I Remember...
I’ve loved him since… before.”
Steve’s words to Natasha were still rattling around in his head. He’d known they hadn’t been meant for him to hear, but that hadn’t stopped him listening in anyway. The whole hiding in the shadows thing was proving harder to break than he was willing to admit to himself.
He heard the steady thud of Steve’s footsteps and darted back to the window. He stared out over the New York skyline. It wasn’t the New York he still had broken memories of. It was too tall and too crowded and too wrong, but whenever it got overwhelming his eyes would seek out something familiar in the landscape and he’d be grounded.
Steve was standing behind him, about four feet away and a little to the left. He didn’t even need to look into the reflection of the glass to know. They were helping him get his memories back, but he hadn’t lost the reflexes that had been programmed into him yet. He kept staring outwards, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart in chest. It was rare his pulse jumped like this, but apparently all the brainwashing and training in the world was no match for emotional nerves.
“Buck… uh… James… er…”
He couldn’t help it. He laughed softly. Turned around. Studied Steve for a minute.
“Bucky’s fine, I think. Feels okay. Familiar.”
Steve’s smile could have lit up the room. “Alright then, Bucky. How are you settling in?”
He looked around, studying the huge room they’d given him. He was under no delusions, knew the room was full of surveillance equipment. He was free to come and go throughout the building, but there was always someone or something watching him. He shrugged.
“It’s big. Soft. Quiet.”
The smile Steve gave him, smaller now than the last one, and a little bit sad, said it all. It was too much space, not enough noise. Steve knew. Probably thought the same thing. Give him the noisy, smelly chaos of the barracks any day.
Facing the window again, the words slipped out of his mouth before he realised what he was saying. “I heard you before. With Tasha.” He couldn’t take it any more. He felt Steve freeze next to him.
“Buck, I’m sorry. I didn’t think… guess your hearing’s better than mine, too.”
He turned, hoping to look into the eyes of his oldest friend, but Steve was staring resolutely at the floor instead. He sighed, stepped in close to Steve, and tipped Steve’s chin up with one finger. Steve’s eyes met his, full of confusion and a little bit of hope.
He leaned in, pressed his lips gently to the corner of Steve’s mouth, felt Steve gasp against him before relaxing.
“I don’t remember much, Stevie. But I remember this.”