Addict
April, 1980
Since Lily had become pregnant, James had been going out into the field alone.
Not alone alone, of course; someone was always at his side, fighting with him. It was just that the someone wasn't Lily, and that made them both feel like he was there alone.
Sometimes the other person didn't make it.
But James always came home, often drained and filthy, sometimes bearing the scars of recent injuries already healed up by Alice Longbottom. When he got home, he usually kicked off his shoes, opened the fridge, wolfed down some ghost of a meal, and flopped into bed, in that order. In the morning, he got up, often groaning or whimpering as quietly as possible, kissed Lily on the head, jumped into the shower, and was out the door before the sun even rose.
James had an addiction. He lived and breathed the fight.
Lily had an addiction, too.
Chocolate was probably the best tangible substance in the entire world. Everyone should eat chocolate all the time, Lily often thought, and did her best to make up for the rest of the world's deficiency in chocolate-eating each and every day.
It was all Remus' fault.
"Lily, it's all right," he'd said, crouched down in front of her during a meeting in which James and Kingsley were expected and never showed up to. "They are perfectly fine. James is extremely capable, and he's with a very talented Auror. They both just get caught up in the fight, as I'm sure you know very well already." But she'd kept on crying until he'd fished the chocolate bar out of his robes and broken off a large chunk if it, placing it in her hand. She'd looked down morosely at it before putting it in her mouth.
Stupid werewolf with his stupid fear of Dementors and stupid chocolate contingency that he carried around with him everywhere to make people feel better. Now she was twice as round as she ought to be.
It was far past midnight when James finally flopped into bed. He simply lay for a moment before strategically taking off his clothing so as to avoid most of his stiffness and settled down next to Lily, clearly exhausted.
"You're making me fat," she whispered through the lump in her throat.
"No, darling. Harry's making you fat," he replied sleepily, resting his hand on her stomach affectionately.
"Don't go out tomorrow," she begged him.
There was a pause. Then-- "I've got to."
"It's Sunday. We can sleep in and I'll make us pancakes."
He hummed happily at the thought. "That sounds good."
She turned to face him frustratedly. "No, James, don't humour me. I'm serious. Stay home tomorrow. One day, that's all I'm asking."
James' heavy eyes opened slowly to look deeply into hers. "Death Eaters don't take Sundays off."
"Apparently they don't ever take a day off."
"That's right."
Lily bit her lip in frustration. "I want to spend a day with my husband, James."
"And I would love nothing more than to spend a day with my wife. But I have to work to make the world safe, Lily. Kids are coming into the world. Arthur--"
"Has six sons, including a newborn, and a wife, and he manages to find the time to go home every now and again."
"That's because he has six sons and a wife."
Lily didn't even acknowledge his joke. "And I mean less to you than Arthur's family means to him?"
"No! No, Lily... that's why I have to keep fighting. Make the world safe again."
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true. We're on Voldemort's hitlist. There are Death Eaters looking for us everywhere. Thank Merlin for Peter is all I have to say, because without him we'd both be dead and I wouldn't be able to make the world safe for anyone anymore."
"Stop justifying your crusade for death with being alive," she spat bitterly, but he kept going.
"It's all for us, Lily. You, and me, and Harry, when he comes along. The world isn't safe for any of us while Voldemort's after us. If he's gone, we won't always have to be looking over our shoulder. Harry will be able to have non-paranoid parents. Hell, he might even make friends if we defeat Voldemort. Because otherwise, we're not going to want to leave this house out of fear that he'll take him just to avenge us."
Lily softened and looked into his eyes with her own teary ones. "Please, James. Evil can wait until Monday."
James didn't answer but pulled her close against him.
The next morning, after being greeted by half an empty bed when she woke up, Lily put more chocolate spread on her toast than usual.