Alcoholic
November, 1981
Lately, Remus was an alcoholic. Only lately. This month, anyway. Didn't seem like anything better to do.
"Another?"
"Yep."
Aberforth poured the firewhiskey. "Full moon's tomorrow," he said conversationally.
"Full moon was Hallowe'en," Remus corrected, waving a finger.
"Yep. And full moon's tomorrow."
Remus waved Aberforth off. "Full moon's everyday lately."
So here it was:
-Remus, werewolf, had hidden in the Shrieking Shack while Voldemort killed James and Lily.
-Sirius, his best friend, turned out to be a Death Eater and was currently rotting in Azkaban.
-Peter, the fourth and final friend he'd ever really had, was also dead, killed by Sirius.
Remus waved Aberforth back. "Another."
Aberforth sighed and brought the bottle over, setting it down on the counter just out of Remus' reach. He held up a fat finger and moved it slowly in front of Remus' face, watching his bloodshot eyes dart frantically in an attempt to focus on the moving object. Aberforth dropped his hand. "Last one."
Remus nudged the glass slightly forward, giving no indication that he'd heard. And in a way he hadn't. In a way he hadn't heard, or seen, or felt anything since October 30th. He and Peter and James and Lily and Sirius and Sirius' latest trollop had gone out for drinks, not here but to the Three Broomsticks just down the way, in celebration of the most recent successful campaign against the forces of evil. Sirius and James were being ridiculous as usual; Peter, a bit too eager to keep up with them; and Remus and Lily sitting back and enjoying watching the gentlemen make fools of themselves. Sirius' date—Remus thought her name was Polly—chewed gum and examined her nails, unimpressed that Sirius' attention was focused mainly on his friends.
It had been a great night. Remus and Lily had had a wonderful intellectual conversation, as usual. Lily was one of… well, actually, she was the only one who seemed to be on the same wavelength as Remus most of the time. They discussed Wizarding politics, practical applications of potions to the Muggle world, inventive charms slowly becoming available to the Wizarding world… everything, really, that Remus found interesting.
And then James scooped her up and brought her out onto the dance floor; she'd shrugged at Remus at their interrupted conversation and proceeded to be thrown around the floor, this way and that, by her boisterous husband. The father to her son. The only one who really excited her enough to put that twinkle in her eye that Remus found so engaging. The hero Remus had never been, despite his power.
And they were all gone. Sirius and his grin; Peter and his eagerness; James and his lop-sided smile.
And Lily.
Remus pushed the glass forward. "Another."
Every day since seventh year, Remus had envied James. Yet somehow he was alive while James was not.
His glass was still empty. "Another," he said again, louder.
"No, Remus," Aberforth said from the other side of the room as he dried pint glasses by hand.
"It's my life damnit."
"Right. Go live it."
Go live it. Go live what?
"Listen," Aberforth continued, leaning forward and lowering his voice to ensure the other patrons wouldn't hear. "They're gone. You're not. Fix what they left behind. Fight the guys who did you wrong. Stand up for yourself, for what you loved and lost. This is the way you're going to honour their memories?"
Something nagged at the back of Remus' mind. "I was fighting. I was, before they were killed. If I carry on fighting now, I don't make a difference."
"You'll do more than you will sitting around here, wasting your meager knuts on drink."
Remus frowned. "What do you mean I'm wasting my nuts."
"No, I mean… ach, forget it. Just go and fulfill the destiny they would have if they were still here. Pick up where they left off. You're not in James' shadow anymore. You're a powerful wizard and you know it. If not for your friends, then do it for that baby boy who's been shoved into the Muggle world. And if not for him, then do it for Lily." Aberforth finished his speech with a light tap upside Remus' head, which nearly sent him tumbling to the floor. "Your tab is cleared if you never come back." And with that, Aberforth returned to the other side of the bar and continued drying pint glasses by hand.
Remus stumbled out of the bar and made it to the Shrieking Shack, where he had lately taken up residence. He collapsed on the old mattress Sirius had found for him (before he was evil, Remus thought thickly) and unconsciously ran through the last words Lily had said to him as the world in front of him faded to black:
"Sometimes I am truly afraid for the world, Remus. I fear that someday it'll all become too much for anyone to comprehend, and people will just stop fighting. Just stop. Dead. And let evil take over." She'd shaken her head sadly, strands of red hair coming loose from her pony tail. "Sometimes, I am afraid. But then I surround myself with you and James and everyone else, and I realize that will never happen. You know the saying, after all…" And she'd smiled and kissed him on the cheek and taken James' hand and then they were gone.
But Remus… Remus was still here.
When Remus woke up the next morning, he was no longer an alcoholic. Instead, he was a cavalier fighter; he fought hard against his friends' enemies, even if that last one James and Lily were always chasing still lingered.