As we all know (and many of us cringe over), JK Rowling's final canonical pairing for main man Harry Potter was with Ginny Weasley. I look at this, and I call bullshit. As the series was coming to a close, I found myself content with Harry being a loner. He didn't have the kind of romantic (or sexual) drive that Ron did, because so many things were more important than getting laid. And really, there's nothing wrong with that. But clearly, Rowling was intent on making Harry a true Weasley by having him marry into the family. Which, all apologies to Rowling, is a cop-out. Aside from Ginny's stalking era in Chamber of Secrets and the random and unprovoked lusty 'Ginny got hot' thoughts from Harry in Half-Blood Prince, there was no buildup or tease for this ship. There are probably about a hundred non-canonical ships that made more sense than Hinny. Here are 5 of the best.
5. Ninny - Neville Longbottom x Ginny Weasley
Doesn't anybody else think, that for all the shit Neville had to endure in the books and the badass he turned out to be, that he should get the girl in the end? Ginny is one of maybe two characters who is consistently nice to Neville - Hell, she was even his date to the Yule Ball. I really think it would have been nice for the nerd to get the hot girl in the end, especially since the hot girl was not only a badass athlete, but kind-hearted. Neither would have had to change for the other.
So, why Ninny and not Hinny? Rewatch Neville and Luna's adorable dancing scene from Goblet of Fire, and tell me Neville wouldn't make the absolute best husband. He'd do all those quirky, romantic things people dream of their husbands doing. He'd be supportive, go to all her matches. Can you see Harry doing any of that?
4. Linny - Luna Lovegood x Ginny Weasley
Despite all of the bullying Hermione went through in the first couple of books - no, okay, let's be honest, all of the books - she's still a bitch to Luna. So Hermione can't be bothered sticking up for those who need a friend. Who does the job come to? That's right, Ginny Weasley. Like with Neville, Ginny is endlessly defensive of Luna. The two fit each other in terms of 'opposites attract' - while Ginny is confrontational, athletic, and bursting with energy, Luna is passive, thoughtful and calm. Luna would be perfect for quelling Ginny's anger, and popular Ginny would be perfect for stopping the teasing. Not to mention the fact that we all know Luna would even dream of blaming Ginny for what happened in Chamber of Secrets...
So, why Linny and not Hinny? When Harry, Ron and Hermione ditched Hogwarts Luna, Ginny and Neville became the Golden Trio. While Ginny seemed to take charge, we all saw the Harry/Neville comparisons being drawn in earlier books. In which case, Ginny takes the place of her brother and Luna takes Hermione's place. If Ron x Hermione is canon, then clearly so is Ginny x Luna. Flawed logic, I know, but still.
3. Harmony - Harry Potter x Hermione Granger
It's easy to get a lot of hate for this ship, but let's be honest. Even among Romione (Ron Weasley x Hermione Granger) shippers, how long did it take you to discover that Romione was going to be an actual, canon thing? The two characters have a large degree of animosity that never dissipates but which was never present between Harry and Hermione. Harry is constantly having to remind people that he and Hermione are 'just friends,' and for good reason. While there's a lot of sympathy that can be doled out for Ron, there is no excuse for his constant asshole-ary toward Hermione. And really, if you watch either A Very Potter Musical or A Very Potter Sequel...well, there's no big difference between Joey Richter and Bonnie Grueson's portrayal and the real thing. And when Ron and Hermione aren't speaking, Harry is more likely to take Hermione's side than Ron's.
So, why Harmony and not Hinny? There is an actual reciprocation of affection between Harry and Hermione throughout all seven books. Until Half-Blood Prince, Hinny was entirely one-sided.
2. Lunarry - Luna Lovegood x Harry Potter
I wasn't an original Lunarry fangirl, mostly because I thought Luna and Neville belong together. But the reason why I thought Luna and Neville belonged together aren't really all that different from why I think Luna and Harry belong together. In both cases, Luna is frequently the only sympathetic party. Luna is the first to tell Harry what the thestrals are - a creature even Hermione doesn't know about. Even though Luna has off-the-wall ideas, she never fails to be supportive or encouraging. When Dobby dies and Harry wants to bury him, little miss SPEW doesn't bother helping; Luna does. Luna always tells the truth, no matter how awkward it may be and in Harry's life, truth-tellers are infrequent. But the biggest reason to support this pairing is also the least debatable and most important: when Harry is with Luna, he feels calm, and home, and more like himself than he does with anyone else. Oh, and let's not forget the little fact that both Daniel Radcliffe and Evanna Lynch support this pairing.
So, why Lunarry and not Hinny? Because Luna sits at the Gryffindor table, wearing an obnoxious lion-head hat, to support her favourite people. Plus, Luna is always and entirely unfailingly kind and she deserved to end up with a named character from the books.
1. Drarry - Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter
I think the famous, legendary foe-yay tension we could all compare Draco and Harry's relationship to is that of Moriarty and Sherlock Holmes - not in the original canon, you understand, where Moriarty isn't real and Holmes is depressed because Watson has abandoned him for Mary Morstan (but that's a rant for another time), but in the various adaptations where Moriarty has become a man obsessed, tracking Holmes' every move and using Watson as bait, entertaining Sherlock with his puzzles. Harry and Draco are almost dangerously co-dependent as they both need someone to hate. But by the end of the series, they've rather made up and, honestly, all but become friends (anyone can see the 'poor Draco' horror everyone was experiencing when Voldemort orders Draco to return to the dark side and then hugs him). One has to wonder how the series would have turned out if the two had become friends at the beginning. Would Harry have turned dark? Would Draco have tried to escape his dark parents? Would Draco have replaced Ron in the best-friend department? Would they have found the Horcruxes any faster? Regardless of what may or may not have happened had things gone differently, the two are a permanent fixture in each others' lives. They're foils for each other, like Hamlet and Laertes, Iago and Othello.
So, why Drarry and not Hinny? Honestly, growing up, I thought Drarry was going to be canon. take away their sick obsession with each other and they really have nothing. Do they really hate each other, or are they just confused? When the rubble has cleared, I think there's no contesting how much better both their lives would be if they'd been together, even just as friends. After all, Draco lies to save Harry and Harry, in turn, saves Draco.