Chapter 1
"Hey, Bakura! Hey, Bakura! Hey, Bakura!"
Bakura snapped his book shut, thoroughly pissed off. He scowled up at Marik, who was hopping up and down with excitement. The young man didn't appear to notice Bakura's fury- or, if he did, he paid no attention to it.
"Marik, if you say 'bail bonds' one more time, I swear to Zorc that I'll tear off your-"
"It's not that, Bakura!" Marik interrupted him, and Bakura allowed himself to relax slightly. Although he'd never admit it to anyone, Bakura was curious. He'd heard enough inane chatter from Marik to last two lifetimes, but there was always the hope that one day when Marik opened his mouth, something that actually made sense would come out.
Alas, today was not that day.
"I have an idea, Bakura! An evil idea!" Marik laughed triumphantly, and internally, Bakura sighed. None of Marik's 'evil' plans were ever remotely evil, or even the slightest bit logical. But the boy was not to be dissuaded. All Bakura could do was smile and nod as Marik came up with yet another scheme, and be the one to provide the cookies and the reassuring cuddles when Marik failed spectacularly for the umpteenth time to defeat the Pharaoh. That Bakura had any of his villainous dignity intact was a bloody miracle.
Bakura doubted he'd have any left after this.
"Another one?" Marik was oblivious to the exasperation in Bakura's voice, and launched himself into an explanation.
"We will have a fifth Evil Council of Doom meeting, with two new members!" At this, Bakura perked up somewhat. Could Marik have finally started seeking allies from the later franchises? It had always seemed to him that the assorted antagonists in their own series were rather lacklustre- not including himself, of course- and it would serve Marik's interests well to start recruiting from the spin-offs. Though who could it have been? Certainly not Paradox- even if that fool had the brains to think to join forces with other villains, he'd only go off with that wretched relative of his, Dartz. And as for that Supreme King- Bakura snorted at the very thought. So many villains, and yet so few of them were of any kind of quality...
"Who'll be joining us, then?" Bakura asked, meeting Marik's eyes once more, and Marik grinned. He held up a thick book, emblazoned with the image of some scarlet train and- Bakura noticed, with an arched eyebrow- the words Harry Potter.
"Only Lord frigging Voldemort and Draco Malfoy!"
Bakura said nothing. He was quite certain the distaste on his face said it all, the last few dregs of his already extraordinarily thin patience draining away into the void and though Bakura really rather liked to think he had more class than most people, the evidence was there. His jaw had dropped.
Marik really was too stupid for words.
"What?"
Marik leapt onto the sofa beside Bakura with an earnest gleam in his eyes, and Bakura could practically feel the confidence radiating from the boy. Not to mention the sheer idiocy.
"These two are the most evil of evil villains, Bakura. The lowest of the low. And they can do magic, Bakura! Freaking magic! And there are all these cool spells, like- like Avada Kedaaah, and Crucio, and-" If Bakura didn't stop Marik now, the fool would never shut up. He clamped one hand over Marik's mouth, silencing him instantly. Marik squirmed under his grip, not liking being quietened so forcibly, and when Bakura finally removed his hand, Marik shot him a wounded look.
"They're fictional characters, you imbecile." Bakura snapped, but Marik wasn't to be put off. He sat straighter, with a thoughtful look on his face.
"In a way, we're all fictional characters." He replied, and Bakura rolled his eyes derisively. From anyone else, it probably would have sounded wise. From Marik, it just sounded mind-numbingly stupid.
"Marik, that's very profound, and I'm astonished you came up with it." Marik began to look rather proud, but Bakura continued. "But when I say they're fictional characters, I mean they're really fictional. They're just book characters." He explained, though Marik only looked even more smug, if that was possible.
"Not so!" He declared, holding up a black and white printed photograph of a very angry man with no nose. Bakura only sighed, shaking his head.
"That's Ralph Fiennes." He stated, looking away from Marik down at the book in his lap, before a very unmanly yelp of alarm slipped out of his mouth when the book was snatched straight out of his hands. He looked sideways at Marik, who wore an unhappy frown.
"Florence Fluffy Bakura"- Bakura winced as Marik emphasized each word- "I am sick of you ignoring me every time I try to explain one of my evil plans to you! I know not all of my plans have gone perfectly-"
"That's an understatement." Bakura muttered, and Marik's eyes narrowed as he glared at the spirit. The next thing Bakura knew, the Harry Potter book had crashed down onto his head, and another girly yelp escaped him as pain radiated through every part of his body.
"Would you shut the eff up, already?" Marik demanded, eyes blazing. Bakura was so unused to seeing Marik furious that he couldn't help but laugh at the strange sight, Marik stood in front of him with both hands on his hips; a fire in his eyes and a fierce scowl on his face. The laughter only infuriated Marik, but he was far too proud a person to storm off and scheme on his own. He waited for Bakura to fall silent, before he continued speaking as though there had been no interruption.
"But I am absolutely certain that this plan will not fail. And do you know why I am so confident that this plan will succeed?" Marik looked expectantly to him, though Bakura couldn't find an answer in his mind.
"Enlighten me." He spoke eventually, preparing himself for the worst. Had Marik discovered some secret power of the Millennium Rod? Was Melvin responsible for this?
When Marik finally spoke though, his answer was one that Bakura could never have expected.
"Because I have already found Malfoy and Voldemort, and they have agreed to join the Evil Council."