The Trick
Two men were sitting across from each other. One had been recently married, and the other was engaged.
During the following conversation a decision will be made. One that will cause massive consequences for both future families.
They will unite the schools of Anything-Goes Martial Arts through an arranged marriage of their children.
And so, when the married man had his first daughter, the plan seemed to be off to a good start.
The second daughter left Soun Tendo feeling less confident about the arrangement. Nevertheless, he had hope.
When the Saotomes had been married, a year passed, and both matriarchs were pregnant, Soun believed in destiny. Certain that one of the two would be a son, he and his wife decided they would have no kids after this.
Then the third daughter came. Soun may have been unhappy with the fact that the Tendo name would end with him, but at least one of those daughters would be a future Saotome.
Genma had to rush Nodoka to the hospital.
A baby would be born, but it was to forever be a single child.
“Sir, your wife has survived the birth, but I am afraid she may never be able to have children again.”
She was a girl.
A beautiful baby girl, whose hair would come in a shade of bright red once it was allowed to grow.
Genma couldn't accept this.
He would send Soun one more letter.
The only one Genma would send for sixteen years.
It read as follows:
“My handsome baby boy, Ranma has been born. He will be the future heir to the Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts. Which will become unified when he is married to one of your daughters in years to come. For now, I will begin preparing him to go on his training trip.”
_______________________________________
I always had to know something was a little off.
I never quite understood what it was ‘til one of the guys at my all-boys school got picked on ‘nough that one of the other guys pulled his pants down. I saw what part he had.
I didn't have that.
I think ‘nough said. Still can't believe my old man would keep that from me for so damn long! Still even wants me to act like I'm some guy, when I know I’m not.
Yet I still fall for his stupid trick anyway! I continue to use a masculine ‘I’ when the others suit me way better!
God, martial arts isn't even fun anymore thanks to this dumbass. Sometimes I hope he falls into a lake and drowns.
Maybe that's a bit harsh, but harsh is how he raised me.
“Boy.”
“Yeah, old man?”
“This area seems perfect for a spar.”
“What? There's a bunch of ponds ‘round ‘ere why would we fight here and not on solid land?”
“You never know when an enemy might STRIKE!”
He tried to get a hit on me, but I just got outta the way.
The tour guide looked at us horrified. I noticed. I doubt my old man noticed.
“Sirs! Now is not the time! these springs their cursed!”
Right before he could spit out the part where he says it's cursed, my old man falls right into one of those things.
A panda climbs out from where he fell in.
“The spring of the drowned panda! The curse can be reversed only by hot water, yet when you touch cold water it returns.”
The panda growled at me.
“Look old man, I wasn't the one who wanted to fight here.”
He was more upset at my use of I rather than the fact that he was a panda, at least I think.
It wasn't any use arguing with a big bear, but the tour guide still had hot tea on him in a small metal container from the most recent town we passed by.
After the slightly-more-coherent-than-a-panda guy was back, he declared, “Boy, it's time to return to Japan, we must make it to the coast of-”
“I know where we're goin’ old man.”
From there we kinda just had a mad dash to the coast. Stealing food when we could, setting up camp, getting engaged to some random woman- wait what!?
We just stole some of her food, she got mad, fought me, and when I won she said she had to marry me?
It's not like she'll follow us to Japan. After all, we swam there.
______________________________________
Almost immediately after making it to Kagoshima, the big panda bear walkin’ ‘round was noticed.
Then someone must have called animal control.
Tranquilized in front of me, my father, now a panda was taken off the streets.
At that moment I nearly felt free. Yet, I knew I had no place to stay. So whatever, I have to follow whatever crazy plan awaited me at the “Tendo dojo”, and then just hope it works out.
But first, I had to take off this damned binding, it was so uncomfortable. ‘Specially when I was so… well endowed.
Sneaking onto a train that would probably make it to Tokyo was quite simple for me. I believe the place I was going to was called Nerima? Not like I ‘member anythin’ ‘bout that place.
______________________________________
Nabiki was lounging, Kasumi was cooking, and I was studying. I suppose this is the most average day in the Tendo household. Well it was, at least until…
“Girls! I have exciting news for you all!”
The three of us gathered around him.
“One of my closest friend's son is coming to live with us, and he'll get married to one of you three. Carrying on the tradition of Anything-Goes Martial Arts and unifying its two houses!”
The room went dead silent. Nabiki was scowling, Kasumi’s smile became a forced expression, but can you blame them? Honestly! It's not the 1800s anymore! This was 1990! He can't just do this to us!
The heat rising within me was suddenly stopped by the doorbell ringing.
“Oh! T-That must be them right now!”
Father pulled open the door to reveal…
A girl.
A cute red-headed girl, short, scruffy, busty, cute……
No! I can't think those things! I am a good girl, and good girls don't think about other girls like that.
“Oh! my apologies dear, I thought you were Ranma Saotome. What do you need at this time of day?”
“Nope, that would be me,” the girl replied in a tone of voice more fitting for a tomboy than a cute little thing like her- doing it again why am i doing it agai-
Father fell to the floor similarly to a mannequin, landing on his back, passed out.
“Oh my! ‘s he alright?”
“Yeah, he kinda does that sometimes,” Nabiki said, more focused on analyzing the redhead than actually conversing.
She walked over to the smaller girl, poking and prodding at Ranma’s chest.“So, you really are a girl huh?”
Ranma replied with a jerk away from Nabiki, “Please don’t!”
Father suddenly stood up with a panicked expression between a bull seeing red and a kicked puppy.
“So your father lied to me?”
“Uh, yeah? Pops does that all the time. He’s raised me like I was his son, lied to everybody about that, and kept my real identity from me until….”
“Well he never admitted it I guess.”
“So he… he lied about you being a boy, to absolutely everyone?”
“Yeah.”
“...”
“We are not doomed! You're listed as a boy in the public registry right?”
“Well, I mean, I think so-”
“Excellent! You will marry one of my daughters, and the schools will be united!”
“Wait but-”
Nabiki must've felt like ruining my life today, because she butted into the conversation while Ranma was trying to explain the issues to tell both of them that, “Oh, then Akane would be perfect for her! She hates boys.”
“Nabiki!” I think my face is such a deep red that it looks like I have no skin.
“Yes then! Daughter, I hereby engage you and Ranma Saotome!” Father tried to push Ranma in front of me, but it just led to Ranma falling into my arms.
My confusion gave time for Nabiki to run off, Kasumi to continue dinner, and Father to be giddy enough to immediately start writing a letter back to this girl’s father. By the time I got a grip on reality, I realized I was still holding my, uh, fiancée? in my arms.
“So. Did you want to spar?”
Ranma stammered through some noises of indecision so, whatever, I just dragged her to the dojo.
_______________________________________
“Alright! prepare yourself!”
Somehow I got stuck in a spar. I don't exactly hate ‘em or whatever, but ‘s not like I like ‘em per say.
I think maybe bein’ on the road with my piece of shit old man might've affected that. All the stealin’, the violence, the almost gettin’ married to some random lady because the old man wanted t’ eat her prize. Goddamn dumbass. So, whatever Akane throws at me, I’ll just dodge, saves the trouble of me havin’ to whine about being in a fight.
Through a flurry of kicks, punches, and other attempts at blows, all I did was quickly move outta the way. She seemed impressively strong, but when you don’t have the same speed as me, it’s gonna be hard to use that strength. By the time she was out of breath, I too was tired, so it must be the best time?
“I forfeit.”
“What? Do you-? Do you think I'm not good enough for your standards?”
“What? No, I just don't like fighting people.”
Akane looked back at me like I had 37 eyes.
“Then why didn't you say no!?”
“T-That's not what my old man wouldda wan’ed, and I-”
“Whatever, no sparring then! I'll let you use the bath first.”
_____________________________________
Blew it! Absolutely blew it Akane. She'll never like me now.
I needed to feel clean at this very moment. I felt disgusting. Not only from sweating, but also from blowing up on our guest like that.
Maybe just a little bit for staring at her like I was some guy.
Well, maybe she'll be fine if I ask to come in too? We're both girls right? So it's not like I'd want to see any part of her body without- Not gonna finish that thought.
I walked over and knocked on the bathroom door.
_______________________________________
“Um, yes?” Who the hell was trying to go to the bathroom while they heard water runnin’?
“It's just me, I was wondering if you'd be ok with me cleaning myself while you're also in there? I kinda forgot we could just do that.”
“Yeah sure, come in,” I said without really thinkin’ ‘bout it at all. But, by the time I realized what I had just brought upon myself, she was already in the bathroom.
I cannot let her know I'm a lesbian. I had to just focus on something else.
All the sudden I was scrubbin’ my arm until it was red.
But Akane wasn't moving. She was…… oh. She was starin’. I can make fun ‘a her for that!
“Geez Akane, I know they're nice to look at, but are you gonna clean yourself or just stare at my tits?”
She snapped her head to her side, “I- I- I was not looking there!”
“Reaaaaaaally? Then where were you lookin’?” There was nothin’ interestin’ in this bathroom, definitely nothing worth starin’ at.
Her nervous stutterin’ after my question confirmed my suspicion. She was the most cute girl I’d ever met.
“It's fine, I don't really mind,” I don’t exactly know why I said that. Was I intentionally tryin’ t’ sound weird?
Everything was silent. We left at about the same time to hear Kasumi callin’ out, “Dinner’s ready!”
I started thankin’ the gods that my old man wasn't here. I could actually enjoy eatin’ a meal for once.
“Did Genma ever say when he was coming, Ranma?”
“No sir.”
“Alright. I have something to inform you of. I was going to get your father's opinion on this, but I suppose I shall just go ahead with this.”
“You're going to need to kn-”
“Oh my god dad. Ranma you're going to school starting tomorrow. I did not put in all that effort for you to meander, dad. If you didn’t want her to go so bad, you shouldn’t have told me to do all of that.” Nabiki went back to reading the newspaper and occasionally taking a bite of her food.
“Cool.”
“You actually want to go to school?” Man, even Akane was taking a while to finish her food.
“Yeah, never got to see my friends regularly since I was travelin’ ‘cross East Asia”
“Say, why do you all eat so slow?”
“Wha- Ranma you were the one eating fast.”
“Huh?”
“Normal people don't eat like someone's gonna take their food from them.”
“Oh, yeah.”
_______________________________________
My father makes me so angry sometimes.
Scratch that, he makes me angry all the damn time. For some reason he insisted Ranma slept in one of our rooms instead of in the guest room. Since I was her fiancée, I guessed it was going to be me, but it made me upset regardless. I don't hate her, I just…… maybe it was the bathroom incident. That was it, that's why the idea of her sleeping in the same bed as me gave me butterflies.
“Sure you don't wanna ask if there's any futons ‘round here?”
“Yes!”
Nothing else.
“Thanks for lendin’ clothes to me, my old man never let me have much of anythin’. I even had to sneak around him to buy underwear that actually fit me.” Ranma flopped onto my bed.
“It’s really no problem.” Actually, it’s probably the bare minimum.
“Thanks anyways.”
I had to lay in my bed at some point. At some point. What was my problem anyways? I knew Ranma would be sleeping here tonight. She’s a nice girl, probably doesn’t kick in her sleep, is cute, has the most beautiful blue ey-
“You really like starin’ don’t ya.”
“Huh? No I don’t! What are you trying to imply, pervert!?”
“Oh I was just messin’ a-”
Then I hit her.
For some reason I smacked her across the face.
I saw the fear in her eyes milliseconds before my hand hit her, and I didn’t stop myself.
She winced and shook and I swore I could see tears coming to her eyes and her breaths were shaky and-
“I apologize Fath- Akane, I won’t do such a thing again. Please don’t punish me further.” She shrunk in on herself.
I’m horrible.