Familiar Strangers
"I haven't seen you with Minji, darling. Why is that?"
"Uh, she's been busy, grandma."
"But it's been three days, honey?"
"I—I don't know. I’ll try to reach out to her."
Hanni sighed after standing up from the corridor's chair; she had just returned from visiting her grandma, which isn't that far from her room. She's close to being discharged, but somehow she wants to stay just so she can take care of her. Her tracks stopped to stare at the empty long hallway; silence is all you could hear, and white paint highlights the walls—empty, not even doctors or patients walking along. Probably because her room is isolated from the rest, perks of being a VIP patient. Is it a perk? Hanni couldn't decide; somehow, she wants to see other human beings. She sighed when no one showed up, trying to ignore the pang in her chest and the fact that she's waiting for that certain human to appear. Lifelessly, Hanni went back to her bed, lying down. Staring aimlessly at the ceiling, she was definitely lost in her thoughts.
Where is she?
Why hasn't she reached out?
Did she run away again?
I should just ask Hyein, right?
So what if she's going to tease me about it? Because seriously, if she's my girlfriend, shouldn't she be showing up frequently?
It's been three days...
Minji... Didn't I say you should live up to your reputation?
Ah right, I should get myself a phone too. I forgot I lost it at the accident.
I don't even have her number.
Oh, Hyein probably has it.
I should ask her!
Wait, why don't I borrow her phone and text Minji!?
But what if she's busy?
But it's been three days!
"Unnie! Why are you making faces there?!" asked Hyein, who had just arrived at her room, holding a plastic bag.
"Huh?"
"I've been calling you, but it seems like you're so lost making up conversations in your head. Is it Minji?" She snickered, sitting on the chair and putting the bag on top of the table, taking out the food she bought.
"Of course not!" Hanni aggressively covered herself with the duvet and a huff, facing her back to her sister.
"Geez, okay." She heard her murmur. Hanni could only sigh in distress, forcedly closing her eyes with a tight-lipped expression. She can't even count how many times she has heaved already; it's almost like her default reaction to everything ever since she woke up.
A few seconds passed, with only the sound of Hyein's moving hands and the food she prepared surrounding the room. "Are you not going to eat with me, unnie?"
She whispered a no, shaking her head in opposition. Hyein just shrugged and started to dig into her food. She looked straight above and opened the TV.
Another minute passed, and the only sound of the television grounded Hanni to reality, before her mind could even start to wander again.
Hanni, with closed eyes, breathed in to exhale, preparing; she couldn't ignore the lingering curiosity. She spoke hesitantly. "W-where is she?"
"Hm? Watcha say?" Hanni tsked and sighed, feeling slightly annoyed to repeat herself again.
She tried once more, this time her voice a little louder, with her eyes closed tighter. She declared beneath the cover, just enough for Hyein to hear despite the external noises. "Minji."
Hyein stopped and looked at her covered sister. "What about her?"
This time, Hanni abruptly stood up, looking straight at her sister with an expectant face. But her voice sounded hesitant, "Wh... Where is she?"
"Oh." Hyein just went back to her business, staring straight at the TV before answering nonchalantly. "I haven't heard from her either, although I texted her yesterday, asking when she would visit you. She said when her schedule is clear."
Hanni slumped back against the headboard, dismayed. She rolled her eyes, "And when will that be?" She murmured annoyingly—supposedly to herself, but Hyein heard her, to which she smirked in response. "I don't know. Hopefully as early as possible, because someone's missing her too much." And there she goes with the teasing again.
"Argh, Hyein, stop it." Hanni huffed, lying on the bed again. "I'm just... I mean, I need to borrow her phone."
Without looking at the patient, Hyein replied, "Her phone? Specifically, her phone?"
"Yes."
"Why is that? You can borrow mine, though?"
Hanni, who was tempted by the voices from the TV, now also watched. It was an action movie, cars running down the street chasing the enemy. Or were they being chased? Hanni doesn't know, but she was somehow distracted. "No. I need her phone. I need to look at the photos she has of me."
Hyein grinned, not looking back at her. "Oh, she has thousands of them, as far as I remember."
Hanni could only scoff, now pulling her attention away from the loud crashes and shootings. "Really, huh?"
Still focused on the TV, Hyein replied without looking back at her. "Really, unnie. She's in love with you. What do you expect?"
Her mouth shut, somehow the word "love" made Hanni's heart skip a beat. She bit her lip to ignore it, deciding to change the topic. She inhaled sharply. "Err, Hyein-ah, do you think I'll regain my memory like what the doctor said? It's just a possibility, you know," Hanni questioned, staring at the back of her sister, who was too focused on eating and watching.
Even when her back was facing her, Hanni could feel the younger smiling just by the tone of her voice, "Oh. Surely you will. We'll help you, and Minji-unnie too." Then she continued eating.
After a few seconds she suddenly stops, and puts down her food to looks at the woman. "Unnie, is there anything you want?"
Hanni's brow crease, "Huh?"
This time, Hyein fully faced her sister, body turning towards her with a determined look; hands on her lap. "Tell me. Do you need anything? Are you okay? I know you have a lot of questions, you can ask me. I'll try my best to answer everything. Do you want to do something? Or anything? Tell me, unnie. Do you want to cry again? Do you—"
A smile broke on Hanni's face before she cut her off, "Hyein-ah."
"Yeah?"
With a soft tone, Hanni smiled genuinely, "I'm fine. Really."
"But unnie—"
"Hyein, don't worry about me so much, okay?"
But Hyein didn't seem to listen nor convinced, she was about to push further when Hanni beats her to it.
"Hyein, I'm much stronger than you give me credit for. So, don't worry so much, hm? You know I always figure it out, I do."
Hyein blinked before looking down and murmured, "But you don't have to always do it on your own, you know." She raised her chin and sympathetically stares at her sister. Hanni smiled softly, "I'm already grateful that you grow up so well. Your presence is enough, Hyein-ah."
Hyein pouts before she abruptly stands on her feet and jumps herself to her sister for a hug, to which the older one yelped in surprised.
"Hyein!!!"
----
Hanni groaned and slammed the book on her lap. She had been re-reading the same damn paragraph, and nothing ever got into her head. She leaned against the headboard, caressing her temple, eyes closed.
"Oh, and we both own a surf restaurant! HanniElle Surf and Sip. It offers surf lessons or rentals, along with food and drinks!"
Suddenly, the conversation she had with Danielle yesterday replayed in her mind. As she opened her eyes, a smile crept up on her face before she knew it, making her feel slightly better.
"Me? Well, I'm a model, a painter—and Haerin too—but it's more of a hobby. I sell some, and I own a cafe! It's called Bambi's Burrow."
Hanni found herself chuckling alone. Yesterday was a good day, despite that certain someone not showing up. Her two other best friends, whom she couldn't remember, surely did—three days in a row now.
Unlike that someone.
Her smile dropped again. Just thinking of Minji made her feel pissed. Why did the said girlfriend have to be the one barely showing up? She asked herself with a rolled eye.
"Well, I'm an architect. And just like Dani said, I also sell paintings. It's indeed more of our hobby together."
Her lips curved into a smile again when Haerin's voice echoed in her memory. If anyone saw her—more likely Hyein—they'd think she was sick in the head, smiling at herself and then rolling her eyes. (Even if Hyein did see her, she probably wouldn't comment at this point; she's literally used to it.) Just seeing the two women talk as if nothing had happened brought her relief and gratitude. At least she had something to look forward to from her hospital bed.
"Ah, right..." she mumbled to herself with a slight tilt of her head. "How come it took me three days to realize that they're actually together? And they're fiancées too." She shook her head slightly in disappointment for failing to notice earlier. Nodding to herself, she whispered, "They really look good together, though."
Another smile painted her face when she remembered her occupation, which she unfortunately couldn't remember and somehow couldn't seem to believe.
"Well, you have a bookstore. An amazing one, because it only caters to non-fiction books. You know, like life, self-help, psychology, poetry, and so on. You're also a professional photographer."
I really made it this far, huh?
I thought owning a bookstore was just a wishful dream of eight-year-old Hanni.
Hanni didn't even realize tears were streaming down her face. She quickly wiped them away. Her heart ached; so much could happen in a day—what more in eight years? Deep down, she still couldn't accept it. How could she forget all those beautiful memories? Her job, her success, her best friends—owning a surf restaurant? That never even crossed her mind! Especially how her sister graduated; she had always looked forward to seeing her walk on stage. But she forgot it all. And how could she... forget what loving someone feels like...?
Minji... When are you going to come back?
Hanni had never felt so lost in her life—helpless and hopeless. And what was the point of making it this far if she remembered none of it? She didn't even know how to hold a camera, but now she was a professional photographer? And how did she... fall in love with a woman? She hated gays, but now... she was one of them. How did that happen?
Sobbed echoed her empty room. Hanni felt her heart break more than it should be. At least she's alive, right? She could have died in the accident, but here she was. But what was the point of living if she knew nothing? Her left hand gripped on the sheets while the other went to her mouth, forcing her sobs to quiet down or gulp them away. But it was no use; everything started to overwhelm her again.
I need to remember everything.
I need to remember it all.
I need to remember her...
Minji... Just... Where are you?
Her breath started to hitch. She pulled her right hand to clenched them on her chest desperately. Suddenly, the air felt too small and far to reach. Her hands trembled, and she started to gasp for oxygen.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Her heart doubled its pace, and the more it raced, the more loud it gets, making it unbearable to listen.
It hurts. It hurts... Somebody—
"Hanni!!!"
A scream, and just as the voice reached her ears, she looked at the owner.
Minji.
- - -
"Are you okay now? Do you need me to get you something? Or buy you a drink or—"
"I'm fine now. Thank you."
Just stay.
And silence engulfed them. Hanni looks down on her hands playing the fabric of her blanket, feeling discomfort for what happened. She's still not used to showing her vulnerability. Her back leaned against the headboard as she now breath evenly. Her cheeks were dry, but her eyes painted an evidence from the panic attack. Minji had stayed by her side until she calmed down, hugging her and caressing her back. She whispered nothing but comforting and reassuring words. Unknowingly, she felt safe in her arms despite her disliking physical touch. Unless you're her sister or grandma.
Minji...
She looked so worried and concerned earlier. She didn't even let me go first even when I finally calmed. And she... She even hummed me a song when my cries started to died down.
Somehow, that helped me distracted by listening to her voice. As if I was shot by tranquilizer—and no it's not like I experienced it but it just— argh whatever.
Building her courage, Hanni finally lifted her head to look at the woman resting infront of her. Minji was now in a separated seat after having to sat beside her, hugging her worries away. She had stood up to get her some water and decided to give them some distance after Hanni had drank it. And to which Hanni, again, found it disappointing.
I certainly do not.
(Here she goes again.)
The woman looked up to her with a soft look, seemingly tired. "Had a rough day?" Hanni softly asked.
The older smiled reassuringly and slowly shakes her head, "Not as rough as yours."
Hanni scoffed with a smile before she breathed in shakily. "Uh, Minji..." She paused, staring back at her. "Thank you." Soft, her voice is, she sounds fragile again. As if letting her vulnerability slip right back in.
Soft smile plastered on Minji's face before she shook her head, "Hanni-ah, it's nothing. I'm here to help, remember?"
To help? Not because you love— argh, whatever.
Her head hung low, that's not she wanted to hear. There are so much she wanted to know from her, but can't seem to find the words and questions to ask her. Then she remembered the song she hummed.
"Ah right, what song was that?"
Her head slanted in confusion before she understands the context, "Ah, the one I hummed?" Hanni nods. Minji gave out a small smile, one that seems... broken.
She inhaled, "Whenever you had a panic attack, I always sing you that song or hummed. The first time I sang that, it was when I played it infront of the audience staring at you. Eventually you left after I finished the song. I immediately ran after you and you complained about how cringe I was. Because you hated that kind of romance or—"
"Wait, you sing me a song while you were on the stage?" Hanni asked in disbelief, her face crunched up in bewildered.
"Well... I was told to present as a student council and so... But I did dedicate the song to you. I even mentioned your name after I finished—"
Hanni gasped dramatically, her body pulling away in shock. "You really did that? You totally put me on the spot! Like what were you thinking?!" She shook her head, face still in disbelief and trying to suppressed a laugh, "I mean I appreciate the dedication, but singing infront of everyone? And you just had to mentioned my name? That's a whole level of cringe bro!"
She laughed, her cheeks flushed even if she tried to hide it. And Minji just stared at her with a smile, as if savoring the moment, hands clenching on her pants. She liked it, hearing Hanni laughed again after a long time.
"Yeah, old Hanni would really react like that." She whispered but the Australian heard her. She stopped to ask her another question. "How did I react to it? Did I, like, kicked you in the butt or what?"
Minji chuckled, looking down before she stares up at the ceiling, reminiscing. "No, but you, like, slapped my arms repeatedly. And I still remember it clearly, your face was literally a tomato."
Hanni scoffed, "I mean who wouldn't be!? That's so embarrassing! How come I didn't change school? Or flew to another country? The heck!"
Minji laughed harder.
"Really! You're lucky I only slapped you because damn girl— that's so cringe."
With a shake of head and a huge grin, Minji added. "Fun fact: you also considered not showing up at school because of that. I had to convinced you and ask for forgiveness— quite a few times back then."
Hanni groaned a chuckle before she asked eagerly, "But what's the song?"
As Minji's laugh died down, her smile also subdued. She paused for seconds while staring intently at the woman. She whispered, "Get you, by Daniel Caesar."
"Ah ... I-I'll try to search for it and listen later." She avoided her gaze, feeling the intensity of the stare.
She looks at her right, pursuing her lips when her stomach did that unamusing flip again. Feeling slightly nervous.
"You may hate what I did back then, but whenever you couldn't sleep, you'd ask me to sing that song to you. And I always do. Then one time you had a panic attack, I don't know how to calm you down so I sang you that song to distract you, which it worked... Well, only when words weren't enough to help you."
Hanni gulped before looking back at the girl who spoke ever so softly, as if reliving the moment. Her eyes narrates a thousand untold stories, and Hanni may not be able to read it, but she could feel it; as if a dimension of her bare soul. Hanni's heart ache so good and staring at the girl who now looks so broken, a sudden urge fought its way out.
She wanted to hug her, she wanted to hold her... She wanted to...
"Minji-ah..." But instead, she kept her place, staring genuinely at Minji, she pleaded:
"I want to remember that. I want to remember everything. I... I want to remember you..."
She paused and her eyes mirrors vulnerability. Breathing deeply, she whispered, "Will you help me?"
For seconds, Minji just stared at her with a soft smile, she briefly closed her eyes.
"You have me."
End of chapter 2.