あなたは私を炎I FLAMEあなた
Three weeks had passed since that fateful-ass day when the Sorting Hat had paired Drake with Lil Wayne. Wayne continued to not give a fuck, and spent his days going to class, smoking bud with his crew, and doing his best to avoid that Canadian-ass nigga that had no right to be here. He was also getting into macramé. In spite of this, Drake never ceased his advances towards Wayne, which only served to piss the Rich Gang Meister off.
It was during one of Lil Wayne’s “Basement Sessions” with his crew, Black Star, Death the Kid, and the tongueless Draco Malfoy, who was still learning to speak Drake’s language, Rosetta Stone, that everything changed. Snape walked in on that shit, prompting everyone to start swearing and try to hide their dank-ass shit. Snape immediately blamed Black Star for all of the illegal activities going on, and back-handed him hard. Once Black Star was spread on the floor, Snape locked his eyes on Lil Wayne.
“LOL Wayne, I can has a mishun for you!!!!!!111” Snape said with such teh randomnezz. He was wearing a bucket hat and a Bleach T-shirt that Dwayne KNEW was from Hot Topic. Lil Wayne did a double take, wondering if this weed was just the dankest that ever danked or if it was laced with some nasty-ass shit, like ipecac. With his double take, Wayne saw that Snape wasn’t, in fact, kawaii, but was just his plain-ass, ugly-ass, decrepit-ass self. He glared at Lil Wayne.
“Hurry along to my office, Young Money man, we have little time to waste.” He turned and started to walk away, but he paused at the door and looked back at Black Star. “You come to my office later, slut. I have to punish you for all of this weed.”
Lil Wayne looked reluctant, but he ultimately decided to follow along. “Aight, Nig the Cat, let’s do dis shit.” Wayne replied to Snape as he got his ass up and headed for the dizoor. Snape nodded and left the room, leading Lil Wayne to his office.
Snape’s office was on the third floor of DWMPA and was cush as shit. There were posters of naked anime women all over the walls, and instead of some normcore-ass wooden chairs, there were instead some rad-ass dank-ass straight-up anti-capitalist-ass beanbag-ass chairs. The only lighting in the room was provided by Snape’s large collection of lava-ass lamps, which sat in an ornate-ass case behind his desk. As they walked in, Lil Wayne realized that they weren’t the first to arrive. Seated in a Rainbow Dash-print beanbag chair, Drake was sitting there with baited breath, fondling his erect swoolen member through his True Religion jeans, waiting for Lil Wayne and Snape to return.
As they entered, he sprung to his feet, a huge grin on his half-black face. “Dwayne, I’ve been waiting for you to arrive. I don’t want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips, be in your arms, be the only one you love. I don’t want anyone to take my place. I’m your weapon and yo nigga and I don’t want anything to ever change that.” Drake unhinged his pants, and let his Death Scythe hang loose.
Lil Wayne slapped that shit. “Nigga how many times do I gotta be telling you that if your ass ain’t Rod Blagojevich’s I don’t want even a mini-me sized piece. When you gonna get it through your skull that I don’t need my lover to be easy, I need them to be worth it.” Lil Wayne closed his eyes and stuck his fingers in his ears and heard no evil, saw no evil, Hellen Keller.
Before Drake could respond, Snape cut them both off. “Quiet down, young men. This is an important task for you guys.” Snape walked up to his Inuyasha poster, a nude image of Kagome Higurashi, and reached up to contemplatively stroke its thigh. “It is time for you to go out and kill your first demon, this is very important because you need to kill ninety-nine of them and a witch if you want to graduate high school.”
“Snaper, no Snaping.” Drake replied. “Aight my soulmate, we’sa gonna go kill thems demons together.”
Lil Wayne, however, was hesitant. “But SnapeCracklePop my nigga, I don’t wanna be doing shit with this maple flavoured motherfucker. He’s gon’ be grabbin’ up on my Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels and shit.” Lil Wayne pulled out his emergency joint. Snape normally wouldn’t allow it, but Wayne had a terrible addiction and couldn’t help it. If you know someone who suffers from weed addiction, please call 1-888-581-7845. You CAN make a difference.
“You don’t have a choice, Dwayne. You and Drake are together forever now, he’s your scythe and you’re his meister.” Snape angrily clarified. His stroking of Kagome’s thigh was becoming vigorous now.
Lil Wayne lowered his head. Boy what he wouldn’t give for one of those sick-ass Lizzie-ass McGuire-ass blowjays rights about the fuck now. “Nigga I ain’t together with no one but Rod Blagojevich, right now, over me.” Lil Wayne shouted.
“Shshshshshshshshsh…” Drake added. Lil Wayne glared at the Kraft Dinner-snorting cuntlord.
“You aren’t helping, you Kraft Dinner-snorting cuntlord.” Lil Wayne said, taking another hit off of his emergency joint. The room was getting so hazy that it was like a sauna filled with loving men.
“Be quiet both of you. I will hear no if ands or butts. You will fight the demons together, or else you will both fail high school and have to pay thousands of dollars in fees. Now go. The portal will open in three… two… one… thank you for helping us help you help us all.” Portals opened beneath Wayne and Aubrey as Snape finished. Snape began gently stroking Kagome’s vag-hair as the two fell into the portal. Y’all know that shit, motherfucker! Suddenly, an overriding sensation came over Snape. He immediately disrobed and jumped onto the floor head-first. He began rigorously fucking the portal, and it felt so good. It was almost as if he had Stephen Totilo from Kotaku sucking his poontangy-tangy-tang. Just then, as he was about to bust a mad nut, the portal closed, taking Snap’s mauve avenger with him.
“Welp,” Snape said melancholily as his dick was ripped away from him like a child from a meth addicted mother. “Just wait until #GamerGate hears about this.”
This was all about ethics.