaned as she dropped her face onto the table to whimper. “I’m going to fail.”
Why had she agreed to this Head Girl nonsense? How was she going to balance this insanity with her duties? She already had James using his strangely math-inclined brain to total the points each week. Skipping out on patrols and working the scheduling would be completely unfair, but N.E.W.T.s! The only subject she was fairly sure she would be fine in was ancient runes, but that was because she spent the entire summer planning and plotting and DADA wasn’t even really structured the same was as her extracurricular activities and…
“Bloody hells, Evans – these are your History of Magic notes from first year?”
Lily slowly lifted her head and found herself staring at a frowning Sirius Black. He was poking at the notes like he fully expected them to just disappear if he handled them wrong, but there was something about his expression that left her a little unsettled.
“Go away, Sirius.”
“Wouldn’t it have just been easier to bribe some firstie into handing over their set if you were that bent on being insane?” His eyes caught hers and underneath the bemusement was something sharper.
“What? No!” She frowned at him, trying to decide why he was there when he was clearly worked up. Sirius didn’t come at you from the side; he just showed up and smacked you with the things that were pissing him off. And even after the last few weeks of finding herself being integrated into… well, even after finding herself being friends with James, Remus or Peter, Sirius didn’t go out of his way to interact with her. Or play nice. “If I bribed a first year right now, they wouldn’t have a complete set of notes. And what are you doing?”
Sirius continued to poke the pages, ignoring her question. “I didn’t think anyone other than Peter paid attention in that class – that was because we made him. Shit, how do you manage this? You’ve got this tiny girl writing that you’d need a magnifying spell to read.”
Lily balled her fist and told herself that – no matter how good it made her feel – violence was not the answer. Carefully, she unclenched her hand and very deliberately did not reach for her wand. Seven years of notes were in front of her and if she lost them she’d end up in Azkaban for murder.
“Sirius, why are you here?”
Sirius frowned at her for a moment before he dropped into the closest chair. Then he leaned back until the front legs were no longer on the ground, his face shifting into something nearly well, serious. “I heard about your little confrontation with… at the lake.”
Lily blinked and then frowned. She tended to have arguments at the lake because that was where everyone managed to be when the weather was decent. Now that there was snow, she’d have to patrol in other areas. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she sighed. “Sirius, I have no idea what you are talking about.”
Jaw twitching, he forcefully looked at everything but her for a long moment. “Regulus.”
“Oh, that. Yes. We talked.” She kept her voice even, but that had been three weeks ago and that last, beautiful afternoon before the weather had turned bitter. If Sirius was going to confront her on her behavior, he would have done it then, much like James had. Not that she regretted her decision, but after listening to her fellow Head complain about it for days…
“James told me what you said.”
Lily sighed and reached for a book just to give herself something to do. Apparently he was going to confront her about it and she wondered why she hadn’t seen it coming. And somehow, she was going to have to keep her temper under wraps. “Which part?”
Sirius scowled at her, leaning so far back; Lily was amazed he was still balanced. “You told him he was a worthless piece of pureblood pomp and that the only reason some muggle-born witch had managed to get a drop on him was because he was too stupid to breathe.”
Lily pursed her lips. So James had quoted her word for word then. He must have still been riled that she picked that fight. “I believe the dialogue went something like that, yes.”
“Why?”
Lily turned the page, not really paying attention to the words and wondered if Sirius was aware that his hands were fisted so tightly that the knuckles were white. “Why did I get the drop on him or why did I insult him?”
Sirius looked frustrated. “Why any of it!”
“I dislike bullies, especially malicious ones. I would’ve thought you would’ve at least learned that lesson over the years.” Lily said finally, going back to her book. She didn’t know why she was uncomfortable, but she was. Discussing this with James had just pissed her off but Sirius…
The chair hit the floor loud enough to clack and she lifted her eyes. Sirius’ eyes were nearly silver and he looked… she couldn’t put her finger on that expression. “You told my brother he was an idiot and that I was one too, for letting politics and houses get between us. And then having the stupidity to drag the entire house into the matter.”
Lily winced. “I didn’t bring you into the fight, he did.”
“It’s none of your business.”
Lily deliberately turned the page of her book and took a deep breath in an attempt to hold the temper she could feel building in her chest. “As long as I don’t have to get between your brother and some first years again and he doesn’t flaunt your private little war in front of me, then there shouldn’t be a problem. But let me be clear, Sirius, when a Sixth Year student decides to pick on first years in front of me, I am going to be involved. That it was Regulus was just a coincidence this time – that he chose to bring my house and you into the argument was his decision.”
“You had no right, Evans.”
His voice was edged and his face was drawn tightly against his cheekbones. She had no idea if he was referring to degrading his brother publicly or telling what she thought of his relationship of his brother, but she was willing to guess it was the former and not the later. Lily blew out a breath and took a firmer grip on her temper, which was starting to badly fray.
“Oh stuff it, Black. I had every right to defend myself and the first years.” Or maybe not such a great hold on her temper after all. “I’m not sorry that I handed Regulus his arse. He deserved it.”
Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Stay away from him, Evans. For your own good. He’s dangerous. You have no idea what he has grown up with or what he is capable of.”
It was Lily’s turn to frown at him, because that sounded like… concern. She and Sirius weren’t really friends but the open hostility had cooled a little over the last few weeks. She didn’t know Regulus well, but she’d seen him around and had listened to Snape talk about him for years. She had a better understanding of what had happened between the brothers than she was comfortable with. “I can’t do that, Sirius and you know it.”
He snorted. “You won’t, you mean. You’re already a target, why do you insist on making yourself a bigger one?”
Lily shook her head. “Making myself a target has nothing to do with it, no matter what you or James insist! You can’t expect me to just watch someone torment a firstie and do nothing about it!”
“Picking fights with baby death eaters isn’t the way to go about it either!” Sirius snapped back, leaning forward so he could snarl across the table. Lily curled her fingers around her wand and flicked up a silencing spell.
“Are you stupid?” Lily hissed. “Even I know better than to just say that out loud!”
Sirius shrugged, leaning back, that patented arrogance filling his face. “I don’t care. But you should, Evans. You’re going to end up getting in over your head if you aren’t careful and we won’t always be there to bail you out.”
Lily slapped the table. “I asked for help, Black, not for you to save me. Stop being a pretentious arse when you’re mad at me because I called your brother on his crap publicly. When you won’t!”
He sat up straight and narrowed his eyes. “You don’t want to pick that fight with me, Evans.”
She bared her teeth. “Which fight, Black? The part where I call you on your stupidity or where I give you my opinion on not giving your brother a place to run to avoid this mess in the first place?”
Sirius flinched back and she curled her hand into a fist, hiding it beneath the table suddenly mad at herself. She knew that this was a sore subject for him. She understood, Merlin how she understood. This driving self-loathing where your family was concerned, the suffocation at being trapped each summer with someone you loved who absolutely hated you for what you were – the person you had become. She forced herself to lower her voice, to speak reasonably.
“You want to know while I keep pushing back, Sirius? Because what other choice do I have? The only examples, the only way of living most witches and wizards understand, is what they’ve been indoctrinated in their wholes lives and no one is stopping them. Not the ministry, not Dumbledore and not the professors. Well, I won’t sit back and just watch.”
“Evans…”
Lily shook her head, closing her eyes. Her stomach twisted into knots but this had to be said. Merlin, because this wasn’t just Regulus, it was so many of them and they were just left to flounder. Not all of them, some of them had made choices, like Snape, but many were given a path with no way off. She’d seen the occasional flicker of Sirius in Regulus, had seen what made them brothers.
“You had James, you’ve always had James. Then you had the others and you found a home. And your brother? So what if he didn’t have the strength to end up somewhere outside of what the family wanted, he isn’t you. You both wrote each other off because of where you placed by a talking hat, Sirius. And I think Regulus saw it coming and he left you first. So yeah, I think you’re both idiots. And if either of pick on first years again, I’m going to make you both regret it.”
And because she understood pride, she dropped her eyes back to her book and gave him what space she could. She fully expected him to stand up and walk away, for her to have lost what little bit of… what might have been a chance for them to be friends. But he stayed still, breathing hard through his nose, so she bit her lip and tried again.
“My sister is getting married over Christmas Hols.” Lily said quietly. Under the table, she laced her fingers tightly together. “I’ll be staying at Hogwarts, because… because my family doesn’t want me there.”
Not after this summer. She didn’t blame them, not really. The Fidelius had worked, they were settled into their new house and… they wanted her to stay at Hogwarts. Petunia had pushed the wedding up from summer to winter, wanting a new name. Snape knew nothing of Dursley, and Lily had promised to keep it that way. It didn’t mean that it didn’t claw at her chest and that she hadn’t spent nights awake, wondering where everything had gone so wrong.
“Evans…”
She took her own deep breath and let it out slowly, meeting Sirius’ gaze, feeling drained. “I didn’t tell you that for pity. The problems between my sister and me… I just, I understand. It’s not the same, but I know what it’s like to love and hate someone. Before this summer, I’d have done anything to rebuild our relationship… now I’d do anything to keep her alive. Even if it means she’ll hate me for the rest of her life, at least she’ll live.”
Narrowed gray eyes stared at her for a moment before Sirius reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked to be struggling with his temper and that surprised her. Sirius wasn’t known for restraint and she figured she’d earned whatever he was going to give her. You didn’t stomp on trouble spots without expecting an explosion.
“Remus told me I was selling you short.” Sirius said finally, his voice a bit jerky. He lowered his hand and glowered at her. “I don’t like it.”
Lily blinked at him, not certain where this was going. “Don’t like what?”
He flicked his fingers out, encompassing everything and nothing in a single gesture. “It’s safer to keep your nose out of my business, Evans.”
She set her jaw. “Don’t drag me into it.”
He snorted but leaned back, grey eyes narrowed. Lily had no idea what was going on behind his eyes. Finally he shrugged and whatever he was feeling disappeared under the familiar mask of arrogance. “Friday, at seven, back table. Don’t be late.”
Lily blinked at him. “What?”
Sirius stood and shoved his hands into his pockets, smirking. “Our first N.E.W.T.s study session. We’ll be dividing who is in charge for the study sessions on what classes. You’ll be in charge of Charms, obviously, so be sure to bring your notes so we can make copies.”
“Wait, what? What study group… Sirius!”
He sighed and looked over his shoulder. “Remus went nearly catatonic on us during O.W.L.s before we gave in and divided the work load. Peter has declared that in order to keep all of us from going rabid, we’d better start earlier this year. Prongs backed him up, so apparently we’re studying. Bring your Charm notes.”
Lily wasn’t entirely certain she hadn’t accidentally found herself in an alternate dimension. She didn’t know which one was more surprising, that Sirius had declared that the Marauders were starting their studies for N.E.W.T.s early… or that Sirius had invited her to join them. Well, it had been more like an order, but the intent was kind of the same.
Lily pursed her lips and started gathering her notes. The evening could only get worse from here. Better to go and hole-up in her dorm room than risk spontaneous combustion from her brain simply refusing to process anything else. No one had ever proved that was possible anymore in the Wizarding world than the muggle, but if she had to put money down on it, she’d go with the idea that spontaneous combustion was entirely more plausible in a world with magic.
X
James looked up from where he was strategically sprawled across a landing in the stairwell, the map spread out across his knees. His heavy cloak was acting as a barrier against the cold stone and his robes were askew. Sirius had no idea how long he’d been there, but it’d clearly been long enough for Peter to get wind of it.
Peter shifted his weight, his expression puzzled as he whispered loudly. “He’s just sitting here… no firecrackers, no pranks… I think this is the first sign of the apocalypse.”
James offered them a butter beer, eyes rolling behind his glasses. “I’ve decided that if I can’t use the tower for its intended purpose, no one can. And I have this shiny, shiny badge that makes it all possible.”
Which explained the current encampment on the stairs instead of one of the classrooms, Peter thought as he continued to examine the space with a bit of bafflement. There were classrooms below them, but they were risky. Flitch could get a drop easily enough if you were too close to the bottom and the only hiding places were up. By blocking the stairs, James was cheerfully denying anyone access to the better hidden corners. Personally, he was all for letting James sulk somewhere that wasn’t the dorm. But simply blocking access to the Tower was boring, really boring, and in the grand scheme of things if Prongs was so far off his game as to offer himself as a mere physical barrier… well, steps had to be taken.
Sirius snorted and un-shrunk the napkin of treacle tart they’d stopped by the kitchens to nab after Peter had finally found Sirius leaving the library with a puzzled, irritated expression on his face. At the time, he’d been in a hurry to get some help with the very obvious problem, but Pete made a mental note to bring it up later.
“Remus is going to be disappointed.” Peter pointed out as he settled himself along the cold stone and pondered how much good a warming charm would do. “I’d have sent him an uh, message explaining the situation, if I’d had the map to see if he was alone. Instead, he’ll have to live with me taping a note to his bunk.”
“I can already hear Remus’ speech.” One finger pointing to the ceiling, James narrowed his eyes and tilted his chin down. “You took over the astronomy tower.”
Sirius bit into a tart and rolled his eyes. “Hijacked. We hijacked the astronomy tower; because if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right.”
James waved his hand acknowledging the point before he pressed his lips together and breathed in deeply before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Was there a reason you decided to do this or did you leave me out because you and Sirius had decided to have a romantic getaway… “
Sirius choked on the tart. Peter tapped his chin. “Does that make me the chaperon?”
Swallowing past the crumbs lodged in his throat, Sirius snorted. “That’s not Remus’ speech. That’s your speech, Jamsie. I can’t help it if you want me, I’m hot, but I like a fuller figure on my partners. And if you wanted a romantic moment, you should have said something instead of letting it drift through the rumor mill.”
James shoved his glasses up his nose and paused, cocking his head to the side as if listening. “That noise? It’s the sound of my despair… and you don’t have significant others, Sirius.”
“We’ve already agreed I’m hot. Why would I limit something this amazing to just one woman?” Sirius clucked his tongue. “That’d just be depriving so many, many beautiful woman of such a wonderful thing.”
“I’ll be sure to put that on your grave, after you die of some painful disease.”
Sirius lifted his bottle in silent thanks. It was quiet as they watched the map, snorting as they watched the little dots move about in frantic near-curfew rushes. Peter checked to make sure the Head Girl wasn’t one of those, but she appeared to be hunkered down in the dorm… odd. It was still early.
“So are you going to give me the real reason you’re up here sulking, or are we going to switch these butterbeers out for the fire whiskey in my other pocket and actually prank the tower?” Peter asked.
“I’m not sulking, I’m brooding.”
Peter pointed his bottle at him. “Prongs, you’ve been encamped here for an hour and haven’t hexed, pranked or removed points. How do you think I found out about this? How long do you think it’ll be before Lily finds out about this?”
Sirius leaned back. “Forget Evans, what about McGonagall. Can you imagine her expression when she realizes you’re up here and not causing trouble? It’s not Christmas yet, Jamsie!”
Shrugging, James snitched a tart and took a bite. “My plan, my rules.”
“Oh please.”
“Like that’s ever going to work,” Sirius said with an eye roll. “I distinctly remember a similar sentiment leading to months of cleaning cauldrons. And Remus shunning us for a full day because you ruined his chocolate stash. It’s why we have that stupid veto right in the card tournaments – which, may I remind you, you let your non-existent girlfriend win.”
“It was an excellent stash of chocolate, and I don’t think anyone thinks that we let Lily win anything, Sirius.” Remus’ muffled voice drifted up the stairwell. Peter leaned over and waved at the werewolf as he made his way up the stairs. “What exactly are you lunatics…”
Remus paused as he took them in and then crossed his arms. “I’m scrubbing caldrons and you lot are having romantic picnics.”
James stuck out his tongue. “I told you.”
Sirius ignored him and lounged back against the stairwell. “You might as well join us, Moony.”
“Thank you,” Remus drawled. “Your enthusiasm is catching.”
“He’s just jealous because he isn’t the center of attention,” Peter said cheerfully as he pulled out his wand and cast a silence charm. If they were going to be pranking students making their way to the tower, it was best they didn’t get any more of a warning. “Were concerned for James’ sanity and Sirius isn’t used to sharing that kind of spotlight.”
“That is such an unfair accusation,” Sirius declared. “We all know my sanity is constantly in flux.”
James gave Remus a pitying look. “This is what happens when you teach him big words.”
“Like flux?” Remus snorted. “Hardly.”
Peter hummed his agreement. “I think he picked that word up by himself, considering its only four letters, and you well know he has an affinity for those.”
Sirius made a rude gesture and Peter just grinned. “If you’re done mocking my perfect vocabulary, I’d really like to get into some mayhem soon – I’ve done my good deed for the day.”
James blinked at Sirius. “You did a good deed?”
Remus snorted around the mouthful of chocolate he’d pulled from somewhere. “At least, what he considered a good deed – am I going to have to try to find a way to explain to McGonagall why some bird’s hair is blue again? She didn’t particularly take to the argument that she hadn’t much liked her previous color either very well.”
“No,” Peter said slowly as he tapped his chin, blue eyes narrowing. “I caught Sirius coming out of the library. And he’s scared of Madam Pince.”
“Oh stop looking surprised,” Sirius said firmly. “I go into the library!”
“Only when we make you.”
“On pain of death… or itching powder.”
“There was that time he made out with that 7th year Ravenclaw in the Restricted Section…”
Sirius considered that. “Oh yeah, she had great… assets. Was a very valuable study partner.”
“So what were you doing in the library,” James questioned.
“Finalizing our N.E.W.T.s study group,” Sirius said casually, “Evans has agreed to bring along her charms notes. Which, if they’re anything like her History of Magic notes, it’ll be like having a direct line into Flitwicks brain, although we may go blind reading her tiny handwriting.”
“You invited Lily to the N.E.W.T.s study group that we had to blackmail you into attending before holiday?” James said slowly, eyes narrowing.
Sirius snorted and met James’ gaze with his own. “I still think she’s crazy – anyone with half her brains would see the kind of attention she’s drawing, but not Evans. I just haven’t decided if that makes her stupid or not.”
Peter was grinning. “Pads, it’s the Gryffindor way! Admit it, you like her.”
“No.”
“I think you do,” Remus said, head nodding in agreement with Peter. “At least, you respect that she isn’t backing down. You wouldn’t have invited her to the study group otherwise.”
Sirius cocked an eyebrow. “Prongs here would’ve invited her anyway.”
James was silent for several moments, eyes still narrowed and considering. “You laid into her about Regs.”
Sirius met his gaze. “Yes.”
Peter blinked when instead of getting pissed, a lazy smile edged onto James’ face. He glanced at Remus, who looked just as surprised. Leaning back, James lazily twirled his wand.
“How’d that go for you?”
Sirius scowled and leaned back against the wall, his posture almost deliberately lazy. “I stand by my earlier assessment.”
James laughed and picked the map back up. “Whatever you say, Padfoot, whatever you say.”
Deciding they could get the details out of them later, Peter leaned forward, hands rubbing together. “Can we please prank someone before McGonagall comes up and finds us chatting? We’d never get over the shame of being caught doing nothing.”
Remus gave Peter a pitying look. “I thought the plan was not to get caught.”
“Won’t matter if we’re just sitting here like ducks,” Sirius agreed, sitting up straight. His eyes gleamed. “And we have the whole tower to ourselves, thanks to James moping.”
“I am not moping,” James said cheerfully. “I’m strategically planning… Say, Pete, you still got those fireworks…”
X
“Morning Remus.”
Blinking, he grinned. “Morning Lily. Up early?”
Lily snorted as she grabbed a piece of bacon and bit in while she contemplated the rest of the dishes. “In a girl’s dorm, it’s a survival tactic. The hot water may be endless, but the time between breakfast and class is not.”
“Sirius primps in front of the mirror so long; James has charmed the mirrors to go blank if he spends more than ten minutes twiddling with his hair.” Remus said with a grin as he tried to drown his waffles in syrup.
“That’s it?” Lily questioned with a grin. “The mirror just goes blank?”
“Oh, that’s the first warning,” Remus said with an answering smile. “Sirius used to just cancel the charm that made the mirror go blank – which triggered another charm. After that, things went a bit batty. Sometimes literally. Mostly, Sirius has stopped cancelling the charms and just stomps around in full sulking display, because some mornings were becoming particularly colorful.”
Lily pressed her lips together and studied the plate of sausage carefully for several long moments before reaching for a piece of toast. “We used to have a problem with a… let’s say an unknown assailant ‘borrowing’ other girl’s bathroom products.”
Remus arched brow brows as he swallowed. “Yeah?”
“Someone, and I can’t say I know who, charmed the sinks and showers to bite.”
Remus blinked. “How did they know who to bite?”
Lily cheerfully forked the scrambled eggs onto her toast. “Flitwick told McGonagall that it looked like someone had somehow set up a series of complicated charms that responded to magical signatures thanks to some clever use of runes; he was quiet impressed.”
Remus kept his face straight with effort. “McGonagall must have loved that.”
Lily hummed in agreement as she chewed. Swallowing, she made a disappointed sigh. “It was a pity that we never could find out who managed it. Professor McGonagall was most disappointed in us.”
“McGonagall was disappointed in who?”
“A shower thief,” Lily said blithely. “Morning Peter, James.”
Peter waved and reached immediately for the rasher of bacon. “Who sneaked off with the pumpkin juice?”
“Couple of third years,” Lily said with a shrug. “They were muttering something about some fifth year holding the ketchup hostage. Since we have a double potion after breakfast, I decided to just wait for the house elves to replace it. I need my sanity.”
James snorted and then grinned at her. “Wrong breakfast table, Lily.”
She shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich. Remus shook his head and glanced at James. “And where is the intrepid Lord Black?”
“Last time I saw him, he was cursing the air blue, a bit literally actually,” James batted his lashes. “He was swearing revenge, of course, assuming he knows the culprit; it had nothing whatsoever to do with his accusations that someone was sulking, either.”
Peter rolled his eyes. “And I’ve got a bridge I can sell you.”
Lily glanced at the boys and then shook her head. “I don’t want to know.”
Remus looked mournful. “I’ve been saying the same thing for years.”
“Oh posh,” James informed him with an eye roll. “You’re the one who dared Peter to put the itching powder in Sirius’ shorts first year; so technically, it’s your fault he’s like this.”
Remus pointed a forkful of dripping waffle at James. “I’m hurt. It’s almost a physical pain.”
Peter rolled his eyes. “Hogsmead this weekend – we have plans? It is the last one before Sirius birthday and you know how he is.”
Lily arched an eyebrow. “You mean other than his usual pompous behavior?”
James grinned at her. “Nah, that’s just normal levels of Sirius. Birthday Sirius is suffocating, unless you know the best way to handle it – we have steps.”
“A guide even,” Peter chimes in.
Remus nods solemnly. “It’s nearly sacred.”
Lily glanced back and forth and blinked. “You’re serious.”
Three identical smiles, but no one pointed out the obvious pun and she shook her head. “Oh Merlin.”
Before she could even start formulating a question to decipher the usual madness, the unmistakable sound of the morning post interrupted her. She scanned the room on habit, looking for any sign of those terrible black letters the ministry sent. She knew Dumbledore had started routing those through his office, discreetly pulling students into his office when it was necessary. Still, those first few times the news had been delivered so callously had left an impression; when she lowered her eyes, she realized she wasn’t the only one who had been looking. James caught her gaze; his eyes strangely subdued and wondered how much of the weight he was feeling.
“Right, well, I need to run a few things by Slughorn, so I’ll see you lot in class.”
James tilted his eyes, the sudden flicker of intensity behind his gaze unnerving her for a moment, but she didn’t let it slow her as she swigged down the last of her pumpkin juice and gathered her things. She didn’t know why her heart was thumping in her throat, but space would be good. She needed a moment or two to breath past the sudden… she just needed a moment.
“See you in class Lily!” Peter said cheerfully. “Don’t make any Hogsmeade plans without us! We’ll need a strategy, because the lunatic we sometimes call our friend likes to ruin plans for fun! He’ll never suspect you!”
Lily paused and then shook her head, waving.
Peter looked at his watch and snatched up a few strips of bacon and some toast, wrapping it carefully in a napkin. “Alright, I’ll go check on Padfoot, since he isn’t here yet. You two figure out what’s going on with Lily.”
“Prongs?” Remus glanced at his friend and blinked when James just leaned forward and took the last of the bacon, grinning. “Do I want to know what is going through your deranged brain?”
Swallowing, James shrugged but didn’t stop smiling. “Depends.”
“Right.” Shaking his head wearily, Remus decided that James could figure it out. He’d keep an eye on the situation, but he wasn’t getting involved when James wore that grin. He was fairly certain it was the same smile he’d donned when Sirius had tossed out the harebrained idea to become Animagus.
“So Hogsmead?”
X
Standing there for the first time, she’d gripped the banister tightly and then bolted off to find Sev, so he could see what she’d seen. So she could share the piece of magic she’d found. Her lips curved at the edges, as she remembered the baffled expression on his face as he peered with her at the moving staircases and the all the people moving below them. The way their voices had bounced off the ceiling to make a low hum, how the magic had felt against her skin.
Sev hadn’t been impressed.
But somehow each year, she found herself looking down the same stretch of castle, listening to sounds of magic and letting the memory of her first year wash over her. It was never the same day, or even the same month, but somehow her feet found this place and she let the magic and first-year wonder crash over her, reminding her of all her reasons she stayed.
She’d long been able to see over the banister, and this year her fingers were clutched tightly around her Head Girl badge; there was a letter from her mother in her bag explaining that it might be best if she planned on staying at Hogwarts for this year’s holidays. She didn’t know why she kept it, tucked between the pages of her transfiguration textbook and worn at the edges. She’d been carrying it around for weeks now, but instead of destroying it in half a dozen ways; she let the weight of it settle into her textbooks. She’d finally grown into her own, here in this place of magic and outgrown her other life.
It hurt.
“So, Sirius and I tried to slide down the banisters once.” James Potter’s voice cut through the agitation of her thoughts and she blinked, turning to look at him. He was slouched against the wall closest to her, shirt halfway un-tucked and his tie as skewed as his glasses. And he was clearly waiting for her to speak.”
Clearing her throat, she let her hand wave in the direction of the moving staircase. “The moving one?”
Pushing himself into a more appropriate posture, he strolled towards her, hands in his pockets. “Nah, Remus would have lost his mind. What we wanted to do was start at the top, and then time it so that the moving staircase dropped us off on the next level.”
“Merlin,” Lily breathed as she studied the trajectory he’d suggested. “Why are you still alive?”
“Professor Flitwick,” James said cheerfully. “He happened to look up about the time we went airborne. We did get a rather interesting lecture on cushioning charms, sticking charms, and a firm suggestion that at least one of us take Arithmacy so that if we were that determined to kill ourselves, we could at least go out with an appropriate bang. Then he had us scrubbing bedpans for a few weeks for Madam Pomfrey.”
“That was lenient of him.” Lily murmured, fingers fiddling with her badge. Titling her head at James, she studied the skewed and rumpled figure he cut and shook her head. Tucking the badge into a pocket, she leaned forward, bracing her arms on the railing. “Wandering the halls?”
“Missed you at dinner.”
Lily turned, giving him an amused smile and pushed away from banister. “I was at dinner. And apparently, I have a N.E.W.T.s meeting to attend in… ten minutes.”
“Lils.”
Pulling a face, she adjusted her bag and frowned at him. “I thought I told you not to call me that.”
His smile was slow and it made her stomach jump. “Keeps you from ignoring me.”
Rolling her eyes, she motioned at him with her hand. “Well, what is it?”
“Everything all right?” His voice was study in casualness, but the green of his eyes was bright. It wasn’t uncomfortable being watched with his strange brand of intensity after weeks of being Heads together, but it was a bit unnerving. Not really certain she knew where he was going with this, she shifted her weight.
“About what?”
He held up one finger. “You scrambled out of breakfast this morning like your pants were on fire. No one is that excited to see Slughorn, classes or no. Especially since he’s already trying to wiggle people into attending those meetings of his, which, honestly, are horrifying.”
Another finger went up. “You weren’t at dinner with the rest of us, which, granted, wouldn’t be unusual for a Wednesday or Saturday, but you had late classes and then our meeting later – no reason that I know of that you couldn’t have eaten dinner with us before our group session.”
Lily blinked. “Why do you have my schedule memorized?”
Ignoring her he continued. “And finally, you haven’t gotten any mail this year other than the letter a few weeks ago. You’ve gotten letters from your family once a week like clockwork since First Year. So… everything alright, Lils?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you are exceedingly nosey?” Lily asked in exasperation, trying to cover the way his words had left her feeling off balance. She’d known, of course she’d known, the way James Potter could dedicate himself to something (4th and 5th year, anyone?) but this new side of him… she’d thought she’d known what she was getting into when she decided to try to be his friend. Animagus and secrets, a truly terrifying ability to focus, and a bone-deep sense of loyalty were all quantifiable aspects that she never really gave much thought to having focused on her.
“McGonagall once expressed her disbelief that any one person could be interested in so many ways of killing himself,” James said slowly, considering. “But I don’t think it has ever been expressed it in quite those terms.”
Rolling her eyes, Lily turned to the direction of the library. “Well, you are.”
He stepped up beside her and looked down. “Are you avoiding my questions?”
“I’m giving it some consideration.”
“Ah,” he nodded and laced his fingers behind his back. “Why?”
“Because I get that option,” she said firmly. “Why else?”
“That’s just cruel.” His voice was light and teasing but when she glanced up, he was watching her. “If not me, then someone, alright Lily?”
She paused outside the doors to the library. For a moment, they were the only two in the hallway, and she gave herself just a moment to let that concern wash over the memories that had been bothering her. She considered being uncomfortable that she was letting James Potter be the one to comfort her with his ridiculousness, but she found herself more relieved. She’d think about that later.
“Now really isn’t a good time, James.”
“I’ll make time.”
She blinked. And pursed her lips, considering. And then decided to throw caution to the side, for once. “Alright. I suppose I’ll let you buy me a butterbeer tomorrow at Hogsmeade, before we head back tomorrow; you can ask me during the walk back whatever it is that has you so worked up.”
And Lily had the satisfaction of seeing James Potter looking flummoxed before she shoved the library doors open and strolled in, looking for the others.